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motherbearfourblog · 2 years

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What A Rollercoaster Ride! Amateur to Pro R6 Gamer.

RIP: @KiXSTArTV. Gone too soon. Much love and sincerest condolences to his family and friends, from my family to yours.

About me

My name is Paula (a.k.a @Motherbear_four on Twitter). I moved to Australia with my husband and four children from the UK, and we have dual citizenship. As a wife, mother, and grandparent, I am a healthcare worker and fortunate enough to have all these opportunities in such a beautiful part of the world.

Follow your dreams, but make them happen by setting goals.

I believe anything is possible if you put the work in to make your dreams happen. It doesn't happen overnight and has been a long journey for my son in the gaming industry. If you do what makes you happy, you can achieve anything in life. Overthinking blocks you from your goals. Ensure you set small goals and make them happen. Then it's one step at a time and trust the process.

What were my first thoughts about gaming in the beginning?

My son, Jake' GodLgn' Harris, was at school in year twelve and was considering going on to further study, or so I thought, to become a games designer and eventually move to the USA. Year twelve finished, and my son asked to take a year out to search for his passion in life whilst holding a part-time job, and he discussed this option with his dad. We all agreed on one year. My son said he had joined a team in Rainbow6 Siege and would like to use that year to progress in the gaming industry.

During this time, he was using an old Alienware computer and struggled with lagging due to the PC and internet combined. Frustration was elevating for the whole family back then. We made a lot of sacrifices to help our son try to achieve his goals. After a lot of upset, I found myself defending my sons' career path. Jake convinced me he could do it, and most of all, I believed in my son. We both needed some slack from the family, who didn't understand it was possible. I don't blame them at all. After all, it's a one in a million chance of being successful, right?

The most specific objections all family members discussed.

Here are some of the types of issues we faced and what strategies worked (or are still being tried), but they may or may not be suitable for your family:

Unable to go on the internet now, in the evening to watch our favourite shows.

Resolved by discussing his scrim times (practise with other teams) and working the shows around those times.

Unable to download because we have to be careful with the internet limit.

Resolved by only watching priority shows.

We need better internet speed and unlimited data.

Resolved by internet line upgrades. But we had to wait for months.

Why does he get out of household chores?

Resolved by doing chores before gaming, occasionally post gaming, and giving his sister money to do them for him.

You think more of him than me!

We have not entirely resolved. 'Jake's my number one child' is the joke in the family. I have one son and three daughters. I guess in their minds, their perception may be accurate, although, in reality, it is not. I help each one of them to the same degree in different ways whenever support is needed. Lots of reassurance, love and occasional bribes help too!

Why can't we use the main house computer?

If needed, we resolved it by allowing family members on the main computer when Jake was free from practice and competitions. Later, it helped that everyone had access to laptops or phones.

I can't sit in my living area now to watch television.

We resolved the separation by partitioning the living room from the study with a wall, now a dedicated space for Jake. It wasn't always like that. In the early years, we had the TV sound turned down. We put up a divider to help him with distractions, turning his microphone sensitivity down.

Why can't you come on holiday with us?

Family getaways will not resolve due to tentative schedules. "I will be practising. I don't want to let my team down. I'm not always sure what the dates are for all competitions should we qualify."

Can you stop the dogs barking down the entry and in the front room area?

It was resolved by locking the side door access for the dogs during practice or competitions, only allowing them in the main garden area, and moving the dogs to the far side living area.

The list goes on. Do these sound familiar?

"You need to find a real job, a trade, or go back to study. You do nothing all day but sit at that computer. Spend more time with your in-real-life friends. Stop being so loud, tone it down. What do you plan on doing with your life? You can't do this forever. Why aren't you eating your meals with us anymore? Come out of that room sometimes as it isn't good for you to sit there for hours and hours. When I shout you in for your meals, I don't expect it to be there waiting, going cold. You need to eat." "Can you bring it to me then, please?" "Can you knock before you enter the room?" "Stop walking in, it's so distracting during a scrim" "I need a do not enter sign."

Yes, I know it's hard to believe but, as parents and siblings, in the beginning, stigmas are still just like they are today. We educated ourselves and compromised when frustrations were high on all sides. Battles within the family dynamics of support or lack thereof and being in the middle were Jake, my son. I had to consider all points of view, trying to resolve issues the best way I could with what we had or did not have at the time.

I used to call my son in to do some chores or eat his meals, and all he would say was, "Mum, I'm scrimming". Those words became the household banter. I didn't understand what that was. I didn't realise what training went into gaming as he was never away from the computer. Once I understood this, I often defended the importance of his training to the rest of the family and would set his meal aside for later. As for the rest, we would re-evaluate any more setbacks as a family unit.

As my son progressed to competitions, we needed a new computer. Who knew they would be so expensive? We discussed that since Jake was working, he would contribute towards a new computer since gaming wrecked the old one and would be the primary beneficiary of the new one.

As for the internet problems, it was out of our hands. It was never really any good in Western Australia in our region anyway, but eventually, it got better, and we upgraded that too.

What started as a pastime became more of a career choice, but with constant interruptions to our home life. The family could not use the internet when my son was scrimming or playing in competitions online from home. We were working from the stresses of operating a computer that was not suitable and replacing parts when they went. These were constant frustrations. And all the time, I wanted to give my son the best of everything when we couldn't afford it, with three dependents still living at home. We pushed through every obstacle in our way. It took time, but we got there, eventually.

What are my thoughts on gaming today?

Earning your income in gaming is not in everyone's life. It sure wasn't in my son's life in the beginning. After more discussions, my son handed his notice at his workplace because he wanted to go full-time into gaming, but his work schedule clashed with it. So month after month turned into year after year.

The team had their first 'lucky break' and got signed up to an organisation (commonly abbreviated as an 'org') that didn't want to pay them but promoted them instead. My son didn't mind as it was another step in the right direction, and it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. My son loved the freebies from the org, and they featured him in a Stack Gaming article. I was surprised but unhappy simultaneously, as the article didn't feature the whole team as I assumed. That roster went on to sign up with two other orgs over time, finally with pay. Their hard work was paying off.

Family support is essential, but I still believe that if they want success in the gaming industry, money is just an obstacle they can eventually overcome. If it's their true passion, along with making compromises and working hard, they will get there.

Pressures on parents in gaming.

I have always drilled into my children growing up that it's a hard life out there, and you need to prioritise your career before settling down. Looking back now, that was a bit harsh, but I only wanted the best for my children. I came to realise my idea of their future versus their wants and needs are two separate dreams. I have learned to let them grow and find their way with their own choices, and maybe if I do end up having to pick them back up in times of need, I will. As a family, we always help each other out.

Lack of understanding of the gaming industry as a career choice is often problematic for families to grasp due to the stigmas attached. Talking to my son about it gave me that education that I then forwarded to the family members.

When our son achieved goals with the team and industry, alongside earning an income, we were finally not stressing over equipment. Since his org sent sponsor equipment (peripherals like a headset, mousepad, keyboard) to their players, the rest of the family realised it was achievable. They became further invested in supporting Jake and the team.

We often worried about his mental health, burnout, and generally how he was feeling day by day as the stresses grew. I would ask him to talk to me about anything that was negatively impacting him. My son was often very open - on other days, he just needed rest. We often talk about the good times in gaming too.

Here are suggestions for parents who support their children in their professional gaming careers.

Keeping his bedroom and workspace separate from where he slept was essential. Family members went into another room only when performing in competitions or interviews. If gamers live at home with family members, sometimes this just can't be done due to lack of space. That's when we used a divider until we finally got the room wall up. We also had a whiteboard with rules and schedules, which helped us not interrupt during critical events. I occasionally wrote positive quotes up there for him to see too.

Keeping a positive attitude and not letting your fears show before a match is vital. If you struggle to understand how challenging the game is (strategies and team play), have a go yourself, and you will discover that you will have more appreciation for the game and what your child and their team is achieving. As much as you may want to talk about the game afterwards, this may not be a good idea. They don't always want to speak with you, regardless of the results. So give them the space they need until they are ready to talk about it if they're going to at all. Don't put unnecessary pressure on them; love and support them from behind the scenes.

Organisation support is fundamental.

Keep in mind that while a child is underage, a parent needs to read any contract carefully. Seriously consider consulting a lawyer (past experiences) to read over it, encourage your gaming family member to ask other players who have worked with that org for their opinion on how the org treated them. Usually, parents aren't fluent with all the legal jargon, and many players are benched for many months without pay, waiting until the time runs out before they can get into another org so they can play again. You should feel free to raise a concern regarding specific clauses. You don't need to object to the agreement outright; ask to talk about it and see what the org says. Good orgs should always want to clarify their position and hear players concerns. They want their players to be happy to play for their team.

There are good contracts and bad contracts out there. Teach your child ALWAYS to read their contractual agreement and ask questions if they aren't sure. Although arrangements are about negotiation, the org has the upper hand because they can usually find another player. Kicking player(s) (word kicked often used in the industry to release a player from the team) can occur with some contracts, especially in franchised esports at the moment. In some cases, these decisions are solely on the team to discuss players with their org. On the other hand, you don't want your child signing away their rights or future earnings because of a dodgy contract. Yes, it is essential to understand that when your child becomes a professional and starts earning money to support themselves, your child's esports career is their business.

My son and teammates progressed beyond my expectations since being associated with a well-known, well-established organisation like The Chiefs (one of the top orgs in the OCE region). There are many more opportunities for players at this org, including the chance to work with an esport psychologist, who prioritise players' mental health and helps to improve their performance, and the ability to raise their profile through being involved in marketing sponsors products.

The esports industry is more extensive than just my child playing on their computer. Not only are there subjects in school (and university) being developed, but this industry, based around event planners and tournament organisers, casters, analysts, observers, coaches, journalists/podcasters, camera and other production crew, are all viable job opportunities.

How do I separate my ego, anxiety, and support as a parent in gaming?

I'm very impulsive and often get it wrong, I admit that. Stay away from commenting on social media, especially when feeling negative, unless you connect for help from your support networks. As a parent, you may be hurting, but experience has taught me not to post, comment, or ask questions when you are hurting, as this will never end well for all parties involved. Comments you think are OK at the time might be misconstrued by others, and the last thing you want is to contribute further stress to your child or their teammates.

For example, I used to tweet statistics on how my son performed during his games. I used to find this information on internet sites, even on twitch during the competitions such as:

twitter.com

R6 Sites

twitch_live

I've been asked why a parent might want to interact on Twitter and Twitch. It's a great way to show public support for my child (and I'm lucky my son doesn't mind me doing so). It's fun to express support for the team and the Org. It's quite rare that parents do this - many parents are not inclined to be involved in their child's esports world - but I've always been welcomed and encouraged to participate. Interacting with other users on Twitter is amazing as you get to meet a lot of online people who have the same interests. Because you are intruding on your child's world, you might want to ask them if they think it is alright that you do so, or come up with an agreement that you won't mention X,Y,Z. I guess not every child might welcome a parent's close involvement.

I also occasionally interact on the Twitch stream chat but not when the games start anymore unless it's just for fun games or competitions. However, when I see something I may misconstrue as toxic and people with egos I used to become very defensive and occasionally still do. For instance, knocking a team out of competition and tweeting toxic comments rather than celebrating their own win and showing at least some limited respect to the opposing teams. I don't disagree with this banter but I just want to give an example of how it can make someone comment in retaliation but that is the whole point of comments to get a reaction and get into the minds of others.

Whether you like it or not, you now represent the 'face' of the organisation too. Self-image is an essential aspect if you want to take this seriously, I've come to understand where it can reflect upon my child and his org, and now, I do my utmost best not to make the same mistakes. I have learned that you can't just go posting online without consequences, as not everyone will like you or what you post. I didn't realise how harmful some posts can be and their effect on your mental state, including players. Now I do. I thought I was just a proud parent, but in reality, I was ego-ing myself at the expense of potentially hurting others. There are many other ways to support your gaming family members without making the same mistakes I have (and occasionally still do). Online support of your child and their team can come in many ways, with something just as simple as likes and retweets, without needing to comment further.

My anxiety never gets better during competitions; I learn to deal with it in other ways. Game watching rituals are things I say and do during a game, depending on how I feel, and every day is different. I miss some games due to work obligations, so I watch them when I get home, and I choose not to watch some games at all. But when I do, I use positive vocal and visual affirmations on how I want the game to go. It doesn't always go as planned, so I reset my assertions on importance versus non-importance. I walk around, go out in the fresh air looking at the wildlife from my alfresco. I may occasionally hold onto one of my crystal stones and focus on that, so I stop focusing on the stresses and stay in the present.

Steer clear if you are easily affected by caster, viewer & gamer comments.

Casters often do and say things to vamp up the game, and these comments can often cause controversy. After all, it is their job to commentate and keep up with the stats and give out banter. You can mute or watch the game later when your stresses are less heightened; read the comments now and then as it shows who is supporting your network. But be cautious; it can be toxic and mentally taxing to read when the game is one-sided or intense. If you find yourself in a stressful situation due to the comments, turn off chat. You don't need all that negativity! You can mute followers, unfollow, or make private lists (so you don't miss anything from your favourites). Educate yourself by talking to your gaming family member(s) or members of the gaming community.

Have questions ready for your understanding. I can occasionally ask questions at raw moments, but it is less often than it used to be as it never ended well; we both just felt more deflated. As a gamer parent, you will learn what is essential and what is not worth the worry. Being overly concerned with numbers in K/D (Kill/Deaths) is just one performance metric, but it doesn't pay to be focusing just on that. It's about how well the players perform, like a team that counts more.

Not receiving recognition of effort can affect a player's mental health at some point in their lives, especially when they have practised for hours and the results are not showing it. There is no 'I' in teamwork, and everyone just has to put in the hours of practice even if they don't feel like it. Although putting players on pedestals is not helpful, it doesn't hurt to comment when your child is performing well individually or congratulate them on their achievements once in a while. Understanding that we don't know what's going on in the background can affect performances. I loved all the attention my son received until I learned how much pressure was on him. It creates too many expectations for the team to constantly perform at a higher level, even when it may not be possible due to mental health and problems they encounter in their private life. For example, stress can prevent further planning for tactic strategies mid-game, affecting performance, causing low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. All of which can be so hard to bounce back. As the saying goes, 'don't bring your problems to work' is easier said than done.

Connect with fellow gamer parents.

Connect with other gamer parents going through a similar, if not the same, roller coaster ride as you. I have always been shy (hard to believe, huh); I overcame many challenges over time, and it didn't happen overnight. I love that my support network has given me great advice in these more recent times. Gaming parents have reached out to me, and just knowing I wasn't alone on this journey is a huge step when being a part of the gaming environment.

In many cases, we don't talk about gaming because sometimes we as parents need a break from it, but I will never forget those who came into my life because of this experience. These are people I can now call friends, and I am grateful for them.Jake 'GodLgn' HarrisAmateur to Pro timeline on Jake's journey.

Jake started playing the games casually in 2016 with his mates and went on to join a team called Dominion in 2017, which had a different iteration of names through the years. His first tournament was the 2018 Six Invitational qualifier and today he was the only original member left on the team, where his Journey on that iteration ended in 2022.

Order in Years: Present to Beginning of Career

2022-05-15 Retired from R6 Seige

2022-05-08 2nd C-Tier Oceanic Championship Series 2022 - Stage 1 Team Bliss 0:3 Wildcard Gaming 2022-04-29 3rd C-Tier Oceanic Nationals 2022 - Stage 1 Team Bliss 4/1/0/2 Grp S

2021-12-12 1st C-Tier Oceanic Nationals - 2021 - Finals, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-11-20 3rd-4th REKT - The MEX Gauntlet - Winner takes all, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-11-10 9th - 12th S-Tier, Six Sweden Major - 2021, Group Stage, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-10-19 1st A-Tier APAC League 2021 Playoffs - Stage 3, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-10-15 2nd A-Tier APAC South 2021 - Stage 3, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-10-15 2nd Misc APAC League 2021 - South Division, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-10-11 1st Misc Oceanic Nationals - 2021, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-10-09 1st C-Tier Oceanic Nationals - 2021, Stage 3, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-08-01 1st C-Tier Oceanic Nationals 2021 - Stage 2, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-07-22 5th A-Tier APAC South 2021 - Stage 2, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-04-25 9th - 10th A-Tier APAC League 2021 Playoffs - Stage 1, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-04-18 1st C-Tier Oceanic Nationals 2021 - Stage 1, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-04-15 3rd A-Tier APAC South 2021 - Stage 1, Chiefs Esports Club

2021-03-06 2nd D-Tier REKT - The OMEN Gauntlet, Elevate

2020-12-13 17th - 32nd Qualifier Six Invitational 2021 Asia Pacific, Elevate

2020-07-05 7th B-Tier Six Masters 2020, Elevate

2020-03-26 2nd A-Tier Pro League Season 11 Australia and New Zealand, Elevate

2019-12-08 3rd Qualifier Six Invitational 2020 Asia Pacific: Australia & New Zealand, Oddity Esports

2019-09-26 3rd A-Tier Pro League Season 10 Asia Pacific: Australia & New Zealand, Oddity Esports

2019-09-01 5th - 8th B-Tier Six Masters 2019, Oddity Esports

2019-07-21 7th - 8th B-Tier Six Masters 2019 - Group Stage, Oddity Esports

2019-07-01 2nd Qualifier Six Major Raleigh 2019 - Asia Pacific: Australia & New Zealand, Oddity Esports

2019-03-27 4th A-Tier Pro League Season 9 - Asia Pacific: Australia & New Zealand, Oddity Esports

2019-02-24 5th - 6th Qualifier Oceanic Cup 2019 - Last Chance Qualifier, Oddity Esports

2019-01-26 9th - 16th D-Tier Summer Series 2019, Oddity Esports

2019-01-06 4th Qualifier Six Invitational 2019 - Asia Pacific: Australia & New Zealand, Onyxian

2018-09-19 4th A-Tier Pro League Season 8 Asia Pacific: Australia & New Zealand, Freshman Class 2018

2018-06-30 2nd Qualifier Six Major Paris 2018 Asia Pacific: Australia and New Zealand, SYF Gaming

2018-05-16 3rd - 4th Qualifier Pro League Season 7 Asia Pacific: Australia & New Zealand Relegation, SYF Gaming

2017-12-16 4th Qualifier Six Invitational 2018 Asia Pacific: Australia & New Zealand Qualifier, Onyxian

Final Conclusion

Gaming is AWESOME. Good luck to everyone who wants to make a career out of it.

If you liked this blog please follow, like and share to read more stories like these.

Disclaimer: My thoughts and beliefs are just that, mine.

Special Thank Yous

(Twitter @GodLgn, Twitch God_legion) for his insights

@xKatieHarrisx) for proofreading

@Fatlad04151813) Support network

@MrsMiddleton7) Support network

@meggzyh) Support network

Michelle Pain (@PocketPsych) for helping with editing and additions

@InterroMOM for proofreading and additions

anonymous reviews and feedback

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