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parkeraul · 5 years

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pull me in — 2

a/n: this series is my new baby, pls don’t get mad at me. heads up: emotions ahead. warnings: cursing, fluff, smut & use of other languages. words: 5,258k.

pull me in — 1 | masterlist

The Sunday morning had never felt this warm before — which was weird, since the rain washed Pickering all over during the night and turned the waterdrops into snowflakes, colouring the glass of her still opened window in a vivid white — and home had never felt so cozy. She’s thankful he’s asleep in front of her instead of giving that typical stare that insists on discovering every single thought passing through her mind, because he would definitely make fun of her poker face and tickle her body until she says those three words she never says. And it’s so hard to resist when Shawn is finally quiet and peacefully asleep on her bed. Not the she doesn’t enjoy his voice or those weird whimpers of his that he always lets out when he’s falling asleep more deeply, but she never thought that words were necessary as long as you’re showing your love with attitudes. Shawn, on the other hand, is the complete opposite — his notebook pages are never blank because the papers are filled with loving words for Alyssa. There are songs he plays for her until nowadays and there are songs he’ll probably never let her know about, fearing rejection or the possibility that they’re not in the same place. It’s been tricky since the beginning, and Shawn’s the only one being patient and polite, he thinks.

“May I call you just Lyssa?” He asks with pity eyes, feeling his frame softening to the sight of Alyssa blushing while she curls a strand of her hair with her forefinger. Her smile is timid, but he doesn’t stick to this impression. Ever since Alyssa and Daniel stepped into that school, the rumours were all around for everyone to hear. ‘Oh, he’s got a car!’ ‘Oh, she knows five languages!’ ‘Oh, their mom is Spanish!’ ‘Oh, their grandfather fought in the World War II!’ ‘Oh, they’ve just arrived from France!’ So he knew she wasn’t just another one. No. Being the helpless passionate guy that he is, he puts himself into an internal bet between him & himself — impressing her in all possible ways, more than he regularly does with the other girls. “Lyssa?” She looks him in the eyes, pursing her pink lips into an intimidating grin. “Is it that hard to pronounce the letter A?” The time seems to stop for Shawn. People from school are filling up the diner, some looking at them inquiringly as he places his hand under his chin, analyzing her features and feeling his mouth water everytime her lips touch to speak her words, wishing he could fit his lower lip in between her parted mouth and taste the chapstick glossing the plump flesh. Alyssa knows he’s having problems resisting her, and she’s obviously going to take advantage on this. She just needs to wait for the perfect opportunity. “What, babygirl?” He tries to recover his confidence, more than observant to see if he can break her self-assurance somehow by being the typical Shawn Mendes: seductive in the cockiest way possible. “Not a fan of nicknames?” Alyssa analyses Shawn as he spreads his arm on top of the headrest of the diner sofa, chewing his gum and exhaling big rebel—boy energy in a very overbearing mode. She finds it fun how hard he’s trying to get her weakening when it’s going to be the other way around. She can count on her fingers how many boys with this same attitude she humiliated all around the globe and there would never be enough hands to fit the amount onto. “Listen…” Squinting her eyes, she plays a thoughtful face as she gets closer, inching her middle towards the table. “Shawn.” He says, swallowing harshly and clearing his throat. How can someone let Shawn Mendes pass just like this? Impossible. “Shawn,” Alyssa confirms, snapping two of her digits in the air like she’s just remembered of something practically unmanageable to get inside her mind. “I don’t know what type of girls you’ve been fooling around with, but I guarantee you that you’ll need to come off stronger than ‘babygirl’ and ‘Lyssa’ if you’re planning to get under my skirt,” She maintains eye contact with his hazel irises, oftentimes dropping her glance to his lips parting in surprise. Yes, she wouldn’t be easy but no one has ever seen Shawn denying a good challenge. That’s what keeps him eager and starving for those pretty lips and incomparable personality. If it’s a game, then game on. “I—“ “Mongola!” A tall guy approaches their table, making the two of them take distance from each other again. He’s got his hair pushed back with gel and his features are different from what Shawn is used to see. Other than that, he’s also got his gang behind him and keys spinning around his forefinger repeatedly, still speaking a language he’s never seen before. “¿Terminaste con tu estúpida charla?” Alyssa rolls her eyes, taking some dollars out of her pocket to place right beside the milkshake she ended ages ago before the flirting started. At this point, the other guy was impatiently waiting for her to finally get her jacket and backpack to slide towards the end of the red long chair, staring at her with a devilish smile while the people from school decide to pay more attention to what’s going on. “Yes, I’m done with my conversation,” She gets up, tossing the jacket on top of her elbows and shifting her bag into the guy’s chest. “And you? Done with your show? Or do you really wanna try to stand out from the others by being a dork?” The boy closes his eyes and squeezes the fabric of her nearly empty bag with his strong hand, exhaling strongly and shooting an intimidating look at Shawn after prompting his eyelids open, the curly haired boy glancing at Alyssa and the man he still doesn’t know totally confused. “What now, Dani? Cat got your tongue?” His friends were at the merge of wetting themselves with silent laughs as she wore a winning smile, shaking her head slightly to move her bangs away from her eyes. They’d never get enough of her sassy attitude, putting her own brother down like he’s nothing. “Better be outside in 2 if you want a proper ride home.” The guy hisses and turns on his heels to get outside, never forgetting to give Shawn a last look and drop her bag on the floor before walking to the parking lot, obviously winking at some pretty girls on his way like he hadn’t put out a whole scene seconds ago. Shawn gets up and grabs her backpack, jaw clenched and mind still lost. What the fuck just happened? When he turns to face Alyssa, her eyes are threatening to water but they don’t. They’ll never. Not because of her brother, not because of the people staring at her — the past 9 years were the worst and they’d always come back to haunt her regardless of the day, regardless of the moment. They made her learn on how to act tough and fierce even though the truth was the complete opposite, so these people would need to come off a lot stronger than this to break the wall she’s been building ever since 1949. “Your bag, Alyssa,” He says while straightening his spine up again, offering her the object with his eyes glued on the door. “Who was-“ “My brother. Nothing you should worry about.” “Are you gonna be okay?” His eyes moves slowly to glance at her. Alyssa’s expression tells him nothing and everything at the same time. He can sense she’s kinda in pain, kinda embarrassed but his mind repeats unstoppably that she can’t fear a thing. Although it’s not the moment, this quick second of weakness gets him more than curious to unravel all the mystery that’s Alyssa. “I am okay.” “Want me to-“ “Thank you,” She cuts him off, giving him a forced smile but sincere look of gratefulness. The wind breaking into the diner by the semi-opened windows blows her hair softly and he can’t understand how can a girl look like both the angel and the devil at the same time. “Mm…?” “Shawn—Peter—Raul—Mendes.” Shawn repeats again, his ego begging to be caressed instead of hurt. He wants to be done by now, hates the heavy magnetism that brings him closer and closer to her frame. She’s hugged gracefully by a white shirt tucked into a light-pink skirt that defines her waist and cascades at her thighs, covering all the way almost to the end of them and it’s probably the first time he sees a girl showing her knees and a little bit more in public. How can teeny-tiny pieces of skin can drive his mind to somewhere else? He’ll never comprehend. “Peter Raul,” Smiling — sincerely, this time — she winks at him and it looks like she haven’t even been through a moment of stress minutes ago. He widens his eyebrows in surprise and her smile widens as well, welcoming a laugh that shoots a wave of dopamine right down his senses. It’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard and sure he’s exaggerating, but he doesn’t give a fuck at this point. He could watch her laughing the whole day, just like he can watch the way her necklace moves along with her chest when she catches her breath again. “Creo que tendremos que terminar esta conversación en otro momento,” And the time stops. Again. Her tone lowering a little bit while her words come out to poke his heart and make it miss the beats. Shawn can’t figure out a single word but, if her accent keeps on being this sexy while her tongue touches the back of her front teeth so beautifully, he’ll start paying attention to Spanish classes just to talk to her like this everyday. “Hasta luego, guapo.” She dares to inch closer give him a kiss right on the corner of his lips, but before her mouth can press a warm smooch, she hears the motor of the car getting started outside and she can’t help but leave him with the softest graze of her wet lips that could never fulfill the desire consuming his entire being right now. “What the hell did she say?” Shawn asks to himself while she walks away, her scent stuck on the spot she just left. “It’s latin for ‘you’re totally fucked for the hispanic’.” Brian joked between laughs, elbowing Matt beside him as the guys had the most fun with his face screaming ‘Sucker for Alyssa’ in their imagination. Although Brian couldn’t have been quite correct with the ‘latin’ and ‘hispanic’, he wasn’t totally wrong.

━ ━ ━

His broad frame is taking most of the space on her bed when she’s back from the bathroom. She’s sure he might have had his limbs all stretched to get spread on her mattress while she was gone to brush her teeth and hair. It’s the only downside of sleeping with Shawn, Alyssa thinks. He’ll either curl and cuddle her body to keep her warm or throw his leg or arm on top of her frame in the middle of the night, looking for the space that her bed doesn’t have to fit his big body. It’s cutely annoying. Just like him. She gets rid of her slippers after closing the door carefully, slipping back under the covers now with Shawn’s serene expression right in front of her. He’s slowly waking up with eyes still closed, but he starts to take deep breaths and grab her waist lazily, pulling her even closer and hiding his face on the crook of her neck. He takes a moment to smell the moisturizer she uses, enjoying that unmistakable scent of what he thinks it might be a mix of roses and vanilla. He could stay like this for the rest of his days, immersed on the craziest ride of his life that’s Alyssa. He’s in love with the mess, the danger, the uncertainty and the undefined thing that’s their relationship. What they have is somewhere lost between very-frequent hook ups and a proper relationship that includes some I-love-you’s and jealousy. Shawn would define as a couple walking with baby-steps, taking their time while Alyssa would say it’s complicated. Period. And it’s hard for her to care when he’s tilting his head back up and opening his eyes, giving her a lovely look with those tired chocolate eyes and a weak smile. His curls are messy and fluffy, making him look angelic and innocent. As if. “Morning Lyssa,” He greets with that raspy tone that always gets her thighs clenching. She smiles in response, kissing the tip of his nose delicately. “Gonna have to brush my teeth to get a decent kiss?” “Rhetorical question, I hope.” “Still have my toothbrush?” Shawn asks yawning, sniffing and rubbing his eyes. He’s got soft dark circles that draws their ways to the apple of his cheeks, face all marked from sleeping heavily. It’s such a sight that she wishes she could take photos and put them all in frames to embellish her bedroom. “First drawer, it’s the transparent one,” She warns and he blinks deliberately. ‘You think I’ve forgotten?’ He ruminates in silence as he prompts his body up to sit and crawl his way to the end of the bed. “Just in case…” Alyssa defends herself, lifting both hands to the sides of her head. “Be silent, asshole. My dad has a light sleep.” Shawn smirks in response, drinking her in by the way her body’s splayed shyly on her bed with the untidy blankets covering her legs partly — her thighs are bare, capturing his attention as he notices that her nightdress is messy, exposing the swell of her round ass. No one would look at this so accurately — at least he hopes no one would — but the way her tanned skin begs for his lips drives him insane little by little. “You pervert!” She realizes what he’s doing and pushes the fabric back to where it should be, her cheeks burning and turning pink. “Go before someone wakes up. I need to kick you out sometime soon.” When Shawn looks down, it’s just what he was expecting. His hardened member started to nudge the fabric of his underwear still timidly, but nothing that would escape from Alyssa’s attention. It’s been almost ten minutes since he left to freshen up and Alyssa can’t think about something else. That vision got her mouth watering and her brain working twice as faster. But she couldn’t. Could she? She’s toying with the silver foil, looking at it as she twirls the object unstoppably. Her throat goes dry and she feels the urge to gulp, her lungs searching for more air when she thinks about how painful it might be. But oh, it might be so wonderful as well… When she hears footsteps coming closer, she tucks the condom under her back rapidly and covers her body with the blanket just to make sure it’s all well hidden. “Looks like you just saw a ghost,” Shawn teases her, closing the door and copying her intentions on doing it as quiet as possible. “Qué happened?” “¿Qué pasa?” She corrects his terrible Spanish and thinks to herself. She had never felt brave enough to ask Shawn to be her first time, fearing he would say no because of her brother. And father. And their overprotective personalities. And what if she gets pregnant at 16? What if she’s not hot enough or pretty enough? “No pasa nada.” “What?” “Nothing’s going on.” Alyssa lies, her tone flat and unhappy. He gets closer and sits beside her, choosing a strand of her hair to caress and brush it off her face so he can graze her cheek. “Tell me, Lyssa,” Immediately, she shakes her head in denial and stares at the wall. His eyes would get her failing. “If you don’t want to then I’ll go say good morning to Mr. Stempford. He sure would like to know me better—“ “Sit your ass down, Peter Raul,” She hisses, tossing the blanket away and grabbing his arm instantly when he threatens to get up. He ends up falling on top of her upper half, noses touching and she closes her eyes, breathing deeply. It shouldn’t be this hard. “I want you to promise me you’ll be nice.” “May I know when I’m not nice with you?” “Promise me, asshole.” She pinches his arm. Nothing hard already that Shawn can’t make it harder. “I promise, asshole.” “Great!” She starts, opening her eyes but not looking directly at him. Playing with her fingers, she chooses to stare at them like they’re doing the most interesting thing in the world. “See, I was thinking to myself…” “Mm…” “We’ve never… Well…” Clearing her throat, she shakes her head slightly to move her bangs away from her eyes. “Fucked.” “What?” “Fucked,” He repeats. “That’s one thing we’ve never done.” Her heart races. “Fucked… Right…” The stress begins to show up as Shawn fixes his body on top of hers, laying down gently. “We made out lots of times, of course, and they were—“ “Incredible.” “Incredible,” She smiles, finally looking at his face. He’s so close she can hear his heartbeat and smell the minty scent of toothpaste coming out of his parted lips. “Breathtaking…” Whispering, she swallows harshly before being interrupted by him again. “Hun, what’s going on?” It takes all of her not to freak out. It’s simple, Alyssa. Spit. It. Out. Now. “I…” “You?” She covers her eyes with both hands and enjoys the lack of shyness that takes over her. “Iwantustofuck.” “What?” Shawn squeaks, getting shushed by Alyssa at the same instant. His chest prompts up a little and he’s frowning. It’s all very confusing because Alyssa never asks, she practically demands. And she always stops right when they’re about to unbutton their clothes properly. “I’m tired of the ‘what’ question,” She rolls her eyes, masking her apprehension and hoping he wasn’t able to understand a single word of what she just said. “We should come up with another word like… Pardon? Or… Or maybe ne razumijem! Možete li molim vas govoriti malo sporije?” “You want me—“ He’s now sitting on top of her, running his hand through his wild curls and staring at her totally in shock. “You want us to—“ He clutches his own chest while she covers her entire face with her hands, both their chests heaving and screaming for oxygen. “Shut up! No one’s up yet!” “You…” Shawn sobs a little, blinking rapidly as he tries to process the information. “You want me to make love to you, Lys?” He mumbles. “Vielleicht—“ Her voice is muffled by her palms, shoulders shrugging bashfully. “English, Alyssa.” He grabs her wrists carefully, holding them up away from her worried face and entwining their fingers softly. For the first time in years, she feels that knot on her throat begging to be loosened through a cry. “Maybe, Shawn,” She admits, so nervous that her hands aren’t shaking because his giant ones are keeping them stable. “Maybe I do wanna feel you… Inside… Of me?!” “God!” He breathes out, putting her hands on the curve of his shoulders so he can lean down and pin his forehead on hers. “What are you doing to me, Alyssa Stempford?” “You know I love it when you say my whole name?” “Oh yeah?” He smiles against her smile, licking his lips and placing a kiss on the corner of her lips — the way she does when she wants to tease him. “What else?” “W-What else?” Alyssa stutters, feeling her breath now unpatterning as he lets go of her hands to support his body with one arm, traveling his free palm along her side and peppering kisses from down her face to her jawline. She’s turning cold due to the nervousness but he makes sure to cling to her frame so the hotness spreading through his flesh can comfort her somehow. “I…” He kisses the sensitive spot a little down below her ear precisely, making her get chills and he sees those goosebumps coming to the surface, announcing that he’s starting to get the best of her. “I love it when you drag your lips down my throat and…” She has to stop and focus, because he does exactly as she says and ends with a light suction at the base of her neck. Fanning his breath on the wet region he just sucked, Shawn kisses the other side of her neck intensely, unhurriedly. “Fuck, like this…” “Like this, eh?” He mouths against her, lowly and raspy while his teeth scratch her skin tenderly. She’s quiet, eyes squinting close as she thinks about how the hell is she going to ease that aching sensation that’s making her heat pulsate in anticipation. Shawn’s lips goes to her collarbones, loving every single piece of skin and feeling the expansion of her bone being touched by him, being appreciated so devotedly just like his girl deserves. He moves his hand up from her waist to trace her arm and reach the strap of her nightdress. “Are you sure, Lyssa?” He twirls the fabric, face tilted down as he closes his eyes and waits for a yes. “I am,” Alyssa responds, tugging his thick locks and bringing his face to hers. “Will you be gentle?” If heaven has a specific appearance, it sure is Alyssa’s face softening up as she asks sweetly for his kindness. She looks blissful with her bright brown eyes connected with his, honey hair adorning the pillow and her features. Shawn had never felt the need to be nice and gentle to anyone like he does right now. His chest tempers and hurts at the same time with love. Nothing could mess up with him like this; nobody can fuck Shawn up like Alyssa does. “I will, babe,” He pecks her lips. “I always will.” She cups his face with both hands and kisses him deeply. Their lips pressing together is enough to drive them all the way to the edge, her bottom lip in between his mouth as his tongue pokes out to touch hers. The tenderness of their affection is enough to ease her nerves and encourage her to pass her hands through his curls, going further to the back of his head and scrape the nape of his neck lovingly. She pulls him in, impossibly closer to taste all of him as her hands wanders to his back, feeling the muscles moving under her palm due to the way he’s shifting to keep his frame established not to crush her. Shawn finally drags the strap down her arm, slow and as polite as possible, caressing all the spots of her arm where the fabric passed by with his skilled hand. When Alyssa releases her arm from the cloth, she instantly squeezes her breast — now uncovered — with the inner part of her elbow, pressing down on the flesh to hide her nipple from his sight. He breaks the kiss with a smack sound, bringing his tattooed hand back to hers. “Want me to dress you back, baby?” Shawn asks concernedly, his thumb grazing the back of her palm. “I don’t, actually,” She knows she doesn’t want to, but she fears the shame will become too much. “I don’t know.” “Lys, look at me.” “Yes?!” “What makes you think I wouldn’t love you in every single way?” He holds her hand more forcefully, as if he could assure her even physically that he doesn’t give a damn if she’s dressed in her most expensive clothes or naked under the plain white sheets. He wants her no matter what, no matter how, no matter when. Her smile shows some pain, but somehow he knows it has a pinch of happiness behind it. “I know you’re afraid and needs more time to figure out what you feel, but I want you to know that I’m already there,” Shawn catches himself confessing his emotions to her again. He did it before a thousand times and there’s no turning back. His feelings seem to be fresh new even though they showed up a long time ago and everyday feels like it’s the first day he saw her standing there, being her charming self with a sassy attitude. Nobody compares to her. “I see, it’s awkward for you, but I am in love with you. I love you, Alyssa.” And then Shawn gives her no time to feel joy or guilt for not being entirely there, because his lips are on hers again and his touch is firm on her hand, setting it once more on his own body. Alyssa now palms his bare chest as his member presses against her core and lower stomach, spurring her to move her fingers down —still reservedly — and he decides to help her through. With his hand on top of hers, he guides it down his toned abdomen and intensifies the kiss at the same time, taking her breath away. She’s grateful his soaked clothes from last night were long gone under her bed so she wouldn’t need to go through the ceremony of undressing him. Her hesitant hand reaches the waistband of his briefs, making the both of them hitch their respirations suddenly, his mouth leaving hers slowly. “Can I… touch you?” Alyssa asks, eyeing his white underwear between their bodies as her forefinger toys with the elastic band. “Sure you want to? You don’t have to. This is about you, not me.” Shawn’s eyes are darkening, analyzing her expression and he prepares himself to stop at anytime if she asks him to. His hand stays still above hers. “Please?” It’s innocent but it makes him twitch inside the material of his underwear. Fuck, Alyssa. Fuck. Obviously she can. She can do whatever she wants to do. Shawn’s answer will always be yes. He looks down at her small hand threatening to slip inside and he can’t help but contort his face in pleasure even though he hasn’t been touched yet. “Shit,” He hisses out. “’Course.” “But I need you to teach me how—“ “Babe, I know,” Her desperation is clear so he wants to give her the freedom and confidence to move on, because he’s here for her. “Tell me if you want to stop, ‘kay?” Alyssa only nods in agreement, feeling his hand guiding hers inside the fabric leisurely and Shawn watches her breast being released from the harsh touch of her arm. When she touches the head of his cock, touching the tip lightly, her nipple hardens and Shawn gulps to the sight of her. Alyssa is all flushed, from face to chest, and she starts to take a handful of his length. It feels warm against her icy hand and oh so smooth, totally different from what she had previously imagined. He impulsively thrusts into her fist, kissing her chest not to moan in relief while her other hand pulls the underwear past his crotch and it rests on his muscular thighs. She’s still unsure of what to do, so her touch is fragile and insecure. His hand goes back to hers and he embraces her fingers with a gentle strength, squeezing his own cock. Alyssa finds it so hot that the wetness down on her slit and panties is becoming irritating; she can’t quite understand how her hesitation turns into a fiery desire so fast. “You can hold it like this,” Shawn tells her in a whisper as his palm guides hers up and down gradually. “And pump it like this, eh?” She’s too weak to do anything else rather than murmur in confirmation and, to add more to this weakness of hers, he circles her nipple with the tip of his tongue to capture it in between his lips. It makes Alyssa hold him tighter, pumping all the way down to the base and back up to the leaking rosy tip. A sweet whine flies past her lips when he sucks at her bud, tender plump lips enveloping her in the most delicious way as his throbbing cock is massaged by her careful hand. “Gotta keep quiet, hun,” He manages to say between suctions on her wet skin. “Be good for me, hm?” She huffs and Shawn’s hand leaves hers to travel along the inner part of her thigh, grabbing the delicious soft skin with a force that’s definitely not very gentle. At this point, he’s starving and insatiable. His middle finger accidentally touches her clothed entrance and she whines once more, bucking her hips towards his touch. “Holy fuckin’ shit,” He mutters against her chest, squeezing her leg intensely. “Babe I can’t take this for too long.” Shawn confesses, feeling the vein on the underside of his aching length pounding painfully. There’s pre-cum leaking and her hand picks up the pace just a little, testing to see if this is what he needs. Alyssa takes the condom from under her back, managing to pump him meanwhile, and hands him the foil. “Lucky you I was prepared.” “Where the hell did you get this?” He takes the condom from her hand and sits up, her hand never releasing him. The view is far too pornographic: his defined abs clenching as his thick cock gets pumped by her with some inability, but sure leading him somewhere. He runs a hand through his chocolate hair and waits for her to stop looking at his member and face him. “My eyes are up here, Lys.” “Stole from Dani’s wallet while you were in the bathroom.” She says simply, daring to twist her wrist as she edges him and the unexpected sensation makes Shawn growl. Going back to her, he inches down and steals a kiss. “You’re fuckin’ awesome, you know that?” Shawn pecks her lips repeatedly until he cups her face with one hand to lick inside her mouth and make the most of this abrupt kiss. The atmosphere is too pleasant to let them be aware of anything else. Maybe that’s pretty much the reason why she haven’t heard steps coming to her bedroom door before a loud knock brought them back to reality. “Alyssa?” A strong voice calls out and Shawn opens his eyes, utterly scared. “Alyssa, who’s inside there with you?” She pushes him away, the both of them immediately getting up — Shawn searches for the keys to his motorcycle and pulls his underwear back up while Alyssa is bent down on the floor, arm stretched under her bed to get his clothes. “Alyssa if you don’t open this door right now…” “Hold on, dada!” She promptly warns, throwing Shawn’s jeans at his face and tossing the shirt up on her bed with the leather jacket. “Go, go, go!” “If you haven’t noticed yet, my dick’s still—“ The door slams open no longer after, making Alyssa get up on her heels and Shawn cover his hard cock with both hands. The jeans are covering nothing but his shins and knees, the fabric too tough to fit his legs because of the rain that soaked them last night. She crosses her arms in front of her chest to hide her bare chest and they force a smile towards Alyssa’s father, dripping tenseness and fear. “Gareth—“ Shawn greets with an odd smile but stops at the moment Alyssa elbows him mightly. Fuckin’ dumbass. “Mr. Stempford. Good morning!”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes masterlist #shawn mendes series #mine #ficsofmine

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m4nuell4gh-blog · 5 years

Text

2:30am (Namjin)

warnings: Major Character Death

tags: Character Death, Angst, basically there are a lot of deaths lol, please don't read if you're uncomfortable with any of the tags, No Smut, Pure angst tbh, the others members are only mentioned, one of them has only like 1 line though, read it slowly

summary: Seokjin didn't go to school that day. Namjoon calls him, since he never skipped a single day of classes. He shouldn't have done that.

The one where Seokjin finds out he has a terminal disease, and Namjoon is there to try and make him happy until his last days.

notes: i wrote this like 3 years ago in Portuguese so this is a kinda ok translation and English isn't my native language so pls don't judge me lol

READ END NOTES!!!!

•••

There he was, wandering the streets late at night, heading to where he used to live when he was little. The walking was slow, he couldn't even hear the sounds of the city anymore. He didn't remember the last days, couldn't remember waking up at 5 in the morning everyday to go to work. He didn't pay attention to anything he had done.

It had been about two weeks, it was still a fresh memory. He couldn't believe it, he kept thinking it was a nightmare, but a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. He had walked for about two miles, face and neck dripping from the tears he recently had rolling down his cheeks, wetting his clothes and dropping on the ground. It was still a long road ahead, even though he was shaking and his hands freezing because of the cold. He loved the cold. Every time he felt it, it reminded him of the warm and cozy hugs his lover used to give him, and it made him smile.

He simply gave up. It was sad thinking that everyday from now on, it would be the same, over and over again. On his earphones, there was random music playing, on the loudest setting available. The probability of this resulting in health problems didn't even scare him anymore. He didn't care.

He stopped in front of a white colored building, that wasn't even that visible because of the bad lighting. He stood still, frozen, unable to reason for a few minutes. It was his home, back in the school days.

He used to live with his parents, and still remembered their routine, to this day. Oh, school... He missed waking up with a purpose, going out there to acquire knowledge. He loved learning. Having to pack everything before he left, his backpack weighting more and more as the year flew by. He got at school and was welcomed by his friends, not even thinking that one day, this would all be over.

What he didn't know is that he would be in this situation. Everything changed so drastically, in so little time. It seemed like everything would end soon - and he wouldn't be able to enjoy any of his final times. Every second matters, and Namjoon knew this now, better than anyone else.

He walked away from that street, heading directly to the city. But now, with a different destiny. After about twenty minutes, he sat on the grass, still wet from the afternoon rain, and kept looking around that place. The only light source was the moon, hence why he could only read what was well pronounced. Tears kept flowing by, now faster than ever, it was his first time coming back in two whole weeks. Even though he didn't want to, he remembered an episode that happened on that school patio. He wouldn't be able to forget that, ever.

It was one of the coldest mornings of 2014. The boy always went out feeling cold, his fingers cold, even though he was wearing two hoodies and a heavy jacket on top of them. The long period of time he spent in that place was always worth it. It was before class that he saw Seokjin, the one who, besides being two years older than him, never got old. The one who kept him safe when he got scared, warm when he got cold or even for no reason at all, always kept close. Jin was his home, and it seemed that, putting all limits aside, when they were together, was the only one that made everything turn infinite. To him, Jin was, and will always be, the only one. There was no other option besides loving him, and only him.

He never felt like it really was real. Until it was August 5th, and he left his house without feeling cold. He found it weird, but decided to ignore it. After a 15-minute walk, he got to school, and waited for Seokjin, but he wasn't there. Odd, he thought, since they always waited fot he bells to ring there, together. He waited for a few more minutes, hoping someone would come. He felt lonely. Nobody came.

The bell rang, He got to class and stayed there, until the last period ended. Before he got home, he checked the rest of the school to see if they were making a prank on him. They weren't.

He got back home, ran to his room and locked the door. His heart was beating abnormally fast, his breathing failing and then, decided to call Jin. After 5 missed calls, the phone stopped ringing, and he let out a sigh, waiting to hear a "hello" coming from the elder. He didn't hear anything.

"Hyung?"

"Namjoon..." - his voice was shaking, almost like a whisper.

"Hyung, where are you? Why didn't you come to school today?"

"I'm sorry, Namjoon..." as soon as he heard that, his heart skipped a beat - he could hear Seokjin crying on the other side of the line. "But I'm at the hospital, I was in a lot of pain early in the morning today, so I called the boys to keep me company, but my phone was out of service. I'm hospitalized, Namjoon-ah..."

Hearing that was the last thing he did before hanging up and rushing to the car, completely ignoring the fact that he still wasn't allowed to drive"

"Room 138"

These words were enough for him to sprint through the hospital, running over a few nurses, so he could finally open the door and see five people sitting around the bed, staring right back at him. Not even in his wildest dreams, he thought he'd have the image of Seokjin lying on a hospital bed, looking almost lifeless, skin as pale as the walls around him, connected to breathing machines.

The face of fear the youngest made mixed together with his want to cry. Tears already formed on the corners of his eyes. It was Jin who was laying there. His face, once happy and always smiling, now expressed purely the feeling of angst, in a way that was never seen before. He looked terrible. His eyes, that always smiled before his mouth, were now showing sadness. His full lips, that always had a smile on them, looked dry and chapped. Jin never let his feeling out loud. He only let the good and positive ones show through, so that he could make the others happy, lift up everyone's moods, and mask his own bad ones.

It could be any of them: Taehyung, Jeongguk, Yoongi and even Hoseok lying there, and Namjoon wouldn't ever feel as bad as he felt now. He cared too much.

"What... What happened?" He softly asked, frozen at the sight of his love on that bed, hearing one of the boys, probably Jimin, standing up and pulling him inside the room.

"I..." The elder started, already feeling his chest burn and the tears making their way down his face. "I'm sick, Namjoon-ah..." At each word he heard, Namjoon could feel his legs tremble, so much that it got to a point when he couldn't hold himself up any longer. "I have cancer."

Ever since that day, Jin fought at all times. Namjoon, each passing day, got worse and worse at hiding his own pain. His health framework got worse each and every second of the day. Everyone knew that it was coming to an end, even Seokjin himself. What they never knew is that it could happen this soon.

Time was never healing to the youngest. Because of it, he was never able to have his first kiss with the man he always wanted. He wasn't able to travel to his dream place with the one he loved. Nothing occurred the same way Namjoon planned out, it almost seemed that, each passing day, he was getting closer and closer to the end. To him, time went by too quickly, so slowly. Time was like a weapon, but automatic. You start the fire, wait a couple seconds and, soon after, the bullet flies through quickly. Depending on the gun, it damages a little, or ends up destroying it all. This time around, it wasn't the former.

Kim SeokJin, 12.04.1992-08.09.2016

It was then and there that, after everything that happened, the only thing he could do was smile. There was wind blowing on his hair, his body going back and forth, he could feel butterflies on his stomach. Jin really was the only one for Namjoon. He really, really was.

It was two days later, that the turn to read the name was the other ones'. Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook. There they were, for the second time that same year. This time, there was a new name added beside their eldest hyung's.

Kim Namjoon, 09.12.1994-08.23.2016

•••

notes: im sorry jksdjhbc

if y’all wanna scream @ me my twitter is @m4nuell4gh

also this is my first ever fanfic!! pls comment so i know what i should do better on/if you liked it :((

here’s my AO3

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