#god this should be dated back to june sorry for the lateness yall

[radiorenjun]

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

#announcement! #bye bye

[lveclouds]

summary: the moon was a constant presence in your life, and it came in the form of choi youngjae, a gorgeous guy with an equally gorgeous smile, and while your lives were intertwined for a time, he suddenly vanished, leaving you with questions. you felt incomplete without the moon in your life, so when would he come back?

"there's a person i want to sing a love song for, looking at the stars in the night sky." - star 1117 (ateez)

a/n: my got7 drabble that was actually supposed to be posted before the mark one, but i had a sudden burst of inspiration for it, and thus that drabble was written before this oops- anyways, i'm sorry that this was more of an angsty drabble jdkjfjd i didn't plan for it to be that way but it just happened? i guess it was also because i was listening to sad ass music while writing this lmao and yes i have a summary for this too hehe

genre: non idol! au, college/university au (kinda), heavy angst (oops) , some fluff? (its mostly at the beginning) 

word count: 1.6k 

paring: music major youngjae x reader 

your first encounter with youngjae was quite ordinary, to say the least. he showed up late to your music theory class, brown hair messy and windblown, pale cheeks slightly red from the chilly air outside, a small smile on his face. your professor, a middle aged woman with dark hair and a stern expression, seemed to be in better spirits as soon as youngjae walked into the room, the corners of her lips curving into a rare smile. "i'm sorry i'm late, miss, traffic was terrible on the way to campus, and my mom needed help with something, and-" the professor cut him off with a a shake of her head. "no need to apologize, youngjae. just take a seat next to y/n." he nodded, looking a bit shocked that she hadn't scolded him, for your professor was a stickler for being on time, yet she let him off the hook, almost immediately. youngjae practically scrambled to sit in the empty chair next to you, quickly getting out his notebook and a pen, jotting down notes. you hid a smile at how adorable he was, and tried to focus on the lecture. you had seen youngjae around campus a few times, always smiling and cheerful, and you had always wondered if there was more to him, if there was more behind that gorgeous smile of his.

after that day, you had mustered up the courage to talk to him, despite being quite hesitant at first, since you were pretty anti-social and rarely talked to anyone on campus unless you had to. when you approached him after a particularly confusing lecture on the brain, he looked up at you from the book he was reading, gorgeous brown eyes widening in surprise. "h-hi." you said, fidgeting with the hem of your oversized hoodie. "i'm y/n. i've seen you around campus and i've wanted to talk to you, but uh, i guess i was way too shy to initiate a conversation?"

youngjae's face broke out into that gorgeous smile you were so used to seeing, perfect white teeth on display, and your heart nearly melted at the sight. "oh, well, in that case, hi, i'm youngjae. i've also seen you around campus, and i was also nervous to approach you. you're gorgeous and so i wasn't sure if you would want to be seen talking to someone like me."

a light shade of pink settled across his cheekbones, and you fought the urge to smile. "ah, you flatter me, honestly. i'm very much a wallflower, so me initiating a conversation with someone is quite rare." "should i be honored, then?" he teased, eyes twinkling with mirth. you finally allowed yourself a small smile. "i guess so, youngjae." from there, an unlikely friendship started, and over time, it soon blossomed into a relationship that you thought would last, at least, for a while. and, it did. the first few months were amazing and you felt as if you were in a fairy tale of sorts, for youngjae treated you like royalty, always going out of his way to sweep you off your feet with romantic and sweet gestures that always touched your heart. you were falling for him, hook, line, and sinker, and you felt as if you were in a dream-like state whenever you were with him.

little did you know that he would leave you, out of the blue, without even saying goodbye. you remembered the day vividly. it was a warm, sunny day in june, and the sky was void of clouds, an endless expanse of blue. it was ironic, to say the least, he had ripped your heart out on such a beautiful summer day. you were waiting for him at your usual meeting spot, which was under an oak tree at the local park, which had been a location for many of your dates, dressed in a white, flowy blouse and cut off denim shorts, along with your favorite pair of black converse, your hair loose and wavy. you had been in a good mood that day, as you had found out that your older sister was getting married, and you were eager to share the news with youngjae. you leaned back against the rough bark of the tree, humming softly to yourself. eventually, thirty minutes passed, and you were starting to get a bit worried. what if something had happened to him on the way? you thought, and immediately scolded yourself for thinking of such a scenario. then, just as you were about to go into panic mode, you saw a familiar figure running towards you. it was yugyeom, one of youngjae's closest friends, dressed in a light cream sweater, blond hair slightly messy and unruly, a tense expression on his face. "yugyeom? what are you doing here?" you asked, allowing him to catch his breath.  "it's youngjae hyung." "what about him? has something happened?" yugyeom grimaced. "uh, well, i don't think he's going to be able to come to your date today." "oh, well, is everything ok?" "i-i don't know. i went to his house earlier to pick up coco, because he wanted me to watch her, and he wasn't there. his car wasn't in the driveway, so i figured he had already left to meet you. but, when i went to unlock the door, it wasn't locked at all, which is weird, because youngjae hyung always locks the door before he leaves, and when i went into his house, most of his belongings were gone, including coco. everything was gone. it was like he vanished, out of thin air or something. you felt a surge of anger and sadness wash over you. "what? so he just left? without saying goodbye?" yugyeom laughed nervously. "uhm yes?" you took a deep breath, holding back tears. "yugyeom, is it ok if i stay at your place for a while? i don't think i can go home, not after this." "of course, we can drop by and get your stuff if you want." you nodded, forcing yourself to give him a smile. "yes, thank you. and i'm sorry for practically inviting myself over, i just-" yugyeom shook his head. "it's ok y/n. i would do the same if i were you. i wouldn't want to be by myself." you smiled gratefully at him before following him to his car, heart heavy.

that night, you had cried your eyes out, and yugyeom and his best friend, bambam, had pulled you into a hug, rubbing comforting circles on your back as you sobbed. you couldn't believe that youngjae, the one guy you thought you could trust, had up and left, without saying goodbye, nor an explanation. he didn't even leave a note, for gods sake, you thought. months passed, and despite you trying to resent youngjae, you couldn't bring yourself too. he must've had his reasons, you thought. but, how could he leave me without saying anything? and on the day of our anniversary? you had seethed for a while, but eventually got tired of wasting your anger.

and to try and remember him, in a way, every night, you went out on the balcony of the guest room you were staying in, looking up at the obsidian sky, admiring the sparkling stars and the soft glow of the moon, your heart aching. to you, youngjae's presence in your life was like the moon, ever present, glowing, and peaceful. youngjae's smiles resembled that of the sun, and yet he was like the moon, mysterious and beautiful. while he was open with you, he tended to put up a wall around those he didn't know. you were often entranced by him, and when he had serenaded you on your first date, you had felt tears spring to your eyes, as you had felt the emotion and meaning of the sweet and somewhat melancholy lyrics of the song. you sighed as you stared up at the moon, glowing brightly against the dark night sky, illuminating the world in a soft, silver light. while part of you wanted to resent youngjae for leaving you, another part of you still loved him, with all your heart. and so, you would wait for him, no matter how long it took, even if meant waiting years.

a/n: i didn't mean to make it this angsty dfjdjkjfg anyways i hope you all still liked this despite the angst i'm very excited about my upcoming bts drabbles, as one of them is a atla au and another is based off the drama goblin! keep an eye on my wips page, as i will be updating it! thank you to everyone who has supported me and my writing, yall are the best and i do not deserve all of your sweet words and unconditional support 🥺

tagging: @taeramisu​ @yongcherie​ 

#mine #not bts #got7

[euphorieds]

oh finally ur here bitch u got a dollar ?? so i can go buy some LOVE AND AFFECTION ,, open ur purse i kno u hav it !!! anywaysjkhskehjks tiktoks literally making up my entire identity aside ,, hi ! i’m mira , im 19 nd its so nice 2 meet yall !!!

♡. jung haein. cismale. he/him. — there goes ARTHUR KANG, who appears to be a TWENTY-NINE year old VAMPIRE. word is the ELEMENTARY TEACHER was born in 1991 and has been in town for A YEAR. you might know them as + SINCERE  and - RETICENT. stray paint on his cheek, smiles dipped in sunlight & gold, late nights through winding streets, polaroids of anything & everything covering walls. 

life b4 the vampire stuffz

so arthur was born to a Human single mom nd had a little sister younger by 9 years who he adored Very Much , and they lived in a small apartment above his mom’s restaurant . they weren’t like ... Totally Rich ? nd they had their struggles,, but arthur was always v content nd happie w his life bc he had his mom nd sister nd thats what rly mattered !!

he was popular in school bc of his ~good looks~ nd also bc he was just a rly friendly nd dependable person !! nd he had his Fair share of confessions from both guys nd girls but he was always like “no sorry!! im not v interested in dating” nd then he’d go home to his mom nd his little sister nd when he was done w all his schoolwork, he’d help out at the restaurant

his mama always complained abt the Swarms of fans that hogged tables at the restaurant nd it was in good nature !!! but arthur had to go convince his fans 2 buy smth so his mom wouldnt throw a towel at him

arthur graduated high school nd decided to get into teaching bc he just loved being able to see the way his sister’s eyes lit up when she understood what he was teaching !! he thought it was v sweet nd endearing :( <3 so when he wasn’t studying, he was working at his mom’s restaurant even tho she always told him to go away nd live his life JHHDJK

so . in college . while he was drinking w a few friends . he also realized he was Very Much Bisexual when he was looking at his guy friend nd was like oh thats rly nice nd then told his mom nd she jus patted his cheek nd said good job . 

anyways JHGHDK he graduated college , got that slappin degree nd got into teaching at a local but private elementary school !! so he was getting that coin !!! and this is the part where his life got turned upside down !!!

arthur met june when he was 28 . they had come 2 the restaurant and eventually, the pair struck up a friendship (mostly bc arthur was Intrigued that a vampire would eat normal food like he knew they could but he was like ... why tho ) . and june jus kept coming to the restaurant everyday . they became close, hung out after hours all the time, nd arthur was rly thinking like ... did he have feelings or is this jus a good friendship ?

anyways those feelings backfired bc the whole time arthur had known june,,, they’d been slowly exchanging their blood w his in hopes of turning arthur . why ? we dont know (it was for fun nd bc they Could)

so arthur . he turned bc eventually the magic took hold , nd june disappeared . in response , arthur locked himself up in his room nd tried to jus . undo what june did . bc he didnt want to live forever, but he didnt want to die either bc he still has friends around, and his family .

after the vampire stuffz ...

arthur was So Scared of hurting the ppl he loved , nd he tried to last as long as possible w/o feeding on animals or ppl nd isolating himself, but it just . didnt work . so arthur took himself out of his confinement, packed all his things nd left home for coeur cove . he never told his mom or his little sister , nd he feels Immense Regret for not saying anything .

a year in coeur cove meant that he took up a job teaching at the local elementary school, nd it was one of the few things that rly made him smile !! he also bought a polaroid camera , nd has a habit of just taking photos of everything that makes him happy bc hes licherlaly just terrified of living for a long time nd not being able 2 remember the small things

honestly he still hates the fact he’s a vampire but he jus doesnt think abt it .... arthur: we are Compartmentalizing laidease ... we do not See .

now hes just ?? hes jus vibing . hes still as sweet as he was back then but hes definitely a lot more ?? secretive abt a lot of things . he doesnt talk abt who he was b4 Turning :( bc hes scared to .. hes jus baby .. 

wanted connections

a frIEND .... listen these are limitless i want him to have FRIENDS but its just gonna be like ... no one knows Anything abt him before coeur cove nd he keeps it that way . but hes someone who will listen 2 ur problems and also get into the weirdest positions to take a good fuckin photo of u !!! (unLIMITED spots ....)

give him an Almost Romantic Relationship ... but they fell out bc he just never opened up JHSSJKSHJKS listen the DRAMA of that .. very sexy . (1/1 w/ katherine carter)

close friend .... this is the One Person . Or Two People . in all of coeur cove who know abt his past ... like . these are the ppl he’d consider a True Ride or Die . there’s som MAJOR trust for these ppl bc he liCHERALLY jus says nothing abt who he was (0/2)

neighbor(s) who put(s) up with arthur and the occasional loud noises that come from his apartment but no he aint smashing hes just very clumsy and has too much knockable furniture in his place 

give me like .... ppl who he Parents unintentionally . hes been taking care of his little sister his whole life,, hes an elementary school teacher .... ppl who hes gonna say “say bye bye bus” out loud to and then be Mortified for the rest of his life . but if ur ever sick he shows up w soup nd is like ‘hoW could u get sick do u not eat ur vitamins ??’

also u know what would be absolutely sexy . give me june . i actually should put a wanted connection for this but can u imagine the absolute DRAMA of arthur meeting the person who ruined his life . i think that’d b VERY sexy . anyways . im keeping this in mind 4 later jHSJHSHSKSJ

going off from the top one give me like . an enemy .... or like they jus cant fucking stand each other for some reason nd its like .. arthur when he sees them: oh :) . hello :). would u like 2 be dropkicked :) ?

anyways gOD ok my brain tiny but like.... lms if u wanna plot... u better lms or i’ll aggressively renegade on dash...

#coeurintro #no one: #me: RENEGADE RENEGADE DOOHWAP HAH HAH #its almost 3am but i felt the Urge to check my laptop nd whEW glad i did that ... coeurcove soft open babey !!!

[zerosuspensiongogo-blog]

Double Sided Coin || Self

Gogo wasn’t Hogwarts’s biggest fan, but she always dreaded when it ended. It wasn’t necessarily what she’d be missing: her small group of friends, easy access to knowledge and resources, or the freedom of the grounds.

No, it was what she would be forced to gain. Which was the presence of the man waiting for her when she stepped off of the train on Platform Nine and Three Quarters. He was tall with broad shoulders, salt and pepper hair, and a scruffy beard matched his somewhat scruffy getup. He had thick, dark eyebrows that mirrored Gogo’s own and they raised when he saw her. A forced smile tugged at his lips as he waved her over. Her stomach churned but she ignored it, sluggishly shuffling towards him while blowing a large bubble. The popping noise rang with distaste.

“Hey kiddo! Long time no see. You ready to go?” He asked, his voice saccharine to the point that she wanted to gag.

“Mm,” was all she responded with, giving a half-hearted shrug. She could see his features twitch a little as he sighed deeply and held out an arm. She glared at it, purposefully not moving for long enough to be inconvenient but not long enough for him to say anything. Then, she merely stepped back.

“Can do it myself now,” she said simply. He blinked in surprise.

“I didn’t know you got your appiration license.”

“My birthday was in April, I turned 17,” she reminded him in a deadpan voice.

“Ah, right. I knew that,” he added quickly at the end. And indeed, she had gotten a card from him with the bare minimum “Happy Birthday From Dad” on it on time, but she was sure at this point that he had some sort of timer and forgot about the date at all other times.

“Are you sure you want to try apparating all the way to the portkey? It might not be safe--”

“I got it.”

“I really don’t think--”

“I got it!” She snapped more aggressively, shooting him a glare. He frowned deeply but then shook his head with a sigh.

“Alright...you go first and I’ll stay behind in case you splinch anything.”

‘Maybe I’ll get lucky and splinch my fucking head off,’ She thought to herself, without an inch of sarcasm. With a loud, resounding crack, she disapparated.

Much to her misfortune, she apparated in the right place, body parts and all.

Her father owned a small house in the Irish countryside. Some would call it cozy, with worn architecture and massive fields of wheat going in all directions. A dirt path several kilometers long would eventually take one to a small muggle town, where the locals gathered in the pub every night to communally drink and make merry.

Or to drown out the misery of their shitty lives, Gogo thought to herself. The sparse, insect infested home was a prison for the Slytherin girl, one that she’d been subjected to for months on end ever since her parents separated. It had only been for holidays and winter break when she’d started school. But after her mother lost her job, she couldn’t afford to raise Gogo in the summer months while also taking care of her ailing parents. So after some good old fun custody disputes, she was forced to waste her summers away in a home that she hated with a man she hated even more.

Most of the time, she’d walk, bike, run, skate--whatever method of escape she could use to travel into town. But there were only so many times you could cycle through the same handful of buildings before you wanted to blow your brains out. And Gogo was already way past that point.

So she sat in her father’s garage--no, it was a joke to even call it that. First of all, they didn’t have a car. Even if they did, it would have to be one of those smart cars if it ever hoped to fit. Instead, it was just a crappy dusty room littered with miscellaneous crap. Gogo was pretty sure there was garbage in here that she’d tossed out last summer. But, it was one of the few spaces that had a halfway decent fan and that she sat under, working on some schematics for an invention she’d been working on for awhile now. She’d been reading up on magnetic levitation and had some ideas on how to combine it with magic to create even faster methods of transportation. Many of the first editions had been duds but she had a feeling this time it would be different.

However, she had to stifle a groan when she heard the door open up behind her. She didn’t even bother looking up from her notebook, nor did she stop her sketching. She could just feel his ooze creeping up behind her, breathing down her neck.

“What’cha drawing there, kiddo? Is it anime?”

Her grip tightened on her pencil, her knuckles turning white. She took a deep breath and tried to force herself to relax, just continuing her work as if he wasn’t there.

“No. They’re schematics for an invention I’m working on. It’ll use electromagnetic suspension and free-form levitation charms to reduce friction and enhance speed and maneuverability,” she replied dryly. She could feel her father shifting uncomfortably behind her.

“Ah. Right.” A silence fell between them. She hoped that he would take a hint and go away. He did not.

“So, how did quidditch go this year? Did Slytherin win?”

Gogo felt her jaw clench. “How should I know? I’m not on the team.”

“Aw c’mon, but you have to at least watch, right? Y’know, you should really consider trying out again. I’m sure you’re better now than you were a couple years ago.”

“It wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough, it was because people on the team fucking hated me,” she growled, her pencil strokes becoming a little harsher.

“Merlin, Leiko, not everyone is out to get you. It’s alright that you didn’t make the cut the first time around, you don’t have to go blaming it on everyone else.”

She could already feel her hands beginning to shake in anger. No one else could get her as worked up as he did--and in record time too. He didn’t have a fucking clue what he was talking about but here he was, spouting off his unwarranted and nonfactual opinion. And as much as she didn’t want to argue about it, there was still something she couldn’t let go.

“I told you, it’s Gogo now.”

The condescending chuckle behind her made her want to shove her pencil through the notebook. Or his face. “Are you still going by that? C’mon, don’t you think you’ve outgrown it? I mean, ‘Go-go’,” he repeated in a mocking tone, “Sounds a bit ridiculous in’nit?”

“Just as ridiculous as ‘Kris-to-fer Dun-nuh’,” she repeated back in just as mocking a tone. His silence was enough to tell her that she’d managed to get under his skin as well. He sighed deeply, running a hand through his greying hair.

“Are we really going to do this again this year? Really?”

“What thing is that,” Shed asked, deadpan.

“The thing where you treat me like absolute shite and I’m supposed to just laugh it off like ‘Hoho, that’s my girl!’ because you report even the slightest hint of discipline as abuse?”

Gogo couldn’t help but give a ghost of a smirk at that. “No, yeah that sounds about right.”

“Fuckin’ hell--” He muttered angrily to himself. She could hear him start to pace around behind her. “You know, I’m actually fucking trying here.”

She inhaled sharply through her nose, practically scratching her pencil and nearly ripping the paper. “Are you? Because you came in here and degraded my drawings before immediately changing the subject to something that only you care about, pretended to have a clue what goes on with me at school, and made fun of my fucking name!”

“Well what the hell do you want me to say!? I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about half the time!”

“You never even tried to learn! All you’ve ever done is try to get me interested in the things that you like, you have never once tried to relate to any of my interests or hobbies or anything that goes on with me!”

“What the fuck do you expect when all you do is sass me and treat me like fucking garbage!” There was a part of her, the teeniest, tiniest sliver that almost felt bad for him. In his eyes, he probably didn’t realize why his daughter hated him so much. He didn’t know that she knew things that she wasn’t supposed to. But those things that she knew far outweighed any semblance of pity into pure malice. “Y’know, any other parent would smack you across your smart mouth for saying half the things you do!”

“Yeah, let’s see how well that works out for you,” she growled dangerously, hunching over her work as she furiously drew. At this point, she’d all but completely decimated any decipherable measurements. Now she was just drawing angry scribbles and furiously stabbing at stick figures that resembled her father.

She thought that would be the end of it. By now, he usually gave up in a huff and that would be the last they’d speak to each other for several more days before the cycle continued. But instead, she could hear footsteps coming up behind her.

“Y’know, you should be fucking grateful for the life I’ve given you. I work hard, every day so that I can earn money to support you, despite the fact that you treat me like dirt. And I let you get away with being an ungrateful, spoiled little--”

He was interrupted by Gogo throwing her notebook and pencil on the desk in front of her and loudly slow clapping. “Oh, congratu-fucking-lations, you’ve done the bare fucking minimum by being a decent human being and taking care of the spawn that your reckless behavior made,” she drawled sarcastically, finally turning to glare at him. His face was bright red by this point and he was fuming just as much as she was.

“Hey, I didn’t have to come back to support you or your mother! But I did because, despite what you seem to think, I actually do give a shit about you!” He yelled at her, aggressively. Yeah, some way to show love and care.

“Do you? Or did you do it because you’re trying to convince yourself that you aren’t a shitty, terrible human being?” His eyes widened and he straightened at that, looking almost like she’d slapped him. With the verbal upper hand, she continued. “’Cuz yeah, I tried to do that once too. But shocker, you’re terrible and I’m your terrible fucking child that you brought in the world. Guess you’ve got to deal with the fucking consequences!”

He stood there in a stunned silence. She glared at him before spinning back towards her work, drawing it close to her body again. Surely this time he would take the hint and piss off. But no, much to her chagrin, he started speaking again.

“Wha-- What the fuck is wrong with you? Who says this kind of stuff?!”

“Me, apparently,” she replied dryly, the anger draining from her voice. The anger was always quick, and then it would subside, replaced by emptiness. No, she’d replace it with something else. With racing thoughts, or invention ideas, or anything else. She turned to a new page and began to lightly sketch, trying to fill the void. But her father wouldn’t let it go that easily.

“What, you can’t even be grateful that you’re fucking alive? That’s how much you want to spite me?!” He demanded. She could practically feel the heat radiating off of him. She scowled, every muscle in her body tense and itching to explode. But she ignored him, remaining silent as she continued to sketch. He stood there, waiting for an answer. One that she refused to give. Finally, fists and jaws clenched, he took a step back and shook his head.

“Bloody hell, if that’s the case, then you might as well fucking kill yourself, eh?” He huffed. It was supposed to be sarcastic. It was supposed to be a joke, the same kind of dark, destructive and hurtful humor that she’d been throwing at him for years now. But those words, strung into that exact sentence, in that exact tone, seemed to set something off in her. She didn’t mean to say it, but the words slipped out of her mouth.

“God, I can only hope someday!” They both stopped in that moment. She sat there, frozen, feeling his eyes boring into the back of her head--searching her, trying to figure out what truth hid under a mountain of sarcasm and cynicism. But after a moment, he scoffed.

“Can you not be sarcastic for like, a minute in your fucking life?” Gogo had to keep herself from giving any visceral signs of relief that he wasn’t going to push her on this. That like everything else, this was clearly just another one of her facetious statements.

“Maybe someday,” she retorted with a hollow tone. His glare worsened but he shook his head, seemingly finally giving in.

“I don’t fucking get it with you. No, you know what? I do. You were upset about the separation and you’re upset that you have to come live with me in the countryside instead of being in London with your mother. I get how that can be annoying. I get that you’re a teenager, and it’s ~fun and edgy~ to rip your parents a new one. But y’know, someday you are going to realize and appreciate just how hard I work to provide a roof over your head, food on the table, and money for your education. I don’t even ask for you to thank me for that, it’s all coming to you and your mother in the form of child support. All I do is give and let you verbally beat me down and do whatever the fuck you want. Maybe you don’t realize just how fucking lucky you have it, but you will someday.” With that, she heard him turn and start to walk back towards the main house.

And normally, she would leave it at that. She’d be grateful that he was backing off and leaving her the fuck alone to do what she wanted. But there was something about the condescension in his tone and how she knew that it was all bullshit that seemed to trigger something in her. She didn’t mean for it to come out, but just as he always did, he managed to bring the worst out of her.

“Forgive me for not pitying your hard work, but I’m sure you’re plenty fine if you can own two houses,” she said, her voice dripping in acid. As she turned to him, she caught a glimpse of him absolutely freezing in his place. When he turned back to her, his eyes were wide in a way that she’d never seen before.

“Excuse me?” 

“You heard me, Mr. Shwartz,” she spat the name that had sat on her tongue for so many years. For so long, she’d imagined his reaction for when she finally revealed her knowledge to him. Much like her fantasies, all the color drained from his face, and his whole body tensed. His mouth even fell open. But instead of feeling empowered and rectified, she only felt seething rage and pain boiling in her gut.

“Wh-- I-- Ho-- What the fuck--” He started to stammer. She wanted to feel triumphant but instead, she just cut him off.

“What, you really didn’t think I knew?” She hawed skeptically. The utter bewilderment on his face was enough of an answer. But she gave a few of her own, scoffing. “I looked around the school. No signs of a ~star Slytherin quidditch player~ named Christopher Dunne, but there sure as hell was a Christopher Schwartz. Not to mention the fact that all the letters you get while we’re here are mailed to a different address. Combined with the fact that you’ve never introduced me to any family members and this place doesn’t look like it’s touched except when I’m here...it’s not fucking rocket science.”

Her father just stared at her. It was almost hard to read his expression. There was confusion, anger, shock, but also hints of something else that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. In between a clenched jaw, through gritted teeth, he finally demanded. “How long?”

Gogo scoffed again, folding her arms and leaning back in the chair. “Years now,” she rebutted simply. The color seemed to come back into his face, a deep red flush rising.

“And why the hell did you wait until now to say something?!” The more he spoke, the more loud and unraveled he seemed to become. Gogo seemed to do the same.

“Because, up until now I’ve needed your fucking money to survive!” She shot back, verbally throwing him off guard. He blinked and looked to her with that stupid fucking bewilderment again. She sighed sharply. “Child support, dumbass.”

The insult seemed to kick him right back into his fury as he squared his shoulders. “What-- you think if you told me earlier I wouldn’t pay child support?!”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Merlin, Leiko, I would never do that! I’m not the fucking monster that you think I am!” He screamed, a vein now pulsing in his neck.

“Could’ve fooled me with all the fucking court cases in my life! And I told you, it’s Gogo!”

“It’s stupid!” He roared, violently swinging his arm out. It wasn’t anywhere close to her, clearly just a way to blow off some steam, but she felt her muscles instinctively tighten. “Any disputes in child support were because your mother wasn’t spending the money on you! Wasting the money on her leech parents--”

Something seemed to snap in Gogo and she slammed her hand on the table, going to stand. “Don’t you dare even put their names in your mouth! ‘I’m not a fucking monster’, look at you! You can’t just knock someone up and then try to drop everything except your shitty seed!” 

“I tried to make things work with your mother! But she was too--”

“Too what?” Gogo started, pushing herself off of the desk and towards her father. The man twitching with violent aggression. “Too muggle?”

“Wha-- No!” He shouted. Gogo caught a glimpse of his fist tightening, the muscles in his arm tensing.

‘Do it. Hit me.’

She gave him a sickening smile as she drew closer. “Too or-i-en-tal?” She emphasized each syllable with a hideous broken English accent.

“No!” His face was bright red by now and his body was trembling.

‘Do it old man. See what fucking happens.’

“That’s why you have the fake name, right? And the second house? Why your family is “estranged”? Because we’re the estranged family not good enough for your hoity-toity, stuck-up, inbred, garbage pureblood family! But guess what, Kris-to-fer Schwartz, you aren’t as fucking smart as you think you are! In fact, I’d say you’re a right fucking dumbass! You go out, shoot your load without protection like a fucking moron and then spend the rest of your life floundering about trying to deal with your mistake so you don’t have to face the reality that--Oh that’s right! You’re a terrible fucking human being who’s too much of a ballsack coward to commit to either being a fucking father or being--whatever the fuck a Schwartz is! But that’s you! That’s who you are! And nothing is ever going to change that!”

By the time she was done ranting, she was standing in front of the seething man. With every sharp inhale, every pulse of the vein, she waited for anything. A twitch--any movement to indicate a violent reaction. In her eyes it was a win-win-win either way. Either she would have an excuse to beat the ever-loving crap out of him or he’d somehow get the upper hand and she’d get him thrown in jail. Or the third option was that he’d go completely fucking nuts and just murder her but again--win-win-win.

He inhaled sharply through his nose and she braced herself. With his exhale, he spoke sharply through bare, gritted teeth. “You-- have NO fucking idea what you’re talking about!”

And then a crack echoed throughout the room. Gogo acted on instinct, bringing her arms up to block herself, just like countless sparring matches had taught her. But nothing made impact. In fact, when she lowered her arms, she saw that the garage was now empty.

He’d disappeared. No, more actually, he disapparated.

He was running away.

Just like he did with everything fucking ELSE!

The thought roared in Gogo’s mind as she spun around, harshly kicking the chair across the room. It clattered against the far wall and fell over, but Gogo didn’t dare stop moving. She couldn’t. She grabbed her notebook and raced up to her room, grabbing her bag and hapharzardly throwing in whatever was in her reach. Clothes, toiletries, her wand, various tools and supplies that she’d transfigured into much safer, travel-friendly form. Then she practically flew to the kitchen where she raided the place for food that wouldn’t expire--taking her father’s favorite snacks just to spite him. Then when all was said and done, she returned to the garage and grabbed her favorite form of transportation that she so rarely got to use at school--her bicycle. It was one of the first one she’d ever made magical modifications on, with tires that could change their tread depending on the terrain. All but slamming the button to open the door, she mounted the cycle and peddled off into the night as fast as possible.

Sure, it probably would have been much easier to apparate to the portkey that would take her from Ireland back to London. But for once in her life, she wasn’t going to take the fastest route possible. She was going to peddle, and push, and force out every horrible toxic thing out of her body until she was nothing but an empty, exhausted shell.

Besides, she could afford to take the time. Because now she had the summer all to herself.

#fhogself #god this should be dated back to june sorry for the lateness yall #npc: christopher