#god. maybe i could find a way to read kindle books in my browser so i can use a deadname replacer on him lol

[sugared-violets]

who needs surgeons when you can just reread the book that defined your adolescence and get your heart ripped out for free

#i didn't get through a whole chapter before i started crying #this is about the dusk gate chronicles which nobody on the face of the planet has ever heard of lol #it's just. these books meant EVERYTHING to me #i've never connected so deeply with any other protagonist. like there are others i LIKE more but this is different #quinn (the protag) just feels... idk like the same as me. almost every decision she makes is the one i would make and our flaws are the same #the love interest reminded me so much of the real boy i was in love with too and that kills me now #the core philosophy of the book literally held our stupid dysfunctional relationship together a couple times #but even now that i'm out and regret ever knowing him the philosophy still means so much to me just in a different way #the rose garden i was trying so hard to cultivate and grow and protect turned out to be nothing but thorns #and the dandelions i used to root out are the happiness i needed all along. yes they're easier but it's easy now because it's right and good #and now it hurts bc these books brought me so much joy but now its stained with associations to someone who hurt me carelessly #in a character that made me want to fall in love #for fucks sake he has the same NAME even. Will this and Will that i can't take it!!! #god. maybe i could find a way to read kindle books in my browser so i can use a deadname replacer on him lol #rename him something that won't break my heart every damn time i read it #anyway. sorry for this i am very sad #dani.txt