#hahaaa it's already complicated and confusing and frustrating as all hell

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

shout out to thomas from ghosts for yoinking me out of a panic attack before it could really get going

#was shaking and trying not to cry and floating somewhere on the ceiling #then friday im in love came on the radio and reminded me of him doing his stupid little dance and it made me smile and calmed me down a bit #but i gotta give myself credit for not panicking at the panic too much and feeding it more #time was when feeling the thing i felt from first year tm would've sent me into a week long spiral #feels so stupid tho all it was was my volunteering manager asked if i wanted to start doing a longer shift #when im already struggling doing two measly hours a week and nothing else like jfc #but that's cos im not on my adhd meds which make life yknow tolerable and im gonna try getting back on them next week #and i also don't wanna start anything else bc i wanna change my name first so it's not quite so complicated #hahaaa it's already complicated and confusing and frustrating as all hell #but ik if i can just be patient and take these few months to figure stuff out it'll be so much better in the long term #im getting support for the gender tm and I've made so much progress in a month #i still feel guilty and ashamed bc im not actively job hunting or doing more volunteering #and like im just making excuses to let my anxiety win when ik i can cope with it #but i can't handle going into another situation where im misgendered and uncomfortable with my name #im at the end of my tether with it and i need to figure it out #wahoo #mine #vent #in good news tho im pretty certain im a dude more sure about pronouns and have a potential name im thinking of!!