#hate when ppl call me resilient or are proud of me for surviving shit. girl i did not do anything to be here now. in fact quite the contrary

[daz4i]

when ww said "this is not my life, I'm no survivor, i only happened to survive"

#he gets it he really does. #hate when ppl call me resilient or are proud of me for surviving shit. girl i did not do anything to be here now. in fact quite the contrary #i am permanently in survival mode and I'm trying so hard to turn it off. but mostly in 1 direction and not the one most ppl hope #sigh. I'm tired man 😐 i just started new mood stabilizers and I'm anxious as fuck #(well. not new. i was on them before when i was a teen. can't remember why i stopped tho) #the whole trying new pills is depressing bc well. there's p much nothing left for me to try #i had a call with her this week. i mentioned it i think. but most of it was trying to figure out if there's meds i never tried out there #the only other one we considered to maybe replace my current antidepressant is very new to the market aka she doesn't know what it does yet #so. instead of replacing. adding stabilizers and hope they don't make things even worse (but lbr they probably will) #I'm very close to giving up yet again. idk what there even is to give up on anymore. my life is nothing with a side of void #but giving up is the only thing i know how to do. I'm too anxious to do anything else. i don't know how to do anything else #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh really wanna cut rn but i already have some wounds on my hands and arms + I'm in enough pain as is so what's the use #vent #i should sleep. idk if i can. I've been trying all day and failed. I'm so tired #i wish i didn't wake up man 😐 i wish i died. tonight #suicide // #not really but implied ig #self harm mention // #ask to tag