#have to respect the hustle i guess his life is already insane enough

[sparklitive-sonya]

me: guess what käärijä is renting his old apartment as airbnb that is themed after him

my sister: oh my god insane people are gonna be willing to pay and go there just to have sex there thinking about him that man is truly chaotic genius

#käärijä #my man said i'm going to drain those parasocial relationships dry until they don't have a single coin left #have to respect the hustle i guess his life is already insane enough

[bluedouble]

Daylight

Short story attempt at tackling more mature romantic themes AKA everyone is crying. Definitely could have been better structured, but I'm starting to get an idea of how to let the characters speak for themselves and avoid projecting too much of myself into it.

Some sexual themes present, read after the break or here via fanfiction.net

As they wound their way down the old dirt path, Judy reflected on how much she enjoyed these trips to Bunnyburrow. She loved Zootopia, probably more than plenty of mammals who’d been born and raised there. The sights, sounds, and spectacles never stopped, and there was always something new to try. It was a city of a million souls and ten million problems, a tall order for a certain bunny cop determined to handle all of them personally.

But at least she didn’t have to do it alone. Despite their rough start, Nick had become a rock of support in her new life as a city cop. He kept her grounded, taught her how to focus on problems that could be solved instead of trying to save the whole world at once. Even when her impulsive streak ran them off the rails, Nick had a way of guiding and directing it to astounding results.

Nick was a microcosm of the city, which was exactly why she loved him so much. He was different in every way to her, a novelty in all respects. Even spending forty-plus hours a week together hadn’t dulled her enthusiasm. But the closer they got, the more worried she became.

To outsiders, he was always in control, with a smile and a scheme to get you to do exactly what he wanted. Months of proximity had shown her just how much of it was a mask though. Like the city, he depended on mammals not thinking about all the little cracks in the façade. The conflict and long-buried hurt that had been painted over with a veneer of civility and confidence. Bellwether for all her insanity had understood this, and brutally leveraged it against predators during the Nighthowler crisis.

Judy shivered. She knew Nick had a troubled childhood, but they hadn’t talked much about anything past that. He didn’t seem comfortable discussing it, and Judy didn’t want to pry it out of him.

She just wished she could help.

Back home, life was a lot simpler. Most things could be fixed with elbow grease and a kind word. Maybe a pie, if they were really upset.

Gotta remember to get one of Gideon’s daily specials for the trip back she thought, and continued up the trail.

==

Puffing and blowing, Nick finally caught up to her on the hilltop. He set the basket down and let out a melodramatic sigh.

“Ya know, it’s a good thing this basket isn’t full of picnic supplies or lugging it way out here would have been really difficult”, he groused.

Judy rolled her eyes. He had insisted on carrying everything, an oddly quaint gesture coming from someone so urbane. Besides, it wasn’t her fault that it was a two-mile walk.

Nick scanned the horizon, a hand over his brow to block the midday sun. “What’s so special about this place anyways?”

“Well, there’s nobody around for miles”

He shot her a glance. “Really?”

This was an unusual trait. Despite the Hopps Family Farm covering numerous acres, there always seemed to be a relative or three with their ears perked for some juicy gossip-fuel. Their relationship wasn’t a secret, in any case. It was just… complicated.

Perhaps there was a simple solution?

“Yup. Just you and me. Out here together. Alone.”

Nick’s face went stone cold. “Ms. Hopps, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?”

“M-maybe?”

Nick grinned and tapped her on the nose. “You’re gonna have to do better than that, sweetheart. Many have tried and few have succeeded at winning my affections.”

She rallied a bit. “I’ll be sure to interview your body pillow for the secret.”

With a laugh, he began unpacking their lunch. It was quite a feast for just two mammals, consisting of huge sandwiches, several side dishes, fresh-baked cookies, an impressive egg salad, and even a bottle of wine. Thank the burrow-news-network for that little addition, thought Judy. Once word got around that Jude the Dude and her dear partner were going for a private lunch, food, alcohol, and certain other impolite personal items were practically dumped on them by snickering siblings and winking aunts.

Nick had taken it all in stride of course, cracking an extremely rude joke that had set her brothers and uncles howling with laughter.

He fits in with them better than I do, she mused.

Their sizeable picnic was finally ready to go, spread out over the blanket. Nick picked up a sandwich and dug in with gusto. Judy settled for a small fruit salad, chewing thoughtfully.

“You know,” said Nick through a mouthful of food, “I can’t believe I let you drag me out here without my aviators.”

“What, so you could pull the ‘cool cop’ routine on my parents?”

Nick gave her a hurt look. “You wound me, carrots. To think I would have to stoop so low to impress my partner’s family is just shameful.”

She had to admit it would probably work though.

Judy got another spoonful of the delicious fruit medley before replying. “Then why do you need em?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll give you a hint: Night vision plus bright sun equals bad time for mister fox.”

“Wait, it’s because foxes are crepuscular, right?”

“Ding ding ding, ten points to junior scientist Hopps! And here I thought all you learned at the academy was how to write tickets and blackmail law-abiding citizens.”

Suddenly, he leaned over so that they were almost nose-to-nose.

“But since you’re so interested in vulpine biology, how about a private demonstration?”

Judy flushed, heart racing as his green eyes bored into her. There was a whiff of sandwich. She tried to respond, finished swallowing the bit of fruit still in her mouth, tried again and managed to speak in what she hoped was a suitably sultry tone.

“Lay it on me, slick.”

Real subtle there, Jude.

He cocked an eyebrow. “Sit tight fluff, you’re gonna enjoy this.”

With that, he sat back down and held one hand in the air, fingers together. He brought his other hand up and pretended to pull his thumb off with it; the most juvenile magic trick in history.

“Ta-daaa. Magic thumbs, see?”

Judy blinked once. Then twice. She got to her feet and walked right up to his stupid, grinning face.

“Of all the immature, conniving, dumb foxes in the city”, she said, punctuating each word with a punch to his shoulder, “You are the worst!”

But she was already starting to laugh, and Nick helped her along with a barrage of tickles. She returned the favor leaving him writhing on the blanket. Eventually they collapsed, sides aching and eyes watering.

==

Judy wondered if she’d made a mistake. Lunch had gone well enough, and with a little prodding she convinced Nick to join her in the bottle of wine.

“This is good stuff, Nick. Wolfson-Woolworth vintage merlot isn’t cheap these days”, she’d said.

Nick cast a derisive look at the bottle in her hands. “And risk having all my little secrets plied from drunken lips?”

“Oh, come on. I barely get tipsy from one bottle and you’re twice my size!”

In the end he relented, and now they were sipping from glasses in the summer sun. Judy tried to make small talk, wracking her brains for things they hadn’t already discussed at length. But as they worked through the bottle, Nick’s good cheer seemed to drain right out of him. Eventually they trailed off into silence punctuated by the rustle of trees and occasional bird call.

Judy’s silent introspection into just how badly one rabbit can mess up a simple lunch date was broken by a comment from Nick.

“Huh?” She’d missed it, senses slightly muddled by the fine wine.

“I said I’m sorry, carrots.”

She turned. He looked utterly defeated, a far cry from the confident hustler she knew.

“Nick, what’s the matter? You didn’t do anything wrong…“

“I didn’t do anything right, either.”

Voice cracking, Nick took a breath and regained his composure.

“I know how much you want to move this forward, Judy. I can see it eating you up inside. You can’t stand being in the middle of something, it’s either stay or leave.” A trace of his old smile returned. “It’s what makes you so damn endearing, honestly.”

Judy was livid. “You knew?! Why didn’t you just tell me yes or no then? Or was jerking me around too much fun for mister sly fox?!”

He winced. “That’s fair. I earned that one.” Her rebuke hadn’t shut him down, quite the opposite. Maybe rising to this sort of challenge was ingrained into him after years of hustling. “I never meant to hurt you, Judy. If nothing else, I promise you that.”

“Then why? Why push me away one moment, and lead me on the next?”

“Because I’m afraid of losing you, ok?! If we take the next step and it doesn’t work out, I dunno what I’d do with myself.” He visibly sank at the thought. “When you left the city, I was a wreck. The only mammal who’d ever believed in me, ever would believe in me was gone. I can’t go back to that, not anymore.”

Judy blinked back tears as she remembered the disastrous press conference. Nick must have been hit a lot harder than she thought, despite how quickly he seemed to get over it. She hesitated, then grabbed him in a hug. She felt him collapse in her arms, all pretense gone as he silently wept. Judy gave him a moment

“But I’m here now, Nick.” She lifted his chin with a paw, staring into his eyes. “And no matter what happens, you’ll always be my friend.” Tucking his head under hers, she went on. “You trust me, right?”

“With my life.”

Judy paused, choosing her words carefully. “I want you to be happy, Nick. You deserve so much more than what this world gave you. But I need you to stop thinking about yourself so much. You don’t have to suffer through this alone.”

Nick coughed. “Yeah…yeah. You’re right.” Puling himself together, he turned to face her directly. “Guess I was in a little too deep there” he said, wrapping her in a hug of his own.

“Yeah, you were. I was really worried about you, Nick”, she murmured into his shirt.

He rocked her slightly, at a loss for words. “Um. Sorry about that.”

An awkward silence fell, which Nick predictably broke within moments.

“Did your family really give you a pack of…them?”

Wordlessly, Judy reached into her bag and pulled out a handful of preventatives.

“And just my size, even. Great. Wow. No pressure, huh?”

“None at all.”

“Because a healthy relationship is based on-“ Judy put a finger gently to his lips.

“Nick? Sweetie?”

“Mmhm?”

“Please stop talking for a moment”

“Mmmk.”

“It’s my turn to show you a magic trick.”

“HM!?”

==

As they trudged back to the farm proper, Judy basked in warmth that seemed to fill her from the tips of her ears down to her toes. Now that she and Nick were on the same page, the crushing uncertainty that had been hanging over her like a guillotine had vanished. Nick wasn’t keeping her at arm’s length anymore, allowing and enjoying her touch while giving plenty of his own. Even his attitude felt more sincere, with all the energy he used to spend on dissembling and deceiving now turned towards finding out just how to push Judy’s buttons in an oh-so-right way.

And the sex was incredible, she thought. That little adventure was going in the memory bank for a while.

But she had to admit it was more of a heat-of-the-moment thing, a consequence of the intensity of the situation and relief of all that pressure.

Still, there was no denying this was going to be a welcome change. So many new avenues of their relationship were now open to explore, and Judy was eager to get started.

#wildehopps #bluedouble #zootopia #zootropolis #fanfic #romance #mature #nickxjudy #nick wilde #judy hopps

[tedisdillon1299-blog]

Day 25 Wisdom

I woke up feeling rested today, and a dollar for some caffeine that I made from cleaning shoes the day before. I ate my breakfast and prepared for my first day.

I left early so I could sit inside out of the sun. Jimmy John's is expensive, but people say their thicker than subway. I don’t know about that but a slim ass sandwich for 4 dollars doesn’t seem all that worth it to me, however the 16 inch sandwich? That’s priced good.

When I got clocked in they trained me on the register and for the most part it I got it down. It’s what they advertised on the Indeed site, but they start everyone there. I was informed that I’ll be on the sandwiches at some point if I want the hours. Not what I wanted, I’m not very coordinated and I’m clumsy. I listened to the conversations there and there seems to be an element of politics, on a large scale, and there are a lot of people there. I kept getting goofy looks from these kids, I am one myself but these are kids fresh out of highschool.

I was working register next to this lady who I’m sort of attracted, and reading her body language I could, glancing at me, making eye contact and then looking down and subtly scratching her arm. She looked as if either I was making her incredibly uncomfortable, or that she wanted to say something to me but was too shy. I’d go with shy. She’s a small girl who had only worked there a week. I’d like to spend my day with a female, I’m tired of talking to sausages.

I’m fairly shy as well, but as I get older it’s been easier to get over the fear of rejection. All these people who I’ve known for no more than a week or two and then never  seeing them again has made conversation easier for me, as well as getting through the introductions. It was good practice, but she definitely understood that I showed interest, because the next day as soon as I say ‘Hello’ she responds ‘Hey so my BOYFRIEND and I…’ damn.

Most of the other stuff was simple enough. My manager had a few odd jobs for me here and there, nothing too hard.

When I got back to the shelter I sat down and was greeted by my another dude. He does friendly things, he’ll offer me a smoke, or something, but he has this, jackass way of talking about him. I’m not sure if it’s a front, or not. I do know that I need to stick to my instincts and just not really screw around with anybody. Think he was tryna sell me something but I won’t get into detail about that..  *it's not important*

Gonna skip to dinner time. I sat next to this old wise type black guy, very spiritual man he is. He was a very calm guy, a peaceful man. We talked some about the Civil War, and religion, and weed. Pretty cool old guy.

I told him that weed, makes me more self-aware and sensitive to others around me. It’s an eye opener, for me. He said using weed brings us closer to God. I told him about the time I accepted Jesus BACK into my heart legititmately. He asked me if I ever felt the holy ghost. I told him after I accepted God, I had become possessed by the holy ghost. None of the crazy stuff, but I was lost on the road one day, after being around some bad people, and with really highly active anxiety and schizophrenia. The fact that it practically vanished nearly as soon as I accepted God back into my life was a miracle. I was not in shape to drive, but when I accepted God it was as if something took over me and led me back home, I drove perfectly. The way there, and the next two days, everything was beautiful and graceful. The yellow lines on the road were golden, and everything was bright.  I remember talking to myself out loud, the things I said had never come out of my mouth before, things that pertained to myself. I was preaching to myself all while driving. I was lost getting home but a voice in my head said, “Just follow the yellow brick road.” Essentially, *keep going the way you are going.*

I felt 100 for the first time. Ever since then though I’ve never experienced it again. I need a solitary place, a place where I can meditate, and be comfortable again. That feeling I had came as soon as I accepted that my war with God was over and I had lost. Also I think my brain may lack dopamine as well… I really need to have my head checked out.

That night was like receiving relief from fear for the first time.

The old guy teared up when I talked about this. He said it took him back.

Anyway. Telling him these things, he smiled. He asked me if I would continue to smoke. I said, “I can’t handle the medication around people. It just makes my anxiety worse. I can’t meditate. I can’t take advantage of what it offers. I feed off people, third eye type stuff.”

This man spoke slow, and corrected himself a lot, so he’s hard to quote, but essentially he said, “That takes practice. You aren’t utilizing it to its fullest… you will get there. You know why you can’t be comfortable? This world is crazy you know.. and while that stuff helps us to be more insightful and sharper, it also makes us sensitive, and the negative atmosphere around us would try and take advantage of you with that state of mind. I was just like you. I smoke for nothing more than the spiritual guidance and insight, but I could not be around people for the longest on a smoke. Some people say that is insanity, but let me explain something to you… this place, this world, but especially this place, is full of insanity. *Insanity fits in with insanity, if you don’t fit in, you aren’t insane.* These crazy people who know nothing about true build up of one’s self, but only how to manipulate. That’s them. You feel it don’t you? People were supposed to be spiritual, you know something isn’t right about people in this world… *tears* … remember what I tell you.”

“This place is definitely insane, but it’s become a norm.”

“Yeah, just remember that you are here because of God, and this is a transitional phase for you just like it is for me. After your through with this, leave here a wiser person.”

And it has. Insanity to me is violence, murder, and looking down on the peace lovers of this world. It’s everywhere I go. These same people claim to be religious, but take the first chance they get to hurt a sheep, or even convert it to a monster. How good you are at being a violent rebel determines how much respect you deserve these days. The attitude of domination to me is insanity, and I don’t like it. Never will. People see that about me. How I turn my head or suddenly lose interest when a dude is flexing to dominate another. Stupid. It was clear that I wasn’t alone. All I’ve really known was insanity, except for my grandparent’s, but even that attitude can still be applied without the violence. People judging others makes me sick. My family enjoys that. Other than that, growing up in poorer places and dumb schools, and a popularity contest ran by bullies, all you saw was drama and insanity. Homelife, all of it. I grew up around a man who didn’t like me because I’m good hearted. He called it weakness.

Now I think I know the reason a part of me wanted to ride that train to Canada.

“You a pussy bro.”

Whatever man. Watch you grow old. Watch you crumble. Watch you just survive. Me? I’mma thrive.

Later on, that dude who I was talking about in the last post asked me if I would clean his shoes. I’d be making money cleaning shoes for folks, usually for two dollars. For fifteen minutes, it’s not that bad. That’s just unproductive time anyway. It’s also making me popular, but I know what that brings. I’ll just have to remember to stay me.

Well this guy gives me his shoes, and I already know how his attitude toward everything is, pessimistic and confrontational. I grabbed my old toothbrush, shampoo and got to work, and listened to the Gorillaz. It’s a good satisfying twenty minutes. When I got done I took him his shoes, he said he’d have my money tomorrow, and would throw in an extra buck. Okay.

Well later that night this dude comes up to me, asking me *if I even cleaned them.*

Oh hell no.

“People saw me scrubing the shit out of your shoes. How can you NOT SEE that those shoes look hella better than they were before?”

“You didn’t even get my shoes strings bro! You said you were gonna clean my shoes.”

I guess it’d be a fair point, IF the agreed payment was higher, and those shoe strings weren’t even dirty to begin with.

He keeps going on and about me running a business, and he’s my customer complaining. And all this BS. I scrub shoes good. Not a spect of dirt on his shoes. I told him that those shoes looked brand spanking new! They weren’t too bad to begin with, but SHIT, he’s over here again exclaiming so everyone there hear him say that MY JOB WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

He said he’d cleaned shoes for years like I was doing, and said, that if I cleaned them

the inside of the shoe would be wet.

I told him my method of cleaning and why i cleaned them like I do. Because he said that I don’t buy the fact the he’d been doing it for years.

Shampoo. Use shampoo on toothbrush. Scrub. Wipe with rag. Need a rinse? Wet toothbrush and wipe with rag. *That’s why yo shoes ain’t soaked.*

He’s also screwing with my hustle.

Second time he’s done some shit like that.

I told him what he was doing was fucking up my pocket change.

“How?” How? Okay time to give him some perspective.

I thought I smelt beer on him.

“HEY DUDE YOU SMELL LIKE BEER BRUH!” No I didn’t really shout, but I said loud enough for one or two people to hear.

“No I haven’t I swear… oh wait, okay now I see what you’re saying.”

Yeah. I told him that I was sorry he didn’t like the job, but everyone else has come to me later and told me how satisfied they were with the finished product, and word gets around so I’ve steadily gotten more and more ‘customers’.

I take pride. He said he’d still pay me tomorrow… so. Yeah.

Crazy dude and the whole shelter knows it. I let him get under my skin.

I had someone else after him and he said I’d done a really good job and paid me. Hell yeah. I like the compliment.

When bedtime rolled around, that dude wanted his charger back. I thought he gave it to me but whatever. I showered, shaved, and really took care of myself before bed. Grooming. I was relaxed, and continued to meditate on what the old guy had told me. I have a dream of making a dream come true, I just don’t really have a dream yet, I just know I need to keep doing what I’m doing to make it happen.

Yeah. Time for sleep.