#he and john just obsessively scrawling out 'i love you!!'s to their girlfriends :')

[eppysboys]

Above is a portion of a letter Stuart Sutcliffe had sent to his girlfriend, Sheila Martin (Garbe), dated September 24, 1959. 

Darling Sheila, 

I hope you don’t mind me writing - anyway if I post this it will be something to read on the way to work on Monday morning. I have thought of writing before, but knowing the way you receive my little eccentricities (this is probably why you call me a baby - or stupid). Anyway I’ve started, I shall probably finish it. Not long after you left, Don McKinley, came round - he’s a painter - quite a good one - He came to ask me to baby-sit tomorrow (Sunday) - it seems that I’m in business - I’ll probably sell my brushes, paints and easel, and install a few cots, and some baby bottles at the flat. I’ll make a fortune, after all babies seem to be the things these days!!! He was just admiring that small painting of you when Austen came round, he wanted me to baby-sit too. Well anyway I’ll be at Don’s tomorrow night. I prefer that to going to the Cracke. I’m afraid it would be noticeable that I wasn’t with you. (I miss you). I’m just listening to the record player, it’s working alright now. Anyway when Austen came, we went to the Jac, but we had to leave early (After 15 minutes or so) because I felt sick-I hope by Monday morning you feel alright? - The Jacaranda is an awful place!  ‘Loving you is still my only prayer.’  That’s a line I’ve just heard from the Platters.  I’m sorry for appearing possessive about you not coming tomorrow, but I build my day around those few hours at night with you. That’s why Rod says I’m changed, because I’ve become moody - he says I’m always talking about you. I can’t explain why you have become so important to me, although I’ve always loved you I didn’t realize that it had gripped me so much - in the last couple of weeks particularly - that’s probably why I’m writing now. I hope you will excuse this. I feel I want to write all over this page and the next “I love Sheila” in large letters, and then stick them all over the walls so that everybody else will know. I restrain myself however for the sake of you and everybody else. Hell, this record by Mathis, someone has just the right words to express my feelings for you. I still can’t believe that it is you who has been coming to the flat these past few weeks, I know that to talk of love is very dangerous, and I appreciate that time when you said that you could say you love me but wouldn’t. But somehow I wish you could find it in your heart to tell me. You know I’ve come to rely on you more and more, I hope you never want to leave me. I hope I can make you happy while you are with me, as it is my ambition to make you happier than ever before and for always. I know it is a big job but I’m prepared to give everything I’ve got for you - if you will let me.

#stuart sutcliffe #stuart #letters #handwriting #'this is probably why you call me a baby - or stupid' :( #he and john just obsessively scrawling out 'i love you!!'s to their girlfriends :') #i also love the baby-sitting part #i know that he used to baby sit with his girlfriend susan #who he also dated in 1959? i can't keep track of who and when #it's so interesting how apologetic he gets for feeling things intensely (which honestly seems like a normal amount anyway) #whereas so many boys around him were /seriously/ being too controlling and possessive #it's like he's apologising for even considering it #fast forward to astrid going on about how stuart let her be her own woman and yadda yadda yadda #susan and another girlfriend I can't remember the name of had only lovely things to say about their time with stuart #so..what exactly is he beating himself up about? #for loving too much when the girl doesn't seem as interested back #'i appreciate that time when you said you could say you love me but wouldn't' #my son was living on scraps of affection :(