#he feels this deep sense of regret because he ascribed meaning to a senseless action and followed through before understanding it's futilit

[sasperine]

i love how the quote “your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing” is often cited as a sort of aphorism when in context it's just rodya hard projecting all his problems onto poor sonya. like please do not take any sort of advice from a man who unironically compares himself to napoleon. he is not qualified

#rodya's worst sin is that he committed murder actually #and he didn't even do it well #he feels this deep sense of regret because he ascribed meaning to a senseless action and followed through before understanding it's futilit #like imo rodya doesn't commit murder for money. that's how he justifies it to himself but his motivation comes from insecurity #he want to be the type of person he describes in his theory #and so neither the money nor the murder cannot bring him satisfaction because they weren't what he was looking for #he's a mess emotionally he can't reflect on his actions because he can't come to terms with them and so he avoids his problems #(real) #and he's doing it in this scene! by ascribing his feelings to sonya as a way to commiserate with someone he sees as less morally wrong #that way he can avoid feeling morally culpable even though he is #sonya is to rodya what rodya is to svidrigailov #jesus christ these notes are long oopsie #and i still have more to say lol #crime and punishment #fyodor dostoevsky