#hhh february is going fast and the schedule is just getting more intense...

[goldensunset]

sighhhh. i have a really ambitious drawing idea but . this is coming from a person who struggles and bleeds and screams and cries trying to even do one painfully simple drawing. like i want full body multiple figures a particular something i have no experience with. but i take like 10 hours to draw a 3/4 bust of a simple character design. it would take me a really long time and i don't know if i have the strength to commit to that when maybe i should be practicing with simpler ideas to improve on the basics first

#feel like this year is gonna be the year where i can hardly fulfill my self-set quota of one drawing per month #maybe i should stop caring about that . but like.... #i hate having nothing to show #but do i even have the strength to do simpler things too. do i have the strength for anything #maybe i should in fact only spend my energy on the best work possible #if the process of arting is gonna kill me no matter what i'd better at least get a good product out of it #i just #hhh february is going fast and the schedule is just getting more intense... #and i should be drawing something for my sister too she requested it #but then i couldn't even post that and you know i like being able to post stuff #peach rambles #i also don't know why i bother with art at all anymore tbh #like. it's not good and it's not popular and it's lots of work #but i just want to be able to be good someday... #i know the only way to get there is to slowly work at it #but i don't feel like i'll ever be an Artist that's not like what i'm known for #it's not what i'm followed for it's not distinct or unique it's like #if a quality burger shop was trying to sell you messy cupcakes #they're not completely awful they just look clearly unprofessional and out of place #the owner should just stick to being a burger shop and maybe do the cupcakes thing on the side #someday they can open a cupcake shop too when their baking improves but there's no point for the time being #i know i know. i should draw for myself bc i love it not for others' approval #but when something is So Difficult for me it's hard to motivate myself to putting effort into it #unless i know it's something others will love too