#hi im one of the old timer fans around here. theres a reason im so bitter about the fandom and its because i know what its like. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

itsbetterthananal · 6 years

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ok so. heres the story of when i shit myself in public in front of the boy i liked

here i am 19 years old bright eyed and bushy tailed, first year of college ive got a decent job that pays a decent wage for a part timer. for the first time in my life i have my own spending money, and this boy who ive totally been in love with since i was 15 has just gotten out of boot camp where we had no contact for 3 months. and we had been writing love letters and shit back ans forth like corny bitches because we loved each other but like. hadnt made it official yet. so i decide after the semester ends im going to spend my money on a plane ticket and fly down the jacksonville fl to see him (we split the ticket, he also wanted to see me just as much). so i get there and the first night is just literally so perfect i slept in the same bed with him for the first time and got cuddles and we bang a lot and eat pizza in our pajamas. the next day i want to go to the beach cause i like the beach and he took me there even though hes not a big fan of the beach. i sunbathed and swam in the water while he just watched me enjoy myself. then we walked around this little area that has little local gift shops and food areas. and i made the first move to hold his hand and we walked around like a couple and i was in heaven. we eat at this gourmet burger place, then we wander over to the gift shops bc he wanted to get something. now some of you may know this about me but i have irritable bowel sundrome which can set me off having diarrhea for a multitude of reasons. so my stomach is a little off but it passed and im like it must just be the heat and saltwater. so we go in this little store and he finds something he wants and goes to talk to the cashier who is this older lady who owns the place. she starts asking a bunch of questions why hes here yada yada and she asks if im his wife. and hes like no haha shes my girlfriend. and my ass is hiding behind the sea shell christmas ornaments pretending to look like “girlfriend!!!!!!!! did he say girlfriend!!!!!! oh my god?????” very serious acting going on to pretend i dont hear what theyre saying.

right at this precise moment, i feel my stomach hurt a little again. and i feel like an air bubble so im like oh, i must just need to fart (pain comes with that sometimes) yeah so i went to fart and well. it wasnt just a fart was it. something felt wrong and i stuck my finger down my bathing suit in a panic and out came a shit finger (only the tip had shit on it, calm down). keep in mind im wearing nothing but a bikini and a throwover dress, i have no extra set of clothes. so im like ohhhhhhhh my goddddd and i look for a bathroom. no bathroom, too small. and at this point im panicking bc im like this is typical this would happen to me right at this moment, so i go up to him with the fakest smile on my face. and then the lady starts talking to ME and im just nodding my head and smiling and i look up at him and im like we need to go. like right now. and he was like oh uhhhhh okay and he payed for his items and as soon as we were out of the store hes like are you okay and im like ive bloody shit myself havent i. i have pooped my pants and i need to find a restroom pronto. and hes just like okay uhhhh okay we’ll find one. to make this even more like a god damn lifetime movie, the only place i can think of nearby that would have a bathroom available was a 5 star hotel across the road. so there i go, literally waddling my way in, and i have to act like i belong there in this rich ass place where theres a door hop whose only job is to open the door for you. fake it till ya make it. im so scared theyll kick us out if we ask for directions to anything so i waddle around looking for the bathroom, i find it eventually. i run in and hes like i’ll be out here if you need anything.

so finally i can scope the damage and its not too bad, and the trauma of everything that had just happened to me in the past 10 minutes had made me completely forget about any stomachache, but now here comes another dilemna: i dont want to put my shitty bikini bottoms back on (espec. since i was wearing a dress and didnt want to get it on the uber drivers seats lmao), but i dont have a change of underwear, i cant go commando (again, not sure i want a bare pussy in an uber), and if i try to wash them in the sink of this public 5 star hotel bathroom what if someone walks in and sees me almost in tears scrubbing shit off my underwear. but thats what i did bc it was the best option. thank GOD no one walked in and i had clean(er) bikini bottoms to wear till we got back to the hotel. so its been like 30 minutes and i come back out and hes like are you okay ive been texting you i was worried how are you feeling :( and i was like its fine i just wanna go back to the hotel pls. so we call for an uber and im literally so embarrassed of what i have just gone through i couldnt even look him in the eye. thats really rare for me bc i do not get embarrassed ever and he knows that and he just put his arm around me and held my hand the entire ride home and squeezed it reassuringly. anywho we made it back and everything was fine i took a shower and changed and washed them properly and it in no way made him not want to have sex with me an hour later so. the weekend wasnt ruined and the next day we confirmed our relationship. true love lmfaooooo

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