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disabled-queen-hc-blog · 5 years

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Autistic John who isn't very verbal? He speaks with very few words. People think he is speaking like a baby but it's just how he talks. He can communicate ideas perfectly but people make fun of him still ...

Freddie sighed, finger running over the stanza he was struggling with. “This won’t do. It’ll be too cluttered, don’t you think? But I like this bass line,” he said with a frown, scanning the sheet music for an idea of how to fix the song that was becoming more messier and headache inducing by the minute.

John stooped behind Freddie to take a look at what he was struggling with. The answer seemed to come easy to him since he smiled, pointing as he talked. “Is okay, Freddie. Guitar and bass too much here. Move bass line here,” he pointed further down the sheet, “And it maybe sound better.” he finished with a firm nod.

Freddie’s eyebrows furrowed trying to imagine in his head what it’d sound like. He tapped his chin, mumbling, “That could work...”

Roger, who sat opposite to Freddie shook his head. “Wait, if your bass line gets simpler there, I’ll have to change my drumline too or I’ll sound insane,” he said, pointing vaguely to the area in question.

“Roger change his eighths to fourths and he not sound crazy then,” John said, once again all too easily.

The three of them stared at the papers, constructing the sounds in their heads before they all gave the affirmative. It’d work. They could tweak it in the recording booth if needed.

“Sounds alright to me! Now where’s Brian? He needs to look this over,” Roger said, spinning in his chair to find the guitarist.

Brian was by the door, putting on his coat and scarf. “I’m going out to get some coffee that doesn’t taste like shit. You all want anything?” he asked, glancing at that infernal coffee maker. If they wanted to bang this song out at once, they’d need some proper caffienation that didn’t taste like liquid tar.

“Oh, yes. Get me a dark roast, please!” Roger called out.

“I’m good, love,” Freddie said, distracted with rewrites.

“John can have espresso instead?” John asked, his eye bags a testament to how much caffeine he needed to get through this session.

Brian shot them all finger guns before escaping outside into the bitter cold. John plopped himself down next to Freddie, yawning loudly.

As Freddie scribbled, he mumbled, “This is actually quite brilliant, Deacy.”

John gave him a sleepy smile, mumbling back, “I am smart.”

♚

“Looks like someone had a fun time at the discotheque last night,” Roger said in a sing song voice poking the exhausted bassist’s side. John squeaked but continued to fiddle with his bass on the floor.

“I did. Dance til ‘4,” John said, his lips forming a small smile. He liked to dance, what could he say? Maybe he wasn’t the best around, but it was fun and no one bothered him. Very few things could beat that.

Roger smirked as he tightened some screws on his drum kit. “Mhm. Danced. Alright. I know you were chatting up some birds. Getting a little too knackered, huh? I know you, Deacy. Not so innocent!” Roger said, pointing a playful finger at him.

John blushed, nearly popping on of his strings, having forgot he was even tuning it. “Did not! Not go to disco to talk. Go for dance only.” he said, his face serious. It softened, going coy when he added, “Go for drink too...”

Not last night though. He had to choose between being tired or tired and hungover. He had one beer before cutting himself off. With how Roger was tuning his drums, he thanked god he did.

Roger winked and snorted, saying in a clearly sarcastic voice, “Sure thing, John.”

John threw his pick square into Roger’s forehead, earning himself a feigned look of shock from the blond. “John not go to disco to flirt!” he yelled, knowing Roger was kidding but refusing to miss an opportunity to pelt him with things.

Roger hid behind his bass drum, peeking his head out to say, “Sure,” before hiding behind it again. John threw his string pack at him, missing.

“Am not cheeky like Roger!”

“Mhm...”

“Am not!”

“Uh-huh.”

John was about to take off his shoe when Freddie caught the both of them not warming up.

♚

John clung to Freddie’s side, looking down at his lap.

If I don’t look at them, they won’t ask me any questions. If I don’t look, they’ll leave me alone.

“So what are the plans for this upcoming album?” the interviewer asked, leaning the microphone towards Freddie.

Freddie shook some hair out of his face, smiling as he spoke, “Well, we don’t want to spoil anything but we are going big. It’ll be like nothing we’ve done before and certainly nothing you’ve ever heard,”

The man nodded, shooting out another question. “And the creative process? How’s it been like?”

John’s stomach dropped when the mic landed right in front of his mouth. His eyes went wide, immediately looking to the older besides him in a panic.

Brian laughed, trying to diffuse the awkwardness that was rising and tried to answer the question in place of John. The interviewer interrupted him though, saying, “Why don’t we let John speak. He hasn’t said a peep!”

John’s brain went blank, his heart thundering in his chest.

This was always the worst part.

John had no issues speaking around the boys. They understood. They never made fun of him.

The rest of the world never gave him that dignity.��

People said he was talking like a baby on purpose. That he knew better.

And to be fair, he did know better. John could form sentences that many would deem “normal” enough but it hurt. It was mentally and physically taxing having to formulate the right syntax and words. Even then, he wasn’t very good at it. He never was.

Which is why he chose to stay quiet during interviews. He didn’t want to embarrass himself and more importantly, the band. Up until, perhaps, just now, he was seen as just the quiet and shy one. Not the stupid one.

When he opened his mouth though, he wasn’t sure if he’d stay the cute quiet one for much longer.

“C- Uh, T-The process..have..been..has been um..very-” John went ghostly pale as he stammered, his color only coming back when Roger let out a gigantic guffaw.

“John, how hung over are you?” he asked, his teeth showing in a big grin. While his lips said teasing, his eyes said something different. Something along the lines of, “I’ve got you.”

John let out a sigh of relief, murmuring back to Roger, “Very.”

The interviewer chuckled, patting John’s shoulder. “To be young again!” he said, swiftly moving on to another question and another member.

Once it wrapped up, John nearly flopped onto the floor. He never wanted that to happen again. He knew it would though. Interviewers wanted to be polite and include him. It was understandable but terrifying. But at least he survived this round relatively unscathed. That was all he could ask for.

As everyone dispersed, decompressing from all that talking, John walked up to Brian, who was guzzling down water because he was actually hungover and said, “Thank you Bri for try and help.” Brian gave him a side hug and a wave off. It’s no big deal, he mouthed as he rubbed his temple.

John went up to Roger next, giving him a bear hug, something a little out of character for him. “Thank you Roger for help me. I maybe pass out if you don’t,” he said, a shake in his voice as he remembered the gripping fear he felt some minutes ago.

Roger hugged back gently at first, perhaps shaken up himself by the situation but he quickly returned to his usual self, giving John a squeeze and pulling away. “The nerve of that guy, huh? A man can’t have the wine flu in peace these days?” Roger laughed as he spoke. It got a giggle out of John, saying, “John guess not,”

The two snickered amongst themselves until Freddie rounded them up to get back in the van.

“I say this is grounds for some pizza, darlings!” Freddie said with a flamboyant clap, turning around to march out the door of the building.

“Pizza not in budget,” John said meekly.

Freddie turned back to face them, winking. “It’s on me,” he said as he held up a wallet.

Roger squinted before screaming, “That’s my wallet, you bugger!”

“John wants the works pizza then.”

“Absolutely not!”

“Vegetarian pizza sounds nice right about now.”

“I buy Bri veggie pizza.”

“Not with my money, you gits!”

“Two veggie pizza.”

“Aw, that’s so considerate of you, Deacy.”

“Is no one listening to me?”

“John is not.”

#john #autistic!john #Anonymous

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metricanxiety · 6 years

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i’m the narrator and this is just the prologue

Pairing: phan its the only thing i write lmao

AU: uhh, dan is a writer and phil owns a cute lil store? idk what thats called but thats what it is

Warnings: SMUT. Its not too bad tho. Swearing, Mentions to religion and awful humans, sin.

AN: send me requests im begging you.

---

Dan sat in front of the laptop on his desk, a hand holding his head up, and the other goose-pecking the keyboard, typing the final pages of the chapter he was writing. His editor gave him a deadline for the chapter two days ago, and was desperately trying to finish the dam thing before his agent came to off his head. Dan had already gotten many threats that they’d drop his project if he didn’t stop dropping the deadlines they were setting for him. But he’s already released successful novels, proven that they really don’t give a shit about the deadlines, but rather don’t want to make the readers wait longer for a book that is already beginning to get hyped up.

His first novel was about his fiance’s childhood, but majorly fantasized. It’s about a little monster trying to escape the civilization he was raised in because his parents didn’t love him for the path he chose in life, to begin a family with somebody unapproved his parents didn’t like. A fantasy about gay rights. But would you expect anything less from Dan Howell?

As a firm believer in writing based on real life experiences, Dan was now writing a realistic fiction novel about a girl growing up in a super religious home, but realizing the beliefs she was brought up in isn’t actually what she believes, and how she over came the problems it brought. But he was stuck on a chapter, trying to make the story more interesting in the middle bits with a little bullshit. It wasn’t his strong suit, which is why he wrote about real experiences. Phil, his fiance, had earlier in the week that he should write a sexy novel, because Dan had plenty of experience in that to write a book about it. Dan laughed, but he could never imagine publishing such an erotic novel, knowing his future children may read it someday.

The sun had set a while ago, leaving only the bright lights of London, and Dan’s laptop screen, to illuminate the room. Phil was due to be home any minute now, Dan had received the text about fifteen minutes ago that he was leaving the shop, which was about a half hour tube ride from the flat they owned downtown. They use the word own very loosely. Yes, the flat was theirs, but the mortgage was being paid paycheck to paycheck, since most of their money was being used towards the shop, and bills. But they made it work.

Dan typed the final sentence of the chapter, she slowly, but surely, fell into the sweet slumber, the final one she would have for a long time; the storm was just beginning to form. It reminded him of how he felt when he was sixteen himself, discovering his identity. A tough subject for him, but can be empowering to young readers, so he forced himself to submit it to his editor. He still had another chapter due tomorrow, as they were trying to wrap this book up quick to release to the public, and well, so Dan could have a little extra pocket change than he does right now. Despite his previous successful novels, he actually didn’t have too much in his savings. Living in London is no joke for the bank account.

He began the next page, but didn’t get halfway through the first sentence when he heard keys hitting the metal door to their apartment, and the familiar squeak of Adidas on the wood floor. Phil was home, which meant Dan could actually enjoy his dinner with the man he loved. It had been sitting in the oven on a low heat to keep it warm.

“Dan? Are you in the bedroom?” He heard Phil call out. It was nice to hear his voice, as Dan is left alone for hours every day until late at night, when Phil would finally join him. They owned the store as well, but Phil had to be there four days of the week, except for Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays. He trusted the manager, which was Dan’s cousin, could handle it without an owner’s supervision.

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a sec, dinner is in the oven.” Dan pulled a pair of pajama pants on over his boxers. It’s not like Phil hasn’t seen it before, but they were about to eat, might as well have some modesty.

As Dan exited the bedroom, he was met with the open floor plan of their small flat, and Phil crouched down to try and get the tray of food out of the oven. He was in a navy blue button up, with white polka dots. Black jeans, and a red bow tie. He always dressed nice, even if it was just to go sit in the office of the store. He loved Phil for that.

“Hey, love.” Dan smiled, walking over to help Phil, getting the tray out himself, and placed it on the stove. Phil stood up with him, placing a hand on the small of Dan’s back, and pulled him in for a kiss. “How was your day?”

“Busy. Which is a good thing. With Christmas coming up, everyone is wanting something from us. Cards, candles, you name it.” Phil said. He always referred to the store as his and Dan’s, but Dan didn’t really do much own there. It was mainly just Phil’s store. When Dan tried telling him this, Phil kissed his hand and said what’s mine is yours, my love. “How about yours? How is Angela doing in her quest to be her own person?”

Dan laughed, getting out two plates to serve the lasagna on. Phil leaned against the counter, making the space slightly crowded, but Dan didn’t mind being close to Phil. Especially when this is basically the first time they’ve seen each other today, besides Phil kissing Dan goodbye while he was still asleep. “Awful. I just submitted these past chapters to Haley when she wanted them two days ago. I still have a few to write to send her tomorrow.”

“Productive day then? I know you barely started the beginning of those chapters yesterday.” Phil wrapped his arms around Dan from the back as Dan used the spatula to serve the food on the plates, but was having sight trouble from the cheese being so stretchy on top. Phil kissed the back of Dan’s neck, the small short hairs tickling his nose as he did so. Dan had goose flesh cover his body, as his neck was very sensitive to him, and Phil always took advantage of it.

“Kind of. I don’t know. Been struggling a little lately. There’s so much hype being built for this novel and I don’t know how well it’s going to turn out if it’s rushed like this.” He grabbed a few forks, and lead Phil over the the small table they had against the wall, and sat across from each other.

“Take your time, I’m sure they won’t mind, they know you only care about the quality of the book.” Phil took a bite of the lasagna, exhaling in delight. “Thank you for dinner, babe.”

“No problem. Didn’t take that long, and I had quite some time to kill anyway.” Dan jabbed slightly. Phil left extra early today, because he usually eats breakfast with Dan before he leaves for work. Phil needed to leave a little early today, however, because Sarah had something come up and couldn’t do it herself.

“If you’re referring to breakfast this morning, I’m sorry. Sarah couldn’t make it in time, and I had to go open.” Phil reached over for Dan’s hand. It may seem ridiculous, but they were so close, their relationship was so valuable, that even eating breakfast together was important to them. It was the perfect start to their days.

“No. It’s okay. Just wasn’t expecting to wake up to an empty flat.” Dan smiled, squeezing Phil’s hand.

“I know. I wasn’t expecting to be leaving so early either.” He paused. “But I’m home now, right?”

“Yeah. I know. But you know how I am.” Dan looked down at hid food. Phil knew he had trouble being alone for long periods of time, even though he did it every day. Dan thought too much, worrying about everything, which is the main reason he’s a writer. For example, if Phil doesn’t text him back within an hour of the text being sent, Dan starts to think that something bad happened to Phil, and that he needed help because Phil is usually very diligent about answering his messages. Dan says he thinks too much, but everyone knows it’s because of his anxiety. He hated being alone for so long because he doesn’t know if he’s letting his life go to waste by not going out with Phil, or going to visit friends more, and him being alone makes him feel guilty. Its a system they’ve been trying to ix for a while now.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Many people would call Dan controlling, or clingy due to this, but that was not the case at all. Phil knew Dan just needed that extra bit of information to feel safe, or know that Phil himself is safe. He doesn’t want to worry Dan more than he already does.

They ate in silence for the rest of their dinner. Sometimes saying nothing has the loudest impact, and in this case it was. Just being in the presence of the other was enough for them. Phil collected the dishes, cleaned them, and put them away. It was about nine o’clock, and they didn’t really go to bed until around ten or eleven. Dan would sometimes go back and work on the novel while Phil did some basic chores around the house, or even catch up on some reading. But as Dan was walking toward the bedroom to finish his daily writing, Phil stopped him, grabbing his hand and spinning him back to face Phil.

“I love you.” Phil smiled, wrapping his arms around Dan’s waste. Dan smiled, pressing his lips to Phil’s in a sweet, long kiss.

“I love you too.”

They kissed again, it wasn’t perfect, or calm. It was actually a little bit sloppy, because they had kissed each other so many times that there could be no bad kiss between them. Phil slipped his hands into the waistband of Dan’s pajama pants, resting them on Dan’s ass. He knew Dan thought it was ridiculous that Phil loved just grabbing, and holding Dan’s butt, but Phil found it quite funny that Dan thought that. Dan’s hands rested on Phil’s chest, slightly tweaking the bow tie around Phil’s neck but not doing much to actually take it off.

“How about I make it up to you, for missing breakfast?” Phil suggested, resting his forehead to Dan’s. Dan was just a few inches shorter than Phil, making cuddling, and these type’s positions favorable to Phil. Dan quirked an eyebrow, moving his hands to the tie again, and began making a small effort to undo it.

“Hm, depends. What are you going to do?” Dan asked, joking. He kissed the smile off Phil’s face, pulling the tie off Phil’s neck, and letting it drop to the floor. His arms snaked over Phil’s head afterwards, running his fingers through the dark black hair that belonged to the man he loved. Their sex life was calm, as they didn’t believe that they needed to have sex every other day to be happy, but when they did, the night was always extra special.

Phil let Dan undo every button of his shirt before he began backing them into their bedroom. He shrugged off the button up, and began to help Dan out of the jumper he had on. They liked to take things slow, and savor every minute they had of the other.

Phil pulled away for a minute, leaving Dan to sit on the bed, as he rummaged through the drawers, and shelves. He found a candle that he out on the dresser across the room for the bed and lit it with the matches he found in the bedside drawer.

“You don’t need to do that. Dan said, laughing slightly. He began to pull off his pajama pants completely, so Phil didn’t have to do it, but left his boxers on. Phil shook his head, unbuttoning his jeans and kicked them off.

Phil pushed Dan to his back, laying half on him, half not, but still held himself up, so he wasn’t crushing Dan. Dan pushed the hair out of Phil’s face, tucking, what he could, behind Phil’s ears.

“Hi.” Phil said, pressing their noses together.

“Hi,” Dan repeated, closing the gap between their mouths. Dan loved this part of the night. Where things were still beginning to heat up, but could still be stopped comfortably if one wasn’t totally up for it. Tonight however, was not one of those nights. It had been a few weeks since they last did this so it was relieving to be doing it again.

Phil positioned his hips on top of Dan’s, moving them lightly, grinding down every few seconds. Dan threw his head back, getting the pleasure gently consume him, and Phil took the chance to attach his lips to Dan’s neck, and nibble at the sensitive skin.

“Phil-” Dan exhaled, gripping Phil’s hair gently. He could feel how turned on Phil was, and he had no doubt that Phil could feel him. Dan was usually extremely quiet during sex, so when Dan said Phil’s name, it surprise him.

They kissed again, mixing in their tongues, biting lips, and they became very touchy, Phil ran his hands up and down Dan’s side, stopping every now and then to poke, and tease his nipples. They had been together for so long that they knew exactly what made the other feel good, and enjoy themselves.

“You realize that next week, its going to mark six years.” Phil said, his sentence rushed, trying to avoid making any unwanted noise. He made them plenty already, but he didn’t want it to interrupt him.

“Holy fuck.” Dan said, smiling. They kissed again, sweetly. They can go from hot and heavy, to tame, and sweet in three seconds, just from the mention of their anniversary. Phil ground his hips down on Dan once more, bringing them both back into the lust, both wanting the same thing.

Phil lifted his hips up, and ran two fingers around the waistband of Dan’s boxers, folding it over once, before pulling them off and over his long legs, leaving Dan completely naked. Phil kissed up Dan’s torso, nipping at a few spots that would make Dan’s breath hitch. “Top?” Phil asked, but Dan shook his head, Usually, Phil would top, but he always gave the option to Dan, wanting to make sure he wasn’t forcing Dan into a position he didn’t feel like doing. Almost always Dan would decline the offer.

He reached over to the side table, grabbing the bottle of unscented lube, and a condom out of the little box they kept in the drawer. After having sex for six years, they never got tired of the basic ass shit they do. They were only really kinky on special days, like birthdays, or holidays, such as Valentine’s day or New Years. But any other time than that, they only really wanted each other, and would take it in any shape or form they could have.

Phil took off his pants as well, and kissed Dan to keep the heat they had. He gave Dan a few strokes as they did, making him squirm and dig his blunt nails into Phil’s back. Phil kissed along Dan’s jaw, giving small pecks before biting at the skin right under his ear. As he did so, one hand grabbed the bottle of lube, skillfully popping the cap and squeezing some onto his fingers. He sat back on his heels, helping Dan wrap his legs around Phil’s waist.

“I love you, Dan Howell.” Phil said, smiling down at Dan. Dan responded by sitting up and kissing the smile off Phil, holding his face with his hands. “There’s nobody I’d rather spend my life with than you.” Phil didn’t usually get so mushy and sweet during this, but Dan wasn’t complaining. He’d struggled with finding somebody to have in his life since his parents basically rejected him after coming out. Phil had gone through the same thing, which is what they first ‘bonded’ over, if you could call talking about your similar problems in life with someone as bonding.

They didn’t spend too long on stretching, as Dan was use to the burn it caused, and eventually learned to treat it as pleasure. Phil tore the foil packet next to Dan’s bicep, and role the condom, hissing from the relief he was feeling from the slight contact. Dan pressed his lips to Phil’s forehead as he aligned himself, and began to push in.

Dan’s nails dug into Phil’s skin, the other hand in his hair, pulling on the black locks, but still trying not to hurt him. Phil didn’t mind Dan’s reactions, however. He knew this part hurt like a bitch and he was willing to sacrifice his comfort if it meant Dan would be enjoying this more. It’s all he cared about, really.

“Phil-” Dan’s voice was airy, like he didn’t even know he was talking, or making any noise at all, as if it were just a natural reaction for his body. Phil waited when he was fully inside Dan, letting him adjust. Phil bit Dan’s lip, pulling it lightly, and let it ping back into place, making Dan quite literally yank Phil’s head down to kiss him. Phil’s hips began to move, in and out, starting small, until he built it up to using his full length to thrust.

Phil rested on his forearms, straddling Dan’s head on the pillow. They were both panting, overwhelmed with pleasure. Phil let out breathy moans every now and then, which gave Dan butterflies in his stomach. Even after six years, it still made him blush knowing that he was making Phil feel this goof, even though Phil was doing most of the work.

Their noses bumped, making Phil smile, a reminder of the past, where the would only give each other Eskimo kisses, instead of real ones. They were super careful about their relationship at first, especially since Dan was only 19 when they started dating, and still living under the roof of his parents house.

Phil would drop him off a few blocks down the street, and even though they wanted to so badly, they didn’t want to risk being caught in the prestigious neighborhood, or area he lived in, It was a really religious part of the London suburbs, and Dan couldn’t venture too far out beyond it, as his parents made a rule, even though he was an adult, they told him that if he were to live under his roof after betraying his own upbringing, and being a homosexual disgrace, that he was to follow the nitty gritty rules his parents set, and if he were to break them, he’d be kicked out. Those rules included no boys, or boyfriends. That was the only rule Dan broke that summer, before officially leaving to move in with Phil. To this day, his parents still have no idea that Dan isn’t living alone. They even had the courtesy to tell him that his first novel was “too much against the people who raise you to be who you are.” Dan would never be able to make them happy, and he was okay with that.

Dan ran his nails along Phil’s back, maybe even breaking skin, but the feeling was just too good for him to stop, he could stop thinking about Phil, Phil, Phil so good oh my-

Dan let out a noise, almost a squeak, before he came over his stomach, and Phil’s. Phil finished not far after, into the condom.

For about fifteen minutes, they just laid there, catching their breath, cooling down. But also just being together. They would peck the others nose, or kiss their hair, and just be the romantic cliche couple they are.

They eventually cleaned up, and got on a fresh pair of pajamas, and after blowing out the candle, they realized how late it was. Phil chuckled, wrapping his arms around Dan who had sat at his desk, opening up his document again.

“Love, it’s almost eleven. You need to sleep.” Phil said, kissing his cheek. “C’mon, come cuddle me.”

Dan couldn’t turn down that offer, spinning his chair around, and standing. Phil invited him under the covers, which Dan had freshly washed due to his procrastination today. The fresh scent of the duvet made them both feel cozy, and at home. Phil wrapped an arm over Dan’s body, pulling him into his torso. Dan nuzzled Phil’s chest, kissing the bare skin, before muttering a ‘good night’.

“Night. I love you.” Phil said, turning off the lamp next to him.

“I love you more.”

ello yes dis is the end

i realy like this one actually???? ig idk lol

SEND ME REQUESTS IT WILL MOTIVATE ME TO WRITE HHHH

#phan smut #phanfiction #phan smut oneshot #phan fanfiction #dan and phil fanfiction #dan and phil fanfic #phan phanfic #dan howell and phil lester fanfiction #metricanxietyfics #phan oneshot #phan au

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