Honestly though I really am in such a weird spot with my mental health that I know at least a few others are in where I have a grasp on systemhood and sharing my body strong enough that I am not going to do anything to seriously hurt it
But it's like if I were alone in here I know I would be very much high risk of shit like I don't hurt myself because it would hurt the people i love in a very physical sense and also because I would just have control taken from me by someone else I don't have a choice in the matter really.
But when I reassure everyone that I won't do anything drastic it sounds like I'm telling them I'm okay and that my mental health is doing alright and that would be a lie my mental health is really bad frankly and though I am in some ways in a better place than I was as a teenager when I didn't have the experience I do now in other ways I'm a lot worse.
It's frustrating like I tell people that suicide doesn't trigger me because it doesn't and they assume that it's because I don't struggle with suicidal ideation but really it's because it's a constant influence on me it's always in the back of my brain.
Just a lot of stuff like that? It's because of the way neurotypicals organize psychiatric help and how they define a crisis only as it effects others. Like yeah I sure am palatable to society I sure am non-threatening. I am also in a perpetual state of emotional crisis that makes me always feel a little too close to death for my own comfort though but like haha it's fine I'm not going to hurt myself and that's the only thing that matters to "pro recovery" people really/s
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