#honorable mention to how to start again i fucking love that song -pj

[platinumweekend]

Favorite Platinum song or maybe favorite line from a platinum song? :)

vic: i'm in love with a LiiiIIIIIIiAAAAAAArrrrRRRrrrrr............. set my heart on FIIIIIIIrrrRrRrEEE................... why do i love u all u do is LIE

jade: movin in time ⏰on the dance floor 🕺💃💯🤩🤑u got me sweatin 💦for it 😏🤑😵😳😩😈😛😼💯💯💯💯🙌 🙌 🙌 ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ 

pj: NO MORE DOUBT NO MORE PAIN NO MORE REWRITING HISTORY IN VAIN my days will be brighter and i will fly higher AND I’M GONNA LOVE WHO I’LL *quick breath* BEeeeEeEEEEEEEE!!!!

ask the mods anything!

#i'm really sorry but that song goes off -vic #honorable mention to how to start again i fucking love that song -pj #TELL ME HOW i’m supposed to keep on breathing WHEN THE AIR has abandonedd MY LUNGS -pj #platinumweekend #ask the mods #this is vic again and pj is so right about love who i'll be #this is jade i just felt like adding on a tag bc everyone else was #answered asks

[ihopeyourewell-blog]

Dear 25,

Dear 25,

My first vivid birthday memory is my 7th birthday party. I didn’t really have “friends” when I was 7, but I did have the girls in Mrs. Hudak’s 1st grade class. Mrs. Hudak was the meanest person I have ever met in my life. She would walk around the classroom and check to see if the inside of our desks were messy, and if your desk wasn’t tidy enough, she would flip it over in front of the entire class, throwing your books and belongings all over the floor. One time a boy’s desk was so messy, she flipped it over on top of him. He was 6 years old. Holy shit that was so fucked up!!! Luckily, she got knocked up and had to leave halfway through the year and was replaced by a straight up angel named Mrs. Hamski.

Even though I wouldn’t have considered any of the girls in 1C my friends (No one under the age of 12 has actual "friends", there are just people you play with. Friendship, much like the Real World, starts when people stop being polite and start getting real.), the trauma of Mrs. Hudak bonded us enough for me to invite all of them to a slumber party celebrating my 7th birthday. I was the first person to host a big sleepover in our grade, which, looking back on it, is insane because I wasn’t really cool enough to make such a bold social decision. I made the invitations on my family’s Gateway computer in some program that had invitation and greeting card templates (it would be so cool if I could remember the name of the program, but I friggin DON’T!). I would run home from the bus stop every day (the bus stop was literally outside of my house, so it wasn’t a far run. I don’t want you to overestimate the work I was putting in. I did have to run up my hilly driveway so there was a bit of effort, but not like a TON of effort. Ya feel?) to check to see if there were any messages on our answering machine from the mothers of my “friends” RSVPing to my party. Ugh I miss the days of telephone RSVPs. An answering machine RSVP was fun, but when it was a live action, directly speaking to someone’s mom on the phone RSVP, I felt like I was goddamn Miles Davis. It was truly a thrilling experience to check “yes” or “no” on the chart my mom had made for the party. Most of the girls had responded yes and I was very excited to show them my basement. My siblings and our Au Pair, Julia from Germany, had been working for months on drawing flags from every country and hanging them on the wall above one of the couches. I can’t imagine anything more exciting to a group of 6 and 7 year old girls than a wall of poorly drawn international flags.

I carefully picked out my outfit. I wanted to be cool and casual because I was in my own home, but I also wanted to look like the lost Olsen triplet. I think that's what every girl in the 90s was striving for. I decided on a long sleeve white shirt and velvet maroon overalls with a matching bucket hat. No shoes, just socks. I was ready to party!! Guests started arriving and it was the first time in my life I ever really felt cool. I am somewhat obsessed with being cool now, or just being perceived as cool, and I guess I can pinpoint it to that moment, that first taste of my own coolness. People thought my house was nice, and that my mom had ordered the right pizza and bought the right juices, and don’t forget I was wearing a velvet bucket hat INDOORS! I was a sleepover goddess giving these bitches the night of their freaking LIVES! We watched movies and played games that my mom and German Julia had organized. My brother and sister left us the FUCK ALONE and I wondered what shrine the girls in my class would make to honor the evening this sleepover made them all women.

On my perfectly designed invitation there were 2 options; you could come and be picked up at 9:30pm or you could spend the night (I guess there were 3 options, the 3rd being sucking ass and not coming at all). My mom figured that giving the option of leaving early would boost attendance for my party for the girls who weren’t comfortable sleeping over. I feel like I should mention that my mom got an almost perfect score on the SATs and is straight up brilliant, so of course she figured out how to maximize attendance at a 7 year old’s birthday party. Viva la my mom. At 9:30 half of the party left and the remaining warriors changed into our PJs. I wore a worn-in, white night gown covered in teddy bears, that I am pretty sure you could see my nipples through. I thought it made me look skinny (KNOCK, KNOCK! SOCIETY? You home? That is fucked up that a freshly 7 year old girl thought about how her body looked in pajamas in front of a group of girls. And this was BEFORE social media! Fix yourself please). A lot of girls asked my mom to use our house phone to call their parents to say goodnight. I remember the first time I slept at someone else’s house, I called my mom to do the same and she flat out said “why are you calling?” Damn. We watched a movie and then an episode of the Disney Channel Original Series So Weird. So Weird was kind of a spooky show and a lot of girls got freaked out, and 2 of them ended up calling their moms and going home. Up until this point, I had been so confident about how the party was going, but I began to worry everyone was going to go home. Luckily after the episode of So Weird finished, Christina Aguliera’s music video for “Reflection” from Mulan played on the Disney Channel, and everyone sang along, and I knew the party was still a hit.

The following Monday I went back to school and a few girls mentioned how much fun they had, but I kinda just went back to being the not so cool me. There was no first sleepover shrine built in my honor. Boys didn’t immediately start having crushes on me. No one asked if they could turn any of my replica flags into t-shirts. But it was an awesome birthday.

I’ve had a lot of incredible birthdays. My parents were amazing and threw me parties throughout my entire childhood. For my 9th birthday I had a party at an ice skating rink, and I made everyone watch me skate alone for an entire song. In 2005 my mom threw me a surprise 13th birthday at a kid’s dance club called Beat Street, and she threw the EXACT same surprise 13th birthday for my brother in 2003 and my sister in 2006. For my 14th birthday my mom took me to New York City to see Rent. For my 15th birthday my mom, once again, took me to New York City to see Rent. I had a massive country club Sweet 16 filled with mozzarella sticks and grinding. My 18th birthday was celebrated with a Jersey Shore themed keger in my basement (the wall of flags had sadly been removed by that point). I celebrated my 19th-23rd birthdays with some of my best friends in Chicago at the same restaurant year after year. For my 24th birthday I invited some of my closest gal pals to my apartment for a breakfast for dinner party and made everyone come dressed as me. I have been so lucky to have such incredible celebrations of my life, and even luckier for the people I’ve celebrated with.

I was so excited to turn 24. My birthday is January 24th, so turning 24 on the 24th meant it was to be my Golden Year. I had always thought "everything would happen” for me when I turned 24. I don’t know what I meant by everything, and I don’t know exactly what I thought would happen but looking back on my year everything and nothing simultaneously happened. It was a great year. Even my bad years have been great years.

25, I realize I have never thought about turning you. I’ve never really thought past turning 24. Like I said, I looked forward to turning 24 for my entire life because it was my Golden Year, but I’m realizing now that I never looked past that. I’ve thought about my life after the age of 24, but I didn’t think about turning another age. 25 sounds so much older than 24 to me. I know that sounds so silly, because 25 is still so young, but it’s a bit monumental, don’t you think? A quarter century! It feels steep and kind of weird. I am one of those people who gets a bit weird around their birthday. It’s funny, I love New Year’s Eve because I think the passing of time is so beautiful, but birthdays, specifically my birthday, scare me a bit. I guess I am okay with the world getting older, but not myself. For the week or so around my birthday, I almost mourn the loss of me at that current age. I will never be 24 again. 24 year old me is done. I had 366 days (hey, leap year!) to be 24, a full year to say “Oh, I’m 24”, and now I’m just not anymore. I don’t know why that makes me sad. I have a hard time saying goodbye to things. I have a harder time saying goodbye to people. I have to say goodbye to me at 24 and I’ll miss 24 year old me. And I know I’ll still be the same me at 25, but i just won’t be 24 anymore. This all makes so much sense to me and you’re probably just like “bitch, shut up and blow out your candles”.

This year I will turn 25 just four days after Satan officially becomes president. This year I will turn 25 on a cruise ship, the floating buffet I currently live on. This year I will turn 25 without any of my best friends to hug me or parents to throw me a party. This year I will turn 25 and have, quite possibly, my last year of good healthcare, because at 26 that shit is going bye-bye and who knows what the hell is going to happen. This year I will turn 25 and in 365 days I will mourn the loss of 25 year old me.

I never thought about turning you, 25, but it’s happening, just like every other age I have turned (and also all other humans and animals and trees and every fucking living thing has a birthday every year, even though I sound like an unreal narcissistic, whiney bitch making it seem like I am the only person  who has ever gotten older). It’s a little hard to be excited when our world is in such turmoil. So much is up in the air, and I’m kind of surprised that Mrs. Hudak wasn’t appointed to Trump’s cabinet to go around flipping desks on children throughout America. But even with all of the crap that is currently happening in the world, I am constantly in awe of the goodness within the people I love and admire, and I enter you (that sounds freaky and naughty) with confidence that 25 will be as good as every other year has been.

I hope you’re well.

Xoxo,

Jacqueline Felker