#htonl speaks

[htonl-writes]

i was gonna have din get swarmed by kids in the next chapter of master buir but it will be the next day and i let grogu tell galdos that din would be gone for multiple days, so none of the kids are going to be prepared to swarm. i’m going to have to rearrange my whole outline again because something that was going to happen in 3 chapters has to happen in this chapter now. i cannot BELIEVE i have done this to myself again. i was going to alternate mandalorian events and jedi events!! i was!!

#the 'again' refers to how din wasn't going to leave the temple until like chapter 8 originally #and then a commenter gave me the idea to make din go looking through those boxes and i was like 'hmm what's in the boxes' #'I KNOW i'll give him money' #'well if he has money he might as well go shopping' #i still have to ESTABLISH THINGS and i'm just making it harder for myself here #htonl speaks #master buir

[htonl-writes]

proud to announce that i finally rewatched s2e5, which was the only barrier between me and the next chapter of grogu and the beroya >:3c

#htonl speaks #i got excited about it too! i'm Inspired Once Again #well okay a decent amount of that was alternately being pissed off about ahsoka's montrals and lekku #and wondering about the logistics of Huge Headpiece #BUT I ALSO GOT EXCITED ABOUT GROGU'S POV so it's cool #hey did u know that some medications make u so so sleepy. and the drs can just prescribe them to u #i've gotten used to it now but other things taking up my writing time include: i live close to my family now #my dad had his cancer surgery! we're watching movies together every weekend bc he's frustrated with not being able to move #he was literally biking 16 miles per outing until the week b4 the surgery #he's 100% fine the biopsy said like 90% chance the cancer hadn't spread beyond the removed organ #but surgery hurts and recovery takes a minute so he's grumpy #before i moved back here i wanted to move closer to lake michigan but i really love being able to hang out with my dad so much...... #maybe i will try to find an apartment with a view of a more local lake? #altho if it's not a great lake it's practically a pond >:T

[htonl-writes]

i’ve been debating whether i should put an estimated chapter count up on ao3 bc i know people tend to appreciate it but. *gestures at my disaster of an outline*

i have 19 chapters plotted out, but then i can’t quite figure out how to get the next plot points organized into chapters, and the finale is plotted out but not split into chapters - all of which isn’t very helpful in having a chapter count estimate, without even getting into the changes i keep making

to be fair to myself, half the point of this outline was to learn how to outline. i am sure learning something!

#htonl speaks #so maybe the conclusion is that i will not put up a chapter estimate until i get to the finale part and split it up into chapters #i miss being unemployed. i was too stressed out by the job hunt to write but i had so much time to not write in

[htonl-writes]

someday i will either find the magic combination of conditions that allow me to write consistently or accept that there isn’t one. this week’s experiment once again proves that i have all the annoying symptoms of adhd and none of the ones that allow me to exploit hyperfocus for productivity, because unfortunately i’m just autistic. in related news, i have exactly 289 words of master buir ch6 written.

#htonl speaks #my new dr put me on a new medication which makes me SLEEPY AS HELL #but i THINK it's helping #or like. it WILL. #and i will be less sleepy once i'm done ramping up dosage and get used to it #unfortunately i think the solutions to many of my other problems in life is Making A Routine #food for the autism brain you see #and Making A Routine means discarding the previous routines which is why it's HARD #sigh. someday i will have a satisfying volume of writing done and published one way or another #just gotta take my time and actually do the work to get there

[htonl-writes]

fully intended to do some writing in the last two weeks but unfortunately i had a business trip and now i'm tired as hell. i will get to it someday..........

#also i saw a physical therapist for the first time and he said my leg muscles are weak as hell #so now i gotta spend time strengthening them. and i keep having almost-headaches which isn't related but IS annoying #htonl speaks

[htonl-writes]

i had an idea for a book yesterday which marks my second book idea in adulthood and the realization that i’m inherently a very experimental writer, i just look normal right now on ao3 bc my experiments are things like “do a longfic” “write in present tense” “make an outline and follow it” - both my book ideas are a little Out There, but especially this new one

i’m very comforted that i have had a second book idea in adulthood because i’m having ideas faster than i can write (very slowly) which means i’ll never run out of things to write! and of course it would be nice to publish some of those things for money but i’m not gonna hang my hopes on it

anyway here’s a list of projects i currently have planned for publishing on ao3:

finish grogu and the beroya

finish master buir

1-4 oneshots in the world of master buir

the official master buir sequel, mand’alor te buir

1-2 longfics written in second person for the myst fandom, covering what might have happened between riven and exile

i am 100% certain that i will lose most of my audience when i finally get around to the myst fics but i’ve been excited about the premise for literally years and years so it does not matter! also i’ve been slowly coming to terms with the fact that the difference between what i have planned and a reader insert fic is functionally nonexistent, even if it’s still technically and textually relevant.

hopefully i’ll be able to make it through this list of projects in the next few years so i can finally get around to those book ideas!

#htonl speaks #could i technically work on the books before i do some of these fic ideas? yes but the myst idea feels like book idea 0 #i want to do it first #and i want to have built up my writing skills a bunch before then #and i want to. you know. finish the stories that i've started #so it'll be all this in roughly this order and the books will simply have to percolate

[htonl-writes]

i don’t have a new chapter for you guys, but i do feel the need to explain my absence for the past month and a half. kind of. my absence in terms of fic was because i got very stressed, and if i’ve learned one thing in the past few years it’s that i can’t write when i’m stressed. but my absence from tumblr in general was because tumblr straight up deleted my account, while i was actively using it? i got it back, obviously, and the email i got from staff just said there’d been a glitch on their end, so who knows what’s up with that. but i’m back on tumblr, i have a job, and i’m moving literally tomorrow, so with any luck my stress will abate soon and i’ll be able to pick up where i left off!

#htonl speaks #i hate hate hate hate moving i cannot repeat the word hate enough to encompass the depths of my feelings #also my dad DID get cancer. but he's going to be fine don't worry about it #and i ran out of money! which is why i'm moving! #the job happened like two months too late for me to keep the apartment but i'll be able to get a new one in the summer i think #which is good because until then i'm living with my mom and there is a REASON that i have not done this voluntarily #the new job is great! not having to worry about money will be great! but i have been very stressed. #and hopefully i will be not this stressed very soon

[htonl-writes]

i gotta be honest i was a little afraid that november 1 would come around and i would simply not write anything but i hit my wordcount for today! :)

#htonl speaks #the chapter is at 1100 words roughly so i should be ready to edit and post the day after tomorrow? #maybe friday on the outside #i'm feelin good! i'm giving myself a whole month to build a habit! #i'm also maybe going to get a job by the end of the month we'll see!! #that's not related but my participation in nanowrimo IS conditional on not having a job to take up my time and energy so #not important. i did the writing thing!! :))))

[htonl-writes]

i think i’m gonna completely give up on nanowrimo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

i’m gonna do my best to finish beroya ch14 and get it up in the next few days, but frankly i made it 3 weeks and wrote 20,000 words and i’m happy with it even if i didn’t make it all the way to the goal

#htonl speaks #i posted SEVEN CHAPTERS (8 once 14 is up) in just over THREE WEEKS that's INSANE #i'm gonna take a lil break but i'm also gonna try giving myself a 400 word daily goal once i start writing again :) #we'll see how that goes! i'm hoping by reducing the wordcount even further i'll be able to keep it up longer

[htonl-writes]

so i’ve finally hit the point i always knew i was going to hit at some point during nanowrimo, which is that writing has become much much harder, and i’m about a day behind my wordcount goal. in addition, i pivoted what i’m doing with this next chapter after i’d already put a day’s worth of words in, and i had to start over. so... the next update will be a day or two late. jsuk.

#htonl speaks #i would normally not worry about such a small delay but nanowrimo is special circumstances #i am also very much not the kind of person who can develop a new habit and then just Keep At It #so i was always going to start having trouble keeping up writing x words a day #still! i am only a day behind on words! we're not giving up on nano yet folks :)

[htonl-writes]

we are officially halfway through nanowrimo and it’s been going so well for me! i’ve written and posted five whole chapters! i will likely post 4-5 more! there’s no real purpose to this post, i just wanted to celebrate that achievement :)

#htonl speaks #i am not used to being able to commit and then FOLLOW THROUGH on something like this #or i guess. not when it's not for school or work where there are outside pressures #i'm doing this just for me and i haven't even stopped :)

[htonl-writes]

hit my wordcount again today 👍

i’m, like, right at the part where grogu investigates the spider eggs in beroya ch7, and i’m really unsure how the chapter break is gonna shake out? so either i’ll end up with some sort of cliffhanger and post the chapter tomorrow, or i’ll end up having to write my way through the entire spider chase in this chapter and the wordcount will take me until friday. we’ll have to see!

#htonl speaks #i know two days is not much but i am nevertheless very excited that nanowrimo is going well

[htonl-writes]

hi all. thanks for sticking around for the last 6ish months, or for starting to follow me during this dry spell. i don’t really have an explanation for it that i’m willing to share, unfortunately.

HOWEVER.

in an attempt to get back into the swing of things, i’ve decided to do nanowrimo! well. kind of. nanowrimo, for anyone who doesn’t know, is short for National Novel Writing Month; it’s an event where writers attempt to write an entire novel during the month of november. the official wordcount goal is 50,000.

i’m currently between jobs, and i’ve been applying for new ones, but i’m not having much luck so i expect to have lots of free time for this. but also, like, i know myself, and 50,000 words clocks in at a bit over 1600 words a day, and i would burn myself out trying to keep that pace. also, i do have a novel idea, but i also have about 4 projects i want to write before i work on the book.

SO. i’m going to try for 25,000 words written during november, which is closer to 800 words a day, and all those words will go into my current projects. i’m making no promises that i’ll be able to keep that pace up, or about which projects those words go into; but my per-chapter wordcount goal has always been around 2500, so you guys can probably expect an update to either master buir or grogu and the beroya once every few days or so. :)

#htonl speaks #i actually quit my last job back in june #which i wouldn't have done if i didn't have some savings built up #but i'm gonna run out of money in another couple months so. i've been applying places #'but host! that sounds like you had a lot of free time this summer! why didn't you spend it writing?' #i literally do not know my guy. some shit happened and some other shit happened #but i still coulda done some writing and i have not #therefore: nanowrimo! trying to get my brain back in gear :)

[htonl-writes]

here’s a fun debate: capitalize species name or don’t? it seems natural to capitalize, for example, Twi’lek, but then it looks weird when you carry that through and capitalize Human. i’ve seen it done both ways and i think it’s an interesting look into what the author thinks about the self-importance of the human race!

#htonl speaks #i've also seen it done inconsistently where other species are capitalized but human is not #objectively the worst option. pick a side bro

[htonl-writes]

hello everyone. i forgot i had this blog. some Shit Has Happened with my personal life in the last month. but i’m working on beroya ch7! we’ll get there! i believe in us!

#htonl speaks #early summer is just never a good time for me for some reason #i think the only thing i'm willing to share is i finally got fed up and quit my job #my boss apparently told upper management that i was a resignation risk literally months ago #which was very perceptive of her. i DID decide to quit something like a year ago #i just kept putting it off and putting it off #but now i've done it! 2 more weeks and i will be COMMITMENT FREE #i'm gonna relax for a few weeks before i start applying places again #hopefully i will get much writing done in that time

[htonl-writes]

so i know this is not the place to talk about this but. for various reasons i’ve been pursuing an autism diagnosis and i got my assessment results last week and some of what the lady had to say was surprising and some was amusing but i just replayed part of the conversation in my head and...... i don’t know if i should feel insulted?

part of the assessment was this worksheet with like 20 prompts, and the prompts were each the start of a sentence that i was expected to complete. and one of them was something like “people are” and i put down something like “people are people everywhere” and i was very satisfied with it, because i feel like this is a very profound statement that i’ve spent most of my life learning the truth of.

and then the lady was talking through my results and she was like “and on these more nonspecific prompts your answers were very general, not much depth or emotional investment” and she used this prompt as one of the examples. and i just...... is this a failing on her part or on mine?

because what i meant to convey was that even though there are a lot of superficial differences between different groups of people all over the world and throughout history, people nevertheless always have the same motivations and desires, and i firmly believe that you can understand anyone if you can just understand their circumstances, even if you don’t ultimately agree with them. but the assessment lady looked at this statement and saw absolutely none of the context i meant and assumed that it was a very shallow statement!

and to be fair, the other prompts that she used as examples for this particular observation were very shallow with no other meaning, and i don’t disagree with the conclusions that she drew from this observation, i just think that this specific prompt doesn’t deserve to be included in this observation. it’s not even an uncommon sentiment, i feel, and it’s based on years and years of examination of myself and other people and....... i don’t know. it’s just a strange disconnect between what i wrote and what she read.

#htonl speaks #or maybe i actually mean interesting #it's certainly an example of how something can be incredibly obvious to you #but completely opaque to other people #it just tripped me up when i thought of it is all #oh but i DID get that diagnosis so that's exciting #other observations from that assessment are also giving me much food for thought