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coffeecrusadeclub · 5 years

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Too late? Pt 2/2

*fluff*

TJs POV:

"Im not Jealous"

"Well then whats youre problem TJ!"

"It doesn't matter anymore"

"Why not?"

"Because I was too late"

"For what?"

"To talk to you"

"What?"

"I wanted to talk to you last night and I was too late" my tone had softened quite a bit and I felt Cyrus staring at me. I went to take a drink and Cyrus took the bottle out of my hand.

"What the hell dude? Give that back"

"Youve had enough. What were you going to tell me last night"

"It doesnt matter because I already know what response I would've gotten"

"And how do you know what I would've said"

"Because of what you were doing. If I hadn't walked in you wouldve-"

I sighed and put my head in my hands.

"I would've come to my senses and stopped him before it went too far"

"I have a hard time believing that. You were both really into it" i rubbed my face as if I could erase the memories of last night from my head.

"TJ I wouldnt have done anything. I want my first time to be with someone a lot more special than some guy I knew for half an hour"

"Youre first time- youve never-"

"You sound shocked. As awkward as I am you really think Ive ever done that?"

I felt my face turn red and reached for my drink that Cyrus had placed on my side table

"Leave it"

"Youre not my mom"

"I never claimed to be. I claim to be your friend who cares about you and wants you to stop before it becomes a real problem"

He sat on the bed in front of me he felt so close I could feel his breath on my face.

"TJ what did you want to happen last night? What were you going to tell me?"

I felt my heart beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. "What did I want to happen last night?"

"Thats what I asked, yes"

I was more tipsy than I thought I was and without even the slightest hesitation, I had closed the gap between us and put my hand on his face, holding him gently. Apart of me expected him to pull away but instead, he put his hand on my wrist and kissed back. It was more intoxicating than any kind of liquor out there. I pulled away slowly, stopping myself before I went to far.

"TJ..." Cyrus sounded out of breath and i felt panic coursing through my veins did I really just do that

"Im sorry I acted on impulse I-" Cyrus cut me off, this time it was him closing the gap. I leaned backwards against the backboard of my bed neither of us breaking the kiss. Cyrus was ontop of me and i stopped remembering what he said about not having his first time yet.

"Whats wrong"

"We can't- you said your first time is meant to be special."

Cyrus got off of me and sighed

"Im sorry I got carried away"

"No -no dont be sorry. But I dont want to ruin that moment for you"

"TJ what were you going to tell me last night?"

I looked at him, trying to figure out what to say. It wasnt as easy as I thought it was going to be.

"That-That Im in love with you.. That Ive been in love with you for longer than I could remember"

Cyrus smiled at me, turning a light shade of pink. I was probably firetruck red at this point

"I love you too"

"Wh-what?"

"TJ you are so oblivious sometimes. Im in love with you but we both know I'd never have the guts to say it first. Ive spent years wishing you'd say it, believing that you never would"

I smiled at him "So Mr. Goodman..... I have a question for you"

"And that is?"

"Are you free Saturday night?"

"For you? Most definitely"

Cyrus smirked and leaned back in kissing me again.

"Id say this is a pretty special moment Kippen"

I laughed softly as I kissed him

"Not yet. We havent even gone on our first date yet" We both continued to kiss and suddenly my door swung open followed by the crash of Amber hitting the floor.

We looked over at Amber who was face down on the floor. She sat up bright red.

"You guys were yelling and then it got quiet. I wanted to know what was happening. I couldnt hear from downstairs when you were being quiet"

I laughed and threw a pillow at her

"Ya ruined the moment" I kept laughing as Amber continued to turn redder.

"Hey I have to get going. See you Saturday?"

"I'll pick you up at 7." I winked at him and he kissed me before heading out the door. I smiled at him as he walked out.

"The twinkle in youre eyes is back" Amber smiled and sat at the foot of my bed.

I laughed "you killed the momet!" I hit her playfully with a pillow.

"So? Tell me everything! What were you guys doing whyd it go completely silent for so long? Like there were three periods of silence-"

"Well the first silence happened when he asked me what I wanted to happen last night. I kissed him. Then i stopped and started panicking and then he started kissing me and we almost...." i trailed off

"OH MY GOD NO U DIDNT"

"No we didnt! Did it look like we had? I wanted his first time to be special"

"What a romantic." She mocked "What about the last one?"

"Thats the one you ruined" i laughed and she turned red again

"Oh yeah.."

"I need water for my hangover and food to prevent the worse one thats on its way."

"I'll go get ready. We'll go to Dennys. Fix yourself up"

I smiled at her grateful that she made me talk to Cyrus

"Hey Amber?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"For making me talk to him"

"What are big sisters for?"

"Youre older by 10 minutes!!!!"

She laughed "Most boring 10 minutes of my life" she smiled and walked across the hall to her room. I was glad to have a sister that cared about me as much as she did

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squidbatts · 5 years

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Tell Me (is it worth it?)

A necessary conversation after a graveyard scare

((it is, as always, Peter Loving Hours and im still thinkin abt m23 (and janine) so Have This. full spoilers to s7m23 but possibility for minor implications to m32.

potential tw for discussions of depression and a near death experience))

{ao3}

The run back to shelter is quiet.

Five signs him a quick “Are you alright?” but he waves them off.

“It's been a long day,” He signs back, and nearly laughs at Five's scrunched-faced scowl that so obviously says You think?

Nearly, because it's then that Janine decides to look over her shoulder at the two of them. Their eyes meet for the briefest moment before Peter redirects his gaze up at the dark, grey sky.

He can feel Janine and Five still looking at him -- even half wonders how they're looking, if they're worried or annoyed or upset -- but he refuses to look back down, even when he stubs his toe on a rock because he's not looking where he's going. It hurts, obviously, but it’s leagues better than what he'd been preparing himself for today.

He grimaces.

Definitely too soon for jokes.

See, Peter knows he shouldn't have tried to sacrifice himself for the greater good or whatever. He knows that he gets stuck in his own head, that he's not doing great on the whole “being happy and enjoying his life” thing, that he turns half his conversations into embarrassingly self-deprecating circle jerks about how he can't die or the ways he should've died or just how bloody awful he feels all the time, but, well, if wishes were horses and all that.

When they reach Sage’s beach, Dennis gives them an awkward smile before quickly walking away -- because what else are you supposed to do when you're leaving a bunch of strangers who just heard you try to end it all? Really, Peter would love to know the answer to that one, if anyone's figured it out -- but Sage stops to look at Peter with his unfairly perceptive eyes.

“Thank you for your assistance on this operation, Colonel Sage,” Janine is saying, but Sage just keeps staring Peter down.

“If you don't mind me saying so, Colonel De Luca, I think that your runners would benefit from some rest,” Sage says, finally looking away from Peter, though his body is still turned towards him. “Today has been… taxing. For all of us.”

“We really must keep going if we're to reach our lodgings for the night by sundown-”

“You could spend the night with my people,” Sage interrupts, “We’re no Abel Township, but I'm certain we can find room for you.”

Sage's oil rig and seaside town is almost as big as Fort Canton, if not bigger, but Peter recognizes Sage's tactic -- insulting yourself so the other party feels inclined to support you; insisting on leaving now would make it seem like Janine is implicitly agreeing that Sage's settlement is worse than Abel, and Sage must known as well as Peter that Janine would never willingly insult an ally.

“If you do insist,” Janine says, after a moment. From the corner of his eye, Peter can see how she’s fighting off a frown. “But I need to debrief with my runners, do you have somewhere private where I could do so?”

“Oh, but of course, Colonel, I’ll have one of my men lead you there. It will be just a moment,” Sage says, finally leaving them, but not before squeezing Peter’s shoulder. He doesn’t do it tightly, it doesn’t even hurt, but Peter still winces.

Janine glances at him, but doesn't say anything. Nerves make him want to move -- to shake, to tap, to fidget -- but he doesn't want to draw Janine's eyes back to him, doesn't want to see her look at him like she's shocked he's there, like he's a wild animal that she has to be careful not to spook. Like she barely knows him.

They wait for Sage's man in silence, the kind that settles like a old quilt on a small child; suffocating and far too heavy. When Sage’s man finally arrives, he nearly trips over himself at the sight of Janine before leading the three of them (though not without a considerable amount of backwards glances at Janine like he’s imagining her in a leather catsuit and eyepatch) to a more isolated building that Peter can only kindly refer to as a shed.

“They can't spare anywhere nicer for the saviors of the UK?” Peter signs to Five, since the leader is still stammering his way through talking to Janine and he's close enough that it’d be rude if Peter muttered it under his breath.

Five rolls their eyes, obviously amused, but still tries to put on a scolding facade, “Janine said ‘private’ not nice.”

“I know not everyone can have fancy farmhouse dining room to hold meetings in but really, you'd think they could do better than a shed.”

Five snorts, unable to hold onto their Head of Runners appropriate disapproval. Janine kindly and curtly denies the leader's flustered overtures and gets him to leave.

She’s almost painfully normal during the debrief -- same old Colonel De Luca voice as normal, with her hard gaze and her curt, to-the-point words -- but after it’s done she nods to herself as says, “Alright, Runner Five, you may go, but I would like a few minutes with you, Mr Lynne. If you don’t mind.”

“‘Course not,” Peter says, though his body yells for him to run. Five raises their eyebrows and grimances in an exaggerated Yikes face as they leave. “Listen-”

“Mr. Lynne,” Janine says, bulldozing over what Peter was going to say, still using her above-it-all tone, “I wanted to apologize to you, specifically for my behavior today. It was a stressful situation for us all and it’s unbecoming of a leader to break down like that in the field, even when-”

Janine cuts herself off, voice breaking. Peter lurches forward half a step before he can stop himself, arms held out towards her. “Jenny-”

Janine screws her face up for a half a moment before smoothing it out and locking it back into normalcy. She’s looks at a point over Peter’s shoulder. “Even when confronted with a potential personnel loss. I’m sure my own… discomposure didn’t help with your own decisions. As your leader, I should have been helpful, not another difficulty.”

“You can’t seriously believe that,” Peter says, “I told you, Jenny, none of this is your fault.”

“I’m your commanding officer and,” Janine pauses, finally meeting Peter’s eyes. “I should’ve planned better, should’ve thought more about it, should’ve considered that possibility that you’d consider yourself a liability. I should’ve known what to say.”

Peter allows himself to take those steps forward, to cut the space between himself and Janine. He places her hands on her biceps, squeezing slightly. She sighs but leans into his touch. Peter bites his lips and watches as Janine studies his face. He doesn’t flinch away from her I can’t believe you’re here gaze this time.

“I really was thinking about Abel,” He says eventually, both because it’s true and because he thinks it’s important that Janine knows it.

“I know you were. That’s perhaps the worst part, that I know you were thinking of all of us, because to think that you thought anyone in Abel would accept your sacrifice is-” Janine cuts herself off and shakes her head, looking pointedly away from Peter and at the blank walls instead. “I just wish that you knew how much we all need you.”

Peter laughs awkwardly and shrugs. “You all seemed to do alright before I came back.”

“We lost Abel and we would’ve lost Five thrice if not for your intervention,” Janine says deadpan, not even letting his deflection stand. She sighs and shakes his hands off, crossing her arms over her chest. “Even ignoring what you do for our Township, I want you to understand that you’re… you're not unimportant to me. Not disposable, not an acceptable loss, not anything like that, not for any reason.”

“Not for any reason?” Peter asks with forced levity to hide the sudden weight he feels in his chest, “That’s a pretty extreme parameter, Jenny-”

“Not for the whole of the United Kingdom, Peter,” She interrupts, sharply. The words are painted in shades of her Colonel De Luca voice, but they tremble enough to make Peter tense. Her eyes are passionately bright, even though she’s blinking a worrisome amount. “Even if it would save the entire world, I wouldn't sacrifice you.”

“Janine,” He starts, the word sounding like it's been ripped from his lungs. He’s not sure what comes after it, what could come after it. An admission like that is- It's a lot, for the two of them. They’ve been close since he reintegrated into Abel, and he’s spent more than a few nights in her bed, but something like this… Peter swallows thickly. The space under his sternum feels overfull, his breath is caught in his throat, and he feels watery all over; a little like drowning, but maybe worse.

“It's- I know it’s selfish of me, unbelievably so, both to feel this way and to tell you about it, but I'm not sorry. I'm not asking you to live for me, I wouldn't want that, but you need-” She pauses and takes a deep, wet breath, turning her head away from Peter and rubbing a hand over her eyes aggressively. “I needed you to know. What you meant to me.”

“Of course I know,” Peter assures her, stepping forward. She turns her head up towards him and he has to force himself not to wipe at her tear-dewed eyelashes. Instead, he uses a hand to gesture at his own head. “It’s just rough in here, sometimes. It’s not always logical, or smart, but it’s just… there. And I thought, for a moment, that seeing if a burn cube could incinerate me would be the best way to help everyone, but I- I didn’t think of everything, or everyone. I’m sorry.”

Janine turns away again and laughs, but it’s harsh, humorless, and sad. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“Neither do you.”

They stand in silence for a moment, Janine staring at the floor with knitted brows and Peter looking at Janine with distress. He hadn’t meant for this to happen, had thought that his leaving would be an all-win situation. He bites back the instinct to apologize again and waits, until Janine’s eyebrows uncrease and she lets herself relax, arms falling back to her sides, leaning herself forwards until her forehead hits Peter’s shoulder. Peter wraps his arms around her, pulling her in as close as possible. He presses a kiss onto the crown of her head before he rests his cheek against it. It’s not closure, not for either of them, and Peter knows they should probably talk about it more, but just for right now, this is enough.

Janine sniffles slightly into his shirt and he strokes her hair and thinks of all the different ways that today could’ve gone. He’s grateful that it ended up like this.

#zombies run #zr #zrs7 spoilers #peter lynne #janine de luca #one shot

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