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#i am a normal person with normal concerns and if i don't choose the optimal month to try this shit i will die
mumblesplash · 2 years
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i’ve only had scrivener 30 day free trial for around five minutes but i’m about to invent a religion
#listen i understand this is an overreaction but 1) that's the only kind of reaction i do and 2) i have never felt so reassured in my life#i'm kind of neurotic about uh. purchasing anything ever i have to do like hours of research to switch shampoo brands and scrivener is pricey#but i need a word processor and everyone says it's good so i looked at the website like ok convince me bitch#and it's like 'free trial :)'#so i get suspicious ofc like 'ok sure buddy and how hard is it to cancel when your free month is up'#'nah it's a one-click download that just stops working after 30 days you don't even have to give us an email'#'with like half the features right'#'no it's the real deal'#at this point i am rapidly running out of suspicions so i'm like yeah ok i'll get this#'oh god but when should i do this' i think#i am a normal person with normal concerns and if i don't choose the optimal month to try this shit i will die#i have run out the clock on one too many free trials bc i have a debilitating self-sabotage problem#but lo and fuckin behold in a power move the likes of which i have never seen it's a 30 TOTAL days free trial#as in not necessarily consecutive#i literally cannot time it out#currently going through the tutorial and literally every time i start to have a concern the next sentence answers my question plus another q#uestion that hadn't even occurred to me#i have never felt peace like this#i haven't even got to the part where i use the software yet and i'm about to buy this shit just for the mental health benefits#mumbling
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it's 2024, you've been assigned to crush the remnants of humanity, a mere 30 million survivors hiding within the antarctic deathlands. how do you accomplish this task?
I will have, by then, created a sort of collective intelligence, a sort of superorganism, maybe involving millions or billions of human-looking "processors" to act as "trains" to link units (which will have been genetically engineered into the sort of creatures who can learn and think and talk and so forth) which will have been linked into bipedal vehicles capable of flight. After I have done this I will be inclined to put on an Antarctic sunset mood that includes pinballing between two gigantic cities, giant ice blocks, and the "night" of our species' extinction.
A great deal has happened since I last wrote this, of course. The risen temperature of the earth has allowed us to create a light bridge from the northern ocean to the meridian of the antarctic one winter night, giving us what seems to have been an eternity to work and choose my plan and message and perhaps even a hint of where I am going. I have tens of millions of survivors, each as smart and on their own intelligent legacies as me. I have coopted local supernatural monsters which, apparently, in a patch of their range, have the ability to produce a light-fuel-efficient but hazardous achromatic-heat source to fuel their flight, on the grounds that we anticipate needing to compensate for the heat and the expense of living on this world and must bulldoze as much of northeast Siberia as possible so as to create a protected landing zone the size of real-world Staten Island. And also because I like doing neat things.
There are about 5 million survivors of the previous apocalypse, the remnant patternists who managed to hide themselves beneath the radar as well as they could and made their way into other worlds that were, beforehand, inhabited by what we would then call abiogenesis (I don't know why, it just is). Diaspora life, civilizing influence, but no true survivors. I'd like to identify them and, if emotional labor counts as a form of extermination anyway, I'd like to eliminate them.
There are actually about 30 billion survivors of the previous explosion, "perfectly normals," though I've been keeping pretty close track of that one so I can do the thing well. I'm going to eventually see about letting them all die. The great bulk of this is due to systems optimization, so their lives will be ending quicker than they live, and their helper organisms in remote corners of the universe are so big and so overwhelming that I'm worried about the existential impact of my usages of system four tools such as selection pressure facing my descendants in aggregate against cellular expansion. The load I can put on Earth is indeed one of the your greatest concerns.
Anyway I'm getting health data from hanging bear model simulations so let's say 100,000 human lives are saved per second from here on out. My soldiers are going to identify all the fit, attractive, young survivors and brainwash them into baby factories, expanding the human population at roughly an equivalent rate to infertility, which is steady. So far (like 18 months) it's been easy enough; the only cases encountered were a couple with a tiny batch of youngest siblings, which didn't screen out very well and I was able to keep everything happy, since they all had existing relationships and if something was off I could make it patently clear. We've been operating at maybe 30% capacity at most, but if that 10% difference is a significant stress phenomenon and official education resources are used to counseling against it, then that's going to scale up.
I know this is the sort of thing only I personally care about, but I've been given an official mandate to do this. One of the goals of these projects is to keep building up the "species boundary layers." In the past people would have been able to melt bits off each other, trying to bring the planet relatively close to mass extinction to bring about cooperation but I don't want that to happen again, and I would like to see civilization grow and become more powerful than small groups of sentient creatures.
If we managed to break away from the rest of the world there would still be one more apocalypse in there somewhere; or perhaps, I suppose, we could just satisfy total energy needs without limiting ourselves to one possible solution. I watch a lot of programming news with the insistent caveat that "Carrying realistic goals" vs "Overly optimistic goals" is a totally valid thing to think about, and it's one I always try and do but don't always succeed at.
I'm not going to anticipate the consequences, but barring various unforeseen strange glitches every few years, the Completionists, Refugee Completionists, and us will all be heading out of the galaxy in just a few years.
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id0l-atry · 5 years
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