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carmybears · 2 years

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Assembly Required

or - The Inherent Eroticism of Swedish Furniture

This started as a joke and quickly spiraled out of hand

pairing: carmy berzatto X female!reader

summary: What's a new apartment without a trip to Ikea? Building Ikea furniture with Carmy and christening a new apartment

word count: 3.8K

warnings: explicit content, 18+; oral sex (f receiving), unprotected p in v sex (wrap it before you tap it), praise kink, hair pulling, dirty talk, mentions of carmy's gold chain, established relationship

There’s nothing quite as humbling as assembling Ikea furniture.

For such a young man, Carmy had already accomplished a lot more in his life than he ever really expected he would – not just graduating culinary school but excelling in it, working in some of the finest dining establishments in the world, winning a James Beard award, and reopening the family restaurant essentially from the ground up. But god help him if the assembly instructions for this Ingolf dining chair weren’t just going to get the best of him.

Over the course of the past several months, you and Carmy had been in the whirlwind process of moving in together. Deciding to get a place together was one of the easiest decisions he had made since returning to Chicago – he already essentially lived in your apartment, so it only made sense to find a place for the both of you when his lease was up. Apartment hunting had been something of a chore, and he shuddered to think of some of the places you’d seen in listings before stumbling across a shockingly spacious 1 bedroom with a decently renovated kitchen, a surprising amount of natural light, and a relatively easy commute to both the restaurant and your office.

House Hunters, eat your heart out.

As your move-in date came ever closer, every spare moment of your time together had become dedicated to preparing for the move. Many nights, the two of you had shared stories about your own respective days at work over piles of clothes to donate or cardboard boxes lined with packing paper and bubble wrap. Not exactly the sexiest of dates, but he knew that he’d have you all to himself before long.

The day of the actual move went surprisingly well, despite the long hours you’d spent moving boxes from one apartment to the other. Carmy already had very little stuff to actually move, and you’d talked him into hiring professional movers to take the furniture and heavier items to the new place. It left the two of you with plenty of time to methodically move from room to room, unpacking as many boxes as you could before absolutely running out of energy at the end of the day, collapsing on a hastily made bed. It was only at sunrise, when the light began to stream directly into Carmy’s eyes, that you realized you needed to buy curtains.

Well, you needed more than just curtains. In fact, you needed several pieces of furniture and had planned to use Carmy’s second consecutive day off as an opportunity to drive out to the Ikea in Shaumburg and check several items off of your shopping list.

You arrived shortly after opening, and Carmy sipped a gas station coffee lazily from a paper mug as the two of you wandered side by side through the store, occasionally sidetracked by a display featuring items you most certainly did not need. If he hadn’t been with you, he wouldn’t have necessarily enjoyed the shopping process – He had always chosen his furnishings based more on function than form, which he supposed was how he had ended up with a tattered, striped couch that you deemed “fit for a frat basement” and insisted was not allowed in your shared apartment. Still, seeing your eyes light up as you strayed away from his side to pinch the fabric of a throw blanket between your fingers or inspect a set of glassware was surprisingly endearing to him as you leisurely meandered your way through the labyrinthine showroom.

You returned home that afternoon with a bounty of flat packed treasures – four ingolf dining chairs, a Fjallbo coffee table, Hemnes dresser, plus whatever other odds and ends you had thrown into the bright blue and yellow canvas bag. The rest of the day had been spent assembling furniture, a growing mountain of cardboard and Styrofoam amassing along the outskirts of the living room with each item you constructed. The coffee table and dresser had come together with little difficulty, although now Carmy was suspecting that he had met his match as he struggled to comprehend just where exactly he was supposed to be placing a screw in the first of four dining chairs that remained to be assembled.

“You look stumped. Lemme take a look,” you offer, crawling across the new area rug to him.

“Take it,” he relinquishes the instruction sheet to you readily. “I think it’s scrambling my brain just lookin’ at this too long.”

You study the instructions for a moment before pulling the miscellaneous pieces closer to you, brow furrowed in concentration as you pick up the allen wrench and begin the assembly process

He watches in admiration as you work, the chair starting to take form before his very eyes as you hum along to the song playing on the Bluetooth speaker you had set on your newly assembled coffee table. You’re dressed in an Original Beef of Chicagoland t-shirt that you’d stolen from the back office at the restaurant shortly after the grand opening of The Bear, and your crossed legs were bare, save for a black pair of athletic shorts that left very little to the imagination. For a moment, he’s entranced by your thighs, the thought flitting across his mind how he wouldn’t mind being in between them right about now, when he notices a garish mark near your inner thigh.

“Hey, what’s this?” he asks, fingers automatically reaching out to brush across your skin where an angry looking bruise has formed.

“Hmm?” you glance away from your work, down to your lap. “Must just be from moving around all these boxes. It’s no big deal.”

“Sure it doesn’t hurt?” His hand rests on your bare thigh a moment longer and it’s practically Pavlovian the way his mind starts to wander, thinking of all the ways you still have yet to christen the new apartment.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” You’re hardly paying attention to him, your eyes glued once more to the page. “Do you see a screw laying around somewhere?”

His mind is lost in thoughts of you – your skin against his, your breathy moans in his ear – when he sees you looking at him expectantly. “I’m sorry, what?”

“A screw, Carm. Do you see one laying around here somewhere?”

Without waiting for an answer, you rock forward onto your knees, crawling all around the half assembled chair. He starts to look halfheartedly, idly picking up random pages and pieces of cardboard in search of the missing screw, but mostly he’s just eyeing your ass as you crawl around.

A part of him thinks that maybe he should feel just a little bad that he’s not being more helpful in your search – it had been a long weekend after all, and you still had a long way to go before you were fully unpacked and settled in. But on the other hand, he could easily count on one hand how many times the two of you had been intimate in the past two months – busy work schedules, packing lists, and the occasional bickering about what furniture to keep or sell always seemed to get in the way whenever you two had time alone. Or plain exhaustion – can’t forget about that.

Eventually, you give up, sitting back up with your palms pressed to your knees as you let out a groan of frustration. “I can’t believe we’re missing a fucking screw.”

“I think I know where you can get a fucking screw,” Carmy mumbles, not quite sure what devil on his shoulder has clouded his better judgement.

You look at him incredulously, immediately clocking the innuendo. It’s not like you two don’t talk dirty when the occasion calls for it, but damn Carmy can’t help the blush that creeps up his neck as he realizes how crude his thoughts sound when spoken aloud.

“Sorry, I’m as surprised by that as you are,” he apologizes quickly. With fidgeting hands, he starts to rifle through the debris on the floor again, struggling to meet your eye.

When he hears you start to laugh, he steals a look back over at you, noticing that the tension has left your shoulders as you melt into his side, squeezing his bicep reassuringly. He looks down at you and allows an uncertain smile to cross his face as he admires the way your eyes crinkle in laughter as you try to catch your breath.

“That has got to be the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said me,” you wheeze. “Please say more.”

You don’t give him the opportunity to say another word because you place your hands on his cheeks and pull him into a kiss, still giggling when your lips first make contact. As he wraps an arm around your waist to draw you closer, you melt against him, kissing him in earnest now. Something stirs in the pit of his stomach and he wants more – especially when he feels your fingers twist and tangle into the curls at the nape of his neck. He pulls you flush against him and you groan into his mouth, planting your knees on either side of his hips. You’re all warmth and softness in his lap, and he swears the very blood in his veins turns molten as he realizes how badly he wants you underneath him.

With a swift arc of his arm, he clears the miscellaneous debris from the rug before easing your back down to the floor. His lips are working their way along the line of your jaw when you hear the clatter of something small and metallic skittering across the hardwoods. And just like that, the spell is broken.

“Do you think that was the missing screw?”

“Hmm could be,” he mumbles into your skin, pressing his lips into that spot at the base of your neck that usually makes you squirm. Instead, you’re craning your head to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of the screw among the small mountain of trash, saying something under your breath about how you should check it out.

He inches away from you as you begin to prop yourself up on your elbows underneath him.

“The chair’s really that important right now?” he asks, just barely leveling the twinge of annoyance in his voice.

“We need someplace to sit, Carmy,” you counter.

He snorts just a little at your reasoning. “I can think of someplace better for you to sit right now.”

His remark earns him an eye roll from you, but you pause for a moment in hesitation. He takes that moment as leverage, gripping your hips tight in his hands and drawing them up to meet his, groaning in the back of his throat as your bodies make contact.

“You feel what you do to me right?” he asks, shamelessly incapable of stopping himself from rocking his hips against yours in a desperate search for friction. A small whine escapes the back of your throat and his gaze softens as he looks down on you. “I’ve been missing you like crazy.”

He strokes your cheek, fingers grazing down your cheekbone and along your neck, where he can feel your pulse fluttering rapidly. He knows you well enough that he swears he can see your thoughts happening in real time as realization washes over your features.

“We’ve just been so busy,” you offer weakly. “It’s been hard to make the time.”

“I know, I know,” he presses his lips to yours briefly. “Just be here with me right now, baby. I’ll build you all the chairs you want after.”

You nod furiously, balling his shirt up into your first as you pull him back down to you in a searing kiss. He slips an arm underneath you, pressing you ever closer as his fingers slip underneath your shirt, gliding against soft skin until you’re breathless underneath him. He feels you clawing at his t-shirt and together you both move in a flurry to discard your clothing onto the ground beside you. He’s planting open mouthed kisses onto every accessible inch of feverish skin until he has you bare underneath him.

Your fingers are fiddling impatiently with the zipper on his jeans, pushing them lower down his hips until he kneels back on his heels to finish the job for you. You sit up too, pulling his shirt over his head in a hurried motion before grabbing his arm and coaxing him over to the couch with you.

“Floor not good enough for you?” he asks, leaving a trail of kisses over your collar bones as he presses you down into the cushions.

“I’m just already sore,” you protest, your fingers tracing idly across his shoulder blades.

“But I haven’t even done anything yet,” he croons into your ear, bringing a hand up to knead at your breast.

“Shut up, you know what I mean.”

And he does know – the subtle aches in the back of his legs and in between his shoulders have been present all day after the grueling hours of moving in the day beforehand. That’s not going to stop him now though, not as your legs fall open under his hands. His dick twitches at the sight of your pussy, evidence of your arousal glistening at the apex of your thighs and he’s like a man enchanted.

“This all for me, baby?” he asks you softly, reaching out to stroke your folds, wetness gathering on his calloused fingers as you squirm into his touch.

“Yes,” you gasp, pleading with him as you grasp his wrist in a feeble attempt to guide his fingers where you so desperately want him. “Carmy, please.”

You don’t have to ask him twice as he sinks two fingers into your snug walls. He studies your face as he touches you – the way you bite back a groan as his fingers stretch you out, admiring the way you tilt your head back, baring your neck to him as the pad of his thumb brushes roughly against your clit.

“Fuck,” you groan. “Carmy.”

“You look so fuckin’ pretty like this for me, baby.” It’s true, you do. He thinks you’ve never looked prettier than you do in this apartment, with your proudly thrifted couch, half-built Ikea furniture and granite countertops that he could fuck you on every night if you wanted. With his free hand, he palms heavily over the front of his Calvin Kleins and makes a mental note that the kitchen is next in line for christening. But he has something he wants to do first.

You whine when he removes his hand from between your legs, but before you can protest, he’s maneuvering your thighs closer to the edge of the couch and angling your hips toward himself as he sinks to his knees in front of you.

He can feel your thighs trembling already in anticipation around him and you’re swearing under your breath before he’s even had his first taste of you. He starts with a few furtive licks, allowing the smell and taste of you to invade his senses before delving in deeper, lapping at your drenched pussy with languid strokes of his tongue. Wrapping one arm around your thigh, he pulls your leg over his shoulder, causing a shift of your hips that has the tip of his nose nudging against your clit. He steals a look back up at you just in time for you to cry out in pleasure, hands reaching down to tangle in his hair. Increasingly frantic, you tug at the roots, guiding his mouth where you want him, hips grinding senselessly into his nose and wanting mouth.

“Oh my fucking god,” you groan above him as his lips close around your clit, humming softly. He glides two fingers back into you, thrusting them in and out of you in time with the tight circles he’s making around your clit with his tongue.

“Carmen,” you sob his full first name – not Carmy, not baby, not Chef – Carmen. “Don’t fucking stop. JesusfuckingChrist don’t stop.”

He doesn’t stop – wouldn’t dream of it. Even as your thighs clamp together around his head, he’s dizzy with the taste of you, groaning into your pussy as he pushes his tongue into you, big nose pressed into your clit in just the precise way that has you falling apart for him. You’re babbling incoherently as you cum on his face, and he doesn’t hesitate to lap up every wave of pleasure that rolls over you until you’re squirming, oversensitive under his lips.

“Too much, Carm,” you beg. “Please.”

He nuzzles a kiss into your inner thigh, lips pressed right above the bruise he noticed earlier, before crawling back up to you. Your chest is heaving against his as you limply wrap your arms around the back of his neck and he drags his lips along your throat.

“Absolutely insane that we haven’t done this in so long,” you pant, curling your fingers tightly in his hair to angle his mouth back toward yours. He swallows the groan you make when you taste yourself on his tongue and his dick twitches in his underwear at the sensation of your fingernails scratching at his scalp, raking down his back.

“C’mere,” you mumble against his lips, and in an awkward tumble of limbs, you both maneuver so that he’s laying prone on the coach with you sitting at his hips. He can feel the heat of your core so easily through his briefs that he thinks he may go insane. You drive a merciful hand under the waistband of his underwear and grab his aching cock so firmly in your hand that it makes his head spin just a bit as your thumb grazes over the tip. You pump the shaft expertly once, twice and he’s not even quite sure that he’s speaking English anymore.

“Wanna be inside you so bad, baby.”

“Sure you don’t want me to return the favor?” You’re easing his underwear down his thighs, all the while looking him directly in the eyes, your gaze heated. He knows right then and there that he wouldn’t last 5 seconds in your mouth.

“Another time,” he rasps, reaching toward you in a desperate attempt to feel your delicate fingers or the soft curve of your hips – he’ll take any little bit you have to give him. “Just want you now.”

You rock your hips against him, coating the length of him in your wet heat; a low groan in the shape of your name escapes his throat. He wants to chastise you for teasing him, but before he can find the words, you sink down onto him with a soft “Oh.”

There’s a moment of stillness and he drinks in the sight of you, eyes fluttering shut and lips thoroughly kissed and swollen. He can’t help the way the words tumble out of his mouth – “I love you.”

“But I haven’t even done anything yet,” you grin cheekily.

And that’s when you move.

You’re hot and wet around him and he’s absolutely mesmerized by the sight of his cock disappearing into you repeatedly as you move above him.

“Fuck, you ride my dick so well, baby,” he praises, cupping one breast in his hand, kneading the soft flesh there in time to the rhythm of your hips rocking against his.

There’s a slight tug at the base of his neck as the hand you’ve leveraged against his chest catches on his golden chain, your fingers curling around the glistening metal as if to tether yourself to him. Something flips like a switch then and he needs more of you.

He grabs your hips roughly on the next thrust, pulling you back down onto him so that he’s buried to the hilt. You cry out and grasp at the back of the couch for balance but let him continue to guide your hips, doing everything you can to keep up with the rougher pace he’s setting for you.

“You good?” He checks in, praying the answer is yes.

“Fuck, Carm,” you groan, digging your fingers into his arm and he can feel the stinging sensation of little crescent moons pressing into the skin. “s’good.”

He can feel how badly your legs are shaking as you match his every move. Heat pools in the bottom of his stomach and he knows he won’t be long now. Maintaining the pace as best as he can, he slides a hand between your bodies, swirling his fingertips around the swollen bud of your clit in a way that makes you swear out loud.

Your thighs clench hard on either side of him and it’s all he can do not to fall apart immediately. You’ve all but collapsed onto his chest and your breath is hot on his neck as you whine to him that you’re close.

“I gotchu,” he promises, fingertips still working in time with his hips. “Come for me.”

And you do.

The sensation of your pulsing walls around him is all at once too much and not enough as he digs his heels into the couch, thrusting erratically into you several more times, chasing his high. With a throaty groan, he screws his eyes shut as a wave of euphoria washes over him. For just a few brief seconds, it’s as if there’s nothing in his world but you.

Limbs heavy and bodies absolutely spent, you lay facing each other, just barely able to fit laying side by side on the couch. If he had the foggiest idea which box a throw blanket had been packed into, he would have pulled one up and around your shoulders. Instead, he settles for curling himself around you, skin still flushed and heated from moments before as you tangle your fingers idly in his hair, gazing at him through heavily lidded eyes. He kisses the tip of your nose and runs the pad of his thumb across your cheekbone as your eyes flutter shut.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he jostles your shoulder lightly.

“Mmmh,” you harrumph. “I know, I know. We should get cleaned up.”

“No, I was gonna say we have some chairs to build.”

The smack he receives to the chest is well deserved. Nevertheless, you allow him to coax you from the couch to a warm shower. Afterward, as you finish dressing and preparing for bed, he pads back out to the living room, sifting once again through the pile of cardboard until the glimmer of something silver catches his eye.

You step into the room just in time to see him setting the lost screw atop the coffee table.

“A project for tomorrow,” you promise.

“Tomorrow,” he agrees, pressing his lips to your forehead.

He thinks of all the tomorrows you have ahead of you – together in your shared apartment, in your shared lives. And he can’t help but be excited for every single one.

#carmy berzatto smut #carmen berzatto smut #carmy x reader smut #carmy berzatto x reader smut #carmen berzatto x reader smut #carmy berzatto x reader #mine #pardon a cheesy ending and the fact that I got lost in the exposition sauce #would you believe the exposition was longer before i made edits?

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maxarchive · 7 months

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CHAMPION’S PRESS CONFERENCE

Q. Max Verstappen you are a three-time world champion. How good does that sound? I mean, of course it sounds great. It's something I never even really dreamt of. It's, of course, a very proud moment for myself, for my family, my close family. I think everyone within the team I'm working with, you know, to be able to experience all of this together is amazing. And I said it on the radio already on the in-lap. Of course, we talk about performance and, you know, you can always thank the team for that, but I also find the whole atmosphere and how much I enjoy working with all these people, I find that probably even more important. It's very important to come to the track and know that you have nice people to work with.

Q. Of your three titles, where do you rank this one? This one is the best one. I think the first one was the most emotional one, because that's when your dreams are fulfilled in F1. But this one is definitely… It has been my best year. Yeah, well, so far, you know, consecutive wins and stuff like that, and the car itself has been probably in the best shape as well. So for me, this one is probably the one I’m most proud of in a way because of consistency.

Q. At what point in the season did you know you had the title in your hands? Well, not until this point, right? But no, of course the momentum was growing and race after race the gap was getting bigger. So I was just, you know, looking at myself, just trying to go through every single weekend trying to get the best out of it. That for me at that time is more important than dreaming about the title, because dreaming doesn't really bring you anywhere. It's about the effort and work you put in to try and achieve your goals.

Q. Christian Horner says you're operating at a level he's never previously seen. Do you think you've raised your game this year, to a new level? I keep trying to improve. And of course, I don't necessarily think I have become a faster driver, but you have a lot more experience in the car. You grow as a driver, you grow also, I think, as a person in life. And I think all these kinds of things, when I compare to my first season in Formula 1, they help you a lot in terms of just dealing with every kind of pressure situation throughout the weekend, you know, everything that might be thrown at you and in difficult conditions, for example. And in the end it's all about you know, trying to deliver every single weekend, which is I think very hard in Formula 1.

Q. Where have you felt the most pressure this year, which race? It’s a good question. I don't know. I mean, it has to also do with track conditions or whatever. For example, the race in Zandvoort, when you're driving on slicks and it's raining, and I know of course I normally enjoy driving in the wet, but I also know that I'm leading the championship and if I go off and I'm stuck, you know, you lose a lot of points. So naturally, you're always driving a little bit under the limit, but that can be, in a way, dangerous as well. So probably when I was out there on slicks, you feel a bit pressured. Sometimes there are people behind you that are a bit faster, because they have nothing to lose. So it's a very different mindset as well that you're in when you are fighting for a championship.

Q. When you look back at the season as a whole, can we just talk about some of the highlights? Best win? It's a few. I think my win in Miami, I really enjoyed. Spa, Zandvoort, but also Suzuka, like, winning the Constructors’ for example with the team there was fantastic. It's difficult to really pick one to be honest. Q. What about the most satisfying pole position? Probably Suzuka. Yeah, I've had a few. I mean, OK, maybe it didn't count but the one in Spa probably that I enjoyed – those kinds of conditions where you really have to pull it out of the bag. But yeah, in Suzuka the car was on rails. It was unbelievable to drive. And, you know, while driving, I was smiling and that's quite rare in a qualifying lap.

Q. Knowing that there's nothing you like more than winning, this year, with the good package you have, you can out-score score Alain Prost’s victories and also you could reach Sebastian Vettel. Is this your goal right now? Yeah, of course I want to win as much as I can. I know that from third place to second is quite a big gap. So I hope maybe in my career I might end up somewhere there in the middle. That would be nice. But I don't know, it depends a lot on what's going to happen in the next few races and the next few years as well. I don't know how long this is going to last. I'm enjoying the moment and I think that's also very important. I’ve achieved more than I could have ever even dreamed of, or set any goals that I wanted to achieve in F1, right? So I'm loving the moment. We'll see where we end up but it's already way more than I ever thought I could achieve. So it's perfect.

Q. Max, you mentioned the package. How would you rate Honda's contribution to this third championship? It's massive. It's the chassis together with the engine that allows you to achieve these kinds of things. I'm very happy to work with Honda. I always have been. They are amazing people, they’re always super polite but also super motivated and always willing to listen and of course willing to improve. And so yeah, they will always have a special place in my heart even when, of course, they leave at the end of ‘25. But for now, let's just enjoy the moment together. And yeah, I'm very proud also for them, from where we started as a team together and where we are at now. I think we can all be very proud of that.

Q. Max, on the radio after you crossed the line Christian rattled off the names of the other three-time World Champions and he said, it's not a bad list. I know you're not really one for records but in terms of the names you're joining, and maybe going to now surpass in the years to come, do you think about the legacy that you're going to leave in Formula 1 or is it still very much focused on the here and now? I find it always a tricky one because I'm not in Formula 1 to leave a legacy in a way. I'm here to win and I'm here to try to do the best I can and try to enjoy the moment with the people who helped me achieve these things. That's, for me, way more important than trying to leave a legacy. But yeah, it's something that I never thought was possible, to be in that list. When you see those names, you're like, wow! that's incredible what these people have achieved in their careers and now you're alongside them. It is, of course, an amazing feeling.

Q. Max, firstly, how do you intend to celebrate tonight? And do you think that might have any bearing on tomorrow's Grand Prix? And secondly, I don't want to keep going back to it but obviously you’ve won three titles in three years, you've wrapped them up pretty speedily, you must be looking at Michael on seven, Lewis on seven and thinking I can get there. I could get to eight. The first one, yeah, I guess quite a few sparkling waters tonight but I'll be here tomorrow! Yeah, to be honest, the second one… it's a bit different to some other sports where you can really set out targets and you’re like, if I just keep myself in a good shape then these kind of things are possible or whatever. In F1 it doesn't always work like that so I just live in the moment. And like I said before, I've already achieved way more than I ever thought I would.

Q. So shortly after your title, you’re already talking about tomorrow and about the remaining races that you want to perform, that you want to win. I didn't expect anything else but do you fear that there will become a moment in your life that that insatiable hunger is not there anymore? For sure. Yeah, I think that that's normal. I don't think that someone will… Of course, I'm still very young but at one point I think you've had enough. I think everyone at one point has that if that is because you realise that your body can't handle it anymore in some sports then you have to accept that. And you have to just, in a way retire, but for sure, at one point, you might want to do other stuff or race a bit less, absolutely. But not right now.

Q. A similar note to what Ben was just saying, the difference between all three of your titles. In 2021 you fought against Mercedes all the way to the end. Last year, it was against Ferrari, OK, their challenge fell away. This year, your only rival really was within your own team and even that didn't last very long. How did it feel not having to really go against another team this year? Well, of course for F1 you would like to see more competition, but for me, I don't need any other team or like a team-mate to get the best out of myself. I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to always try and be the best I can, try to prepare in the best possible way. That's what I enjoy and that's the only thing that I really look at.

Q. Max, is it a bit of a shame that you don't get your hands on the World Championship trophy for another six weeks or so? You're given that P2 plaque by the FIA president in Parc Fermé but would you rather get your hands on the trophy for being the World Champion there and then? It’s OK, they look the same. I have two at home so they're not changing. It's just one extra name on it. But it's OK, I can wait a little bit. Yeah, I got one next to my sim rig and one next to the TV.

#max verstappen #f1 #qatar gp 2023 #pc

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thesherrinfordfacility · 4 months

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just while im going through ep6 for a different meta - suddenly struck me that it isn't until the (seemingly coincidental) finding the matchbox that uriel, michael, and saraqael* seem to even know that gabriel has gone down to earth specifically:

and yet gabriel pressing the button for earth is blatantly in the heavenly cctv files:

so first thing: *im, at this point, refusing to believe that saraqael isn't, to some extent and in some manner or other, working against the metatron/archangels. why wouldn't their first thought be to check this obviously very clear and unequivocal surveillance footage? isn't that what their role in heaven is portrayed to encompass?

and second, the timeline of the gabriel footage is now seeming a little strange to me, when considering the events that chronologically follow in the narrative. because he's seen, fully clothed, putting the matchbox straight into the cardboard box (1) (im presuming so it's in there, safe, before he removes his clothes). then, he moves off screen to remove his clothing (2). then, he's seen putting the note on the bottom of the box (3). then, he's seen fumbling with matchbox - i think he's tipping the fly into the cardboard box but dropping the matchbox in the process (4).

presumably, in order to have put the note on the box (3), he - gabriel - would in some capacity have to have known what he was planning (ie. putting his gabrielness into the fly). that would indicate he hasnt removed his gabrielness by that point, and instead it happens at some point after (3)*.

and i think it happens just before (4), because it looks like he's emptying the fly into the cardboard box, out of the matchbox - presumably in a weird process like we see later on, when the fly (ick) enters his eye and his memories return. so, essentially, by the time he enters the lift, im assuming his memories are out of his body and safely in the fly.

so, to summarise, he puts the matchbox in the box before he disrobes to keep it safe, writes the clue on the box, gets out the fly to do the memory-wipey-thing at some point off-screen, and then is seen haphazardly turfing the fly into the box before getting in the lift:

(slowed down to 0.7x because the beginning fumble is so quick)

so, braindump thoughts:

so if we can be clear that gabriel has left the figurative building between (3) and (4), is it possible that another entity takes his place? or sneaks in to cohabit with 'jim'? (if so - god?)

alternatively, is 'jim' even jim? (if saraqael is controlling the BOL, is this a switcheroo they orchestrated? presuming that the cctv footage is happening concurrent to gabriel getting in the lift, not consecutive? and lastly; it was a shitpost, sure, but does this have any merit - has god somehow gotten themselves saved as a .zip file in the system, awaiting upload?)

this is a little unrelated, but honestly... why bother undressing? besides the jon-hamm-bum-factor, why wouldn't he just... immediately beeline to the lift? is it just so if any of the archangels came looking for him, they'd find him doing exactly as he said he would? it seems completely unnecessary, unless you take into account the potential symbolism behind it when he arrives at the bookshop (see above re: god/jesus, and the "who told you i was naked?" line re: adam and eve in eden)

another thing actually: if gabriel has transferred his memory into the fly by the time the lift opens, the last thing he presumably saw was the quote on the matchbox. which would explain why he immediately pressed the button for earth, rather than hell - given his his line to beelzebub of, "i was coming to you, but i... forgot!" but then again, if he cannot remember anything that gabriel saw... why would he link the quote to either aziraphale or crowley?

i don't think ive necessarily noted anything clever here, on my part - more that a couple things suddenly seem... iffy.

#i truly have no idea what im trying to say here but thoughts are welcome (inc ones to tell me to stfu)#(well maybe not that but ykwim)#good omens

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starastrologyy · 9 months

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Astrology Observations

Hi everyone! Thank you for those who subscribed to my Patreon! I really really appreciate it! My readings are still closed as I was at capacity in June. However, I plan on opening them again in August xx This will be a brief post as I’m currently working on content for my patreon (if you would like to subscribe to get access to exclusive content the link is in my bio). I will still try my best to post on heat though! Thank you again for all your support :) I started this blog a year ago not thinking anyone would even see it! I’m so grateful for you all!

I get asked a lot about Solar Returns in my asks! Though some astrologers read them as stand alone charts, I always recommend that you interpret them using your natal chart as the reference point. I will say I have seen things manifest just using the Solar Return by itself (meaning you are reading and Interpreting it as it’s own chart). However, there’s a lot more accuracy when you place the solar return planets/rising signs in your natal chart. For example, if your Solar Return rising sign is in Leo but you’re a natal Sagittarius rising. Your 9th house will be activated that year (because Leo falls into your 9th house). Thus, themes surrounding higher education, international travels, and your beliefs will likely be highlighted that year. Your solar return Sun will always be in the same sign as your natal Sun. However, it’s house position in your solar return chart will change from year to year. Another thing to remember is that because the outer planets move slowly, it’s not uncommon to have certain aspects for consecutive solar returns. For example, you may see that you have your Solar Return Pluto squaring your Natal Sun for the third year in a row. As the years go by, the intensity will decrease but you will still feel the energy of the square (even if it’s subtle) until the orb is wide enough to not apply.

Whilst I’m still on the topic of Solar Returns, when you have your Solar Return Neptune conjunct your Solar Return Ascendant, you may take more pictures that year or find that you look better in pictures during that year.

Many people travel internationally for the first time or start college when their Solar Return Sun is in the 9th house. It can also be a year in which you are really focused on your religious or philosophical beliefs.

Mars square Pluto in synastry is one of my least favorite aspects (this is especially true of the orb is exact or at 2 degrees or less). If this energy is not properly handled/channeled it can create an extremely volatile dynamic between two people.

People with their natal Pluto in the 11th house tend to attract a lot of “frenemies”. They can also have a lot of really great friends in their lifetime but on the other hand they can also experience a lot of hurt, jealousy or betrayal in their friendships. Pluto is the planet of extremes. So, both are likely to occur when you have Pluto in the 11th house of a natal chart. These people may also come into contact with a lot of influential people in their life.

This is not really an “observation” just a little note on the Venus retrograde in Leo. I know so many people have been told to believe that their relationships will end or perhaps they’ll attract a new partner during this time. However, neither is necessarily the case. Of course Venus retrograde are about revisiting our values, finances, and relationships. However, you want to see where it is occurring in your OWN personal chart to see how it will apply to you. Those with their risings signs in Aries or Aquarius are more likely to hear from an ex or an old fling at this time as it is occurring in their 5th and 7th houses. Whereas, Leo Venuses are having their Venus returns so they will arguably be the most affected by this transit as they will need to reevaluate their relationships, finances, AND their values. If you have a Leo Venus you can pull up a Venus return chart online to get more information about how you will be personally impacted. If you are a Cancer Rising, this transit will occur in your 2nd house, so things related to finances, possessions, and values will be highlighted during this transit. If you are a Leo rising you may be reconsidering your physical appearance and how you show up in the world. You may be tempted to change your appearance during this time (however drastic changes to your physical appearance are not recommended at this time). I have a full post on how each rising sign will be affected by this transit on my patreon if you are interested 🤍

#synastry #astrology tumblr #astrology blog #astrology #astrologyposts #astrology observations #astro posts #astro thoughts #astro notes #astro tips

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slavicviking · 8 months

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Good ol' Harrington Charm (Microfic)

@steddiemicrofic September prompt: charm | wc: 548 | G | cw: none

“What’s this?”

Strange as it may be, this is not the first time Eddie Munson has been in Steve Harrington’s room. In fact, he would call himself over-familiarized with the atrocious plaid wallpaper and the matching curtains, not to mention the very cute car poster that Steve, for some ungodly reason, refuses to take down.

Steve has already been banned from making any consecutive design decisions for their apartment when they move to Chicago in the fall.

And, see, that gets Eddie every time – because it’s not ‘if’, it’s ‘when’, not ‘his’ but ‘theirs’. Sometimes Eddie still finds it hard to wrap his head around.

“I can’t believe you kept it, dingus!” Similar to a thundering tornado, Robin Buckley appears out of nowhere at his side, hair whipping from left to right as she keeps looking between Steve and the item in question.

“How could I not? So many good memories,” Steve drawls out with a poignant roll of his eyes.

“Obviously.”

“Okay, help a man out here – what exactly is this?” Eddie points to the 'You Suck' column, not liking the way Robin grins. Not at all.

“Oh, you know,” she plops on the bed unceremoniously. “Just a way to pass the time in Scoops.”

“Scoops?”

“Scoops Ahoy,” Steve rolls his eyes and – hold on a minute-

“You worked in that ice cream parlor in Starcourt?” Eddie can’t help it; he bounces closer to Steve, fingers hooking up at the edge of his polo. It’s blue and gray, and if his boyfriend stood one step closer to the wall, he’d blend right in; Eddie loves it. He loves Steve. “Did you wear the sailor outfit, sweetheart?”

Steve’s face is rapidly reddening as Robin is cackling away in the background. “Laugh it up, Buckley, you wore the exact same thing.”

“Um, last time I checked I didn’t have the hat,” she props herself on her elbows. “Total babe magnet, Eddie, I’m telling you.”

“I bet.”

The thing is, Eddie means it. Maybe it speaks for how far he’s fallen from how he viewed the world just mere months ago, but he doesn’t necessarily mind it. He’s still him, still Eddie Munson, but – better, he thinks. Happier, definitely.

It doesn’t hurt that Steve would probably look hot in a literal trash bag.

“So – the board?” he inquires again because he’s nothing if not persistent. He ‘oofs’ when Steve plants his forehead into Eddie’s chest, groaning.

“Simple, Dingus Two,” Robin is the one to answer as Eddie keeps patting Steve’s head. “The board was for recording Steve-o’s piss-poor attempts at getting the ladies.”

And surely enough, the mark tallies under ‘You Suck’ vastly outnumber the ones under ‘You Rule’, but, to be honest, beating the score of zero is not that hard, really.

“Congrats, you might be the first ‘You Rule’ on this board,” Robin adds with a mock salute.

“Ah, so that’s what I really am, then,” Eddie clicks his tongue, going for teasing despite the tight knot growing inside. “Just another unfortunate victim to the good ol’ Harrington Charm.”

“I don’t think that shit was ever real,” Steve mumbles into Eddie’s chest and the knot halts.

“It wasn’t,” Robin pipes in, not missing a beat.

Steve laughs. And the knot is promptly gone.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington x eddie munson #robin buckley #platonic soulmates stobin #steddiemicrofic #steddiemicroficseptember

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simpingforblackfire · 4 months

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Masterlist

DC:

Platonic Yandere Starfire and Platonic Yandere Dick x (usually fem) reader (don't necessarily have to be read consecutively to be understood past part one and two but these posts are all a part of the same universe)

Part One: How the reader met Starfire/Dick and when they decided to kidnap her

Part Two: A direct continuation to part one where you realise you have been kidnapped

Part Three: Life with your captors/basically their patience with you

Part Four: Dick Focused: Life with your captors with the focus on Dick and how he deals with being angry at you

Part Four: Starfire Focused: Life with your captors with the focus on Starfire and how she deals with being angry at you

Part Five: Starfire Focused: Drabbles of Life with your captors with the focus being on our girl Star. Basically Star reacting to reader being all pouty and shit.

Part Six: General Drabbles of Life with your captors

Part Seven: When the reader is sick

Part Eight: If the reader tried to run away/if they harmed themselves

Nah I’m good: Platonic (yandere?) Bruce Wayne x f reader x (romantic) Sugar

Part One

The Last of us:

Dom Ellie William x fem reader: basically just Ellie giving the reader head. Porn with feelings type shit.

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes:

I'll crawl home to her: Lucy Gray Baird x fem reader (x platonic Coriolanus Snow)

Part One

Happy to take requests x

#masterlist #platonic yandere #yandere #dc universe #dick grayson x reader #starfire x reader #ellie williams x reader #wlw #yandere starfire #yandere dick grayson #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #lucy gray baird #lucy gray x reader #coriolanus x reader

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ovaruling · 9 months

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i found this very interesting, especially as a woman who has cheated death several times, came away from it disabled, and is now fiercely determined to live independently into old age, child-free (in this case, the relevance of that being the context of having no children to assist me with care or basic function as i age).

however, this is also important for all women, because being able to carry fitness (and by fitness i refer to the ability to complete everyday tasks and basic mobility without extreme difficulty or injury) into old age is a topic that affects us as a sex with some growing urgency.

statistically, we know (or should, by now) that women cannot depend on male partners/family members to care for us in times of illness or crisis, and that also goes for caring for us as we age. they leave. they shirk. they hope we’ll just die and relieve them of the burden of caring for us.

and even if male partners are not a factor, aging women ARE seen as a burden–to our families, to our friends, to our loved ones, to our doctors, to our governments, to our societies. having children or a partner or family members or friends does not necessarily guarantee that they will assist you in your old age.

so it is of utmost importance that we as women educate ourselves on how to stay as physically independent as possible as we age. here is an excerpt of the article that describes why i think this is so important:

"Think of the Centenarian Decathlon as the 10 most important physical tasks you will want to be able to do for the rest of your life. Some items on the list resemble actual athletic events, while some are closer to activities of daily living, and still others might reflect your own personal interests. I find it useful because it helps us visualize, with great precision, exactly what kind of fitness we need to build and maintain as we get older. It creates a template for our training.

I start by presenting my patients with a long list of physical tasks that might include some of the following:

1. Hike 1.5 miles on a hilly trail. 2. Get up off the floor under your own power, using a maximum of one arm for support. 3. Pick up a young child from the floor. 4. Carry two 5-pound bags of groceries for five blocks. 5. Lift a 20-pound suitcase into the overhead compartment of a plane. 6. Balance on one leg for 30 seconds, eyes open. (Bonus points: eyes closed, 15 seconds.) 7. Have sex. 8. Climb four flights of stairs in three minutes. 9. Open a jar. 10. Do 30 consecutive jump-rope skips.

The full list is much longer, with more than 50 different items, but you get the idea. Once they’ve read it, I ask them to please select which of these tasks they want to be able to perform in their ninth, or better yet 10th, decade. Which ones do they choose?

All of them, typically. They want to be able to hike a mile and a half, or carry their own groceries, or pick up a great-grandchild, or get up if they fall down. Or play 18 holes of golf, or open a jar, or fly somewhere on a plane. Of course they do.

That’s great, I say. You’ll make that kid’s day when you pick her up like that. But now let’s do a little math. Let’s say the kid weighs 25 or 30 pounds. That’s basically the same as doing a squat while holding a 30-pound dumbbell in front of you (i.e., a goblet squat). Can you do that now, at age 40? Most likely. But now let’s look into the future. Over the next 30 or 40 years, your muscle strength will decline by about 8 to 17 percent per decade—accelerating as time goes on. So if you want to pick up that 30-pound grandkid or great-grandkid when you’re 80, you’re going to have to be able to lift 50 to 55 pounds now. Without hurting yourself. Can you do that?

I press the issue. You also want to be able to hike on a hilly trail? To do that comfortably requires a VO2 max of roughly 30 ml/kg/min. Let’s take a look at the results of your latest VO2 max test—and guess what, you only scored a 30. You’re average for your age, but I’m afraid that’s not good enough, because your VO2 max is also going to decline. So you can pull it off now, but you likely won’t be able to do it when you’re older.

On it goes. To lift a 20-pound suitcase overhead when you are older means lifting 40 or 50 pounds now. To be able to climb four flights of stairs in your 80s means you should be able to pretty much sprint up those same stairs today. In every case, you need to be doing much more now, to armor yourself against the natural and precipitous decline in strength and aerobic capacity that you will undergo as you age.

Eventually, my patients get it. Together, we come up with a list of 10 or 15 events in their personal Centenarian Decathlon, representing their goals for their later decades. This then determines how they should be training. In the end, most people’s Centenarian Decathlons will probably overlap to a degree. Someone who enjoys stand-up paddleboarding, for example, would perhaps choose “events” focused around building core and cross-body strength. But she will likely be training the same muscle groups as I am doing for archery, and maintaining a similar degree of stamina and balance.

The Centenarian Decathlon is ambitious, no question. A 90-year-old who is even able to board a plane under her own power, let alone hoist a carry-on bag, is doing extremely well. But there is a method to the madness. These individual tasks are not out of reach. There are octogenarians, nonagenarians, and even centenarians right now who are running marathons, racing bicycles, lifting weights, flying airplanes, jumping out of airplanes, skiing the Rocky Mountains, competing in actual decathlons, and doing all sorts of other amazing things. So all these events are within the realm of possibility."

#tumblr formatting made this IMPOSSIBLE for some reason so bear with me #save

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theartofmany · 5 months

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youtube

"Haruo Nakajima is perhaps Japan’s most famous actor, but you wouldn’t necessarily recognize his face. That’s because from 1954 to 1972, he was the man inside the Godzilla costume for 12 consecutive films At 87 years old, many now consider Nakajima among the most iconic suit actors in film history. We caught up with the legend who gave life to the "King of the Monsters" to find out how he took on the challenge in the original groundbreaking movie" From Youtube channel Great Big Story: The Man Who Was Godzilla RIP Mr Nakajima...

#Great Big Story #The Man Who Was Godzilla #Godzilla #actor #Haruo Nakajima #costume #movie #old movie #film #Godzilla costume #japanese movie #japanese film #japanese #King of the Monsters #kaiju #monsterverse #Youtube

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electric-friend · 25 days

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wait hang on 😭😭 are people seriously debating “he’s a complicated man” right now??

i agree that izzy’s an unreliable narrator, and i think that some of the things he’s said about ed aren’t necessarily true, much as many other things he’s said are also not necessarily true. he’s not really aware of the full picture the whole time, poor duck, as much as i adore him.

but like… besides the fact it really doesn’t have anything to do with wether or not you think izzy’s doing complex evil shit to ed on purpose, and people seem to be making it about that…

ed is VERY MUCH a complicated man. as someone who relates to ed probably more than stede or izzy… he’s absolutely a complicated man. ed can be violent, and suicidal, and he clearly experiences some form of emotional dysregulation, and he’s done things to people that weren’t justified. the crew was traumatised by ed’s behaviour and how much violence he placed them in a position to commit.

the way ed responds to rejection is so violent and out of proportion, his consecutive raids, his suicidal antagonism towards the crew… and for me and my personal issues, that’s extremely relatable… but it is NOT mentally well behaviour.

ed also exhibits patterns of disordered alcohol use, and his anger often causes him to lash out (yes, often at izzy who pushes his buttons, and yes, izzy’s behaviour is a factor in this. but it’s also worth noting ed has agency as a character and his violence is still violence, provoked or not) and one of his most integral traumas is how an act of violence saved him from the violent alcoholic who was his father.

there’s nothing about ed that’s not a complicated man. he’s done bad things that weren’t justified. that doesn’t make him a bad man. it makes him a complicated one. it’s very clear he knows how to be a better person. and that he can be. that the show left out a lot of that journey is really disappointing, but ed feels like he’s a monster and he does bad things to become the villain he thinks he deserves to be treated as, you know?

he is SUCH a complicated man. that doesn’t mean he’s irredeemable or bad, it doesn’t mean there’s a moral obligation to dislike him either. none of that’s the case. but izzy got it right when he called ed complicated. i think in some ways izzy had finally realised that he wasn’t always going to understand ed because ed wasn’t always going to think the way he did, but he was coming to accept that he didn’t need ed to be someone he could understand as long as ed was happy? does that make sense? i know that’s a sappy outlook on a canonically toxic relationship but i just cannot believe that there’s a genuinely widely accepted take going around which boils down to people thinking it’s wrong to call ed a complicated man. like, huh???? girl….

#izzy hands #ofmd critical #i mean the thing is that often when people point out how ed has moral complexities he’s done bad stuff #that he wasn’t necessarily justified for but he’s ultimately a sympathetic character #who can be a much better man than his father made him feel like he could #they’re often criticised for that #and particularly for the use of the word “violent” given ed is a man of colour #even though ed does do violent things onscreen #but the people who believe racism is holding ed accountable for his own actions #and suggesting he has agency outside of responding to izzy or being infatuated with stede #start to say it’s wrong to call ed a complicated man… dude.#WRONG TO CALL HIM C O M P L I C A T E D #i’m just saying 💀💀#how are more people not deciding that THAT is racism actually #why are we dehumanising ed by insisting he doesn’t have complexity and hasn’t done bad things ever #like guys. why the fuck are we doing that???

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 11 months

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Hello, a question, due to the reactions of the boys,.... perhaps Valentine's Day does not exist in their world? :00

I was thinking that was a possibility 🤔 It would certainly help explain why we’ve never really had a Valentine’s Day event. Not to mention that it's off that of the 28 letters we've been getting for 3 years now, not ONE has ever mentioned a "valentine" or a special occasion of the sort. (Maybe Christmas and various other winter holidays don’t exist either, since we’ve never had a Christmas themed event…? Or perhaps they’re under different names like how the Star Sending is basically TWST’s take on Tanabata.) I know Twisted Wonderland has Halloween, but that doesn’t necessarily mean all holidays in our world translate over to their world.

On the “Valentine’s Day doesn’t exist in TWST” theory, we’ve never heard the name mentioned or a holiday like it vaguely referenced in passing. Also supporting this is the fact that many of the Valentine Gift letters (which are only called “Valentine Gifts” in the real world, not in the context of the in-game universe) don’t make mention of the day being particularly remarkable. In fact, it can be argued that some letters imply the sender is giving a character a gift on some random day of no particular importance. For example, Floyd 2021: Hey, thanks for the gift! I don’t think it’s my birthday though, so what gives? It’s a little weird just getting something out of the blue/Floyd 2022: Is it a thing for land-dwellers to just randomly gift each other stuff?, and Ace 2021: Thanks for the present. But what’s up with the sudden gesture?/Ace 2022: I was floored when I got a gift from you out of nowhere!, just to name a few! This is, of course, assuming the characters are not teasing, playing ignorant on purpose, or actually forgot what day it was (which, given which characters these are, that’s a 50-50 chance). It's not clear if the letters actually indicate consecutive years or not (ie 2021 letters are one year, 2022 letters are the consecutive year in the TWST timeline, etc.), otherwise I would say that Floyd being confused about the gifts he receives as an indication that Valentine's Day isn't a thing for those in Twisted Wonderland. Alternatively, maybe it isn't a holiday for merpeople???? (Just because Floyd mentions in his 2022 letter that he thinks it's a tradition for land-dwellers.)

There are also various lines you could interpret as “oh, the character is just surprised that you consider them a good friend and gifted them something (regardless of it’s a special day or not)”. For example, Deuce 2021: Thank you for the present. You surprised me a bit with that since we don’t often get chances to give our classmates gifts (the bolded part implies that today is somehow a special day designated for gift-giving?), and Jamil 2021: Thank you for the gift. To think I would receive something from you… Well, it caught me off guard (the bolded part would be interpreted as Jamil being shocked you consider him a friend worthy of a gift, or it could be his general shock at being thought of since he's used to playing support to others; it does not imply a special day).

I think the letters could also be interpreted in those ways as well, especially since not all Valentine’s Day gifts in Japan are meant to be romantic. (There are different phrases to denote gift meaning in Japan; “tomo choco” are given to friends, “giri choco” are given to coworkers/teachers/family, etc.) Sometimes there are lines which imply a "return of the favor" (via gifting, sharing their sweets, or just hanging out together(, and while this is definitely in-character for the boys who say it (coughAZULcough), it also implies a custom that is similar to Japan's version of Valentine's Day (ie if you have similar feelings (again, these feelings DON'T need to be romantic in nature), then you reciprocate by giving a gift in return). However, this doesn't occur with all the characters so it seems inconsistent. The inconsistency can be considered either as 1) it's not a holiday, so they don't feel like they have to return the favor for a random gift they got for no particular reason, or 2) the character does not return the sender's feelings (implied to be at least respect or friendship). It’s also possible that the characters just feel like they should do something nice for the sender in return as a general “thank you”.

That could, of course, also have to do with the joseimuke design of the game (meaning that while it is marketed to a predominantly female demographic, the content is not explicitly romantic in nature like it would be for an otome). This allows a wider audience to be cast in TWST’s net, since not all fans are interested in romantic relationships with the characters.

In any case, until TWST gives us confirmation of Valentine's Day or some twisted equivalent of it, then I don't see why the "Valentine's Day doesn't exist in Twisted Wonderland" headcanon can't be true 😂 They left it juust ambiguous enough for everyone to have whichever headcanon they want!

#twisted wonderland theories #twst #twisted wonderland #twst theory #twst theories #twisted wonderland theory #disney twisted wonderland #notes from the writing raven #question #spoilers #Floyd Leech #Jamil Viper #Deuce Spade #Ace Trappola #Azul Ashengrotto

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