#i am in fact correct always bc i am so smart and cool and sexy /j

[antonaliyev]

buddie is so funny because it has every beat of what would become q*bait and yet it just... exists on a show with multiple canonically lgbt characters that does not shy away from showing their relationships so??? the entire basis of q*bait is gone, it’s fully 100% just the writers being like yeah this thing that is very much associated w romance we won’t even acknowledge it could be romantic for shits and giggles??? i just... i do think i’m very biased but they have had them do a lot of just. things that i feel are too much to have been unintentional. once again, the paralleling of bobby and athena this last episode was so odd if unintentional? how do you not notice that? like they are continously established as driving forces in each others lives but at no point is anyone like oh hey let’s make it clear we’re not going anywhere romantic with this, let’s make it clear how this is strictly about finding family and you don’t need romance for it but.. they just dont?? it’s so. odd to me. becausee i think that’s what would happen if buddie were m/f and they didn’t want them as endgame. basic acknowledgment of how a lot of these things can be romantic then going not in this case, these two are just besties. so why not do that if u dont want buddie to be canon.

#siiiiighs and see!!! if this were literally any other show i'd be like oh the answer is easy: homophobia #but.... why on THIS SHOW.... that has proven it does not care for pandering to homophobes.... why no oh hey we have seen the romantic #aspects of our bond but we r not lke that. #see see i rlly truly think that budd13 as a m/f non endgame ship is one that tries dating and goes nope. and its so easy to also just have #buck deny being into men at several points if what ur going for is oh yheyre both heterosexual men u think they Discuss the possibility of #Romance with other men?? no #but every blatant chance to have buck b like oh im actually str8 was just. the opportunity was not taken #mentioning buck bc he's the one w a bunch of oh???' scenes #eddie does not b ut if they wanted to they could also establish him to be straight EASILY #and yet they do not #this is all to say that its just very weird fgvhjkl like just say uve seen the way certain scenes lend themselves to romance but its not #what they want and be done with it instead of being like oh no u are incorrect #i am in fact correct always bc i am so smart and cool and sexy /j #gosh do i have to tag this as spoilers #911 spoilers

[librarygoth]

ugh just some venting  don’t read if you know me irl maybe? honor code pls! (srsly pls??)

i don’t make a lot of personal posts her anymore but idk i just feel like it rn?

i’m about 99% sure that the person i’ve been crushin on isn’t crushin back so i’ve just been working really hard on trying to remind myself that “she doesn’t like me bc i’m bad” isn't a correct statement no matter how much my brain keeps thinking it and that there’s actually nothing wrong with me probably

like i know the reason i think i’m inherently bad is bc of the effects emotional and sexual abuse from when i was a kid and when i was an adult. The fact that i am actively trying to remind myself that i’m not bad is really good because it means i’ve made a lot of progress with myself and my sense of self-worth. so like as much as it sucks knowing that the person you’re into probably isn’t into you back, i’m kind of glad that i was able to like confront myself and stuff.

im also so confused bc usually you’d need to hit me over the head with a brick for me to know that someone’s flirting with me and i really thought that her flirting was so blatant and that we also connected strongly. i mean maybe we did connect, but just not in that way and i confused the two like i do all the time

i still have some shit to work on i guess

but i also do want to be her friend regardless and now i’m kind of afraid that she’s gonna know i like her bc it’s so obvious or maybe a friend will say something, and she won’t want to talk to me bc she’s weirded out which is the other thing i feel like always happens

it’s just i never meet ppl who i feel like that with. there are obvs ppl who are into me but like most of them are ppl i don’t feel connected with or they just like suck

and i’m usually so awkward and uncomfortable with other ppl and i feel so relaxed around her. she has so many interesting things to say but also i can tell that when she listens she’s really thinking about what she’s hearing, and she says good gravy in a way that’s really endearing, and she’s smart and authentically kind.

then there was this whole thing about are you a gay who likes me or a gay who likes my friend, and the implication was that my friend is likable bc she’s “cool and aloof” and more or less no one could articulate what ppl who were my type of gays like and the implication was sort of that i’m not cool or sexy and it’s like there’s this dichotomy that ppl always put me on one side or the other. usually i’m either the “cute nerdy type” or the “hot androgynous type” except i’m literally neither and i just wish ppl would stop looking at me as a type bc that’s the whole reason why ppl make the assumptions about me that they do

and the ppl who started the joke are otherwise really cool and i know they weren’t doing it with the intention of being malicious and i like both of them and i know that they don’t really know these things about me and that it’s supposed to be kind of a compliment in a weird sort of way, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t any less frustrating

but i know my friend (who is def like a lot more active when it comes to like dating and hook ups and stuff than i am) was really thrilled about the whole thing, and today i told my other friend that the whole think kind of made me uncomfortable and he looked at me like i sprouted an extra head so maybe i’m just like too sensitive or whatever. 

good news a friend complimented my writing tonight and tomorrow night my friend from home and i are going to watch olsen twin movies from the 90s over FaceTime and have a nostalgia fest so not everything is terrible

#hahaha #what do i even tag this mess #i kind of hate that i can't just like hate myself anymore #it was toxic #but way less compliated