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write-like-you-mean-it · 4 years

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A Hunter’s Prey: Liquid Courage

Rain poured on my head as I rushed out of a 24 hour liquor store. The slight pattern of rain hit the pavement like a rhythmic beat. It was calming but added to the irritation of my heart. The hotel Chrollo was staying at was a far walk from where my old apartment was. From where I left him.

It took me over an hour of walking to come upon the address. My hair was completely soaked and my clothes clung onto my body like death. I hadn’t realized that I was shivering until I was met with the hot air of the lobby. Recently, I felt like hotel rooms were my new homes.

Chrollo had told me a room number so I didn't even stop at the front desk. For a criminal, he’s picked a weirdly quiet and nice hotel. It reminded me of the one at Heaven’s Arena; yet, it was a lot more quiet. A few people’s gazes followed my wet figure until I got to the elevator. I could see drips of water hit the ground until a small puddle was my shadow.

Room 619. That was the room. I was to knock three times before he would open it. I counted the rooms until finally reaching his door. Three knocks and there stood Chrollo. A month away made me think he’d look different. I know how much a month away from everyone has changed me. Chrollo, however, didn’t. He looked the same as every night we’d talk on the balcony. He looked normal or as normal as a criminal could look.

“So what’d you bring me?” he asked while leaning against the doorway. I pulled out a brown paper bag with the liquor I’d purchased.

“I hope you have some cups or we could drink it from the bottle.” My jest was only to break the tension. I could see a look of concern flitter from my eyes to the bottle in my hand. “Interesting,” he muttered as he made a way for me to pass. Once inside, I could smell cheap cologne mixed with a hotel vodka. A smile crossed his face before he closed the door. “Drinking from the bottle was always my cup of tea.”

“Maybe you should dry off first,” he said while walking to open the hotel drawers. Chrollo handed me a black shirt. “It’s one of Phinks’ so don’t get it too dirty.” He then pulled out some old shorts. “This is Machi’s. I’ve been holding some of the possessions while they’re taking a break. I doubt they’d mind.”

“You do know I have my own clothes,” I say while pulling off my backpack. The rain had soaked almost everything inside and out. “Shit,” I groan while reaching into the bag’s side pocket. Inside, the note Illumi had given me was bleeding black. It’d become soaked in the downpour. The black and white hazed as tears fell from my eyes. I gripped the wet sheet of paper and held it tight to my chest as soft sobs wracked my body. This was the last thing of Illumi as a kind person and it was tainted. Just like the rest of him.

Chrollo walked over to me and held me against his chest as I cried. His hands rubbing my back as I cried. All the anger and fear became replaced with tears. Each breath came out shakier and shakier as I was held tighter and tighter. My body soaking his own.

He didn’t let go until I was the one to pull away. Chrollo moved his hand so that it rested under my chin and pulled it to look at me. “Go get changed.” His thumb ran alongside my jaw. “You can tell me what you want in due time.”

I followed his request. The step into the bathroom gave me some peace. I hadn’t realized I still held Illumi’s note until I opened my right hand. Inside was a squashed version of something that held so dear to my heart. I threw the letter into the sink.

The warm clothes were a nice change. Stripping off the wet ones was a challenge but the warmth became my home. Once back out, Chrollo had opened the liquor and poured it into two cups. “While drinking out of the bottle is normally fun, I think we need cups for a little bit.” A smile crossed my face as I climbed onto the only bed in the room.

“Do you want to start or me?” asked Chrollo while handing me my cup. He placed the bottle in the middle of us while he sat on the other end of the bed. I look down at the drink while thinking about the tiny human still resting inside of me. I had to decide whether to drink or not. Surprisingly, it was an easy choice.

“You,” I said while taking a sip of the burning liquor. It ran down my throat and made me cough.

Chrollo took a much smaller sip and leaned back against the pillows. His side profile was just as handsome as the rest of him. His eyes were closed and black hair pillowed to cover part of his face. A smirk rose on his lips as he took another sip.

“The known world is so much smaller than we’d ever known. Our world is meaningless. At this point, I’ve not been a good leader. As the head of the troupe, I should be able to command my spiders to follow my ideals and not just me; however, I have only created a home for those who are lost and broken. Thieves that steal. A family. It’s why Pakunda is dead.”

He took another sip of the burning drink before continuing. “My desire to be the best led me into fights I shouldn’t. That’s why Shalnark and Kortopi are dead.” Another drink. “And my lust for more is my biggest downfall. It’s why Shizuku is dead.” He finished up the rest of the cup in one take. Now there’s more members gone than are actually here.”

I take the liquor and pour him another cup. A chuckle passed through his lips before he took another sip. I follow with my own. “I have killed my own spiders.”

“So the trip went poorly?” I questioned while trying to finish my glass only to find it already empty. I poured my own. I looked up to see Chrollo’s dark eyes looking towards me. I could see the anguish hidden behind the wall of cockiness. He responded without saying anything. “I see.”

“Mind telling me about your troubles, darling?” His voice had a little slur to it.

A small blush creeped onto my cheeks. “I doubt Illumi said this to you but he proposed to me and I said yes before the trip.” My gaze was stuck to the ceiling but I could feel Chrollo’s eyes on me. “He bought the most beautiful ring and wrote the most eloquent letter. He also manipulated me the entire time into loving him.”

I finally turn to look at Chrollo. Our eyes catching each other’s. “You know his Nen type is manipulator. One needle and I was his puppet.”

Chrollo hummed softly before taking another drink. I followed soon after with my own. “He placed it in my head before I woke up the first day. Now I don’t know what’s real or what’s fake. Every single memory is clouded by the idea that I was being manipulated. Illumi’s a monster.”

He chuckled before popping off the top to take another drink. “I could’ve told you that when I met you. You were too invested in him for any sense of reason. In fact, I remember telling you about how terrible he was.”

“-I know,” I interrupt. “I know what happened. I know he’s a terrible person. I know I fell into this shitshow becuase of him. I lost everything because of him.” Tears trickled down my face as I continued to drown my sorrows in the drink.

“Oh sweetheart,” Chrollo says while sitting up in bed. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yes. It was. I should have never gone to that party. I should've left when he gave me a chance. There were so many times I could’ve gone and done my own thing. He left me so many times but I went back to him. I went back and loved every second of pain brought to my heart.”

I finished my liquid courage and continued. “I spent so much of this past year dedicated to loving him when all of it was pointless. I slept with him. I loved him. I begged for him. I wanted him with every fiber of my being; yet, I can’t. He hurt me so much and I went back to him. Machi, you, Kalluto, Hisoka, and so many people told me to stop and that he never loved me. We fought so much that it felt like I was all alone. It took fucking Illumi’s brother to make me realize that I-I..” My voice trailed off before crying.

The sob wracked my whole body. Chrollo, rather than holding me, stayed in the same place. I chucked the plastic cup across the room while wiping my tears. “I’m so stupid.”

Chrollo sighed while moving the bottle and scooting closer to me. He pulled me into a hug and shushed my intruding thoughts. “I-I wanted death at first. I wanted to not be in this life and I was pulled into it. I-I can’t… I won’t…” My words stutter before failing me once again.

He puts his hands through my hair and lets me cry into his chest. I cried out every emotion in my heart. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted everything to stop hurting. I wanted to rip out my heart so that it would stop bleeding. But it wouldn’t. I couldn’t.

Minutes of sobbing fell into a quiet whine. Chrollo let me talk through my cries and didn’t say a thing. Finally, I looked up to see that a few tears had fallen from his own eyes. He was dealing with his own trauma.

It might’ve been the liquid courage before pressing my lips against him. His cracked ones followed mine. We both pulled away a little confused and breathless. Suddenly, we pressed our lips together once again. A forceful nature of testing the water.

Chrollo pulled me onto his lap while our lips stayed connected. My arms wrap tightly around his neck while his arms are around my waist. We only pull away to breathe before finding them once again.

His tongue runs across my lips before I follow suit. We continue our journey of each other before Chrollo finally pulls away. Our breathing staggered and heavy. “We can’t,” he sighs while placing his forehead on my own. “We’re in too much pain to continue.”

“I know,” I sigh before pressing my lips roughly against his again only to be met with the same pull.

“Y/N,” Chrollo said. “As much as I want to kiss you and love you, you’re too fragile.”

“I know.”

“Plus,” he sighs before lightly pushing me back onto the bed. “I still think you love him.”

“No, I-”

“-You don’t cry for people you don’t care about. As much as I want to love you the way you deserve,” I couldn’t. With how everything is going, I am still the leader of the Troupe. I will most likely not make it. You need to be happy even if it’s not with me.”

I sigh while leaning back into the bed. “How do you know I still love him?” I question.

I look over to see a smile on his face. “You speak so nicely of him even when you’re angry. You’re not being manipulated anymore but you still say his name like someone in love. Plus, I’ve seen the way he talks about you. It was a shock how emotional an emotionless being can be when he talks about the person they love. You’ll go back to him at some point and I don’t want my heart crushed.”

“Chrollo I-”

“We’ll always be friends.”

“Yes. We’ll always be friends.”

Chrollo pulled me into a hug before kissing the top of my head. “You’re going to be alright. Plus if he ever touches you or manipulates you again, I’ll kill him fully and completely.”

“Thank you,” I sigh into his chest. “Now, tell me about your trip.”

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#illumi #illumi zoldyck #hxh #HunterXHunter #a hunter's prey #chapter 40

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