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#i don’t enjoy being comforted by A+ students bc theyre like cmonn its totally fine!! i relate i got a 39/40 :(
salsflore
·
11 months
Text
going to sleep soon ~ let me get some things off my chest here.... my eyes are super itchy again (fell into the trap of snuggling my cat even when i swore i wouldn't do it again)
#cw vent
#this is bc i have a math exam tmrw I’M SORRYYY i feel some kind of way about that
#this is the first exam where i am near confident i will fail. and its just kinda sucky
#my mental maths is really poor and due to the fact i skipped grades (unable to afford Education) i don’t know a lot of things my peers know
#my results as they are right now? theyre genuinely ok. not bad. but theres still gaps made by the years of missing out on school
#this is one of them
#its so embarrassing having my classmate look at me weirdly when i ask her about something that should totally be obvious or
#something silly like that. i don’t know. its especially hard for me to be interested in maths because my old maths teacher has
#literally fucked me up i’m so intimidated by every math teacher ever and i just hate the feeling of being stupid or whatever
#i don’t enjoy being comforted by A+ students bc theyre like cmonn its totally fine!! i relate i got a 39/40 :(
#or my friends who make jokes about how stupid i am and its just aghhh
#its already been almost a year since ive enrolled in school again but i still feel so out of place
#so miserable i could just die
#so miserable i think i SHOULD die
#and i'm just nervous about getting an absolute 0. failing my first test made me want to literally kill myself
#sorry for being dramatic but when you have a sister whos awards and certificates fill your house shelf its kind of like........
#aghhhh!!!! maybe i should just accept that i'm good for nothing at all!!!!!!
#not that great with numbers or formulas. probably not that great at writing either. nor am i as eloquent as i'd like to be ~
#not artistically inclined. science is a bore. not ~ naturally ~ adept with neither languages nor history! psychology! economics! sports!
#forgive me for not being able to do anything good at all ... zzz
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