#i don't want your bullshit recipes trying to be fancy

[twelvemonkeyswere]

me: I wonder if I can make some version of vegan donut. my favorite "vegan" recipes aren't even vegan on purpose, so they're even simpler than the regular recipes sometimes, which is a huge plus for me

recipe: sure you can have vegan donuts!

me: neat

recipe: first, you're going to take aquafaba,

me: fuck you

#i don't want your bullshit recipes trying to be fancy #i need an eggless milkless alternative for the sake of family inclusion since they can't have eggs or milk

[obey-me-apocalypso-official]

Obey me: Apocalypso as husbands

Conquest

Never takes off his wedding ring. Ever. He's so proud of it!!!

Shows it off any time he can

He owns a lot of fancy rings already this one is just gonna be equal if not better

He thinks diamonds are boring. Also they're only pricey because people control the rollout on them anyway?? He'd rather have emerald, ruby, sapphire... something more interesting on em.

Soo yknow ppl who are like "it's not about the money it's about-"

Yeah he's gonna just make it

Whatever you want? He provides...

But he also doesn't want to make this just a huge flex and event for everyone he kinda just only invites his 'family'?

Any paparazzi will have their asses handed to em

Yeah yeah idols shouldn't date buttttt their contract isn't like most idols's. They're admittedly kinda more of a band than they are idols.. and Ezekiel doesn't really care too much what they do so long as it doesn't hurt their public image too hard

Like they can drink get laid and gosh diddly darn marry your ass

He still does fanservice you better not be jealous (or if you are, continue, he finds it funny)

Yeah honestly if you're dating this man you should already not be expecting this to be 100% 'you are the only woman/man for me💓' cuz... well you are, but you're not the only one around him.

He keeps his fake flashy persona on at all times when interacting with people and it's not gonna change just because of a ring on his finger.

What IS gonna change is that only YOU get to see Conquest in ways no one has. Only YOU can find him wide awake at 2 am trying to get some recipe he's struggling with right. Only YOU can catch him dozed off, hair a mess, drooling all over his work-

Only you get to see Conquest as himself and not as the leader of Apocalypso and honestly if that's not special idk what is

Also yea he'l fanservice but he won't actively try anything with anyone.

Butttt yeah you better not be jelly easily

He'l casually flirt with his fans but then give you 200% more attention

And if you don't like it you're free to interrupt tbh he thinks it's hot.

Wants a daughter he wants a daughter so badly god help him.

Screw having an heir. She'l make a fine one even with a vagina 🙄

Like yeah back in his realm it was heavily influenced by medieval time and he should have a son according to that mentality but it's kinda a huge deal that he doesn't want to be like that.

He likes HUMAN culture and humans can do whatever the fuck they want so god damn it all he'l have a daughter if he wants to!! (And he does!!!!)

Married Conquest is so whipped you could do and say whatever you want to em and he'l take it.

At that point Conquest deals with failure less extremely and he'l be softer in his responses

Especially with his kids he doesn't want them to have the pressure he grew up with.

Heck he encourages them to mess up (oh no)

You know him, you know how he works. So you call on his bullshit when it happens... good for you. Don't let yourself be manipulated again.

You have 'touching his horse' privilege!!! (Usually anyone who does gets the limb which they touched it with decapitated....)

He probably gets his kids one too.

Yknow kids who go "i wanna pony for my birthday! :3" conquest says "bet."

War

He'l take off his ring a lot because he doesn't want to damage it at all

He's so afraid of breaking it or something with all the physical work he does....

You will never have to be jealous with him because he shuts down any advances with a terrifying face and a "i'm married."

He still does fanservice but it's very lowkey

Kids? He wants a boy. Two. Or none, and he wants to be a dog dad

He likes animals. Animals will be part of your household. That was in the marriage contract ok.

Teaches you how to defend yourself because he wants you capable if he's not there

Kinda defensive and embarrassed when it's brought up cuz he still can't believe HE's married to YOU????

His confidence is so boosted ever since. You'l never see War as confident ever as now

You get to take care of his horse

Teaching you how to ride it!!!

His place is yours. You can do whatever you want. As far as he's concerned, you have his whole heart and trust. He would die for you and he likes to believe you would die for him too..

He doesn't get into shady work as much. He's less underhanded..

He still hides a lot from you, to a fault. He tries, but he can't help it. Get used to it..

If you find out whatever it is he's not telling you he won't be mad. It's your right.

He's genuinely always excited to spend time with his family he feels like a huge weight is lifted off his shoulders

Conquest gets to babysit he does Conquest is the favorite uncle.

He and Conquest are still super close so they're both just gonna be pretty present in each other's lives always

Famine

Waaaa husband?? Famine?? BITCH WHAT SPELL DO YOU HAVE HIM UNDERRRR

He sometime forgets to wear his ring. It just doesn't click as something important. Why does it matter it's a metal circle w a rock on it •_• he wears those everyday at work. Why is this one important?

Bring it to him at work he'l be lowkey embarrassed when you chastise him for it

He would wear a suit to his wedding but it would have a trail because he's fabulous ok.

He likes dresses and skirts and trails but also he hates the idea of not having anything fully covered so he'l wear pants too.

Hold his hand up next to yours he'l be so embarrassed

You have control over this man he is your dog at this point. He will never argue with you too much.

Invites Beel to the wedding. When he shows up your husband's all flushed in sheer shame with a "gnhgn.. thanks... for coming......... i guess...."

It's not like he wanted Beel to come okay 🙄🙄

He genuinely feels kinda bad since you helped him realize what a dick he was and all???

Famine's kids liking Beel lmao oh dear.

Anytime Beel's name leaves their mouths Famine gets a rush of fresh hate for the poor demon...

Would timeskiped Famine grow his hair back out or cut it off?? Uhhh unclear. With long hair he'd tie in back in a nice ponytail. With short hair it frames his face so nicely~...

Fashionable asf. Aka judges everyone's choice of outfit

Satan shows up to his bachelor party and Famine is cringing like "okay. We're getting you new clothes. You are NOT showing up dressed like that."

The ring is silver and very simple. He doesn't want anything flashy or classy.

He learns to cook for you!! Like- he becomes decent at it????? And he eats in like- reasonable amounts?!

You might even catch him drooling at some tasty looking food. When you point it out he'l be totally embarrassed only for a moment before grinning genuinely with a "let's get some, i wanna try it."

His kids will not have a fear of insects, since uh. They'l have to grow up around em.

He'l pair up with his kid and place a tarantula in your drawer or something god cannot save you now

To be fair, sir/m'aam, you married the lord of locusts......

Slushies!! Pure, unfiltered sugar!! He's never had something like that?!! He loves it?!! It's so cute. Your fossil cosmic entity of a husband all excited over a slushie... he gets some for his kids too!!

You get to meet his horse... that thing basically raised him and it shows. It seems to treat you kind of the same way.

The horse is shockingly calm compared to it's owner. ...

His kid can bother it all they want

Famine's trying his best and it shows. He's not used to this 'family' thing but he's giving it his best shot for you...

He's happy and that's all he wants

You will never be sick so long as you are with him. Whatever you got, he can cure it.

Death

The relationship will not change that much honestly

It'l be after a while.. and you might catch your husband often seeming to reflect on it

His relationship with eternity is strained for a lack of better terms. He has a hard time with the 'til death do us part' part of marriage 😶

Sometimes he'l cry whilst looking at his ring.......

He can't help it. He's always thinking that one day you'l die... and he can't find it in himself to ignore it

He might become a bit obsessive over it. Maybe he'l want to make you immortal? But he also doesn't want to do that to you.. because immortality is a curse, in his opinion....

Plz comfort him he's so scared of being left alone again.....

You want kids? Wait he thought Thirteen was his daughter

He doesn't like kids. But. The second he sees their faces? Oh fuck. He's in deep...

Any time he looks at them you flash in his mind and he can't help but smile again...

Death cries a lot. Silently and usually behind your back. He's not good at expressing himself and he doesn't want to worry you.....

He also smiles unprompted a lot. You'l catch him gazing at you lovingly a lot before he turns away "hm?? Is there somethin' on my face??" "No." "What is it then??? Hm????" "Nothing... 💕"

He wants cats but cats don't want him 😔

Jealous but in the 'i'm so scared i'll loose you..' way :C

His horse is kind of as aloof as him so...

It's actually sort of skittish. And ghostly. It feels kinda spooky to interact with? But as soon as it sees you it's pretty calm and allows you to pet it

That's how you know you're the one 👁‍🗨👁‍🗨

Ezekiel

He still does not understand so much...

He takes a lot of breaks now to spend time with his beloved 💕💕

Is he still capable of having children after literally dying? Er. Unclear?

I think he'd like to adopt kids anyway

Still busy but tries to make time the best he can

Will never take off his wedding ring?? Ever? He stopped wearing gloves for you 😭

He zones out staring at it sometimes it's so cute plz

He doesn't mind whatever he's having. A boy, a girl. Whatever

Doesn't care what they grow into either. As long as his kids are happy he's happy. His mentality is relatively the same. As long as you're happy then everything's alright.

You have 'touching the death scar' privilege

It's still touchy and he might tear up when you touch because he feels really vulnerable but you may.

His kids get to as well. If his lil ones climb up on his lap and place their hands over his heart he will legit freeze up fcking trembling mind going 'wwowjsodnaknddkfnwkenfkfjkandkcnffkdl'

He's still not the best at showing his emotions or understanding them but he tries ok he tries really hard!!!

These kids will have like 19393 angel uncles oh boy.

The marriage is painfully simple, but classy.

Heck he's not against skipping it and just grabbing the papers

Whenever you refer to him as your husband he kinda just pauses. Slow blink, avoids your gaze "i'm still.. not used to that.." (it's been 4 years Zeke.)

Sometimes he straight up forgets and treats you like a coworker again.........

He still does fanservice but it's because he does it on accident.... like he just took off his sunglasses and brushed his hair out of his face- he didn't MEAN to look like a model????

He leaves you little notes all over in that font of a handwriting of his... ugh... you'l wake up to your favorite breakfast with such a professionally made note saying "i had to leave early. Have a good day, angel."

Any questions his kids ask he'l answer, for better or worse

He has an answer to everything, do not try him

Damn maybe he should have been a philosophy teacher....

His kids have four immortal godly beings as uncles and like a million angels. uhhhhh????

Solomon does not get to be anywhere near the kids-

#obey me oc #apocalypso #obey me apocalypso #apocalypso famine #apocalypso conquest #apocalypso death #apocalypso war #apocalypso ezekiel #obey me x reader #obey me headcanons