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#i hate that i'm like this but the girl we're hosting used my mug and it makes me irrationally angry
edwardshundredyearoldspunk
·
5 months
Text
…
#i hate that i'm like this but the girl we're hosting used my mug and it makes me irrationally angry
#like
#i didn't ever tell her ''hey don't use this mug because i have my own stuff and i don't like cross contaminating''
#so i KNOW i have no right to be angry
#and it coooouuld have been one of my family members who used it but i doubt it because they know i don't like sharing mugs and glasses etc
#but either way this is just a symptom of how chaotic i feel in my own house and i hate myself for being like this
#i never say anything because i KNOW its crazy people talk to be like ''hey that's my seat. why? because i always sit there and like it?''
#and i know it doesn't affect anyone how the spoons are organized and how the plates are stacked and where the pots are stored
#but its just infuriating to see things in places where (in my mind system) they don't go
#i know it's the autism but that has never found me any sort of sympathy in my family (diagnosis or no diagnosis) so i can't say that
#and if i skirt around it and say ''i like things a certain way and not having them like that causes me severe emotional distress''
#it makes me seem controlling and abusive (which are things my mom has implied i am when i explain these things to her)
#i know the real reason for these issues isn't our guest but also at this point she isn't our fucking guest because SHE'S BEEN HERE A MONTH
#and she is clearly overstaying her welcome imo
#i don't say anything because i'm not a mean person but i'm sure everyone around me can tell i'm stressed about something
#i just need my space back but i don't even feel like i have a claim over that cuz mexican families are full of the ''my house my rules'' bs
#which is untrue because a) the house isn't even owned by my parents anymore
#(they made some stupid financial choices years ago and my uncle had to buy the house from them or risk foreclosure)
#and b) we're all adults (except my brother obviously) and we all contribute however we can
#so i should have some say in how i feel if i'm living here imo
#and i am trying to make money however i can so i can move out soon
#but just going out twice a week has me like this i can't imagine working a traditional job atm
#(i did apply for a grant for autistic people of color so hopefully something will come of that)
#anyways that was my rant i'm just really stressed and constantly on the brink of a meltdown
#it's not this random girls fault
#she just happens to be the final drop in my very very small bucket very often these days
#(y'know because she's a fucking stranger in my house and i hate having to mask in my own home idk i'm awful i probably won't post this)
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