#i have ideas but nothing will fucking posess me enough to actually sit and work on it i just keep picking and picking at things

[the-holy-ghosted]

god i miss when this artist posted (<- is the artist)

#the heron speaketh #having a frustrating evening. #i keep promising fun things but i might just have to post something simple and self indulgent before i get in gear again #i have ideas but nothing will fucking posess me enough to actually sit and work on it i just keep picking and picking at things #this sounds pathetic oughhg woe is me but there are like. almost 450 of you. who followed for art. and i DONT POST #shaking myself by the shoudlers would you just draw please

[ruthlesslistener]

Spare Grimm headcanons? Funky goth bastard has been on my mind lately

Sure! These are just scraps lying around me old noggin

-Started off as a twin to the Radiance, who then slowly grew more and more distant as each accumulated new differences between them. This works mainly because the majority of their power sits in the Dream Realm, so they do not obey the same rules of biology as those born in the physical realm (like PK, who mimics a biological being quite well despite basically being composed of soul pretending to be flesh). Grimm now views his sister as a pitiful thing almost entirely apart from himself, and while he does wish things did not turn out the way they did, he wouldn't shed a tear at her death

-Created the butterfly tribe soon after Radiance created the moths (or was it before...?) Both argue that they had their own idea first. Grimm doesn't tie himself to them, however, because the Radiance's obsession with being the mother of the moths/be accepted and loved by them all disturbed him. Also, being tied to them brings discrimination from those terrified of him, so if you ask his relationship to them, he'll never give you a straight answer

-The butterflies, in turn, either do not worship him directly; they are often traveling preformers, much like their creator, but they dance and sing and turn to the arts to remind people to value life when it is rich and beautiful, not to herald Grimm's arrival (as is often misunderstood by those who know of him). They also never speak his name, so many who are estranged from their tribe just straight-up don't know him

-Split himself into three (Nightmare Heart, Nightmare King, Troupe Master Grimm) partially because he disliked the all-eggs-in-one-basket means the other gods did, and partially because he was curious about death. The Troupe Master form will literally 'burn out' without the full might of its componant parts to constantly regenerate it in the physical world, which is why he has that phoenix-like lifestyle. If one part is killed, the others survive, but he cannot live a continuous, constantly immortal existance like the rest of his kin

-Infertile; can only reproduce asexually, which bothers him sometimes. Actually a great dad though fuck y'all who says otherwise. Tends to adopt kids he finds in warzones/runaways, which gives him a legend of being a grubnapper and cradlerobber despite him not going out of his way to steal children

-Opportunist to the core: is he as dangerous as other gods? Probably not. He holds no territory of his own apart from his troupe, and he's a scavenger to boot. But he's less of a mild-mannered vulture, and more of a crow; he'll wait patiently for his turn at the carcass of old civilizations, but if he finds an easy way to hurry along the process, he will. And while he does feel pity for unfortunate souls, he will also devour their fear and dread just as hungrily, because that's kind of his entire job. He's the cleanup crew. It's nothing personal

-Does he have bones? Organs? A face? Don't ask

-Much like wyrms are legends brought to life of now-extinct vertebrates like snakes, Grimm has batlike/mammilian features because legends are still whispered about those ancient enemies of the night, even though it has been many millenia since they went extinct, and bugs were small enough to be hunted by them. Their memory lives on in legend and the deepest instinctual fears of bugs, and manifests itself in Grimm

-Somewhere above 13,000 years old, if we count continuous rebirth cycles as a single life. Yes, the Radiance was this old as well. I place their creation somewhere around the time bugs became able to conceptualize/tell stories of their hopes and fears, which brought them into being

-Gender? Whatever feels like the most fun preformance for him right now. Gender doesn't exist when you're a dream coaxed into reality, with all the temporal bindings that posesses (almost none). He usually uses he/him bc Radi feels very strongly positively about she/her, and bc its dapper, but that's not set in stone by far. More set in smoke, and just as whimsical and easy to change

-Somewhat of a narrative foil to the Pale King, but in self-sacrifice, responsibility, and fatherhood, unlike the direct foil of the Radiance. Bit incoherent rn bc I'm sleepy, but despite his fairytrap deal of joining the Troupe still being, well, a fairytrap, he doesn't hold anyone to strict loyalty like PK. Yeah he's a nightmare god who lives on the entrails of civilizations felled by death and ruin, yeah he's exactly what he sounds like he is, but he's also not cruel. That would be a waste of precious time and energy, and he hasn't got much to lose, either, so why bother? He's just genuinely a laid-back dude when it comes to the other gods. Best to let them tear each other apart, he'll always profit when the warmongering is over no matter what

#troupe master grimm #hollow knight #he's a crow pulling a lion's tail and being very smug about it #and also just. hes seen it all man nothing bothers him anymore #hollow knight headcanons #demonicintegrity #reply

[myaekingheart]

So this is only my second night away from home due to the hurricane (my boyfriend and I had to evacuate our apartment per my mother's pestering and go to a hotel even though by the time it reached it, it downgraded to a tropical storm and didn't even do much damage other than knocking some trees over and causing some power outages) and I'm already feeling antsy and homesick, which is ridiculous because we're literally ten minutes away from home. I don't know, maybe it's just the anticipation of knowing tomorrow morning we'll have to leave by a certain time because of check-out and check-in times and I can't stop thinking about what if I don't wake up in time, overthinking loading all of our shit back into the car and just how massively unnecessary all of this really was and the collective stress that's built up over this whole situation. I spent the entire past week being hounded by my mother and the rest of my family about going to the hotel even though I knew by the time it got up here, it'd be nothing and that this all was pointless but everyone refused to listen to me and made me feel like I was a child incapable of making my own decisions for going against what they demanded of me. They failed to understand, too, that up until Saturday my boyfriend was still scheduled to go into work as if nothing was wrong. The hotel is on the complete other side of town which meant that if he did end up not getting called out of work, he would've had to drive through either shitty weather or shitty traffic, neither of which are ideal. He refused the idea of the hotel and I refused to go there by myself and be separated from him in the case that the hurricane did hit stronger than it eventually did. My family was disgustingly pleased to hear that I ended up doing what they wanted but that didn't make coming here any fucking easier. My mom has been so panicked about this whole thing that her anxiety has become contagious-- she's been making everyone else around her nervous, as well. Everyone keeps telling her she needs to take a Xanax or something, and I don't blame them. She had been preparing for every possible disaster and going overkill (or at least what I consider overkill) on the hurricane precautions. She was pounding all of them into my head and making me panic even more, telling me every single little thing I needed to do and how it was non-negotiable. I'd be rich if I had a dollar for every time she said to me "I'm just trying to save my life!" Her outrageous anxiety about this whole ordeal ended up absolutely setting off my own, though, to the point where I was having full blown panic attacks yesterday morning trying to pack up the car. My hands were tingling and going numb and my stomach felt like it was in a vise grip, I kept running to the bathroom feeling like I was either going to have a diarrhea attack or throw up. I was hyperventilating and I couldn't think straight. I was so fixated on getting all my things packed and getting out of there but the actual act was so nerve-wracking I couldn't get anything done without taking breaks in between to take deep breaths and try to calm myself down. I'd get dizzy walking down all the stairs to try and load the car up, and at one instance I nearly thought I was going to be sick right there in the parking lot. See, the issue is that the separation factor wasn't the only reason I was so adamant about staying home. It was also the transition factor. It's only been a little over a month since I moved up here, I'm still in the process of getting settled in and accustomed to this new way of life. When you've been living in the same house for six years and then just uproot yourself and move someplace else, it takes a while to really get used to. I still catch myself thinking in terms of visitation, based on me and my boyfriend's previous status as being long distance lovers. A part of me still feels panicky and like I need to rush to fulfill a set list of goals in a now-pseudo limited amount of time. If I'm watching a show on Hulu with my boyfriend, I'll have a little flash of panic about how we need to get through as many episodes as possible before I'm stripped of the privilege when I go back home. Just tonight, the cat kept stealing my blanket and I thought to myself "If you love this thing so much, what are you going to do when I go back home and you won't get access to it anymore?" But that's the thing. I'm not going back home because my parents' place isn't home anymore. This is. I mean, the hotel room I'm sitting in right now isn't, but this town and that apartment in it. I still can't quite wrap my brain around the fact that this place, this town I've visited so often when my boyfriend and I were long distance, is my home now. It's been a battle trying to adapt to all of this and the last thing I wanted was some sort of detour in my road to adjusting. This whole mess with the hurricane and this unnecessary evacuation, however, has been just that: a detour. The reality of everything didn't really hit me until yesterday when we were packing up the car, and my anxiety skyrocketed. I couldn't stop thinking about my mom and how riled up she was about this whole thing. Up until yesterday morning, I wasn't the least bit nervous about this storm. It was honestly a welcome tranquility for someone who panics about literally everything else in life. I honestly was angry with my mom about it all, like why couldn't she just let me enjoy this one rare morsel of calm in the face of disaster? Why couldn't she trust that I knew what was happening and that I had enough confidence in my decision to believe that there was nothing to worry about? But anyways, back to my realization of the severity of the whole thing. Between my mom and everything my boyfriend and I were suddenly doing, I started realizing maybe my confidence was unwarranted. Maybe this storm really was bigger than what I believed it to be and that I was overestimating myself. Mental images of mass destruction started flashing through my brain: of coming back to find our home had been reduced to scraps of wood and piles of debris, the remnants of what once was our own home and all of our belongings. I frantically packed up all of my absolute most valuable posessions, which was a smidge difficult because I'm a very materialistic person. I'm not proud of it but it's not because I'm greedy. Rather, it's because I'm clingy. Everything I own has some sort of significance to me and I find it hard to distinguish what's most important and what is more easily replaceable. Like obviously I know I can always buy another copy of the same book but can never replace precious childhood pictures and sentimental stuffed animals. It's just tough when everything seems sentimental in one form or another. I left the house fearing the worst, thinking I'd never see any of this stuff ever again. It's an overwhelming feeling, putting that much pressure on yourself. Even packing the bare minimum of what was of utmost importance (my laptop, obviously, an envelope of chidlhood pictures, a couple Narnia books more for reference in case I wanted to work on my fanfic while I was away [I ended up being far too panicked and out of my head to feel motivated enough for that shit, but I did make a couple edits], and some sentimental stuff like the Rapunzel pillow I just bought at Kohl's, my favorite quilt, the plush of Spikey my parents got me when I moved away, and my favorite childhood doll who I've literally had since birth and used to take absolutely everywhere with me), I still felt like I had packed far too much and that it was all ultimately a huge pain in the ass to lug around. The thought of having to lug it all back again tomorrow is outrageosly daunting and I really don't want to deal with it. It's like I'm faced with the inability to settle in right now, which sucks because I am very much an instinctual settler. I guess I have a rather earthy mindset, where I like to root myself deeply in one place and stay there and let myself get insanely comfortable. That was the problem with uprooting from my parents' house, having to settle in someplace else and accustom myself to new surroundings. In a way, I guess I am very much like a plant. I get nice and cozy in my little pot and let my roots deeply attach themselves to the soil but then when I'm forced to move, it's a struggle and it takes a while for my roots to take hold on the new soil in the new pot, and my enitire being panics because I had grown so comfortable in one spot that my branches grew wildly and clung to everything like a screaming child hugging their mother on the first day of preschool. I need to settle in someplace and stay there, to feel comfortable and at home and let my branches cling to things. I know it's ridiculous to be this worked up about feeling uprooted yet again when it's only my second night in the hotel and I'm going home in the morning (and I can stay in my pajamas for all I care because I don't give a fuck what the people in the lobby think and home is ten minutes away anyways so you better bet your ass I'll be climbing right back into bed as soon as we transport all of our stuff back into the house...if our house is even in a liveable condition when we get back, which I'm sure it will be but with all the panic surrounding the hurricane, the fear still sticks in the back of my mind. Unfortunately.) I just wish I knew how to be more adaptable and how to better handle rapidfire changes like this. I know no one is ever ready for such quick changes and disasters and roadbumps and whatnot, that no matter how prepared some of us may think we are, they still take us by surprise, but I also know that it's the way we react to those rapid changes that defines how well we handle them and I just desperately wish I was better at that. I guess it just takes time and practice, I don't know, but as it currently stands, I fucking suck at this shit and I just honestly wish I could snap my fingers and already be back home settled in with things exactly the way they were, as if I can just skip right over the fact that this whole hotel thing even happened because this was completely unnecessary and I'm honestly still really salty about this, and I wouldn't be surprised if I stay that way for a little while after all of this. I just want this to be over and done with already. I just want to go home.

#ramblings

[far-off-flower-fields]

Don’t mind me just find more random questions to answer to distract me until I’m tired enough to sleep.

How many times each morning do you press the snooze button? I don’t usually have to set alarms these days.

What time of day do you like to shower? Night

When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Usually no sides because I’m not rich and if I have to pick between a side and a dessert I will get dessert.

What do you spend more money than necessary on?  I’m bad with money, toys probably, or clothes. I buy second hand, but I shouldn’t be buying anything that isn’t specifically planned in advance right now since I need to save to move.

What video game or computer game are you best at?  I’m really bad at games, so maybe Sims 4 or something. I like games, I play them when I have the energy, I just really suck.

How do you normally come across new music?  Spotify, sometimes my Fiance.

What do you keep your keys on?  A turtle keyring.

Is your favorite color different than your favorite color to wear? Not really, I wear a lot of pastel colours, and they’re my favourites. Although I also wear neutrals and black if I’m doing a different look since my wardrobe is like 4-in-1 because I’m a million people at once. 

Do you buy books or get them from the library?  I used to read all the time, I’d go to the library and hire like 7 books and go through a book a day. Now I can’t concentrate so I just don’t read. I have several books in my posession that I need to read though if I ever get better.

What section of the food pyramid do you neglect the most?  I say fuck the food pyramid.

Do you check PostSecret weekly?  I have no idea what that even is.

What do you use your stovetop for most?  Sitting things on. Or pasta. I made hokey-pokey the other month though to use up the last of the syrup someone bought.

Do you notice the impact of the economic recession? Yes, I saw so many posts on Gumtree of people having to give up their pets for financial reasons and it was really heart breaking.

Would you enjoy living somewhere where it's sunny all the time? Absolutely not. The sun gives me headaches and migraines. 

What is it that you always seem to lose?  My will to live xD Honestly though I lose like everything because I have to keep my entire life in a single room of my parents house rn.

Have you ever broken any bones?  One, because I couldn’t handle the thought of going to work. I’m more prone to tendon damage.

What is your winter coat like?  Which one? I have a mint green one which is waterproof and fluffy inside, I have a brown duffle coat one that flares out a bit, and I have a grey long coat. I also had to declare bankruptcy.

Do you keep dirty clothes in a hamper, or on the floor?  Both, I have a system.

Which decade's music do you like best?:  I can’t pick. 

Can you focus on studying if there's music on?  Yes, as well as I can really focus in general.

In what types of situations do you demand absolute silence?  When I have a migraine or sensory overload.

Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school?  NO. PE is the only class I failed.

If you had to choose a wardrobe to steal, who's would you pick? No, I have worked hard on mine to get it to the point its at.

If you had to pick one thing to bring back from the 90's, what would it be? Most of that stuff has already come back in one form or another, or never really gone away. Like you can get the toys second hand, furby has been rereleased like 3 times, clothes you can also still get second hand and the styles are pretty easy to copy anyway. 

What about the 80's?  Same as above.

Do you share any of your music taste with your parents?  I share parts of my music taste with pretty much everyone, I have a really varied music taste, there isn’t a single genre I can say that I hate all of, there are ones I’m fairly unfamiliar with but I always loved music so I like a lot of it.

Could your parents tell when you would fake sick? I was sent in whether I was sick or not so there was no point in even trying. Only way I was allowed off was if I literally threw up in front of them which didn’t happen much, or the few occasions where my allergies gave me conjunctivitis.

Do you own more shoes or less shoes than the average person? More.

Do you still have anything from when you were a baby?  I have a Quasimodo plushie that I had when I was like 3. My parents always threw everything away or gave it away so I don’t even really have baby pictures, except like one I got from my grandparents place when they died.

Are there any stores that send you e-mail newsletters? A couple, but that’s just from buying things in the past.

Do you think people overuse the word "random"?  Now not so much, but back in the 00s and early 10s it was used a lot more.

How often do you floss?  Never, my teeth are a bit overcrowded so I can’t fit the floss in without pain and bleeding. 

Do you use hairspray much?  Never, I used it for a couple of stage shows I was in when I was a lot younger and that was about it.

Who is your favorite painter? I don’t really have one because there are so many, if I’m picking out of just the really famous ones then either Monet or Van Gogh.

Are art museums interesting or boring to you?  Interesting

What subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? PE needs significant changes to be at all worth the cost of running it. Once I hit my 20s I found out that there actually are some physical activities that I enjoy and missed out on. I think they should make it more free-form, if the concern really is health then surely letting people find and do the fitness tasks that work for them is better. If I’d been brought into a gym with actual gym equipment and they explained, okay, this does this, and this does this, try things out with a spotter and see what you like and what works for you, I’d have been much better of and have had some degree of physical fitness by now. They could also have offered option modules where instead of forcing everyone to do the same shit they let you pick, then I’d have been able to do yoga and dance and skipped out on the team sports they were pushing that literally lead to so much bullying and injuries because it’s about being competitive so they can send they sport inclined kids off to do competitions and win the school more money for the sports department and it’s a big nasty cycle of, damage some kids in favour of others, and lie to them all while making it compulsory for several years. Sorry this is a big ol’ sore spot with me because it is hugely indicative of many of the issues with many school systems in general, and while kidding on it’s for the youth, is actually just hurting them. FUCK. 

When you were a kid, what games did you always play on the playground? I had like two modes, there was the days where people would play with me and we’d mash-up characters from the shows/movies we were watching (mostly charmed, totally spies, and xmen) and play as them in this whole made up world. Other days I’d walk around the tennis court trying to stay on the lines if it was empty or I’d just walk around the school daydreaming.

Do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? I’m scared of the dark so I’m more afraid than annoyed. If I’m in the right situation it can be okay, but I never am because I don’t live with my Fiance and we can never afford candles.

Do you know how to use an ATM?  Yes.

How about write a check? No.

Are you in to your heritage much?  Sort of, not of my specific family, but Scotland’s cultural history and the like is interesting.

Are you pretty politically correct?  I resent that term, it’s like the term “cancelled” where some brat decided to make it into something controversial to be nice, and considerate, and tactful, or to hold others accountable and expect them to hold themselves accountable. These are basic things you should be doing, do you need to use slurs? NO what are you losing by not using them? Nothing. What are you gaining by using them? Nothing. We gain nothing as a society by being intentionally offensive or winding folk up. You’re not thought provoking, we already came to the conclusion that certain things are shit, the next step isn’t to continue with your jokes, it’s to stop that shit and do the right thing to the best of your ability. FFS what does it cost people to just be nice? NOTHING.

What is one fashion trend you'll never understand? Some of the shoes the now are, lumpy and weird? Like they stick out in places I can’t imagine being practical. Also mullets.

What do you wear when you exercise?  Ummmm depends what I was wearing immediately beforehand, if it’s fine then I just stick with that since I don’t do anything especially heavy-duty. If it’s not, I just grab some sort of top and shorts or leggings, whatever I put my hand on first honestly. A lot of the time I’m just wearing onesies with little monsters all over and they’ll do the job so I just stay in them.

What is usually the last thing you do before you go to bed? It varies, sometimes I put on some rain sounds or something. The only consistent thing is that I have to go to the loo whether I need to or not, that’s one of those things I assumed literally everyone did but it turns out they don’t and I just held onto the methods that were used to toilet train me as a bub xD If I’m alone I also have a system I have to use to check the doors are locked or I can’t sleep and have to get back up to check, but I don’t have the house to myself that often so...