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#i honestly CANNOT believe its been that long already though... time has freaking FLOWN by since sept
bobmckenzie · 1 year
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ok i don't know WHAT kind of brain fart I had but I've been thinking today marks 6 months since I started shipping with Bob... IT'S NOT SIX DLSKJFKSF IT'S EIGHT 😳😳😳 8 MONTHS!!!
so today i learned i don't know how to count but idec bc it's my 8 month bobiversarry lol ❤️
#(sorry there's basically a freaking diary entry in these tags damn) (needed to get my thoughts out ig lol)#i really am so grateful for him and doug. which i get could sound really silly to ppl outside of this community lol#but they've helped me through the past 8 months and have made me smile even when in the worst moods :'3#even putting the selfshipping aspect of it aside they just make me happy !!#i honestly CANNOT believe its been that long already though... time has freaking FLOWN by since sept#but actually thinking about it in that way makes me oddly motivated? like that post abt how#'the time will pass anyways.' like i could have done A LOT in those 8 months but... i didn't 🧍🏻‍♀️BUT#there's 8 more months right ahead of me to make use of. like i've been really wanting to learn music theory and production#and im scared bc of how much time it will take. but I started studying a few days ago... and in 8 months i'll have 8 months of experience#idk it's just a comforting thought#like maybe even just in 4 months on the one year bobiverssary (lol) i'll be able to look back on today#and be like WOW i learned SO much since then and made so much music etc. just need to manage my time better all around.#bc of course i also need to do my actual JOB aka finish my next novel and prep for selfpub#cause i'm excited but not nearly ready 4 when my current contract ends. idk if it'll get renewed or not but i'm cool w either outcome 🧘🏻‍♀#UMMM. i didn't expect to ramble that much LMFAO sorry i was caught off guard by the passage of time ! 😳#peanut butter and jelly donut#caitiechat
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Reputation: I have a lot of emotions
Alright so the Saturday after Reputation came out, I bought the album on itunes because I loved the singles and because @itspileofgoodthings and @thelonelybrilliance have long been winning me over to Taylor Swift.  I spent the next two or three hours listening to the album, and Emma was amazing and listened to me freaking out.  However, I can’t not share my initial reactions with Maria, so girl, this transcript of my reactions is dedicated to you and Emma and I hope you enjoy!
1.  “Ready for It”
I wasn’t expecting Ready for It to be the first song but the name fits and honestly it is a GREAT choice because it has the cool intense intro thing idk what is that called a bass thing?  It is a great mix of the intensity and also the sweet breathless flowing faery melody
I don’t know how to talk about music
I just love it
2.  “End Game”
End Game isn’t my fave but I liked it “I wanna be your a-team” :) and the friendship between ed and taylor is sweet
3.  “I Did Something Bad”:
HOLY HECK  I LOVE I DID SOMETHING BAD WHAT NOW THE SOUND My JAM
I LOVE IT I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY IT’S DELIGHTFUL AND LIKE I KNOW IT’S OVER THE TOP KINDA BUT THAT MAKES IT AMAZING “I DON’T REGRET IT ONE BIT BECAUSE HE HAD IT COMING AND I’D DO IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN” I LOVE THAT PART AND HOW IT DESCENDS AND DEEPENS
MAYBE SHE IS A WITCH AND MAYBE SHE ISN’T BUT HECK SIGN HER UP FOR THE BURNING
And my fave is that this is the same singer who in a few songs sings “Call It What You Want”
4.  “Don’t Blame Me”
It’s like the classic lady killer in love trope but reversed.  And I swear there are fictional characters out there I can connect this to but I have to think
OMG IT’S SO CATCHY AND I AM EVEN OK WITH HER SAYING I’M YOUR BABY EVEN THOUGH I USUALLY CAN’T STAND THAT TERM USED ROMANTICALLY
5.  “Delicate”
Delicate is so aptly named it is so tentative and fragile and that frightened feeling of “I think this is love?? Would you hate me if I told you that?”
6.  “Look What You Made Me Do”
I. LOVE. LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO.  Despite the chorus, which is kind of bland and repetitive but the rest of the song is so freaking awesome like I don’t even care and I even sing along enthusiastically to it and maybe have started to appreciate it (the chorus).  
The song has the same delicious musical vibe as I did something bad.  It’s: don’t mess with me anymore, I am so done with y’all, I don’t even care anymore, I’m the nightmare now......except secretly underneath you know there IS caring for other people’s opinions and yearning to love and be loved and that makes it even better??
7.  “So It Goes”
I love the first verse best, the magician , the mesmerizing, the dark enchantment...and I say dark because I don’t know how I feel about the rest of the lyrics...but the SOUND is amazing and I am totally already making up a story in my head to reconcile my conflicted feelings because the music here and taylor’s voice and the whispered 1, 2, 3 have entranced me--like magic
8.  “Gorgeous”
Gorgeous....GORGEOUS!  WHISKEY ON ICE, SUNSET AND VINE, WHAT BEAUTIFUL EVOCATIVE IMAGERY!!!
I love Emma’s connection with her story Match, but also...don’t laugh too much...you know how I love Dick Grayson, and I feel this is literally how I would feel if I were in the same room with him.  Overwhelmed by his stupid pretty face and unable to function properly let alone say hello
Gorgeous is THE unexpected crush song, the oh my gosh I just met a masterpiece, the I don’t believe in love at first sight I mean I thought I didn’t, the I would literally die if you looked me in the eye because that would be a fairytale and if we actually fell in love I don’t know what I would do
THAT RING OF THE SPOON ON THE CHAMPAGNE GLASS (IN MY HEAD AT LEAST) IS A MAGICAL FAIRY BELL, OR MAYBE A FAIRY’S LAUGHTER, OR THE HERALD OF WEDDING RECEPTIONS AND CALLS FOR THE BRIDE AND GROOM TO KISS
IT’S THE IMAGINATION AND THE BIRTH OF CRAZY BEAUTIFUL HOPES
9.  “Getaway Car”
Did Taylor just riff off of A Tale of Two Cities??? And run with it?  I STRUCK A MATCH AND BLEW YOUR MIND
I CANNOT WITH THIS SONG UGH MY HEART this song is BEAUTIFUL and TRAGIC
It’s a love brilliant and glorious like a sun flare, its a desperate wish for something better than the stupid mistakes of the past and bitter fights and broken hearts
Like here she has met this wonderful nigh perfect man who is just as in love and ready as she is to jump in that car and leave the world and everything awful behind but which is more important the devastation they are fleeing from or the vision they dream of?
And whatever the answer to that is, it doesn’t matter because the future they hoped for in their hearts could be nothing more than an wish, a mirage, because as wonderful as both of them are, they are just not fated for each other, they just won’t love each other like they want to
And SHE LEFT HIM AND CALLS HERSELF A TRAITOR AND FEELS SHE DESERVES WHAT SHE GETS FOR THAT--THAT SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, THAT SHE FIRED
BUT IT ALSO HAD TO HAPPEN
AND IT IS THIS TANGLE OF VINES OF MISERY AND BEAUTY AND GRACE...YES GRACE BECAUSE AS MUCH AS THIS ALL MAKES ME WANT TO CRY THERE IS STILL A FEELING THAT DESPITE THE GRIEF AND HURT THIS ISN’T LIKE OTHER TIMES WHEN SHE HAS BROKEN UP WITH SOMEONE
BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT SO MUCH WRONG FOR EACH OTHER AS JUST NOT RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER
AND SO WHILE THE HURT IS SHARP IT IS NOT SO DEADLY TO LOVE IN GENERAL
Okay I have listened to it four times I need to move on
10.  “King of My Heart”
Ok maybe it’s just because I am coming down from Getaway Car but I am not as into King of My Heart at least music-wise.  The lyrics are sweet and precious though, just the sound doesn’t capture me like the rest of the rest of the songs
The term “King of My Heart” is a really beautiful term, styling the man as someone who not only has her love but also her respect...this is someone who does not need to impress her with fancy cars, he just needs to be him
My fave lyric: “Late in the night, the city’s asleep / Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, / dying to keep”
And you can just imagine sitting on a rooftop far far above the distant city lights, with the faint hum of traffic, and no one knows that your world has shifted and broken and been shaped into something new, and so you nestle the gift of his love in your heart and just wonder how in the world any of this is real
11.  “Dancing with Our Hands Tied”
DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED HURTS MY HEART.  IT HURTS BECAUSE IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE A DOOMED LOVE AND SHE TRIED SO HARD TO IGNORE THE FORESIGHT SHE HAD
And she tried so hard to hold on
“My, my love had been frozen Deep blue, but you painted me golden Oh, and you held me close Oh, how was I to know what”
THIS.  THIS HURTS
Because it’s like he tried and it seemed like things could be good and beautiful, and there might be a chance for it all to work out, but it’s telling that he wasn’t able to change her, to unfreeze her love.  He only painted over it...gold yes, but paint nonetheless
Her certainty, “I knew” and then the telling truth “I had a bad feeling.”  Some things are too good to be true, too sweet to last when the bitter, callous, selfish world wants what it wants
“Can we dance / oh, through an avalanche” like what an impossible task, what a beautiful wish.  A love like that...would be everything.  Withstanding all the world together, no matter the wounds and hurt, picking each other up and moving on after every hit.  And it doesn’t seem to have worked out this time?  But maybe it will
12.  “Dress”
AAAAHHHHH DRESS IS REALLY PRETTY SOUNDING AND I LIKE CERTAIN OF THE LYRICS BUT UH I JUST CAN’T IT’S TOO MUCH
Slow down, girl :)  but also some of it is really cute.  I could maybe handle it better if she didn’t say she didn’t want him like a best friend because I need it to be both..ah well
On the other hand I love the lyrics to the verse about the flash back, and the lines “Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me” and they do expound upon friendship and love and make the Eros more palatable
13.  “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i LOVE THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS IT’S SO FUNNY
It moves past bitterness and is just like LOL yeah I’m not dealing with you, peace out, bye
*full out cackle* I CAN’T EVEN SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE I’M DYING
And it’s almost like she is talking to a little kid at one point.  Look, son, you break stuff I gotta take it away, when will you learn
I NEED VIDEOS TO LIKE FIFTY TV SHOWS FOR THIS I CAN’T
14.  “Call It What You Want”
AND NOW WE MOVE ON TO MY FAVE.  CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT!  EVERYTHING IS HEALED!!!
After the ups and downs of the album, of life...everything still matters, still happened, previous loves and previous heart-wounds and previous sins but also none of it threatens her life anymore, her heart
“My castle crumbled overnight I brought a knife to a gunfight They took the crown but it’s alright All the liars are calling me one Nobody’s heard from me for months I’m doing better than I ever was”
THE MOST BRILLIANT JUXTAPOSITION
The songs begins with her home, her dreams destroyed, with her bad decisions open for the world to mock, with her crown kicked down a hill by detractors and fools and the wisest alike
But she says it is alright.  It’s okay.  And we wonder why?
People call her a liar, say she is fake, say whatever they think or want.  Maybe she is gone forever--who has seen Taylor at all, let alone knows who she really even is at this point...
And so we all think, maybe this is it.  Maybe Taylor is dead.
BUT ACTUALLY
SHE IS BETTER THAN SHE EVER WAS!!!!
the old Taylor is dead? I THINK NOT
She has merely walked (flown) down the path we all must take, and maybe she has stepped on more thorns or fallen to the dirt more often, maybe she has scraped knees and heart-blood seeping through her white sweaters, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t found a life she happy to live, things worth fighting for, someone who will fight for her...someone who she doesn’t need to fight, only cherish
And so she can sing whatever the hell she wants, “I Did Something Bad” or “Getaway Car” or “Look What You Made Me Do” or “Gorgeous”
It’s ALL Taylor
..........................when the heck did I come to care so much
“My baby’s fit like a daydream” lol this is so cute and she seems so proud of that and it’s adorable
“Walking with his head down I’’m the one he’s walking to” I CANNOT!!! HE DOESN’T SEE HER WATCHING HIM BUT HE JUST WALKS TOWARD HER, SO FOCUSED, PROBABLY CAUGHT UP IN HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER, OR MAYBE THINKING OF NOTHING IMPORTANT BUT SHE JUST LOVES HIM SO MUCH AND IT’S LIKE WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE DOING SOMETHING INSIGNIFICANT, LIKE YOUR MOM COOKING DINNER OR YOUR BROTHER BENT OVER HIS HOMEWORK AND YOU JUST GO “I FREAKING LOVE THIS PERSON”
My fave verse: “All my flowers grew back as thorns Windows boarded up after the storm He built a fire just to keep me warm”
HE JUST QUIETLY LOVES HER JUST SEES HER THORNS AND IS LIKE THAT’S NICE AND PRESSES HER PETALS AND POINTS ALIKE INTO HIS HEART AND HE KNOCKS ON HER SHUTTERS TILL SHE OPENS THEM
Also OMG remember how in Dancing with Our Hands Tied her love was frozen?  HE DOESN’T PAINT HER TO LOOK BRIGHTER AND WARMER NO HE FREAKING BUILDS A FIRE TO WARM HER
“All the drama queens taking swings All the jokers dressing up as kings” THERE IS ONLY ONE KING OF HER HEART
“They fade to nothing when I look at  him And I know I make the same mistakes every time Bridges burn, I never learn At least I did one thing right I did one thing right” ASDFGHJKL THE QUIET PEACE THAT COMES FROM THIS
“I’m laughing with my lover Making forts under the covers Trust him like a brother”
This is not a love so passionate that it shatters like stressed glass.  no, it is a love warm and intense and real and giving and receiving and thoughtful and playful
TRUST HIM LIKE A BROTHER GOSH THERE IS NO LINE I LOVE MORE.  IF YOU CANNOT TRUST YOUR MAN LIKE YOU DO YOUR BRO, TO CARE FOR YOU AND BACK YOU UP AND FIGHT FOR YOU AND TELL YOU WHEN YOU ARE BEING STUPID AND FORGIVE YOU AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS AND ALL THAT
THEN WHAT ARE YOU
IF YOU CAN’T JOKE AS MUCH OR BE AS DEADLY SERIOUS AS YOU CAN WITH A BROTHER
THEN WE JUST CAN’T BE A THING
“I recall late November, holding my breath Slowly I said, ‘You don’t need to save me But would you run away with me?’ Yes (would you run away?)
YESSSSSS LOVE LOVE LOVE IT DO IT TAY RUN AWAY WITH THIS GUY
15.  “New Year’s Day”
GENTLE AND ALL THE LOVE AND FLUTTERING FEELING OF A BELOVED HAND SQUEEZING YOURS THREE! TIMES IN A TAXI
“Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor” anyone who doubts Taylor’s poetic abilities can shut the heck up thanks
“Don’t read teh last page But I stay when you’re lost, and I’m  scared And you’re turning away” So hopeful and so nervous at the same time
“Please don’t ever become a  stranger Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” AAAAHHHHH RIGHT IN THE FEELS I AM DEAD
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