#i mean her brother's an ass but he doesn't cause the same kind/level of stess

[prismatica-the-strange]

So remember when I had anxiety attack on Easter and didn't go to the family celebration? I felt really bad about not going because I wanted to spend the day with my grandmother.

Well, talking to my mom about it, my grandmother also had a bad anxiety attack, something she'd never had before, and stayed home. (Full on rant about my aunt the under cut)

Now she adores her grandkids and great grandkids and takes every opportunity to see them so the fact that she didn't go was just wild.

I guess my aunt took it personally, as well as my absence. As she should 😌 she's been a nightmare recently.

No one gives me anxiety attacks like her. It's like her not-so-secret talent. Then she says the most insensitive shit and tries to help me "get over" my anxiety. It's obvious she doesn't even know anything about anxiety or how it works, and she refuses to learn!

Anyways, a week later was my 2nd cousin's birthday and my family didn't go. That's a good thing! If we had gone, I would've been on one of my moms anxiety pill which takes away my brain mouth filter and the moment she started on my brother's eating habits (something she's taken it upon herself to 'fix') I would've told her off. And not nicely at that. And then I would've been the bad guy.

To be completely honest, I'm okay with that. Someone needs to tell her off, to remind her that she is not in charge of everyone. And I am fine with that person being me. But I don't want to ruin my someone's birthday or a family holiday. (I'm already the family disappointment I don't wanna be the one that ruined little Reagan's 3rd birthday too)

I just don't know how much more of her shit I can take, and I'm afraid the next time she starts something when I'm around I'll fucking snap 😔

She's spent so much time trying to make me be like her kids, to be "normal"

Through most of elementary school to now I didn't like wearing jeans, I'm short and thick and I have a hard time finding ones that fit right/comfortably. So I wear leggings. She doesn't like that.

I also used to hate wearing sneakers, I always found them uncomfortable, so I wore crocs and sandals. She didn't like that.

So she would always bring me on shopping trips and make me try on uncomfortable clothes and shoes. And at some point I just got so sick of her bitching I let her buy me whatever just to shut her the hell up.

And she constantly acts like she was doing me a favor! As if my mother refused to buy me normal clothes. Like my she wasn't just letting me be comfortable in my own skin by letting me express myself.

My brother and I have adhd. She always looked at me like I was crazy and roll her eyes when I stayed over with my baggie of daily meds. As if my medication was the problem. Mom mom used to say if I was her sister's kid I never would've been medicated for that or my depression.

As for my brother, his meds make it so he isn't hungry during the day, he'salso extremely picky. My aunt recently found this out and, as mentioned before, she's taken it upon herself to "fix" that.

It's like she can't comprehend that we're not her kids. That we're not hers to "fix" just because we're not like her kids.

And the condescending tone and way she looks at me. Like I'm the most incompetent person she's ever met. Just cause all her kids went to college and moved out at 18 and I'm still living with my parents at nearly 22. As if I'm not already under pressure by my parents and society to do that. As if I'm not constantly dealing with my mental and physical illness.

Not to mention she's a vocal Trump supporter irl and on social media. There's a reason I avoid he Facebook like the plague.

Ugh idk I just need her to stop being such a bitch so we can all enjoy holidays and gatherings again 😔

And yes I am the gay cousin, but I strongly suspect that my cousin is bi, too. You don't just "pretend to be gay" with your best friend for a year in high school, kissing each other, (and very intimate holding and such) in front of people without it being at least a little real.

#That's just an example obviously #I grew up with her and was basically her living diary (which came with it's own series of problems for a 12 year old) so y'know #anyways i wanna deck my aunt in the face #i mean her brother's an ass but he doesn't cause the same kind/level of stess #she just needs to back the fuck off #prisma rants #personal rant #don't rb #don't reblog #mine #anxiety tw #actually adhd