#i mean in full seriousness. i believe im responsible for completely reprehensible things when in an ocd spiral

[soldier-poet-king]

Anyway made soup. Finished that indulgent awful YA read. Slowly learning that I can write reviews of things that are critical and the world won't end and I'm not going to cause people to die or something unspeakably horrible to happen just because I was "mean". Etc etc etc

MAYBE it'll be ok

#franposting #anyway yeah my ocd has this connection #that says if im critical of something. not even mean. just critical #someone will die/theyll be an accident/etc etc etc #all this because my ocd got really bad when i wrote a supportive but critical review of a prof #on those anonymous end of term things #and then she DIED a year later of cancer #and i was convinced her cancer came back bc of me #I genuinely believed it for years. i cried. i missed so much class. i was responsible for this womans death #anyway that was eons ago. 2nd year undergrad. #but i lived with that guilt for ages #i had ocd before then. but never so obvious. never for such a ridiculous clearly untrue fact #and then it spiralled into my every action causing world disasters and deaths #so yknow. #yes i AM a little insane on my bad days #i mean in full seriousness. i believe im responsible for completely reprehensible things when in an ocd spiral #and i live in fear!!! #but maybe it is getting better. maybe kt is getting easier #i was able to say hey this book was poorly written and plotted but it was indulgent and fun while still being bad #i didn't say it was good i said i was entertained type scenario #to be clear. i can HAVE mean or critical opinions in my head. bad things only happen when i express them publicly