#i realized that he genuinely might not give a shit about pronouns and isn't that a freeing thought | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

asexual-means-no-attraction · 3 years

Note

i'm acquainted with an afab nb who calls himself a "lesbian" (he's okay with male pronouns btw). around 2 years ago, when we were 15 i met him through a childhood friend because she said we would get along. we hit it off nearly instantly and we would talk everyday. he told me he was nb and i told him i was a trans man, at the time i was still on the fence on nb and i didn't care enough torisk my connection with him over this. then we mzade plans to meet up again and he said he wanted to make out and shit when we met. i accepted because i found him attractive and nice, things are going well! then a few days before our meeting i find out he's a lesbian apparently. i go "well, than that means our hook up is cancelled lol" and he goes "no, that's alright, i see you as a woman". yep. i made up an excuse not to meet him because that was such a huge shock.

we're from Brazil, so we use portuguese, a latin language that has no gender neutral pronouns, so people started making up such gender neutral pronouns and i view them just the same as neopronouns : unnecessary and easy to use. after a while, he said that he was now going by one of those neopronouns and sent me a link to those pronoun listing sites, i tried to explain to him that it's very hard for me to just learn new sets of pronouns because autism and shit, and he says he doesn't want to talk to me anymore because of that.

i still have him added on whatsapp but we don't talk, i just see the "fuck cishet" "fuck gender" memes he posts on his status. from talking to him over the years, i could see he's genuinely dysphoric. he told me his most urgent plan was to go see a therapist to start medically transitioning like me. he would sometimes talk about how much he wanted to be on hormones, get top surgery, get phalloplasty but he's totally not a man! i also don't doubt he is a lesbian because we used to talk about women a lot, so it's mostly just a skewed view on what the label means, nb people can't be lesbians and such. to me, it sounds like he's just a trans dude, but because he's so into the Twitter mentality of hating cishets and 278292 genders and fuck men that he just doesn't want to be a straight guy. i'm a trans bi guy and i even sometimes make jokes about "God im so straight" when i see a hot woman but considering that he has very lefty views being straight must be the end of the world for him.

do you think it's a lost cause? should i try to talk to him again? i say this because he's genuinely a nice person but he's also the one who can't shut up about how men are so bad and gender is so cosmic and other dumb shit. considering we're still 17, i kinda hope he can change. honestly i just miss having someone to play minecraft with and i can relate a lot with him.

I'm not a wise old community member with years of experience to give you the perfect solution. But I have had my share of friendships falling apart for various reasons. And let me tell you, sometimes it's better to stop being friends. Sometimes the nostalgia of the past makes it hard to realize that. Unfriending someone isn't easy. Losing someone is always scary. But you gonna do what's best for you.

But if you really want to continue the friendship I would shoot them a message. Ask if they still only see you as a women. If yes, drop them. That part of your story really rubbed me the wrong way. If he can't see you as a man, then he isn't worth keeping as a friend. It's not worth trying to make it work if he's not even going to see you as who you are.

If he does see you as a man, ask him if he actually wants to be friends or not. He might just say no and if so, again, it's not worth trying to make it work somehow. If he says yes, set your boundaries. No hating men talk or other things that make you uncomfortable while you two are hanging out. If he agrees great. Otherwise, he isn't going to make you feel happy. He'll only frustrate you and make you feel guilty/angry.

Personally, I'd unfriend him and move on. Someone who can't see me as a man and has clearly shown they don't want to reach out to me isn't a relationship I'm willing to put energy into. But you're not me. If you think it's worth it, the worse thing that can happen by reaching out is him proving he won't respect you. He certainly is capable of changing. People change a lot as they get more experiences as adults. But they can change for better or for worse. And it's not your job to help them. It sucks letting someone go. But some people just really aren't worth the emotions they're gonna put you through if you continue to be around them.

Good luck. And I hope you figure out which option is gonna be best for you. And I especially hope you're able to find friends that respect you as the man you are and don't make you uncomfortable. You deserve that. And there are people who will respect you a lot more then this person.

#ask #answered #genuinely tho #id just unfriend him and move on #he doesn't sound worth it #but i put the advice there for if you reaaaaally want to to try and revive the friendship #good luck #long post

8 notes · View notes