#i remember laying on the floor of the orchestra hall to listen and to hide. i remember laying my hand on the floor and thinking i could

[oatbugs]

found a bunch of old voice memos and this is the first time i've listened to my own voice and thought yeah it makes so much sense that people have loved this person . woah

#personal #i was singing a song under another song (saw my wings with the bodies in the gutter). there is someone else and i cant #recognise their voice . i think maybe i was drunk and maybe so were they . i have no idea who they are but their voice is so pretty. #i ask them if theyre ok and they ask if im sure im okay with this. and then they say see you soon and theres the sound of the door. #theres the voice of someone else after this too. they say listening to chase atlantic feels like sex . i have no idea who this person is. #this file is full of strings rising and falling. reverb of a massive space. some symphony inside interrupted by another symphony. #i remember laying on the floor of the orchestra hall to listen and to hide. i remember laying my hand on the floor and thinking i could #recognise this piece just by the way the ground vibrates. #i've been thinking a lot about mereology. sorry for not talking about nihilism the past week - everyone around me has been falling apart. #this month i have watched others be stricken by grief. the other side of the equation. one day i will create a poem about the way holes are #one whole part. the way disconnects are connected to the fabric of absence. (i saw your guts without the skin attached) #i could hear how in love i was when i asked the unknown voice if they would like some water. i blew out the candles and one stayed lit. #you don't need to tell me. forever and ever. strictly fall for academics and people with a passion. asked my mathematician about manifolds #and he asked me about his hair. i will wake up tomorrow if only it is to spend half an hour making tea. the concept of going to my country #is an oncoming train with a minute's delay. i told them i want to be their friend and they told me theyd like to meet up soon #and test how deep they can bite like good friends do. do you feel ashamed of my degree? do you feel ashamed of #your dry lips? skull fast-tracked to the floor. i have a jar of hand-picked dried damask roses for tea. ill tell you about k-theory until #you shut me up.

[writemyanchor]

Along Came You

Summary: Killian Jones is a jaded NYPD detective who has been on the force for nearly ten years. He doesn’t do emotions and he certainly doesn’t do relationships. Enter Emma Swan. She’s never been one to back down from a challenge.

Rated E

Content/Trigger warnings: Strong sexual content, language, mention of minor character(s) death(s), alcohol abuse

a/n: First of all, thank you to the community @captainswanbigbang that put the CSLB together. It was so much fun interacting with artists and writers on tumblr and getting to create together. So, thank you!

Also, thank you to my amazing beta-reader @awkwardnessandbaseball who has more patience than I can understand and is so bad ass in her editing skills. She made this story SO much better.

Finally, I love my artwork! I’ve never had one for a CS fic before and @liloproductions made this beautiful one for my story that fit so well and was so perfect that I was almost shocked how spot on she got it. I’m simply in love with it.

Lastly, if you read this fic in its entirety, then you’re already really freaking awesome in my book!

Links: AO3 FANFICTION

X X

KILLIAN JONES

He pushed himself harder than he’d intended at the gym, his sweat-soaked shirt sticking to his skin. He was beat, having gotten off an 18-hour shift two nights before then jogging to and from a two-hour gym session with David. He should have ignored his best friend when he rang him at 6 o’clock that morning, but…

The elevator dinged on his floor and Killian pushed himself off the wall, grabbing his keys from his pocket as he walked down the hall towards his apartment. When he entered his place, he was surprised to find the scent of bacon and eggs as well as the faint sound of the radio coming from the kitchen. Killian kicked off his shoes and left his things by the door before rounding the corner, a pinch in his brow.

The brunette standing in front of the stove—the very reason he had answered David’s call—was currently humming along to Electric Light Orchestra’s ‘Don’t Bring Me Down’ without a care in the world, swaying her hips, completely oblivious to his presence.

He was hit with flashes of the night before. His head ached from the amount of rum he had consumed, but he could remember bits and pieces of her dancing against him. He wasn’t much of a dancer, mostly just swayed slightly, smiling like a drunken fool as she rubbed her body against him.

Killian shook his head to clear his mind before he loudly cleared his throat. The brunette jumped slightly before spinning around on her heel. She was wearing her tiny boy shorts and one of his t-shirts, which made him clench his jaw.

Had she rifled through his things while he was gone? The woman before him smiled and reached over to turn off the radio. “Hey, you,” she said, her chest heaving a bit. “I was wondering where you went.” She sauntered over to him, a seductive smile on her face as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Suddenly, Killian couldn’t breathe. “Um,” he hummed and, trying his best to remember his manners, placed his fingertips barely on her waist to push her away gently. Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. “What’s the matter, baby?” His eyebrow rose of its own accord because he had just met this woman last night, after a pint too many, and they didn’t even know each other’s last names. “Listen, Aurora—” She almost beamed at him remembering her first name and it made something in his chest ache, but he pushed it away—“I have an early shift tomorrow morning and I have...a lot of errands to do today.” Aurora’s face fell and she took a step back. “What?” she chuckled. “Last night you said we’d...spend the weekend together.”

Killian’s jaw dropped. Had he really said that?

She took a step towards him and he took one back. Both of her eyebrows flew up this time and after a moment she said, “You’re blowing me off.” “I’m not—“ “I thought we had a good time last night.” Bloody hell. “We did, love, just...” “First, I am not your love. Second, my friend told me exactly what you were like and I didn’t listen.” She let out a sigh before looking around uncomfortably for a moment. “Let me just grab my things.” Killian ran a hand through his hair and let out a long sigh of his own as he heard Aurora rummaging around in his bedroom. About five minutes later she emerged fully dressed with her hair thrown up in a high ponytail. Killian could do nothing but watch her as she sat down in the foyer to slip on her shoes. It wasn’t until she reached for the doorknob that he finally found his voice. “For what it’s worth, I did have a good time,” he said. “I just don’t...do this.” He motioned between them pathetically.

She let out a humorless laugh before turning around to face him. “So what? You just fuck your way through New York because you have commitment issues? Guess what? We all have baggage. What makes yours any heavier than the rest of ours?” He couldn’t help but flinch at her words, but she didn’t give him a chance to respond—not that he could—before she left. She didn’t slam the door behind her like he expected, like he knew he deserved.

X X

EMMA SWAN

Emma was laying in her bed at 2 o’clock in the morning, hair thrown up in a loose bun and eating leftover pizza from the parlor down the street. She had to be up in just a few hours, but for now she didn’t care. She had finally finished unpacking and was officially moved into her new apartment— it was modest, but it was clean and in a nice neighborhood and that was all she had wanted. She didn’t think she would actually finish moving in that night, but her friend Mary-Margaret, in all her beautiful, insistent glory, had rang her doorbell at 5 o’clock that morning with a smile on her face.

“David’s at the gym and I wanted to see your new place!” was her only explanation. But she had brought coffee and bear claws and was an interior designer for crying out loud, so really Emma had no room to complain.

Emma had known Mary-Margaret back in Storybrooke, Maine. They met their freshman year of high school and had even been roommates at Boston University for four years. They only parted ways when Mary-Margaret moved to New York for graduate school. Then she met David and the two of them had been inseparable ever since, moving in together not long after.

Emma was happy for her friend—David was a good man who loved her and Mary-Margaret deserved nothing less. Although, sometimes Emma had to admit she envied her friend’s love. She knew that what Mary-Margaret and David felt for each other was deep and rare, and it was something Emma had never had.

That didn’t stop her from thinking about it, though. Perhaps it was the romantic novels she buried herself in, but Emma sometimes wondered if there was a person out there who would fit into her life like a missing puzzle piece.

She thought she might have found something close with Neal, but it turned out she had just been young and naive. She turned to casual dating through college, thinking she would ‘stumble’ across her Prince Charming one day.

But that had only led her to Walsh, the arrogant salesman; Jefferson, who flirted with everything in a dress; and of course Graham, who was so sweet and kind and good-looking to boot that Emma almost wanted him to be the one. Sadly, there had just been no spark.

Needless to say, she still hadn’t met the man that quite...did it for her. She hadn’t met her person.

Emma’s plan had never been to join Mary-Margaret in New York—she had a good teaching job at Bunker Hill Community College and a cozy little loft—but she felt maybe it was time to get out of Boston and try to get a fresh start away from everything that was familiar. So when NYU had emailed her about an opening for professors specifically in Classic Literature, she knew it was a sign.

The next day was her first day teaching and she was ready.

X X

KILLIAN JONES

“Well hello there, Casanova.”

Killian rolled his eyes as he took a seat at his desk, across from his partner David. He handed David his coffee while taking a sip of his own. Killian began aimlessly fiddling through a finished case file on his desk, hoping to distract his friend from where this conversation was obviously headed.

“Sorry for pulling you away from your lady love yesterday,” David continued, an infuriating grin on his face. “If you’d just told me you were seeing someone…”

“I’m not.” Killian couldn’t help but snap, looking up. Then his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he shook his head. “Wait, how the bloody hell did you know about that?”

David couldn’t hide his guilty face even if he tried. “Robin may have let a few details slip about your outing at the bar this weekend. So, what’s her name?” He smiled and leaned back in his chair, placing both hands behind his head.

Killian’s jaw clenched as he looked down at the papers in front of him. “It doesn’t matter,” he said quietly. “I’m not seeing her again.”

He heard David sigh. “Isn’t that the third one night stand you’ve had this month?”

Killian couldn’t help but slam his pen on his desk. “Bloody hell, are you keeping track?”

Suddenly David leaned forward with a serious expression. “Look, Killian, you know I love you like a brother—”

“Mate, I’m going to go ahead and stop you right there. I don’t want to hear your speech about ‘meaningful relationships’ before I’ve even finished my first cup of coffee,” he said, a pleading look on his face.

David held his hands up in surrender. “I promise you this is not a speech. I just think if you met the right person—”

Killian clenched his jaw again. “Listen, Dave. I told you once we’re not discussing this. I don’t want to have to tell you again.” He fixed his partner with a hard stare, and as expected, David let out a sigh before he finally backed down, frustration clear as day on his face.

Thankfully, the awkwardness didn’t last long because their captain approached them a moment later, clearing his throat and looking between the two men curiously. Killian tore his glare away from David to meet his superior’s gaze.

“Morning, gentleman,” Captain Gold said. “Is there a problem here?”

“No,” Killian answered, fighting to keep his voice steady. He didn’t want to get on his superior’s bad side today. “I have the briefing on the Samson case whenever you’re ready.” It was easy for Killian to slip back into the role of detective; it was familiar and safe.

“Absolutely,” Gold responded, all authority. “Be in my office in ten minutes.”

Killian simply nodded and turned his attention to his computer, burying himself in his paperwork once again. Twenty minutes later, David got up and offered him another cup of coffee. When Killian raised an eyebrow, and David only nodded once in return, he knew he and his friend were on good terms again. For now.

X X

EMMA SWAN

“You are being dramatic,” Mary-Margaret said, her tone disbelieving.

“I’m really not,” Emma laughed as Mary-Margaret took the wine bottle from her hands and led her to the kitchen. “Second day of class and I already have two students asking for extensions on a paper. What is happening to the world?”

“Hey, do not ask me that,” Regina—a close friend of Mary-Margaret—chimed in. “I could go on and on.”

Mary-Margaret giggled as she uncorked the wine and filled a glass. “We don’t want that. Here, drink this,” she said, handing the full glass to Regina, who took it graciously.

“By the way, is Jones gracing us with his presence tonight?” Regina asked.

Mary-Margaret sighed, handing Emma a generous glass of wine before pouring her own. “I honestly do not know what is going on with that man,” she said, setting the bottle down. “You know I haven’t seen him since Trivia Night? Two months ago.”

“Who is Jones?” Emma asked curiously.

“Killian Jones,” Mary-Margaret said. “David’s partner.”

“Oh!” Emma recalled the few stories she heard about him from Mary-Margaret and David over the years, but she had never met him, nor seen a photo of him. “So he does exist.”

Mary-Margaret laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Who exists?” Regina’s husband, Robin, asked as he entered the kitchen. He was a few inches taller than her, with sandy blonde hair, kind eyes, and a British accent.

“Detective Killian Jones,” Regina said dramatically, wrapping her arm around Robin’s waist as he embraced her. “Heard of him?”

“Ahh yes, the elusive Detective Jones,” Robin said playfully. “I hear he lurks in subway trenches in the middle of the night, and feeds off the empty beer bottles of the Uni kids.”

Regina giggled, startling Emma and making her completely forget about the drink that was halfway to her mouth. She watched Regina snuggle closer to Robin with an almost drunken smile on her face that Emma was sure had nothing to do with the wine.

“You’re so cheesy, do you know that?” Regina murmured.

Robin looked down at her so longingly, Emma had to look away. “Only for you, my darling love bug,” he said.

Emma inexplicably felt herself blush and she quickly looked down before gulping the rest of her wine—despite it still being half full—and discreetly moved to the island to pour herself another.

Just as she was topping off her glass, she heard the distinct sound of lips smacking, so she took a large gulp of her wine and reached for a cracker on the cheese plate in front of her. Mary-Margaret appeared next to her, grabbing a tiny piece of salami and thankfully oblivious to her discomfort.

Before anyone could say another word, the doorbell rang. Mary-Margaret stepped forward to answer it, but David finally appeared from the living room and headed toward the front door. There were muffled voices and a few chuckles before footsteps approached them.

“Look who I found!” David’s booming voice entered the kitchen before he did.

Following behind him was a tall, dark-haired, incredibly handsome man. Emma Swan did not get goosebumps often, but here she was getting them at the sight of a total stranger. He was looking a bit sheepish at the attention he was now getting from everyone, and Emma took a moment to admire his crisp, dark blue button-down shirt, rolled up to his elbows. He was wearing a pair of dark, tight-fitting jeans that fit so snugly around his hips and legs she briefly wondered if he got them custom-fitted. He was holding a bottle of red wine in his hands...Which brought Emma to his hands.

Maybe it was because he was so handsome, maybe because he had this air of mystery surrounding him, but his hands were so...nice. They were manly, but elegant. Long and lean, but obviously strong. And his forearms, covered in a dark dusting of hair, flexed when he shook hands with Robin, and it took a minute for Emma to realize she was actually biting her lip. She quickly stopped, but immediately after her eyes zoned in on the bit of chest hair peeking out through his unbuttoned shirt collar and she was sure she was done. Right. There.

Emma realized there were muffled voices around her, and quickly came to before someone realized she was day-dreaming. Thankfully, the man in question had his entire focus on the host, apologizing profusely for his tardiness.

“I’m just glad you’re here, Killian,” Mary-Margaret said, smiling wide. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, love,” he breathed, wrapping his arms around her in a hug, and for heaven’s sakes Emma felt a jealousy she had no right or reason to feel. Mary-Margaret was in love with David for crying out loud! And who even was this guy?

She took a moment to be relieved no one had caught her ogling, then proceeded to accidentally ogle more when Killian greeted the others.

It wasn’t until she saw...eyes...blue eyes...looking right into hers...that she finally snapped out of it.

“Um,” Emma shook her head, feeling her entire body go numb.

Thankfully Mary-Margaret saved her, with or without knowing it. “Oh, Killian, this is my best friend Emma,” she said, walking over and wrapping an arm around her. “From Storybrooke.”

Killian, who was now looking at her like a deer caught in the headlights, shook his head so minutely Emma was probably the only one who noticed. Then his face broke out in a stunning grin and he took a step forward.

“Aye,” he said, sticking his hand out. “Pleasure to finally meet you, Ms. Swan.”

Emma shook his hand, smiling slightly. His hand was warm. “You too, Mr. Jones.”

His lips twitched.

She blushed.

Who was this man?

X X

KILLIAN JONES

Emma Swan. The name had been thrown around quite a bit in the years he had known David and Mary-Margaret, but he truly wasn’t prepared for the blonde goddess that greeted him that evening. He had planned on blowing off Mary-Margaret and David’s dinner invitation that night, in no mood to sit through hours of menial small talk. But he knew he’d disappointed his friends enough times; he didn’t have too many chances left.

But that had in no way factored in Emma Swan, with her tight jeans and long, blonde hair and her heartbreakingly beautiful smile, with eyes so green he wanted to sit and stare at them for a little while to memorize all the hues.

Killian cursed himself for his ridiculous thoughts and promptly accepted the beer Robin handed him.

She’s just a woman for bloody sake, he thought, taking a heavy swig.

It only took an hour into the evening, however, to understand Emma wasn’t like any other woman he had ever met. When he spoke, she looked directly into his eyes, even when it made him uncomfortable and he had to look away. When he looked back at her, she was always still gazing at him. Her presence was far too distracting and he was aware of her the entire night. When she laughed, gods above when she laughed, Killian actually had to bite his lip to keep from groaning out loud.

Bloody hell, he had a crush on her. Like some pre-pubescent lad in preparatory school. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had a crush, if he had ever had one. Killian had never really felt emotionally attached to a person; he had always been more comfortable initiating physical relationships.

A woman had never made Killian uneasy like this and he didn’t like it.

He knew he was in big trouble when he found himself purposely not answering her the first time she called his name simply because he wanted to hear her say it again.

So after dinner, when everyone else was pretty much three sheets to the wind and eating the remaining cheesecake straight from the tray, Killian excused himself to the kitchen to get some ‘water.’

At the sink, he downed two shots of tequila, and was pouring himself a third when he felt the air in the small space suddenly shift.

His shoulders went tight.

“Drinking alone?”

Killian swallowed hard and finished pouring the shot as he let out a humorless chuckle. He threw back the drink, barely wincing at the sting, before he composed himself and turned around.

Emma was leaning across the island, and bloody Christ he could see straight down her blouse, her arms pressing together, adding to the exposed cleavage. He quickly tore his eyes away and cursed internally again.

“Can I have one?” she asked.

Killian looked back at her and she gestured to the bottle of tequila and shot glass behind him. He raised an eyebrow, but grabbed the bottle and glass, placing them on the island between them.

She frowned when he only poured half a shot and he chuckled, shaking his head as he topped it off.

“Thank you,” she said, standing up straight. Killian sighed in relief when he could no longer see down her shirt.

“Drinking alone?” he couldn’t help but tease.

“I’m not alone. You’re right here with me,” she smiled, not breaking his gaze as she threw the shot back gracefully, setting the empty glass on the countertop with a clink.

X X

EMMA SWAN

“So what’s your story, Killian Jones?” she asked, reaching for the bottle and pouring another shot.

“I beg your pardon?” Killian leaned against the sink behind him and crossed his arms.

Emma shrugged, holding up the glass. “Everyone was surprised that you came. Why is that?”

“No story, I’m afraid. Just ol’ chaps happy to see one another, I suppose.” He smiled and, despite only having met him a few hours ago, she could instantly tell he was lying.

Emma finished half the shot before sliding the half-full glass towards him. Killian quirked an eyebrow at her again, a habit she was growing to really like, before gently pushing off the sink and taking the drink. Emma watched him down the rest in one go, admiring the way his Adam's apple bobbed and his throat muscles contracted as he swallowed.

“I don’t buy it,” Emma continued, the alcohol essentially evaporating any filter she had left. “I think there’s something Detective Jones isn’t telling me.” She swayed slightly, leaning her hands on the countertop as she tilted her head at him.

Killian scratched the back of his ear and let out a nervous chuckle. “Why so curious, love?” he asked, placing the empty shot glass back on the counter between them.

She bit her lip and shrugged, reaching for the bottle of tequila and gasping when his hand suddenly covered hers.

“Enough of that, love.”

Emma looked up at the endearment, throat clenching at the fire behind his eyes.

“You call all the girls ‘love,’ love?” she challenged in a far more menacing tone than she intended.

She quirked her eyebrow and reveled in the way his mouth fell open in shock. Emma tore her hand away from his and reached for the bottle again, grabbing the shot glass with her other hand and pouring a very generous shot.

“By the way, buddy,” she added, “nobody tells me what to do but me.”

And very spitefully, Emma took the shot in one go, not even wincing, and setting the glass on the counter with a louder clink.

When she looked up, Killian was leaning back against the sink again with his arms crossed and an almost challenging look on his face before it melted into a sweet smile.

“Point taken,” he said.

“So. Are you ever going to answer my question?”

“What question was that, love?”

Emma narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t play games with me.” She knew she was drunk, but he was definitely trying to be cute with her.

“But I’m quite fond of games,” he grinned, biting his lip.

Well, shit.

“What’s your favorite?” she asked almost breathlessly, her eyes glazing over ever so slightly.

“Game?” he asked quietly.

Emma shrugged and met his gaze with a small smirk, definitely enjoying this game. “Aye aye, Captain.”

His smile faded and he clenched his jaw, swallowing hard. And just like that the air in the room shifted.

She wanted him. And if she was reading that dark look in his eyes correctly, he wanted her, too.

But she didn’t have time to explore that further, because the moment she took a step to go around the counter he was standing up straight and running a hand through his hair.

“I should probably get back in there,” he said, his accent coming on thicker than before.

It snapped Emma out of her haze. “Oh. Yeah. Right.”

She expected him to say something more, but instead he just gave her an insincere, tight-lipped smile before all but bolting out of the room.

Emma went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face to gain her bearings before rejoining everyone in the living room where Regina was loudly demanding more card games and Killian had occupied the lone Lazy Boy.

It might have just been her drunken haze, but Emma could swear Killian did everything in his power to stay away from her the rest of the night.

X X

KILLIAN JONES

He thought once she was out of sight, she would be out of mind. But Killian couldn’t stop seeing Emma Swan’s smile every time he closed his eyes.

He washed down two valiums with a swig of rum so he could have a dreamless sleep that night and stop thinking about her. He told himself the infatuation would fade come morning, that he’d literally sleep it all off.

Killian got up first thing in the morning and jogged the two miles to the gym, lifted weights for 45 minutes, and jogged the two miles back. By the time he was in the shower and the hot water was streaming down his tense back, he felt completely exhausted. He dressed in comfortable sweats and put some laundry away. When he was closing his dresser drawer, one of his picture frames sitting atop the drawer fell over.

Killian sighed and picked it up, but froze when he realized it was the photo of him when he had just graduated the police academy. His older brother, Liam—Killian’s throat felt like it was closing up—had saved all of his money for months to pay for their mother to make the trip to see him graduate, all the way from London. It had been her first time and only time to the States.

Killian’s jaw clenched and he snapped his eyes shut at the sudden onslaught of painful memories. He shook his head after a moment, rolled his shoulders, and opened his eyes, once again fixing his gaze on the picture in front of him.

Killian stood, smiling proudly in his uniform. His mother and brother were both at his side, beaming with pride at his accomplishment and they just looked so...happy. His mother had just gotten the news that her cancer was back, but she insisted she wouldn’t miss Killian’s ‘milestone.’

She’d come all this way to see me, just to...

Killian swallowed those memories down, shook them off, and opened the top drawer of the dresser. He shoved the picture frame underneath some t-shirts in the very back, face down, before slamming it shut. He allowed a couple minutes to recollect himself before taking a deep breath and letting it all roll off his shoulders.

x x

It was a week later that he unexpectedly saw Emma Swan again.

He and David were in the middle of staking out a hotel when Killian decided to grab a couple of coffees. When he spotted her, he quickly backed out of the coffee shop like a bloody coward, but a man and his two kids were walking in. The apologies and slight commotion attracted attention, and before he knew it his eyes were locked on breathtaking green once again.

Killian shook his head at himself, apologizing to the family one last time, before stepping in line behind Emma, who was looking at him with an amused expression. He felt his cheeks blush as he slid his hands into his jean pockets.

“Emma,” he said, enjoying the way her name sounded on his tongue more than he had any right to. “I, uh, didn’t see you there.”

Emma smiled wider and crossed her arms. “Clearly you didn’t see anyone.”

Killian couldn’t help but choke out a laugh as he scratched the spot behind his ear. “Aye, I’m a bit out of sorts when I don’t have my afternoon coffee.”

Emma nodded as the barista called her next. She smiled at Killian and quickly ordered. Killian allowed himself a brief moment to take her in because his memory of this woman did not do her justice in the slightest.

She was wearing those damn tight jeans again, which emphasized a pert bottom he hadn’t had the pleasure of admiring before, and a red leather jacket that hugged her curves so...so bloody well.

Killian heard a throat clearing and looked up to see the man with two kids looking at him with a hard glare and he realized he’d been caught staring. He felt himself blush red for the second time, before he looked down and scratched that stubborn spot behind his ear again.

At the counter with all of the sweeteners and creams, Killian tried not to stand too close to her, or let on the way her sweet perfume was making him dizzy. He blinked quickly as she asked about the case he and David were working on.

“Is it serious? Or, I’m sorry, you can’t discuss ongoing investigations with me,” she said, shaking her head as she poured an obscene amount of sugar in her coffee, followed by a generous amount of Half and Half. He couldn’t help but smile to himself as he looked back down at the coffee he was stirring with a small straw.

“It’s alright, love,” Killian finally said when he realized she was looking up at him expectantly. “It’s a harmless stakeout. Recon really, but nothing to worry about nonetheless.”

He finished fixing David’s coffee the way he liked and poured just a tiny bit of cream in his own before grabbing both coffees.

“Well, duty calls I’m afraid.” He managed a smile despite his nerves—he couldn’t help feeling like he was going to do something else to utterly embarrass himself.

Emma nodded and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah. I’m just on my way to class.”

“Ah, taking the subway?” he found himself asking, even though he should have been walking away.

Emma scrunched her nose with an adorable, self-deprecating smile.

Bloody hell, Jones, adorable?

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “I’m getting used to it. It’s not too far so, baby steps.” She smiled and his heart clenched. “I miss driving my bug though. She’s just parked in the garage.”

She looked so calm and peaceful then, obviously lost in thought, and Killian had no problem taking advantage of the moment to take a mental photograph of her face.

His buzzing phone, of course, had other ideas. He cursed as he set down the coffees and grabbed it from his back pocket.

“David,” he told her, smiling apologetically.

She nodded and forced a small smile. “Yeah. You should go. I’ve gotta get going anyway.” Emma nodded again and clutched her drink closer to her chest, her smile growing smaller but still just as breathtaking. “Tell David ‘hi.’”

“As you wish.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds, neither of them saying anything, before he nodded once more and finally left.

He could still smell her perfume as he sat in the patrol car beside David, sipping his coffee and unable to stop himself from thinking about the one thing he knew he shouldn’t.

X X

EMMA SWAN

“Can I ask you something?” Emma started, keeping her eyes focused on the task at hand, but her attention on her best friend seated beside her.

“Of course,” Mary-Margaret said, her voice distracted as she too was paying more attention to the menu in front of her.

They were both starving.

“Who is Killian dating again?” she asked, keeping her voice level and measured as she struggled to focus on the words and pictures before her. She zeroed in on an entree titled ‘Wacky Wahoo Tacos’ and kept reading it over and over again to try and keep her composure.

But Mary-Margaret wasn’t buying her casual attitude and Emma should have known her friend better.

“Excuse me?” she asked. Emma looked up and saw her friend looking at her with a glint in her eyes and a wide grin on her face.

Emma shook her head and rolled her eyes. “What is that look for?”

“Nothing,” she said, resting her arms on the table and leaning forward. “So. You like Killian.” And just like that, Mary-Margaret was no longer hungry.

“Um, no. I’ve just met a few of your friends this last month, and I’m refreshing my memory on all of them,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. “Regina is married to Robin, right? Do they have any kids, by the way?”

Mary-Margaret shook her head, her grin somehow growing even wider. “No, they don’t have any kids yet. And Killian is not seeing anyone. As far as I know, he’s single. But nice job trying to change the subject.”

“Oh. Okay,” Emma said with a forced casualness that was almost painful. “Thanks for the information.”

“Oh, you’re welcome,” she said, “but we’re not finished talking about this.”

“We are, because David is here,” Emma said, spotting him over her friend’s shoulder and smiling smugly.

Mary-Margaret greeted him happily, and Emma hugged him before he joined them, ordering a tequila shot and a Corona.

“Are we celebrating something, David?” Emma smiled as his drinks arrived.

“Long week,” he sighed, taking the shot first.

“Emma and I were just talking about Killian,” Mary-Margaret said, stirring the straw in her margarita innocently.

Maybe Emma should have also known better than to bring this topic up when her friend was already one drink in.

David’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why were you talking about Killian?” he asked, taking a swig of beer.

Emma shook her head, trying to mask her frustration at her friend. “We weren’t. I was just asking where you were.”

“David, let’s set them up,” Mary-Margaret said wistfully.

David almost spit out his beer, and it would have been funny if Emma wasn’t so damn mortified.

“What?” David laughed uncomfortably. “You like Killian?” he asked, fixing those baby blues on her.

“No. I don’t,” she said firmly. “I was just wondering if he was seeing someone, if there was someone you guys still hadn’t introduced me to,” she babbled, shrugging like an idiot.

“He’s not, nor do I think he ever will be,��� David said seriously, taking a long pull from his drink.

Mary-Margaret laughed, obviously thinking he was joking. She elbowed him gently in the side. “David.”

But Emma’s interest was piqued. She hadn’t missed David’s sudden change in posture.

“Why do you say that?” Emma asked.

“Look, Emma, just don’t get close to Killian...in that way. I just don’t think he’s the kinda guy you wanna date.” She could tell the topic was making David uncomfortable, but Emma couldn’t let it go.

“Okay, Dad,” she said, adding a light laugh to make her tone less cutting. It probably didn’t work so she took a sip of her drink to pretend she was relaxed. “I turn...mmm...29 this year? Practically a grown adult,” she couldn’t help but mock.

David sighed. “I know that, it’s just...I know Killian, okay? You don’t. His relation...sss with women, it’s…” Their eyes met and Emma raised her eyebrows dramatically. “Killian’s life is...complicated and you don’t need that.”

Part of her wanted to argue that the topic was moot, that she didn’t like him that way anyway. But Emma couldn’t deny her feelings, couldn’t push them back down. And—inexplicably—the urge to defend Killian was stronger than anything else.

“That’s a hell of a way to speak about your partner, David,” she couldn’t help but snap. David sighed, a guilt-stricken look crossing his face, but before he could respond Emma pressed on, “And thank you for telling me what I need in my life, but I think that’s unfair. Especially since Killian has been nothing but nice to me and he’s not even here to defend himself.”

“Emma…” David began again.

But that was the moment their server arrived to take their food orders. By the time their orders were taken and their menus collected, the three of them were left in the tension once again.

Emma decided to finish the conversation before it could start again. “I appreciate your concern, David, I do,” she said calmly. “But I don’t think we should talk about it anymore. Let’s just eat.”

Mary-Margaret nodded and raised her drink, looking at David with a soft smile. He nodded and forced a small smile before clinking his beer bottle with their drinks in a silent cheers.

The rest of dinner went by fairly quickly and at the end of the night, when they were saying their goodbyes at the front of the restaurant, Mary-Margaret wrapped Emma in a tight hug and whispered, “Don’t listen to David.”

Emma pulled away to look at her friend, but Mary-Margaret quickly kissed her cheek—loud and smacking—and hopped into the waiting cab before she could say anything.

She snapped out of it when David hugged her goodbye and as she watched the taxi drive away, Emma couldn’t ignore how the red brake lights morphed into blue eyes.

x x

After her British Literature lecture Thursday evening, Emma decided to stop at the supermarket a block from the subway to grab a few things.

She was looking for the cashew ice cream she liked when she saw him. He didn’t notice her, busy looking down at his phone with furrowed eyebrows, but he was clearly frustrated, his other hand clutching a basket.

All in a matter of seconds, a thousand thoughts flew through Emma’s mind.

He was so damn handsome, in his tight black jeans, black boots, and black t-shirt. His hair was slightly disheveled and when he ran his fingers through it, it turned Emma on way more than it should. She couldn’t help but bite her lip.

Quickly, she decided to turn around and just avoid him altogether, but just as she turned away from him, he was calling her name. Emma froze in place and took three deep breaths before slowly turning around.

“Hi,” she smiled, voice trembling slightly.

His crooked grin melted her insides. “Hi. How are you, love?”

She’d heard him refer to other women as ‘love,’ yet when it was directed towards her...it felt like it meant more. The way he looked at her made her feel different; different than when he looked at Regina or Mary-Margaret. It certainly wasn’t a way any other man had ever looked at her —it was as if she was the focal point of the room, and nothing else mattered.

Damn, Swan, stop romanticizing everything.

“I’m good, um, just picking up a few things on the way to the subway,” she said.

Mary-Margaret had mentioned to her in passing that Killian lived in this neighborhood, but the thought had only casually crossed her mind as she entered the store. The fact that she was actually bumping into him here was just…

Does the universe want me to keep finding you? Emma couldn’t help but wonder, tilting her head at Killian.

“It’s late to be taking the subway home,” he suddenly said, eyebrows furrowed.

His smooth, velvet voice startled her slightly, but when his words connected she couldn’t help but smile. “I appreciate your concern, but I’ve done it the last couple months without a problem. Plus,” she looked down at her watch and shook her head, “it’s only six p.m.”

“Aye, but it gets dark, love,” he said, placing his phone in his back pocket and switching his basket to the other hand.

Emma crossed her arms over her chest. This time her smile was less sincere. “I’m a grown woman.”

Killian snorted and shook his head, looking away, and it annoyed and attracted her at the same time.

Infatuation. That’s what this was. She was infatuated with him.

He, of course, was completely oblivious to the war inside Emma’s head and turned to her once again with a rueful smile.

“You know, you don’t have to assume every time somebody expresses concern for you, they’re questioning your ability as a capable adult.”

Emma swallowed, taken aback before she glanced down at his basket and noted the bottle of rum and box of crackers.

“Why, you’re an adventurous eater,” she said with a smug smile, challenging him.

Killian’s eyebrows shot up in surprise—at what, she wasn’t quite sure—and he shifted from one foot to the other with a smile, looking almost amused.

“And you are very adept at changing the subject.”

Emma shrugged and smiled sweetly. “I deal with students all day. I know how to direct a conversation.”

“Aye. And what else do you know how to do, lass?” he asked, tongue darting out to wet his lips.

Her breath caught in her throat and her thighs actually clenched slightly as she stood there.

They had had conversations over the last couple of months and the flirty banter was always there, but Killian always put the brakes on it when Emma would take a step towards him, try to get closer, or instigate any type of physical contact. He even hugged Regina and Mary-Margaret when she was around, but somehow always managed to avoid hugging her without anyone noticing.

But she always noticed. And it always stung. Then she would catch his eye and it was almost as if he couldn’t help but smile at her.

Sometimes she’d push him just to see how far he would let her.

Maybe today, Emma could push a little bit harder.

She cleared her throat. “I guess...you just have to find out.” She rocked back and forth on her heels and chanced a glance at him through her lashes.

Despite her lame response, Killian took a step towards her, raising an eyebrow and looking at her with an expression that was far too salacious for a grocery store.

“Is that right?” he breathed, his voice gruff as his eyes danced across her face. His expression was a mixture of surprise, lust, and—as always—hesitation.

Emma swallowed hard. He was still nowhere near enough yet far too close.

“What are you doing?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. She felt like he was teasing her, trying to call her bluff, trying to push her.

Emma decided she was done playing games. She was attracted to him. For God’s sake, if he asked her to go home with him right now she would.

His sexy smirk was still in place. “I’m not sure what you mean, love.”

But when his tone indicated he knew exactly what he was doing, Emma could no longer control herself. She took a step forward, except she didn’t stop at one. She took the remaining steps, until there was only an inch separating them, and it clearly caught Killian off guard. He didn’t move a muscle, but she heard his breath hitch when their chests barely touched. Even with the layers of clothes between them, it somehow felt like an electric spark coursed through her at his proximity.

“Do you want to take me home?” she found herself asking.

Emma couldn’t believe that for the first time in her life, she finally said exactly what she was thinking in the moment.

“What?” Killian’s question was a mere whisper.

Emma took a small step closer, closing the miniscule space between them and startling him in the process. She was sure anyone who saw them, standing in the middle of the ice cream aisle practically writhing against one another, would assume they were both on something.

But in that moment, as impulsive as it may have been, Emma didn’t care.

“Because,” she breathed, her chest practically heaving. But his was too, “because I’d go home with you...right now...if you asked me to.”

Killian’s eyes searched hers for what felt like an eternity. She felt like she was shaking, maybe she was, but she didn’t back down. The seconds ticked by, and she couldn’t take not knowing what was going through his mind.

“Killian?”

Emma jumped back from him so quickly she was impressed she didn’t hurt herself. She looked up in time to see the owner of the voice—a petite woman in a black mini-dress and lace sandals that tied in patterns to her knees—rounded the corner and spotted him.

“There you are,” she smiled, looking down at the bag of chips she was turning over in her hands as she walked over to him. She had wavy, shiny brown hair and sun-kissed skin. She was gorgeous.

God, Emma felt so stupid and embarrassed. She had felt so victorious when she had thrown herself at this man and all along he had been there with somebody else. And a knockout, at that.

The woman touched Killian’s arm and looked up when she reached them, noticing Emma.

“Oh. Hi,” she said with a smile. “I’m Cecilia.”

“Emma.” She smiled tightly at her and crossed her arms over her chest, wishing this was just a nightmare and she could snap herself out of it.

“Nice to meet you,” Cecilia said before turning to Killian. “I’m tired. Are you ready to go home?”

Emma noticed Killian visibly flinch at her words and that was when she decided to take back control.

“Alright, Killian, it was nice seeing you. Have a good one.”

Okay, it may not have exactly been ‘taking control,’ or her most graceful exit, but Emma didn’t give a damn what she looked like to anyone else in that moment. She didn’t even wait for a response, didn’t buy a single thing, as she hauled ass out of the store. All she wanted was to get the hell away from them.

Emma didn’t look over her shoulder or stop until she was on the subway. She found an empty seat and all but fell down into it.

She had never felt so small.

X X

KILLIAN JONES

Bloody hell.

“Who was that?” Cecilia asked as they stepped out onto the curb outside the grocery store.

“Don’t worry about it,” Killian said.

Cecilia was a nice enough woman he’d known for a couple of years. She was a district attorney who used to work in New York, but was reassigned to Washington D. C. On the rare occasion she was in town, she never hesitated to call Killian.

And Killian usually didn’t hesitate to agree.

But that night, when Cecilia called and asked to take him to dinner, Killian’s response wasn’t enthusiastic as usual. It was mechanical. He needed a distraction from Emma Swan.

The night had gone like it usually did with women; they had a nice dinner, polite conversation. Then she placed her hand on his knee under the table and he put his arm around her shoulders and they both knew how the night was going to end.

Now Killian couldn’t help but curse his suggestion to stop at the market on the way home, but he was completely dry and knew he didn’t want to be caught at home without a bottle of rum. When he saw Emma, he completely forgot Cecilia.

Bloody hell, that sounded terrible, even in his own head.

But Killian had quickly realized that when Emma was in the room, he quickly forgot about everything else.

He hadn’t even bothered calling her name when she fled, only cursing himself for being so damn stupid.

“Listen,” Killian said after a moment, “I’m going to get you a cab, and pay for it, to take you back to your hotel.”

Cecilia scoffed. “What? You’re kidding, right?”

“No. I’m not.”

“Why?”

Killian shook his head and looked down the street for a taxi.

“It’s that woman, isn’t it?” she asked, her tone suddenly curious. “Killian Jones, I never thought I would see the day!”

Killian wasn’t in the mood for the teasing tone in her voice. “Please just let it go.”

Cecilia eyed him for a moment, and just when he thought she would continue, she sighed and nodded. “Alright. See you next time, then,” she said.

But Killian doubted that she would.

He hailed her a cab, but she rejected his offer to pay for it. As he watched the taillights from the taxi driving away, there was only one thing on his mind.

x x

Killian was a coward for not calling her. It had been almost a week since their awkward encounter at the grocery store and though he could have used his resources as a detective to get her telephone number, could have procured it under innocent pretenses from Mary-Margaret, something had stopped him.

It had been a long time since he had felt shame and even longer since someone made him insecure about their opinion of him.

Bloody hell, she probably thinks you’re a right git.

Thankfully, Killian saw an opportunity to forget about Emma Swan for a little while when David told them they were going drinking when their shift ended. As always, fate had other plans because after he and David took their first shot, trouble walked in in the form of Emma Swan.

“Bloody hell,” he couldn’t help but mutter.

But David didn’t notice because a second later his phone buzzed with a text as Mary-Margaret stepped inside behind Emma, looking down at her cell. He took a long pull from his beer as David turned around with a smile to wave them over.

“Hey, you,” he said, standing up to wrap Mary-Margaret in his arms before hugging Emma.

Killian chanced a glance at her, but she was careful to keep her gaze away from him, so he greeted Mary-Margaret with a warm ‘hello.’

“Don’t worry, we’re not crashing your boys’ night,” Mary-Margaret teased him. “Emma and I were just having dinner down the street so we thought we’d pop in and say ‘hi.’

“No, come on. Stay,” David said before Killian could respond. “I’ll miss you if you leave.” David snuggled Mary-Margret and gave her loud, teasing kisses on her cheek as she laughed and tried half-heartedly to fight him off.

Killian looked away, feeling like he was trespassing on a private moment. When he glanced at Emma he found she too was averting her gaze, her focus suddenly on the drinks behind the bar.

“Alright. One drink?” Mary-Margaret asked.

Emma turned to her friend when she realized she was talking to her. She smiled and gave a quick shake of her head. “I’m really tired, I think I’m just going to head out,” she said apologetically.

“No,” Mary-Margaret pleaded. “Just one drink.”

“I can’t,” she said, scrunching her nose at her best friend who, after a moment, finally sighed and relented.

“Fine, but we’re getting you a cab,” Mary-Margaret told her sternly.

As Emma began shaking her head and arguing that she was perfectly capable of taking the subway home, Killian downed the rest of his beer and set the empty bottle on the table before standing up.

“It’s alright. I’d be happy to take the subway with you,” he said before he even realized what the hell he was doing.

Emma’s head whipped around to him with the most confused expression. She began quickly shaking her head at him. “No, that’s fine, I—”

“Believe me, I’d rather be home in bed than be the third wheel with these two,” he said lightly, praying to the gods he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt.

When Emma seemed to realize it was the only way to get her friends off her back, she finally agreed. He didn’t miss the way Mary-Margaret smiled at Emma when she thought he wasn’t looking and he certainly didn’t miss the hard stare David gave him as he followed Emma out of the bar.

x x

They walked for about five minutes in awkward silence.

“You know,” Emma said. “I was leaving the bar to avoid you. Not to have you escort me home.”

He peeked over at her as he slid his hands into his pockets, but her arms were crossed tightly against her chest and she kept her eyes down as she walked. He turned his head away again and clenched his jaw.

“The irony,” he chuckled. When she didn’t respond, he sighed and tried another tactic. Killian stopped and grabbed her arm gently.

Emma stopped, but the glare she threw at him was enough to make him drop her arm like it was lit dynamite.

“Listen, Emma, I just wanted to apologize,” he began.

She turned to face him fully, re-crossing her arms with a shrug. “For what?”

He couldn’t help but scratch behind his ear and avert his gaze. “I just fear...you may have gotten the wrong idea the other night.”

He heard her sigh and shuffle her feet. “Killian, please, can we not do this?”

Killian looked up at her and shook his head. “Emma…”

She took a step back and held her hands up in front of her, as if to keep him away. “I said we’re not doing this, okay? It’s none of my business. Don’t worry. We’re good.”

Emma fixed him with another hard glare and he could do nothing but stare back, swallowing the giant lump in his throat. After a moment, she turned on her heel and began walking away again.

“Besides,” she threw over her shoulder, “you were just grocery shopping with your girlfriend. Picture of complete domesticity if you ask me.”

Killian all but growled as he hurried after her.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he said desperately, almost bumping into her when she suddenly whirled back around to face him.

“I don’t care!” she yelled, her frustration at the tipping point.

“If you don’t bloody care, then why are you being like this?” he demanded, his own ire rising to the surface along with hers.

“Like what?” she laughed angrily.

“Hostile,” he said.

“Killian, this is as civil as I can be with you!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I practically jumped you in the middle of a grocery store—and you flirted back, by the way—and the whole time, you were there with another woman!That’s...that’s skeezy as hell, you know that right?” Her chest was heaving and she looked at him like she was completely at a loss, as if she was truly waiting for him to give her the answer she needed.

“Yes, Emma, I know that,” he said, scrambling for the right things to say. “I just...She doesn’t mean...I mean, she isn’t…” He growled in frustration as she shook her head and looked away. When she wouldn’t meet his gaze, he whispered the only thing he was thinking, “She isn’t you.”

Slowly, so slowly he thought it might be slow-motion, she turned her head to look at him. She searched his eyes for what felt like eternity and he became restless and insecure under her gaze. But he held fast and didn’t look away like he usually did, hoping to show her what he couldn’t quite say with words.

I want you.

Give me a chance.

I’m sorry.

Don’t walk away…

But she was taking too long to say something and he knew that meant something bad. With a heavy sigh and even heavier heart, Killian turned around, shoulders slumped. He slipped his hands in his pockets and wondered where the nearest liquor store was.

He only made it about halfway down the street when he felt a warm hand grab his arm. A second later, Emma Swan was stepping in front of him. But Killian had no time to respond, because she wasted no time wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his.

And by gods if there was a heaven on Earth for Killian Jones, kissing Emma Swan would be it.

X X

EMMA SWAN

Her place was closer, he said, and they ended up taking a taxi, neither of them wanting to wait the long trip on the subway.

His hand was hot on her thigh the entire way and she rested her head on his shoulder, now and then trailing kisses up his neck to his ear, reveling in the way he shivered at the touch of her lips, disbelieving that she was finally this close to him.

She barely noticed him give the driver some bills, and the ride in the elevator was silent and charged. At her apartment door she fumbled with her keys as he placed kisses on her neck and bare shoulders, his hands gripping her waist, and his hard arousal brushing against her lower back. For a moment she abandoned her keys in the lock as she moaned low and pressed back into him, biting her lip when he groaned as her backside rubbed against his growing erection. Her leggings left very little barrier between her and his jean-clad erection.

She shivered as his hand trailed down her arm, to her hand brushing against her key still dangling in the lock. Somehow while kissing her neck, Killian also managed to effortlessly unlock her front door and push it open. Emma almost stumbled inside, but Killian wrapped his arm around her waist before she could fall.

“Oh,” she sighed, falling back into him and snuggling closer when he resumed his previous ministrations.

Kicking the door shut with his foot and then flipping it locked, Killian whirled Emma around in his arms, lips curving up at her gasp of surprise. He backed her further into the apartment, leaving very little space between their bodies, and making them stumble along the way.

“Where is your bedroom, love?” he whispered against her throat, his tongue darting out to lick a trail up to her chin.

She moaned again and shamelessly rubbed herself against him, enjoying the way her hardening nipples rubbed against his hard chest through the fabric of her shirt.

“Emma,” he sighed against her cheek, sending chills down her spine. “Bedroom…”

Emma barely breathed out, “Down the hall to the left,” before she was squealing, then moaning wantonly as his hands gripped her ass firmly and lifted her off the ground.

She peppered kisses all over his face and neck, clawing at his back as he carried her to her bedroom. She trailed one hand down his arms, loving the way they flexed under her touch, the way his muscles contracted as her fingers brushed over the hair on his forearms.

She let out a huff when he tossed her on the center of her bed. She bounced as he chuckled and crawled in after her, his hands moving up her sides, firmer, more sure than before. Emma couldn’t help but cry out as his hand cupped her breast tightly, massaging it as his mouth found hers once more.

She melted into him almost instantly, her hands sliding up his shoulders and wrapping around him as she opened her mouth to his. Killian moaned as his tongue entered her mouth, dancing with hers. It felt like all of the passion and fire and urge they had been pushing down for each other the last couple of months was being poured into that kiss.

Killian moaned again when her hands fisted through his hair, pulling gently. Her legs fell open and Killian slipped between them easily, grinding his hard cock against her, all pretense of foreplay gone as she rubbed against her wet, cotton-covered center.

But Emma wanted to feel him and she told him so in a breathy moan, and he growled and a moment later they were both naked, his long, thick cock rubbing shamelessly against her sopping wet sex.

Emma cried out as Killian bit her chin gently, his breath coming out in harsh pants as they rubbed against each other wantonly, dragging their lips across neck, shoulder, chest. His hand gripped her thigh and she bit her lip as his tip slipped inside her.

He hissed and pulled back as if he’d been burned, his head falling to her chest as his back rose with heavy breaths.

“Sorry, sorry,” he whispered in a rush before looking up and rolling his hips against her wet center again. His eyes darted down, careful not to accidentally slip into her again. He looked back up at her, his cheeks flushed and his eyes almost completely black. “The things you do to me, love,” he continued in a whisper.

“Killian,” she moaned, both of her hands now gripping his hips, her palms sweaty and making her slip.

“Condom,” be breathed.

“No,” she whined, kissing his scruffy cheek as she lifted her hips to meet his thrusts. “No condom. I’m on the pill. I’m clean. Are you?”

Killian nodded and clenched his jaw again as he stopped his slow thrusts, covering her body with his while careful to keep most of his weight off of her. They both gasped when he covered her fully, because their sexes were pressed together so snug and perfect she never wanted to move.

Killian ran his finger down her cheek, tracing her lips. “Are you sure, Emma?” he whispered.

Emma could only nod, her entire body vibrating. She was sure if she spoke, it would be a shaking mess of words.

“I’ve never,” he swallowed and looked down, his finger falling to her collarbone. Emma furrowed her eyebrows at him and he gazed back up at her. “I’ve never been with a woman without protection before.”

“Me either,” she whispered.

Killian’s eyebrow ticked up and she giggled.

“I mean, I’ve never been with a man without protection before,” she said between breaths of laughter.

Killian smirked and leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. This time when Killian’s tip slipped inside of her, it was with a moan from both of them as he pushed the rest of the way in.

He was larger than any lover she had ever had, and he filled her to the hilt, his pelvis resting against her ass as she reflexively clenched around him to adjust to his size. His moan of pleasure made her even wetter, and she could feel her arousal dripping down her thighs and she knew she would have to wash her sheets tomorrow.

She would have been embarrassed if it hadn't been for Killian’s whispered, “Fuck,” as he thrust into her experimentally, making her eyes roll back into her head. “You’re so bloody wet,” he said desperately, and then proceeded to fuck the living hell out of her.

Emma would have been worried her headboard banging against the wall would alert her neighbors, but his need turned her on to the point of not caring and she allowed him to play her body like a fucking drum.

X X

KILLIAN JONES

Killian had never spent the night at a woman’s place. Then again, there were a lot of things Killian had done the night before that he never thought he would do.

Kissing during sex.

Going down on a woman more than once. (Because damn he really really liked going down on Emma—the noises she made, the way her thighs gripped his head, and her hands pulled at his hair. Bloody hell.)

Not using a condom….

Having sex more than once in the same night...

They had sex three times before finally succumbing to sleep. Out of habit, Killian awoke just as the sun was rising. He could see the little bit of light peeking in through the blinds and his eyes darted to the floor searching for his pants when Emma stirred his arms.

Killian looked down at her, snuggled close to his chest, body half draped over him and his arm wrapped around her. It was a position he wasn’t very familiar with and he had been initially taken aback when she cuddled him after sex. But then the smell of her hair calmed him, and he found himself staring up at the ceiling as he stroked her arm.

Having her in his arms felt right and she fit against him like a puzzle piece.

Killian swallowed hard and looked up at the ceiling once more. He knew if he had something he cared about, he would do something to muck it up. It was just a matter of time.

X X

EMMA SWAN

Emma woke the following morning with an ache between her thighs and a full heart. There was a small smile on her face and she was so content she didn’t bother opening her eyes as she dragged her hand across the mattress. Her mouth turned down when she felt cold sheets between her fingers and she snapped her eyes open to see the spot beside her was empty.

Emma sat up, the sheet falling to her lap as she looked to the open bathroom. She didn’t hear any noise from the kitchen or living room and when she scanned her bedroom, she saw that the floor was free of their discarded clothing. Her clothes from the night before had been folded neatly and placed on the small loveseat in the corner of her room.

Her heart dropped at the realization that Killian fucked her and left her. All those sweet words the night before had been what? Bullshit lines to get in her pants? Had David been right about him all along?

Suddenly, an anger Emma had never experienced before filled her. The nerve of the man to clean up and then leave without a word. The nerve of him to make her feel wanted, safe, loved....

Emma shook her head and hopped out of bed, ripping her drawers open and pulling out a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. She threw her hair up into a ponytail, cursing the entire way to the foyer where she angrily slipped on her shoes. She figured the fifteen-minute walk to and from the coffee shop would calm her down a little bit.

She fumbled with her shoe laces, tears blurring her vision and burning her eyes as she wiped them away angrily and cursed Killian for the fiftieth time. She couldn't believe she had fallen for his charms, let him seduce and bed her like a fool.

She finally tied her shoes and got up with a sigh, rolled her shoulders back, and dipped her hand into the small bowl on the table to grab her keys. Her brows furrowed when they weren’t where she always left them and she cursed again when she realized she must have dropped them sometime last night in her drunken haze. She had been distracted…

Her ire rose again at the reason why and she wrenched the small drawer of the table open and grabbed one of her spare apartment keys, slipping it into her pocket. Emma opened her door, visions of hot chocolate with cinnamon dancing through her mind, but shrieked and jumped back slightly when she was met with the sight of Killian.

He was wearing his wrinkled clothes from the night before and holding a styrofoam cup holder with two hot cups and a small paper bag that smelled heavenly. She then noticed the key in his hand with a very familiar Swan keychain.

“Killian,” she breathed in confusion.

His face broke into an easy smile as he blushed slightly. “Apologies, lass. I hope you don’t mind I borrowed your key to go grab us some breakfast…”

The sentence was barely finished before Emma stepped forward, resting her hand on his shoulder to steady herself as she kissed him. Their lips met a few times, passionate, before she pulled back.

He was smiling, breathless, as he gazed back at her with those shining blue eyes. “I...I noticed you put a lot of sugar in your coffee so...I just grabbed half of the packets in the basket and—”

His nervousness and babbling was so freaking endearing and Emma could only giggle and kiss his lips again.

“Mmm,” he hummed, following her when she pulled back. “I could get used to that.”

Emma smiled wider and bit her lip. “Fine by me.”

x x

Killian ended up spending the rest of the weekend at Emma’s place and it was perpetual bliss. They were in their own little bubble with no one to watch them or question them. They could just be.

“Killian?” she said on Sunday night as they sat on the couch and Killian prepared to leave. He had an early shift the following morning.

He looked down at her. “Aye?”

She snuggled closer to him and his arm tightened around her. “Thank you for staying,” she said.

He smiled slightly and whispered, “Thank you for letting me.”

He left that night after spending about twenty minutes kissing her in the foyer and another fifteen in the doorway as she latched onto him and peppered his face with wet kisses, making him chuckle and hold her closer.

x x

Emma knew not to get her hopes up. She didn’t ask her friends about Killian too much—not wanting to betray his trust—but one of the few things she knew about him from Mary-Margaret and Regina was that he had never had a long-term relationship. She also knew he had walls a mile high and was guarded as hell. He had a past that weighed on him, she could see that, and she didn’t want to push him too much.

Which was why Emma was very pleasantly surprised to see a text from him after her Monday night lecture.

Can I come see you tonight?

Emma felt her entire body light up like a switch and she couldn’t help grinning down at her phone like an idiot as she typed out a response:

My place?

She was surprised when her phone chimed in her hand less than a minute later with his reply:

Just tell me what time and I’ll be there.

x x

It was a little over a week into their...whatever it was...that Emma finally got a chance to talk to Mary-Margaret. She had been busy with a new client on the Upper West Side and hadn’t had a moment to herself for a while.

Minutes into their conversation, Mary-Margaret became excitedly suspicious about Emma’s obvious good mood.

“Oh my god,” Mary-Margaret said on the other line, “are you seeing someone?”

Emma sighed and shook her head as her phone vibrated in her hand. She pulled it away from her ear, smiling when she saw it was a text from Killian.

I can still smell you on my skin.

Her thighs clenched as she heard her friend yelling her name on the other end. Emma brought the phone back to her ear with a shake of her head and an apology.

“So, are you going to tell me who the guy is?” her friend pressed.

“No!” Emma squealed before she could stop herself.

“Aha! So there is a guy!”

“Mary-Margaret, don’t push me…”

Her friend let out an exasperated sigh. “Alright, fine. But you’ll tell me soon?”

Emma scrunched up her nose even though her friend couldn't see. “Maybe.”

“Jesus, you’re the worst,” she laughed. “By the by, we’re having a Friday night dinner this week, finally,” she sighed. “Will you come? You can bring your man friend.”

“That’s very nice of you. I can’t speak for my man friend, but I will be there,” she said, enjoying teasing her friend a little too much.

“I hate you,” Mary-Margaret muttered.

“Should I bring pecan pie?” Emma switched topics.

Sure as fire, it worked.

“You know it,” Mary-Margaret said. “Don’t be late.”

“Would never even dream of it.”

When they hung up, Emma looked down at her phone and felt moisture pool between her legs at the words on the screen:

I can still taste you on my tongue.

x x

Everyone was surprised when Killian showed up to dinner Friday night with a smile on his face and a bottle of wine in his hand. Emma watched as he kissed Mary-Margaret on the cheek and then greeted the others. When his eyes fell to her, she felt a blush creep up her neck.

“So,” Robin said, slapping a hand on Killian’s shoulder playfully. “What made you grace us with your presence this evening?”

“He just came for the free food,” Regina joked with a smirk.

Killian chuckled, looking slightly uncomfortable as his eyes darted back to Emma again. Emma quickly looked away, but winced upon hearing Mary-Margaret’s gasp.

Her friend, she knew, was a clever one.

“What?” David asked her, taking a pull from his beer.

Emma looked to her best friend sheepishly because it didn’t feel right hiding it. Not from Mary-Margaret, not from anyone.

But what if Killian doesn’t feel the same?

“Emma?” Regina prompted.

Emma realized everyone was looking between her and Killian, confused, suspicious, and curious as hell. David, however, looked more furious than anything.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

David’s roar was the last thing Emma heard clearly, because the next few seconds happened very fast. David dropped his beer bottle to the floor and it shattered with a loud crash as he lunged at Killian. Mary-Margaret screamed out as Regina raised her glass of wine and moved away from them.

“David!” Emma tried to scream, but her throat was dry. She cleared it, watching in horror as David pushed Killian roughly against the counter, grabbing him by his leather jacket so hard she was sure it would rip.

Emma took a step forward, but Robin was beside her in an instant, holding her back.

“I told you not her!” David yelled in Killian’s face.

“David,” Mary-Margaret growled, shocking Emma with her hard tone.

“You really have no goddamn respect, do you?” David practically spat in his face.

Emma watched Killian wince and then he clenched his jaw. “Let me go, mate,” he said, his voice low, calm, controlled.

“Why? Why should I listen to you?” David shot back. “You clearly didn’t listen to me when I told you to stay away from Emma!”

“Bloody hell, she’s a grown woman. She can make her own decisions,” Killian growled, shoving David back.

He stumbled against the island before fixing his glare on Killian again. “Not when she doesn’t have all the facts,” he said.

Something in Killian’s face changed, his jaw locked, and he looked at David with the most murderous expression on his face. If she didn’t know any better, Emma would have been afraid of him.

A tense silence filled the room as all six of them stood in the aftermath of the altercation. After what felt like an eternity, Killian righted his jacket and took a step back.

“Killian, what is he talking about?” Emma asked him, her voice shaking.

Killian looked at her and the defeat she saw in his eyes nearly broke her heart. After a moment, he sighed and grabbed her hand, gently pulling her out of the apartment and into the hall.

Emma watched him close the door behind them before he turned to her, his eyes trained down at his shoes. After a moment, he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. When he opened it and took a step towards her, she immediately closed the distance between them, looking down at his hand in confusion.

It was a wrinkled photograph of Killian in a police academy uniform holding a diploma. On one side there was a shorter, older woman with dark hair. She was leaning on Killian as if he was the only thing holding her up. She looked weak, but the pride on her face was evident. To his other side was a man a little taller than Killian, with lighter hair, and familiar blue eyes.

“I’ve kept my past as far down as I could for as long as I can remember,” Killian started, his voice grave and hoarse as he focused on the photo in his hand. “My mother died when she came to visit me in New York for my graduation, because the trip took a toll on her already deteriorating health,” he said. “My brother was a Captain on the Scotland Yard when he was stabbed off duty trying to save a mother and her son from a mugging. He died at the hospital the next day.” Killian looked up at her, his eyes shining with tears. “I told you I lost my family, but I never told you how...how guilty...how empty I feel for being here in their place.”

Emma’s heart broke at his words. “Killian—”

“It sent me down a dark path, Emma,” he said. “Bloody hell, I’ve lost count of how many women I’ve slept with.” She winced at his words, but he continued, “I’m ashamed of the choices I’ve made, but...they were my choices. I was given so many chances, and I fucked them all up.” His face practically crumbled as he looked away. “My brother and mother would be ashamed of me. I’m just like him…” The last part was a whisper and it took a moment for Emma to realize what he meant.

“Your father?”

Killian sniffed, but said nothing.

“You never talk about him,” Emma said quietly.

“Because he was a worthless coward who was given opportunity after opportunity to do better and he never did! Just like me.

“He abandoned my mum when she got sick, turned his back on his children—”

“Killian, you’re nothing like him—”

Killian looked at her again, but the emotion on his face was replaced with a haunting look of fierce determination and resignation.

“Maybe,” he said carefully, “maybe not. But isn’t it better not to find out the hard way?”

His eyes searched hers and when she realized what he was saying, the tiny rope that had been stretched to its limit inside of Emma finally snapped.

“No. No, don’t do this, Killian,” she said, tears burning in her eyes. “You told me this felt different.” She took a step towards him, grabbing his arms.

Killian sighed and backed away from her touch.

“David’s right. You deserve better.

“No,” Emma shook her head. “You're giving up. Don’t give up! If you do then you are like him, Killian! Don’t you see that?”

Killian smiled sadly at her, hollow and devoid of his usual adoration and softness and her broken heart cracked even more. “I am going to miss your fire, lass,” he whispered.

Before Emma could say anything else, he was gone.

X X

KILLIAN JONES

David may have been a bloody asshat, but Killian was damned if he wasn’t absolutely right. He had been so wrapped up these last couple of weeks with Emma that he completely ignored the truth that he wasn’t good for her. She deserved better.

He was only five minutes away from David and Mary-Margaret’s when he heard his name being called. With a clenched jaw and tense shoulders, Killian stopped and slowly turned around.

David approached him hesitantly, a guarded expression on his face as he eyes darted across Killian’s face.

“Come to yell at me some more, mate?” Kilian couldn’t help but sass.

“No,” David sighed.

“Ahh, so just came to finish what you started in your flat? Go on then,” he challenged, stepping forward and holding his jacket open.

“That’s not...Look, I’m sorry things escalated back there…”

“Escalated?” Killian let his jacket go and chuckled darkly. “You bloody accosted me in a room full of our friends.”

“You’re dating one of my best friends after I specifically asked you not to,” David gritted through his teeth, fists clenching at his side.

“Aye, and I apologize for not listening you.” David looked at him surprised, but Killian continued, “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, because you’re my friend and my partner and I respect you.” He paused, shaking his head with a sigh. “But I won’t bloody apologize for…” Killian’s throat closed up as David looked away, slightly uncomfortable. Killian gathered his bearings with an unsteady breath. “I won’t apologize for being with her. Because it’s been the best two weeks of my bloody life.” Another pause. David opened his mouth, but Killian pressed on, “And I know I don’t deserve her. You’re right. I’m a drunk, and I haven't dealt with my past and I don't even know how to be in a goddamn...relationship.” His mouth curved around the unfamiliar word.

Killian looked down, feeling his chest tightening again at the thought of Emma and him, wrapped under the sheets on her bed, nothing between them.

He shook the memories away with another sigh before meeting his partner’s gaze head on. “And you’re right,” he repeated. “I’m no good for her. So...I’m stepping back. I’m bowing out. You don’t have to worry about me. I won’t bother her again.”

X X

EMMA SWAN

“Who do you think you are, David? Just who the fuck do you think you are?” Emma aimed a throw pillow at David’s head as soon as he walked back into the apartment.

“Where’s Killian?” Mary-Margaret asked worriedly, running up to him.

“He’s...gone,” David said. “He went home.”

Emma shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. “You son of a bitch.” She lunged for him, but Regina caught her around the waist.

“Easy, tiger,” Regina said. “You could do some real damage to him.”

Emma tried to shake her off, but Regina only let her go when she was sure it was safe.

“Why would you do that?” Emma demanded, eyes trained on David. “How could you...say those things to him?”

“Emma, you don’t know Killian….”

“Stop saying that!” Emma interrupted him. “You don’t know Killian.”

David took a step towards her, index finger pressed to his chest. “I’ve been his partner for almost ten years!”

“So what? Obviously you don’t know his heart!” Emma yelled back. “If you did, you’d see him for the man he is: kind, compassionate...loving…” her words trailed off, voice shaking, and she had to avert her gaze from the sympathetic look Robin threw her way. “And for the first time,” Emma continued, not caring that her voice was shaking and she could barely breathe, “and for the first time, I felt like I found someone who...I thought maybe I....”

“Emma,” David started gently, taking another step towards her.

Emma held her hands up and took a step back. “No!” She looked up at him, feeling completely broken and lost. “You don’t know what he meant to me, do you?” she asked him, the accusatory tone and utter hurt in her voice making him look away in shame.

“Emma,” Mary-Margaret stepped towards her, but Emma shook her head and walked to the front door, her friend hurrying after her. “Emma, please wait.” She grabbed her arm and Emma pulled it away angrily.

She turned to face her friend, tears in her eyes and falling freely down her face. “I have to go,” was all she could bear to say.

X X

KILLIAN JONES

Three days. He wondered how something he hadn’t even had a couple of weeks ago could hurt so bad now that it was gone.

But he had grown accustomed to waking up next to Emma Swan. In a matter of months, he had broken all of his rules. He had fallen for a woman and he’d broken her heart, and his own, in the process.

Killian’s throat was dry when he walked into his flat Monday night. He’d called in sick to work, something he had never done before, and ignored his friends’ calls the entire weekend. The only face he wanted to see lighting up on his screen never did, nor did he really expect it to.

He was holding a bottle of rum in a paper bag, his fourth in three days. He felt shame, of course, each time he made the purchase. But by the fourth or fifth swig, he was happily content. By the tenth and eleventh, he was downright blitzed, and three-quarters of the way through the bottle, everything was blissfully dark.

It wasn't until Thursday night—Gold was pissed at him for calling out the entire week, but Killian had sick days to spare so he really didn’t give a damn—that his routine for the week was disrupted.

He was at his grocery store, in need of a fresh bottle of rum, when his phone phone buzzed with an incoming call. He barely glanced at the screen before answering gruffly:

“Hello?”

Silence.

“Hello?” Killian repeated, the frustration more evident in his voice.

When he was once again met with silence, what little patience Killian had left snapped.

“Listen, you bloody wanker, whoever the fuck you are—”

“Killian,” a voice on the other end finally said. “It’s me.”

The pinch between Killian’s brows deepened at the low, male voice with a familiar accent.

“Who the bloody hell is this?’” Killian demanded.

There was a deep sigh. Then, “It’s your father, Killian.”

Killian clenched the phone so hard in his hand, he was worried for a moment it might shatter in his grip.

Brennan Jones contacted him every few years under the guise of wanting to ‘see his only living child.’ But it always ended up being because he needed money to pay off his gambling debts or buy some more booze.

Maybe it was the residual rum in his system, or maybe it was the fact that the only thing that had ever really made any bit of sense to him had been ripped away.

Whatever it was, Brennan Jones had sure picked the wrong time to call.

“Father?” Killian repeated incredulously. “A father doesn’t abandon his wife and kids to be with his mistress. He doesn’t bleed his family dry of every cent they have and then come back when he owes his goons a couple thousand pounds.”

“Boy, who in the hell do you think you are?”

“I’m not your boy,” Killian growled.

His father laughed on the other end. “You are, like it or not. The apple doesn’t far fall from the tree. Remember that, lad. I’m all you’ve got.”

“You know what I remember?” Killian shot back, “I remember Mum crying herself to sleep every night. I remember not having new shoes for school and Liam having to teach me how to play baseball and how to talk to girls because I didn’t have a bloody father to do that.

“And you know what?” Killian laughed, almost hysterical. “Because of you, I’ve spent most of my life running away from people who care about me. Liam...Mum…” He choked back the tears threatening to escape.

And in that moment, he felt his tiny, dark world shake.

Maybe Killian didn’t have to continue down this self-fulfilling prophecy, because in that moment he realized if he did, he would end up just like the man on the other end of the phone: down and out and all alone.

But Killian had someone who truly cared for him. And the difference he realized, between him and his father, was that Killian was going to fight for what he wanted.

“I’m nothing like you,” Killian finally said. “I just want you to know that. And when I find something...worth fighting for...I’m not going to be a coward like you. I’m going to fight for it with every fiber of my being.

“You didn’t fight,” Killian growled. “So you deserve what you get.”

x x

Killian dumped the rest of the liquor in his apartment down the drain that night and Friday morning he was back at work.

His first order of business was finalizing a restraining order against Brennan Jones. The next was ordering a dozen yellow daisies from the florist down the street. Killian ignored his colleagues’ curious expressions when the delivery man brought the bright bouquet and he let Gold know he would be back.

Killian had played this over and over in his mind, but nothing could have prepared him for the wretched nervousness he felt in his stomach standing outside Emma’s apartment holding the flowers in his hand.

It took him almost ten minutes to work up the nerve to knock, but before his fist connected the door flew open. When his eyes met the bright green before him, Killian just about forgot everything he was going to say.

“What are you doing here?” Emma breathed.

“I uh…” He reached up and scratched behind his ear, hands sweating and flowers practically slipping from his grasp. “I just wanted to, um…”

He jumped when one of her neighbors slammed their apartment door shut.

“You’re so tense,” she said.

The concern in her voice—the fact that she was still concerned for him even after everything they'd been through—tugged at something deep in his gut and strengthened his resolve.

“I’m just...getting really tired of not waking up next to you,” he said. Emma’s mouth opened in a silent gasp as he continued, “And I know that I’ve made a lot of mistakes...but I’m not going to allow letting you go without a fight to be one of them.”

Emma’s eyes softened.

“I know I’m not worthy of your love—” She opened her mouth to argue, “but you deserve to be loved...and cherished...and reminded everyday how bloody brilliant you are—” Emma couldn't help but look down with a blush, but he tilted her chin up gently— “And I don’t think anyone else can love you...the way I can. If you’ll let me. If you...want me…”

Killian barely finished his sentence before Emma lunged forward and pressed her lips to his. The kiss remained chaste and ended far too quickly.

Killian rested his forehead against hers and smiled down at her.

“You came back,” she whispered.

“Aye.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you know, Emma?” She looked up at him curiously. “It's you. You’re the one I’ve been waiting for.”

Emma couldn’t stop smiling, even as Killian kissed her once again.

X X

E N D

#cslb #cslb fic #cslb 2018 #captain swan #captain swan fanfiction #along came you #writemyanchor