#i think for me this translated to me being repulsed by romance and whatnot

[sjw-dipper]

our society is obsessed with youth and looking young when you're older which, if you happen to be in your 20's and get mistaken as a teenager a lot, people will constantly tell you how lucky you are. they'll tell you that when you're in your 40's you'll look like you're in your 20's. you know they're just trying to compliment you but there is something they fail to realize. at first I thought this was just me but after talking to friends I really wish this was more of a common discussion. it almost seems like there should be a support group or something. because there is a certain kind of.... inherent trauma almost... that comes with looking so young.

you're constantly wondering about the true nature of anyone who is attracted to you, especially if they saw you before finding out your age. one guy straight up joked that I must always be scared of anyone who likes me being a pedophile. and like, he was joking but he was completely right. it's terrifying really. to have to constantly wonder if you're actually capable of being loved by people your own age because you're acutely aware that as someone who is 20+ but looks 15 (aka "legal" but doesn't seem like it) you're the jackpot prize of any creep with a "loli/shota" fetish. not only do you second guess all your relationships, you develop an unique kind of self loathing.

part of you knows this is just another result of society encouraging kids and teens to look as adult as possible at younger and younger ages and you're just collateral for the real victims of this phenomenon. but the other part sees how many people your age still look older without makeup or anything, which means this is the norm now and you got left behind in the standards of last century.

I don't know how common this is for people who are assumed male but I imagine it's very common for people who are assumed female given how predatory we know cishet men are. all I know is I wish I could read stories by people in similar positions and how they got over it but every time I look there's nothing. almost like it's something we all know but wouldn't dare say. it's a never-ending conflict raging inside your head and there are never any winners

#i think for me this translated to me being repulsed by romance and whatnot #i mean. there was only one person my age who ever liked me anyway but. #thats why the things i couldnt experience were filled in by my friends experiences #i rejected relationships completely my friend is in them frequently #so even tho our experiences are so different to see that so many things still align... #we were up super late so i hope this is coherent #dipper rambles #ask to tag