#i think sometimes (like here) she drops a ‘my teacher’ accidentally and byleth politely pretends not to notice

[stergeon]

say it

Byleth makes Edelgard say swear words.

(~350 words; too stupid to post on ao3)

“‘Shit.’”

“Grotesque.”

“Give it a try.”

“… Shit.”

“Very good. ‘Ass.’”

“That one is easier. I’ve said it before.”

“Then why don’t you say it now?”

“I… er…”

“If it’s so easy, then do it.”

“… Ass.”

“Excellent.”

“Don’t mock me.”

“How about this one? ‘Cunt.’”

“Wh—I actually, um, don’t know what that means.”

“You don’t know ‘cunt’?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Byleth, it’s simply not in my lexicon.”

“It means va—”

“All right, I understand. The gesture was absolutely unnecessary. I’m astounded at how many words there seem to be for the same thing.”

“If you think that’s bad, you won’t believe how many there are for pe—”

“Well, this has been a fun exercise and hopefully a source of great amusement to you, but I think I’m finished.”

“Wait, wait.”

“No.”

“One more, one more.”

“Mm, no. I don’t think so.”

“Please?”

“… You know it’s not fair of you to give me those eyes.”

“Is that a yes?”

“All right. All right. One more.”

“Yesssss. ‘Fuck.’”

“Byleth!”

“What?! You said one more, and that’s the one to say.”

“I’m—I am not—”

“Please?”

“You can’t pull the same maneuver twice in a minute and expect to succeed. That’s poor strategy.”

“Is it working?”

“… Regrettably, it is.”

“Then it seems like a good strategy to me. Just say it. ‘Fuck.’ It’s easy.”

“It most certainly is not!”

“Try it. Say ‘fuck.’”

“… Fuck.”

“Oh, that’s rich. That’s very good.”

“Are you quite satisfied?”

“Nearly. Now use it in a sentence.”

“Byleth.”

“I’ll give you one. It’ll be easy.”

“I did not—and do not—agree to this!”

“Just repeat after me.”

“No!”

“Say, ‘Byleth, I want you to fuck me.’”

“… Oh.”

“Go on, El. You can do it.”

“… Byleth, I…”

“Keep going.”

“Byleth, I-I want you to… f-fuck me.”

“Good girl. Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Less than I—ah—thought it would be.”

“Mm. Well, you’ve certainly earned a reward, haven’t you?”

“Yes, my teacher. Fuck…”

“Aren’t you a fast learner? I’m impressed.”

“If you don’t shut up and kiss me right now, I’m going to start swearing in earnest.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Your Majesty.”

#fe3h #fire emblem #edeleth #edelgard von hresvelg #byleth eisner #ficlet #sterge.rtf #sick of having this knock around in my drafts so now it is loose in the wild #but it’s so dumb that i really don’t want to bother posting it on ao3 #if i got an email alert for this i’d be disappointed #besides i’m trying to pretend i’m hard at work on the vickyvesties right now #it’s not crack it’s just goofy #theoretically this takes place during the honeymoon phase of chapter 5 of shared space #since edelgard knows her swears by the time of muscle memory/shared space chapter 9 #edelgard’s combination teacher/praise thing is truly unfortunate but what can you do. sometimes a girl is a gotdam mess #it’s not weird unless you make it weird. but she makes it weird. #i think sometimes (like here) she drops a ‘my teacher’ accidentally and byleth politely pretends not to notice #because if she Did call attention to it edelgard would be mortified and that would be the end of whatever fun things they’re doing #frankly no one deserves to say fuck more than edelgard #but with that giant stick up her ass she’d have a hard time getting around to it without some goading #i also hc that dropping honorifics is generally a Huge Turnoff for edelgard due to power dynamic shenanigans #their relationship is Complicated Enough in canon before i fucked it up more in shared space lol #so byleth is really asking for trouble here #but i also reckon ‘my teacher’ is a vibekiller for byleth so if anything they’re just riling each other up now #godspeed girls. hope you shut up long enough to get some