#i will never ever forget that when you google ‘most painful mental illness’s’ BPD shows up

[waste-0f-spacee]

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#i’ve been abandoned by every single person i’ve ever called a friend and that is so gut-wrenchingly sad to me #and honestly scary??? #people will lie right to your face and go on with their day like it’s nothing #it terrifies me #i cannot trust a single person on this planet #everyone loves to pretend they understand mental illness when it comes to talking about it online or in reference to your favorite celebs #but when it comes to their IRL friends the same courtesy is never extended #they’ll never get it #i cant speak for other mental illnesses but i can say with absolute 100% certainty someone without BPD could never begin to understand #i will never ever forget that when you google ‘most painful mental illness’s’ BPD shows up #it’s a constant fucking fight every second of every fucking day #and people without BPD will think i’m lying or exaggerating #but ask ANYONE who actually has it and they’ll tell you what i’m telling you #all day long you’re having a fight with your brain #trying to figure out which of your emotions you can trust or which ones are just your brain making you insane #and don’t fucking get me started on the CONSTANT CONSTANT feelings of abandonment #and the constant need for validation because you convince yourself every couple minutes that everyone despises you #fuck #but then again it’s easy to feel abandoned when you literally DO get abandoned by everyone who pretends to care #like i’ve said before it’s easier to be alone in the end #because no one will ever understand and also i’ll never be able to stop being crazy or hurting those around me #my absence is a favor to all