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#i've been drawing slower and less frequently
dimonds456 · 10 months
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sorry if i've been quiet, the anxieties have me.
but I have therapy tomorrow :) so hopefully things only go up from here.
#vent (kinda- happy ending) in the tags#filling in spaaace filling in spaaace#uh when i say “quiet” i mean like. in general over the past year#this time last year i was convinced i was going to die- among other things#the fact i'm still here is something i'm thankful for every day#something does not want me alive and every day i'm here is my way of giving whatever the fuck that is the middle finger#i'm here and i'm alive so fucking deal with it#that said; my mental state has been fuuuuuuuucked#also this time last year i was trying to recover from a really traumatic experience that lasted for 9 months#i'm still not recovered from it actually not even fucking close#i'm finally getting to a place where i feel that i can start talking about it (not to randos online tho sorry) but it took ages#but just knowing that the anniversary of it being “over” is coming up is like. doing something to me.#i still have a month- that anniversary is in August but like. shit.#this is why i haven't been uploading art like i used to when i was in the su fandom#i've been drawing slower and less frequently#and the art i do draw i don't always post (which was true even back then i probably only posted half of what I drew)#so i know that- at least back then- people have been worried about my sudden slowing down of artwork. this is why.#that said i've slowly been getting back into it. i actually got the urge to write today while i was at work (tho it faded when i got home)#which is a huge improvement#i am doing better!#the askblog has been helping a lot actually#even if it... does remind me of a different time (before everything went to shit). but like i think that's *why* it helps y'know?#but it also gives me a lot of anxiety so i can't do it all the time#my anxiety in general has gotten really fucking bad over the last month and a half and i'm not sure why. like it's always been there but.#but now it's like a hunched beast and literally appears out of nowhere#at least before i was always pretty sure what was causing it but now i have no idea#but thats what the therapy is for. that and the trauma fdgshajk#no doubt the two are linked probably#but soon i'll be better. soon i'll be able to move forward on all the projects i wanna work on#soon i'll be free y'know?
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nahoney22 · 11 months
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Hello! I was wondering if I could request a SFW wrecker/reader fic? I had an idea where they're stranded in a blizzard and have to take shelter in an abandoned house, but there's only one bed. Cuddles ensue. Pre or post relationship! Thank you in advance :DD
My Choice is Always
Wrecker X GN!Reader
word count: 2.2k
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One Bed? Snow storm? That could only mean one thing.
warnings: lots of fluff! Mutual pining, pre relationship, minor injury to reader and also minor mention of nudity (depends on how you read it though, nothing happens), cuddles and kisses. Gender neutral reader.
authors note: so sorry for the wait anon! Absolute sucker for a share a bed trope.
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The frigid air pierced your bones, sending shivers down your spine and causing your lips to chap in the unforgiving gusts of wind. With each step, you battled through a daunting wall of snow, reaching depths of at least seven feet.
Hoth, a planet you had once dreamed of visiting, had become a reality, albeit under less desirable circumstances. This visit was not by choice, nor was it during a time when the planet showcased its awe-inspiring beauty like you had seen on holopictures. Instead, you found yourself in the midst of the worst snowstorm you had ever encountered.
"W-Wrecker," you managed to utter, your teeth chattering uncontrollably, while your arms clung desperately to your coat, offering little respite from the biting cold. "How much farther?"
"Tech said a few more klicks south! You hangin' in there?" Wrecker's voice came through his helmet, the snow mercifully unable to sting his skin like it did yours.
"I've certainly had better days," you responded, a wry laugh escaping your lips. "F-freaking freezing!"
Wrecker emitted a sigh of agreement, adjusting his pace to accommodate your slower stride. It was just the two of you, having split from the rest of the boys and Omega on this stupid mission. All to recover a lost artifact for one of Cid's clients which you knew the pay would be less than adequate. Wrecker however, always caring, frequently checked in on you, a habit you were much grateful for.
You had long been aware of Wrecker's affection for you, and truth be told, you reciprocated those feelings. Strongly. However, you had hoped for a more romantic setting to explore the depths of your connection. Instead, you found yourselves locked in a relentless battle against a blizzard, with no end in sight.
As luck would have it, the situation managed to deteriorate even further. With each step you took, anticipating the soft cushion of snow beneath your feet, you instead encountered an unforgiving thick slab of ice. Slipping on it, it sends you hurtling forward with your ankle twisting uncomfortably upon impact.
A cry of pain escaped your lips, immediately drawing Wrecker's attention. "What happened? Are you okay?" Wrecker's eyes darted over you, his worry palpable is his tone.
You gritted your teeth, clutching your injured ankle as if it would dull the throbbing pain. "I'll survive," you sighed, though the lack of conviction in your voice betrayed you. "But I think I've sprained my ankle."
Wrecker muttered a quiet curse under his breath and contacted the rest of the team to inform them of the situation. Kindly, they did ask about your well-being, but you had no choice but to admit that for you to continue with this mission was a no-go.
"I've marked your location, and there's a settlement just east of where you are now. It should provide shelter for the night," Tech relayed calmly. "Given the treacherous conditions, it's best for all of us to find a place to stay until morning."
"I agree with Tech," Hunter's voice chimed in through the transmission. "We can't push through this weather any longer. Let's all find shelter for the night."
And so, that became the new plan. The only problem was that you couldn't exactly move forward at all.
"I've got you," Wrecker responded to your unspoken thoughts however, his large hands sliding underneath you as he effortlessly lifted you into his arms.
Despite the unpleasant weather and the pain throbbing in your ankle, you couldn't help but find this gesture somewhat romantic. "Are you sure you want to carry me? We don't even know how f-far this place is!" You shouted over a fierce gust of wind that felt like a slap to your face.
Wrecker chuckled behind his bucket, adjusting his grip to secure you more comfortably. "I'll always carry you when you need it."
A swarm of butterflies erupted in your chest at his words, but fortunately, you were already in his arms, sparing you from a potentially embarrassing swoon on the ground.
After a few minutes of walking, you both caught sight of a sizable structure in the distance, undoubtedly the shelter Tech had pinpointed. Wrecker forcefully and of course impressively kicked open the door, to which was already partially unhinged.
The building appeared weather-beaten and worn, but it offered much-needed shelter. Carefully setting you down, you steadied yourself against the wall while he quickly gathered chairs, dressers, and a table to barricade the door, ensuring as much protection and security as possible.
"Maker, it's colder in here than out there," you shivered even despite the absence of wind and snow.
Fortunately, your eyes landed on something promising—a fireplace. "Don't suppose ya have anything to light it with?" Wrecker inquired. You rummaged through your damp coat pockets, and to your relief, you found a box of matches.
"H-here," you replied through chattering teeth, tossing the matches to him. Wrecker effortlessly caught them, crouching down in front of the fireplace to ignite a flame.
"That should warm things up," he stated, rising to his feet and removing his helmet, placing it aside and rubbed his hands together in front of the crackling fire. You nodded in agreement, and his gaze shifted to you, filled with concern. "You look freezing, cyare." You tried to ignore the endearment, but a flush spread across your cheeks, conveniently attributing it to the cold.
"I am," you dryly laughed, as he approached you and gently guided you toward the fire with his arm around your waist. He fetched an old dusty chair and helped you sit down. "Thanks, Wrecker." You smiled up at him but frowned when realising that there was only one chair available— the one you occupied—while the other was pressed against the door. So, Wrecker settled himself on the floor.
"Is that comfy down there? We can switch if you want."
"Nah, don't be silly. I'm alright!" Wrecker grinned up at you, rubbing his hands together by the fire. Then, he carefully gestured toward your ankle. "Is your ankle alright? You should take your boots off, I bet your socks are wet."
He was right. As soon as he mentioned it, a tingling sensation spread through your feet, prompting you to waste no time in removing your snow-dusted boots and socks. "That's better," you whispered to yourself, relishing in the warmth that enveloped your toes as they bathed in the heat of the fire. You watched as Wrecker took your socks and boots, placing them near the flames for them to dry. You eventually removed your coat too, seeing no benefit in keeping something drenched in snow covering your body.
"I hope the others found some shelter," Wrecker voiced after a comfortable silence. You suggested he try contacting them, but sadly, there was no signal to be found.
"We should try again in a bit, or wait for them to contact us first," you suggested, your hand gently resting on Wrecker's shoulder, offering reassurance as you noticed the hint of nervousness on his face when there was no reply. "I'm sure they'll be alright."
"Yeah, you're right," Wrecker replied softly, finding solace in the warmth radiating from your touch that seemed to charge his entire body.
Seizing the opportunity, you surveyed the small room, which consisted of an open space with a modest but now dusty lounge area centered around a fireplace, a tiny kitchen with stripped and empty cupboards, and one large bed nestled in the corner.
Wait. Pause. One bed?
"Wrecker, there's only one bed," you nervously pointed out, preemptively addressing the potential awkwardness to save any embarrassment later on.
Wrecker leaned back, his gaze shifting between the bed and you. "Uh, I can stay on the floor if you want?"
You quickly shook your head, earning an amused raise of his eyebrow at your eager rejection. It made you slightly embarrassed, but given your intuition about the mutual feelings between you, maybe sharing a bed wasn't such a bad idea after all. "Don't be silly," you finally responded, clearing your throat as your arms instinctively hugged your trembling body. "The bed is big enough for both of us. And it'll be... erm... extra warm."
A faint smile tugged at the corners of Wrecker's lips, his eyes lighting up with a mix of gratitude and anticipation. "Alright, if you say so," he replied, his voice carrying a subtle hint of excitement.
Together, you both prepared for the night, a mix of nervous anticipation and comfort intertwining in the air. Stripping out of your wet clothes felt somewhat vulnerable, but you both understood the need for dry garments in the morning. To your relief, Wrecker's gaze held no trace of objectification, only warmth and understanding.
After setting your clothes out to dry by the crackling fire, you hopped your way toward Wrecker, mindful of you ankle, who had pulled back the sheets on the bed, managing to find some extra linens in one of the dressers.
"It ain't much, but it should do," he said, offering a genuine smile as he settled onto the bed. The creaking of the mattress accompanied your weight as you pulled the covers close and sighed. "Not too shabby, to be honest," you commented, snuggling into your pillow and gazing up at the dull ceiling, aware of the impending intimacy of sharing a bed with Wrecker for the night.
"Man, I'm starving!" Wrecker groaned, his stomach rumbling in agreement.
"Hunter always tells you to pack some rations," you teased, smirking up at him, knowing full well that he hadn't stocked up before the mission.
He rolled over, his eyes meeting yours. "Oh, yeah? Where are yours then?" Your smirk faded, and you playfully swatted his arm.
"Shut up." Okay, so maybe you were guilty of forgetting to pack rations too.
The two of you embraced the comfortable silence, maintaining a respectful distance as you listened to the sizzling fire drown out the howling wind outside. The others had yet to make contact, but you hoped for a response in the morning.
"Can I tell you something?" you blurted out, your mind swirling with ifs and buts.
Wrecker turned his head, nodding, his gaze filled with gentleness. "Always."
A smile tugged at your lips at his reply, and it took a moment for you to gather your thoughts. "I hate Cid," you confessed, the weight of your words lifting as they hung in the air.
Wrecker's smile widened, and a hearty laugh escaped his lips. "With all the bickering ya do, I could never tell," he teased, earning a playful eye roll from you.
"But," you continued, fidgeting with your hands beneath the covers, your heart racing, "I'm kinda glad she assigned us this mission."
Wrecker studied your face, his eyes filled with understanding. While some might consider him slow to pick up on certain things, he had an innate sense that allowed him to decipher the unspoken. "Yeah," he spoke softly, his usually booming voice now a tender rumble, "I'm kinda glad too."
Your gaze shifted to him, drawing closer as his arm enveloped your shoulder, tracing small circles on your skin. "I think I'd always choose to be stuck in a snowstorm with you, Wrecker," you murmured, closing your eyes as the comforting warmth of his body washed over you.
His eyes closed as well, pulling you a little closer. The sensation of your bodies pressed against each other filled you both with euphoria. "You’re so warm," you whispered, and without thinking you placed a kiss to his arm that you nestled into.
And without hesitation, Wrecker whispered, "You missed my lips."
You open your eyes, already seeing him look at you as the weight of his words lingered in the air only for a short amount of time until the tension became unbearable.
The room is filled with a gentle warmth as you gaze into each other's eyes, the world outside forgotten. You lean in, capturing his lips with you own and savoring the taste and the tender connection that has formed between you. Your hand caresses his cheek, feeling the roughness of his scars beneath your fingertips. In response, Wrecker's arm wraps around your back, pulling you closer, deepening the kiss.
As the kiss lingers, you can feel the electricity coursing through your veins, igniting a fire within you in this blizzard. His touch, his embrace, sends shivers down your spine, not from the cold, but from the sheer intensity of the moment.
When you finally part, breathless and filled with a newfound sense of closeness, Wrecker's eyes meet yours, his voice filled with sincerity. "I've always wanted to do that," he admits, his dazed eyes glowing with a mix of emotions.
A mischievous grin plays on your lips as you tease him. "Is 'always' your favorite word today?" you ask, planting another subtle kiss on his lips.
He chuckles, his hand gently kneading your waist, his touch both tender and possessive. "I suppose it is," he admits, relishing in the feeling of having you lying beside him. He showers you with soft kisses, peppering your hair, the side of your head, and any available space on your face. "Always wanted to be beside you, always wanted to kiss you," he whispers, his words barely audible.
Your heart swells with affection as you intertwine your fingers with his. "Always you."
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More wrecker works
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Tags + those who I think will appreciate some Wrecker love: @theawkwardartist12 @moon-wrecked @unknownforknown @nimata-beroya @littlemissmanga @merkitty49 @l-lend @wreckers-wife@kaitou2417 @eyecandyeoz @captxin-rex @jesseeka @ashotofspotchka @oohyesplease @theroguesully @mustluvecho @ladykatakuri @jambolska-grozdova @arctrooper69 @padawancat97 @rain-on-kamino @either-madness-or-brilliance @staycalmandhugaclone @ko-neko-san @echos-girlfriend @fiveshelmet @dangraccoon @plushymiku-blog @chrissywakingup @kixs-husband @pb-jellybeans @nunanuggets @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo @therealnekomari @tech-depression-inventory @brynhildrmimi @greaser-wolf @tinyreadersmur @kaminocasey @marvel-starwars-nerd @ladytano420 @ladyzirkonia @the-good-shittt @imalovernotahater @crystal076 @blustalker @s1st3r @by-the-primes @the-bad-batch-baroness
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runawayballista · 2 years
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i think the reason that writing in a notebook has been really working out for me, other than it being a really useful tool for writing thru the bad brain fog, is that its kind of like laying down a sketch layer. it's the first draft "this won't be perfect" mentality with a more practical (for me) approach. i can't backspace or make things tidy, so instead i let my brain free range and write notes in the margins, cross things out, outline things in boxes and draw arrows to move them elsewhere or star a passage and then add something to it i forgot in another box on the next page. one of my problems with brain fog is that my working memory is really short. if i know what i want to write 3 paragraphs from now, i'm liable to forget in the time that it takes to write those 3 pargraphs, so i'm frequently sketching out reminders or snippets of dialogue in the middle of paragraphs so i can remember where i was going. (sometimes this means i forget what i'm in the middle of writing, but not usually.) writing by hand does mean the writing goes slower but it's good in a way, it means my hands can't get ahead of my brain and stall out on the next thought like sometimes happens while typing, at which point i have to try to remember where i was going, and then the time it takes to turn over the ignition in my brain makes me incredibly prone to doing things like, getting distracted by a funny tweet.
but i don't worry too much about sentence structure, or being concise, or whether or not the prose is elegant. my handwriting is messy and hard to scan, so it's not uncommon for me to lose track of a sentence structure or end up with an unintentional sentence fragment. i do a lot of stream-of-consciousness writing to get around the brain fog, because it's easier for me to write until i figure out what i want to say than think it out. and i wind up with some really great prose this way, too! i try to avoid ever putting things like [insert joke here] because it's just a blank space in my writing that will be harder to fill in later, but i will put a less funny joke there that's more or less to the effect i want. punching up a flat joke is, for me, way easier (or at least more reliable) than spinning a really funny one out of nothing later. i'll write some flat prose sketching out what i want to happen knowing i can reword it later instead of writing "and this is where they talk about the thing". i save typing up what i've written for when i'm more awake and edit as i write, fixing the glaring issues like sentence structure and omitted words and reworking it as ideas come to me, but i save the heavy lifting for actual editing because it's still a rough draft.
i don't really think writing two rough drafts is a universally useful approach, but a lot of what i do (in life in general, not just writing for fun) is basically focused on reducing the cognitive load for any given task. my fog-riddled brain can't juggle too many parallel lines of thought without losing track of them, so i try to frontload as much of my thinking as i can, so that i can think about as little else as possible than the words right in front of me. i don't trust my memory so i write out ideas for future scenes (or things later down the line in this scene) as they come and highlight those sections or pages in bright colors so it's easy to flip through and remind myself what i was going to include. it is a little labor intensive and i am limited by how long i can get my hand to cooperate, but i found a really comfortable to hold pen and as someone who has a hard time unplugging and unwinding it's really nice to just put on a ragtime piano album and write by hand for a few hours. it worked well enough to write a whole-ass romance novel last year during one of the most stressful work periods of my life and it's working out pretty dang well for fanfiction
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