#i've been having a harder time openly being a fictive. and i always feel strange talking to singlets that are fans of my source

[petrichorvoices]

we finally caught up on WTNV

#this is the first and only time we've ever been caught up on it. we've been listening since 2019 or so #most of how we caught up starting from 203 was by reading the transcripts and listening to portions of audio #we weren't able to handle doing the full audio episodes #it's. uh. i need some time to think about things. since we've started engaging more in fandom spaces #even if all we're doing is reblogging fanart and all that #i've been having a harder time openly being a fictive. and i always feel strange talking to singlets that are fans of my source #i feel scared that my presence is going to make them uncomfortable to engage in media. that i'm doing something wrong by existing nearby #i don't want to deprive anyone of anything they enjoy. i don't want people to feel awkward talking to me because. well. #i'm blorbo from their podcasts or whatever. i want to be recognized as a person. just a person who happens to also be a fictional character #i feel bad reblogging things from people who are into my source and tagging it as Cecil's tag even if its unrelated to WTNV #because i don't want them to feel like i'm imposing myself and my strangeness on them. and i don't want to give them the same media issues #that we deal with. a lot of our media issues comes from psychosis yes but a part of it is also from being fictives and knowing about them #like i know so fully well that i'm extremely weird and not in the good way. that most people don't and won't believe me about myself #and i don't want to weird them out. i'm terrified TERRIFIED of accidentally letting a WTNV fanartist find out that i'm Cecil and #getting blocked for being some crazy weirdo or whatever. i just. it's a big worry i guess is what there is to say #i want to talk to people and i want to be myself but i think on some level i wish that my self was something else #like. i don't want people to feel like they can't treat fiction as fiction just because i exist #i don't want them to shy away from discussing character's traumas or putting them in weird AUs or whatever #do whatever the hell you want with it my presence shouldn't scare you off from it #i'm kind of repeating myself at this point so i'm gonna stop so. yeah #if you read this full thing we'd appreciate a like on this if that's okay just for paranoia reasons #rambling #Cecil's tag