#i've lost weight to the point that i think i am properly severly underweight

[ayazumi]

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#oh boy oh boy first ever rant tags can i even say i've been on tumblr without doing this once #but man i feel. so fucking tired. i got no energy for anything #my therapist is trying to help me channel all my frustrations into motivational anger but #i feel like i've given up already #like my dreams of just: getting into college; leave this shitty as country; maybe try romance again #they all feel so impossible so why even put the effort #i hate my art again #i feel more isolated than ever #i hate the way i look more and more every fucking day #i've lost weight to the point that i think i am properly severly underweight #i have made zero efforts into trying to get a job #i dont draw anymore #well i do but #i force myself #i disassociate completely when i do and i dont even feel like im drawing #im dissasociating in general #i cant sleep #i've started having nightmares again and seeing those fucking faces when i try to fall asleep #i feel like a husk #like im an annoyance to everyone around me #i still act chipper and positive but afterwards when im alone it feels like taking a mask off #it just #nothing #idk what the fuck to do #literally only thing keeping me from doing something stupid like self harm or worse is my cats #i wanna tear out my hair ngl