#i feel more isolated than ever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theshadowrealmitself · 9 months

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Still thinking about Spiderpeople (and people connected to those Spiderpeople) from the universes where it seems an awful lot like they’re the only heroes landing in a universe where it’s one of the Spiderpeople who’s surrounded by other heroes like the Avengers and the Fantastic 4, etc

And obviously because of this they’re gonna be extra careful about secret identities because of all the extra heroes who aren’t Spidey hanging around, and I’m just thinking about the Prowler (Aaron) trying to figure out if he’s alive or even existing in this universe while trying not to give away too much so he’s just like “who’s the coolest bald man you know?”

And Spidey’s like “oh!! I know exactly who you want!! follow me!!”

He brings them to Nick Fury.

Later on they run into what’s obviously a variant of Miles, who the other Spidey of that universe didn’t bring up because Miles isn’t known as “Spiderman” in that universe (maybe it’s like “arachnikid,” or it’s Prowler!Miles, or maybe he’s just going through a phase where he’s trying out a new hero name each week, etc)

So Aaron’s like “oh great, I can definitely ask him, but again I gotta be discrete because of all these extra heroes around” so he asks him in the exact same way he asked the other Spidey (“who’s the coolest bald man you know?”)

Miles also brings them to Nick Fury.

(Yes his uncle is still alive, yes the other Aaron is absolutely gonna tell on him)

Also! Because there’s so much emphasis on the other heroes handling “big stuff”, I like to imagine they all keep trying to insert themselves into the situation because it’s a multiverse situation which falls under “their jurisdiction” and Spidey’s just like “??? they’re all Spiderpeople tho, this is my thing, go away, shoo”

#this is being scheduled in case I don’t come back #I mean like in case I’m gone for more than a few days #taking some time off the internet #either this is a healthy break or I’m isolating myself. not fully sure.#hopefully I come back mentally better #and not. like. worse because it was actually a ‘bad isolation’ thing.#so yeah we’ll see #it’s gonna feel weird not posting everyday #should I make a post before taking a break? …nah I don’t think it’ll be a big deal #(<- famous last words but seriously I’ll be fine)#I’ll probably be back once they finish figuring out my financial aid stuff so I don’t have to keep stressing over it #they’re having issues accepting my ward of the court letter it’s hella stressful #I don’t really *need* to schedule a post but I hardly ever use the scheduling function #so I’m using the excuse <3 #scheduling for the dead hours as a fun gift for the people who will still be up at that time #Spiderman #spiderwoman #spidermen #spiderwomen #spiderpeople #peter parker #just cause he’s my default spidey #miles morales #aaron davis #the prowler #nick fury #Spider-Man #spider man

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kenobion · 2 years

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Andrew Garfield at the Ischia Global Fest "I think it’s so hard for young people right now to focus on what’s real and what’s meaningful. I think we get given lots of opportunities to follow what’s not meaningful. And for me, where I find meaning is beyond - beyond myself. Beyond Instagram and Twitter and Facebook and all those things, that’s not where real life lives. Cinema is where real life lives, theatre is where real life lives; art, music, creativity, community, love, nature." "This is why this has been one of the most remarkable weeks that I’ve had in recent memory, because this island and this festival - combined with these men here who organized it - bring together maybe all the most meaningful aspects of life, for me. Which is art, cinema, theatre, music, friendship, community, food, culture, history."

#I knew upon seeing this part it had to become gifs so it could be shared #andrew garfield #my gifs #it's a bit ironic - based on what he said - to share here #but he's so right #the things that matter aren't how people are projecting about their lives on social media #it's really doing and engaging with things that are important #it feels increasingly harder to do with the Everything that is happening #it feels like we're more connected but also more isolated than ever before #but I want to do more of those things like he's saying #he has made me want to do those things and get out there and be more engaged #and to actually live and not just wait for life to happen to me #I know he also said in this discussion that he has struggled with ego but also he means so much to me 😭#ugh I wish I could love him #also sorry about this variable coloring there was a cloud that came over the sun

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silenthillbunni · 2 months

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📓🖊️

#maybe maybe one day i'll be ok??#maybe i'll manage to get my high school diploma #maybe i'll get a student housing apartment in another city. maybe i can study to become a pre school teacher...#(not my dream job but the only job that seems possible for me)#maybe i'll be able to work on my anxiety and avpd and become more calm #maybe i'll be able to exercise the way i want nd become physically strong #maybe i'll be brave enough to try apps to make girl friends i can hang out with???#maybe i'll get back into writing nd posting it. maybe i'llhave more fun w insta and taking photos again??#maybe i'll fix my relationship w my sisters nd talk to them again??#maybe if im lucky i'll meet someone who i fall in love w who falls for me too? maybe someone will one day choose to be with me??#maybe i can get a real apartment nd have a job? maybe i can even live w a partner one day? and maybe i'll have friends?#maybe i wont be all alone forever?? maybe i wont feel this alienated nd isolated for my entire life??#maybe maybe maybe my life can be alright....? can it really be?#i dont have much hope. but maybe??? plz plz plz let it be so let it be so #and maybe for now.. as im lower than i've ever been before..#maybe i just need to be able to eat more normally again. then i can have my coffe chocolate moments w youtube #and i can watch kdramas nd have dinner. which are two moments that make me feel ok nd calm #<<< i feel ashamed abt it but comforting eating is a thing for me. im gnna be alone 4ever anyway so might aswell just accept thats how i am #so yeah maybe maybe i'll start feel a bit better when i can disconnect from everything nd just get immersed in a kdrama nd have dinner lmao #idk. i just dont feel like i'll ever have a real life. i'll never have what i dream abt (which isnt even much. just love.. just love lmao)#so then i can daydream nd live by reading books nd watching kdramas nd tv shows nd also write a lot #but ofc in my freetime bc i need a job w a stable income nd my own apartment. even if i dont love my job i need one that i can be ok with

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 6 months

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the reason i’m not afraid of aging is because i want to be a hot middle-aged man who has a toxic yaoi relationship with another middle-aged man

#u know i used to be so afraid of aging until i realized that i want to be a dilf. now it’s kinda exciting #i realized recently that i could never picture myself living past my twenties until i pictured myself as a man #but like. i want to be a man and a woman and nothing and everything #but like. i’m cool with how i look now for the most part idk if i would want to transition physically at least not rn #and rn i still dress fem enough that everyone goes straight to she/her #and i like she/her but it hurts rn #bc some of my family has switched to they/them or it/its and it’s just so soothing #but family that knows i don’t like it still use she/her and phrases like ‘daughter’ or whatever even more often on purpose #and it hurts bc i don’t really feel the need to change the way i dress/look but i know everyone assumes she/her #when they see me in a dress or skirt. even w how very not-cis my fashion sense is #but also i fucking hate pants which is a separate thing (prob autism tbh) and even if i wore pants they’d still use she/her #thinking of changing my name to something very masc so i can confuse people enough that they’ll stop defaulting to she/her #and i haven’t told ppl outside my immediate family so idc if they use she/her but i’m fucking pissed when ppl in the family do it #anyways side note when i was 12 my ideal gender (b4 i knew about being non-cis) was a floating consciousness w no body #or a plastic-doll-like creation that’s smooth all over #… i still want to be a floating consciousness actually lmao. it would be great #back then i hated being a girl but i didn’t know there were more options and also i was socially isolated (didn’t leave home for like 2yrs)#and my mother was openly transphobic whenever the topic was brought up so that was my only real experience #but i didn’t really internalize it other than the fact that my mother would be rude if i ever happened to be not-cis and guess what? she is #anyways it’s like 2am and also i’m only awake bc i was captivated by a sugar daddy middle aged gay fic for a show i watched like 5 episodes #for 2 years ago #sorry for rambling in the middle of the night lol #gn y’all

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seventh-fantasy · 7 months

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可待的意思是请你等等我。 (please wait for me.)

#posts made by me for me myself and i only #keep scrolling! just me having a mental breakdown! nothing to see here!#me hearing lwx say 可待的意思是请你等等我 for the 7378414828th time: *bursts into fucking tears*#my posts #hlht #lhl #ok. serious thoughts time. it's always lowkey funny to me that it's genuinely believed #(like in xcp's eulogy for him)#that xdq cares more about his people than anything #it's not that i think he doesn't care? he's actually kind and good and feels for his people but?#he cares in a detached and distant way exactly in the manner he can from within the palace walls #...which is reminiscent of huahua in the last episode going yeah he's a good emperor (really?)#and i'll give up my only chance to survive in exchange for the peace of the world #(he says. but it's also for xiaobao - like. every political move xdq makes it's mixed with personal stake)#he does things *for* the good ever since he has been the lxy who built sigumen #but is it really *out of* goodness or he's just trying to live up to the ideal xia #his self-imposed isolation as the top of wulin is as iron-clad as the palace walls of confucian social roles that hold xdq in #the way that hlht is all about the social world and lhl is all about the world outside of that which xdq dreamt about #then at the end of the day they both go back to the water bodies where they wish to be released into... bye #and they leave behind loved ones who will go see the world for them #xdq is so much less cruel to them than huahua is tbh #at least xdq had aggressively fought for them and to be with them #both stories are like. what happens to someone AFTER they're at the top and was born into/for that role?#do you know what fucked up things that does to someone?#ok bye FOR LEGAL PURPOSES THIS POST IS FOR MYSELF and whoever wants to read ONLY

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mutable-manifestation · 2 years

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Part 2 of The Gotham Puddle Boy: Danny Fenton

Danny wasn't too concerned about getting in a car with a stranger in what may well be the crime capital of the world.

If he got weirdo - or Dash-like - vibes he could just slip out of sight and vanish into the wind. Being half ghost made a lot of human dangers less so.

Plus, perks of being a Fenton: riding in the car with a stranger wouldn't make him nervous about their driving. No one in the world was worse at it than his dad.

So a few minutes of trading jokes and a promise of video games was all it really took to get Danny to say "sure" to going back to Tim's house.

The car was nice, at least, and they bantered over music even as they left city limits, which Danny chose to ignore for the time being.

Around 10 minutes later they turned to approach the gates of a veritable mansion that unfortunately brought forth the memory of his first time approaching Vlad's house.

He was silent as Tim buzzed them in, and as they crawled slowly up the driveway he took the opportunity to ask.

"You live here?”

“Yep! Bruce Wayne is my adoptive father. Welcome to Wayne Manor!"

Not long after the building’s front door was opening before they could touch the handle, with an older man in a suit greeting them. "Master Tim, welcome home. I see you've brought a guest."

A hand clapped down on his shoulder as he was introduced, "Danny this is Alfred, Alfred this is Danny. We'll be in my room playing Damned."

"It is a pleasure to meet a friend of Tim, Mister Danny."

"Ah, you too. And just Danny is fine, Mister Alfred."

Alfred smiled and secured a promise that they'd be down to at least stretch their legs and eat something after an hour had passed before Tim was ushering them through the building to his room.

Sam was a good person, but also openly hated rich people despite technically being one. Her parents, however, were a nightmare hidden behind a thin facade of civility when in public. Vlad was also a nightmare. Axion labs had been run by some tycoon and they killed their innocent dogs. Lex Luthor openly hated Superman - which would be totally understandable if it were because he never so much as glanced at Amity Park’s issues instead of because of his incredibly Xenophobic stance on any and all non-humans. All told, Danny didn’t have a good track record with -illionaires - not the adults, at least.

'...Okay, maybe I should just avoid Bruce,' he thought, settling on the floor at the foot of the bed in the enormous room they'd entered to face the gloriously massive TV while Tim booted it up.

An hour later, Alfred was knocking on the door to herd them to the dining room where he'd prepared "refreshments." It was nice to enjoy homemade food that didn't fight back for once - he hadn't eaten at Sam or Tucker's house in a while and takeout wasn't quite the same. Even if they were unfortunately healthy snacks - the strange slices he'd learned were apricot were surprisingly good.

Alfred had them stretch their legs again two hours later - this time snackless - and Tim decided to give him a tour. The house was immaculate and the kitchen would have made the Lunch Lady greener than normal with envy.

It was also empty.

"Don't you have a bunch of siblings?" he asked on the way back to the room.

"Yeah, but they're all out doing their own things until lunch." He stopped just after closing the door behind him to grin at him. "Speaking of which. Can you stay for lunch?"

Danny blinked at the sudden manic energy starkly contrasting with the incredibly normal question.

"Uh, I don't have to be back at the hotel until like 5, so, sure?"

"How do you feel about playing a little prank?"

Danny grinned, "What did you have in mind?"

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POV Jason

Jason’s patience was running incredibly thin. He had been looking at tubes of water for hours while Bruce kept asking variations of the same question. His only consolation was that Duke took up half of the attention or he might have punched him by now.

The only reason he even showed up was that he’d been told there was potential Lazarus water in Gotham - or something similar. But after hours upon hours of tests by the computer and him and Duke staring at it he was certain; that was water. Bruce had lost it.

Just as he braced himself to try and knock some sense into Bruce, Alfred came to fetch them to lunch.

‘Finally,’ he thought, power-walking to the exit.

“I’ll be up in a minute, I want to set up one more scan to run while we’re eating,” Bruce threw after them.

“It had better only be a minute.” He paused to glower ominously over his shoulder, simmering with rage at all of the wasted time - and using that to smother the concern trying to bubble up.

“Finally,” Duke said once they were out of the batcave. “I thought we were going to be in there forever!”

Jason ignored him as he fished out his phone.

“Oh hey, group text from Tim; he has a guest that fits the family theme so he’s going to try and prank Bruce to see if he’s actually ‘lost the plot.’”

Jason grimaced, “Great, so instead of a productive lunch we’ll be playing house plus ‘guest that definitely isn’t the former Jason Todd, just a very similarly looking friend of the family’ for an hour.” He ran a hand down his face, sighing in frustration. “Count me ou-”

He froze in place, every muscle flinching to a stop.

“Uh, Jason?”

“Quiet.” He hissed, eyes darting to the stairs as voices began to drift their way.

Every hair stood on end as he stood there, something in his blood echoing dissonant signals of danger-run-hide-flee-don’t move-stay still-stop-stop-stop even as his conscious mind demanded he confront the problem head-on. But he couldn’t move - frozen as surely as if he’d been hit by one of Freeze’s ice rays.

As the stranger came into view his mind gave up on the danger signals, finally settling on don’t move don’t move don’t move even as near-unbearable levels of anxiety bubbled up in his gut. He barely registered Tim standing next to the guy as his head turned to stare him down, Jason’s eyes widening and shoulders hunching now that this… person’s full attention was on him.

The person hesitated a moment at the top of the stairs before smiling.

“Hi! I’m Danny, you must be Tim’s brothers?” he chirped, voice friendly enough that the anxiety uncurled just a bit. Just enough for Jason to register Tim staring at him oddly and Duke looking between the two of them.

Tim descended the stairs, done waiting for “Danny” to take the initiative, perhaps, while Duke took his silence as a cue to give the guy his cover story.

“Just me, actually,” he said. “The name’s Duke. J here is a friend of the family.”

“Oh, uh, nice to meet you both anyway. Sorry for crashing you guys’ lunch,” he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck sheepishly before following Tim down to their level, still smiling calmly. “My parents are in town for some engineering convention and Tim kind of rescued me from dying of boredom.”

Abruptly, Jason found himself completely calm - relaxed, even. Suspiciously so; all of the rage and frustration he’d felt ever since emerging from the Lazarus Pit was suddenly swapped out for a level of relaxation he could nearly call “Zen.”

He would nearly suspect a meta had broken Bruce’s rules, but he was the only one to react. Tim and Duke were clearly unaffected and the guy was either one hell of an actor or had genuinely only noticed him when he saw him.

Meaning this was potentially Lazarus related - and even that thought could not cut through the sheer tranquility he was feeling to cause panic. His thoughts, at least, were unaffected.

Also, he kind of just wanted to enjoy not being angry for the first time in ages. Sue him.

So he plastered on a Wayne-family PR smile and ended the second awkward silence of the day.

“Don’t worry about it; any friend of Tim’s is a friend of ours, at any rate. We have maybe two more minutes before Alfred actually manages to wrangle Bruce out of his study, why don’t you fill me in on this prank.”

#I guess there will be a part 3 too #Not me rapidly spiraling out of control #and writing way more than intended #oop #Also not me just stealing various headcannons I've seen other people post for the crossover for myself #Danny's one braincell is dedicated to suspecting rich people of doing something fishy #The Justice League doesn't know about Amity bc the first message got dismissed as a prank #And the GIW suppressed info after that #up until Amity tech upgraded in a weird & self-isolating manner bc of changes made to avoid being hacked by Technus #They don’t assume he’s a meta bc Batman tracks all the registered metas #or something #he has a system #and he has a no metas in Gotham rule and fought Superman once so people tend to respect that #Also they’re all incredibly sleep deprived at this point so #Jason is liminal not a halfa #but like if he were a halfa he’d only be strong enough to turn into a blob ghost #Yes I gave Jason blob ghost instincts #very small therefore very angry at everything ever #(I know the feeling)#also very scared of stronger ghosts (read: all of them)#until proven friendly #because then hey free friend/safety #ghosts eat other ghosts but only when hostilely territorial/power hunger not bc they actually need to eat au #but blob ghosts don't have lairs so they tend to wander/be more at risk until a ghost with a layer adopts them #at which point they're kind of like guard blobs #intruder alert system blob ghosts #anyway #dp x dc crossover #danny phantom au #dp x dc crossovers are my only source of knowledge on dcu characters outside of like

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no-mercy-bby · 6 months

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I kind of just want to drop out of college and crochet and write books and

#get married (i don't have a boyfriend)#and have kids (i am not in a relationship or stable enough for a family)#i kinda wanna sell crochet stuff but it takes me like a month to make any and everything #plus i suck at reading and understanding patterns #and all ik is single crochet and double crochet and even then i think i do them wrong as well #Tunisian stitch is fun but i don't have a hook long enough and it hurts my hand #idk if it was just my sinuses and lack of sleep but ive felt so bad all day #and my back hurts cause i sit like a shrimp and don't know how to stand i guess #im so tired. genuinely.#and my mouth is fucked up again with sores because of stress and biting at my own lips #and its so lonely being in college #which is kinda funny cause i have more people i would actually consider as friends than ever #but i kinda just feel like im *there*#and i have a million projects to do but i played fortnite with my sis and her husband and my brother instead #and my dad taught my sis and i to play solitaire #and then i beat them both at black jack (it was actually a tie of how many matches i won but shhh)#and i know im blessed that im basically getting paid to go to college by my college but #it just doesn't feel right. like it feels isolating and lonely #and i have gone to some events btw they are not that great

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reddiamondyeet · 8 months

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#red rants #I'm literally so depressed that I'm past the point of wanting to kms #I'm so fucking tired I don't even consider it. Even that is too much work.#I'm so tired all the time. Too tired to live. Too tired to die. Too tired to express myself. Too tired to keep it all bottled up.#Too tired to care. Too tired to let it slip.#I feel emotion for 15 minutes maximum and then I just fall back into exhaustion #everything I need to do. want to do. takes more effort than I can possibly give right now.#I'm sorry I can't support you but I can hardly fucking support myself right now okay. Plus all my instincts keep screaming at me to isolate #I'm so much happier with other people but I don't have the energy to upkeep connections with them.#I'm too tired. maybe I should just lay in bed and rot away #I know no one will see this. no one ever sees it when I'm upset. I'm half convinced that everyone has my vent tag blocked #but if anyone does see this. I don't know. talk to me maybe? I'm too tired to think of what would help but that usually works so #just please talk to me. i guess #tw suicidal thoughts #eh maybe

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upsidedowngrass · 1 year

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i will say one of my Biggest pet peeves in one fanworks is 'liam becomes the new airy.' like im sorry i respect u and ur interpretations and ur creative interests !!! im glad ppl have fun and have ideas about post canon one, theres a lot of potential there!!!! but also the moment that i see a work have liam do this i instantly stop paying attention

#not putting this in the tag cus i dont wanna make ppl feel bad!!!#and like. i HAVE seen works that mildly explore it but in a way that i kinda like #but its just. it bothers me So Bad #like it contradicts every trait liam has ever shown in the series AND all of his motivations #'ppl qct ooc under stress!' yeah but it doesnt make ppl act in ways Completely diff from who they r... like hes still liam #at that pt hes just a whole new CHARACTER #but its like. his ENTIRE motivation is that he wants to stop anyone else from going what he went thru. will do anything to prevent that #itd literally undo what makes his entire character him at all to have him go back on that. thats literally his most prominent motivation #its SO intrinsically tied to him as a character #like yeah!!! him and airy are both isolated in that world. there are strong similiarities between their characters #but they still went theu snth DISTINCTLY different.#airy died and was isolated. liam was kidnapped and then isolated. it feels just different enough that i CANT see how #liam would just end up as 'airy 2.' their experiences may be similar but theyre still extremely different #and its like. ive said it before but i think julien is meant to serve WAY more of a parallel to liam than airy is #if theres anything i think liam would do if he couldnt get home? it would be to try and try and try #until hes just... not going anywhere #his stubbornness (and juliens stubbornness for that matter) is vital to understanding his actions.#hed never stop even if it meant he REALLY never stopped. and i think thats just as emotionally impactful #and? even if he WERE to act ooc. uh #tbh? i think hes terrified of dying. he does NOT like it. i think esp after the waiting room hed dread it bc all he knows of it #is that hell just keep dying and dying. or end up just stuck there forever #but. if he were to start rly going against his established traits. i think hed more sooner off himself than start s3 #ESP since it is his own concern for others that makes him act the most Against his own self in the entire series #when he tries to kill airy. bc he couldnt stand the idea of everything continuing #and airy doing this to more ppl. THAT is what is strong enough to make him go against his own personality #and i think its too deeply intertwined into his character for him to try to deal with isolation by kidnapping people #esp not owen.#suicide mention #ANYWAY. these tags r long #OK TO RB BTW if u want i just didnt tag it bc i dont wanna make any1 goin thru the tag sad or anything

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lupismaris · 9 months

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To all lonely queers, I highly recommend finding older queers and spending time with them, not doing anything significant or impactful, just being with them, shooting the shit, telling stories, sharing meals, witnessing the burden of proof that life- our lives in spite of it all can and will continue joyfully and we can and will thrive in community. There is little more healing.

#spending the weekend with my gay uncles and their gay friend and i feel more whole than i ever expected. its been 10 hours #and its like ive recovered from this whole last month of miserable bullshit and isolation even with how much time i spent w/ community #my desperate sense of futility cant win in the face of three older gay men who've survived everything this country has thrown at them #and acknowledge their privilege alongside it and accept me fully for who i am and make space for me as a trans masc queer #im genuinely sad im only here one night. and sadder i cant spend more time with their friend stephen #im hoping i get his contact info tomorrow and we keep in touch some hes lovely #ngl tho pretending im not into older men is an ossue Because my uncle would (lovingly) strangle me if he found out lmao

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gh0st-city · 2 months

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Thinking about Azula again...

#i need more people to understand her character and not just dismiss her as an evil person #a pawn or an emotionless husk #i need more people to understand that Ursa isnt a good parent #she married a monster and only realized her mistake after it was too late #once she had Zuko she finally had someone to pour her love into and to make her feel less isolated #so she coddled him and would spend all of her time with him #Ozai is a smart man im sure he noticed and figured out exactly why she was always preoccupied with Zuko which made him have a certain #disdain for his son which only grew as he got older and didnt meet his father's impossible standards #and then came Azula #her mother already had her perfect child so she didnt get as much attention from her #especially when she started showing certain characteristics that were reminiscent of her father #ursa was unnerved by Azula and her difficulty understanding certain things such as empathy #she was certain this child would grow up to be a monster like her father #so she never bothered trying to teach her to be better than him #which left her all to her father #who could groom her into the fire bending prodigy and brutal warrior that we knew in the show #he controlled her and manipulated her into being exactly what he wanted #a puppet and a weapon to be used as he saw fit #and when the curtains lifted ever so slightly from her eyes showing her the reality of her situation she broke #rambles #avatar the last airbender #princess azula

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backhurtyy · 1 year

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29. This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory -- Steddie If you're lonely, no need to show me If you're lonely, come be lonely with me

"Sometimes I wonder," Steve confesses, words as heavy as the tears hanging off his eyelashes, "how much longer I can keep going like this. Like, it feels like my heart has been scooped out sometimes, I'm so... So lonely. You know what I mean?"

Eddie looks at him- so beautiful even when he's heartbroken, so breathtaking even when his shoulders are slumped in defeat and there are tears glittering on his eyelashes the same way the stars glitter in the sky- and swallows thickly.

"Yeah," he whispers, lacing their fingers together, "yeah, I think I do. I..." He pauses, swallows again, and continues thickly, "I wish I could take all your hurt away, scoop up your heart and place it back in your chest for you. But I'll tell you what- whenever you get lonely, just give me a call and I'll come over, and we can be lonely together."

Steve's head rolls over towards Eddie, eyes searching his face as if looking for a sign that he really means it. He must find it, because Steve squeezes Eddie's hand and says, "Yeah, okay. That would... That would be nice."

#its a little more than five sentences but its me so idk what we expected #also this song is the most steddie song ever so i couldnt help myself #the idea here is that after season four he and eddie get really close and eddie ends up being one of the only people steve tells about #how sad and lonely he is and how isolated he feels sometimes because he isnt as smart and because of his parents and stuff #and eddie is like yeah... yeah i get that... because of the whole 'town freak' thing #and they end up promising to be there whenever the other feels lonely and just. find peace and comfort with each other #anyways i hope you like this!!!! thank you for sending one in <3 #answered #steddie #nellie.fic #justaloadofgarbage-blog

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funeralprocessor · 2 months

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#I feel so alone and unable to connect with anyone #I have to fight so so hard not to isolate myself but all I can ever really drag out of myself is just lurking at the sidelines #terrified that saying anything (and thereby proving how annoying and shitty I am) will make even that too much to ask of others to tolerate #and the moment anyone tries to reach out to me or comfort me all I can stand to do is put on a mask and redirect and assure them I'm fine #so that I can go crawl into a hole and die alone #or at least lick my wounds til they become scars #the primary concern that kept me from suicide for years wasn't a hope for the future or a desire to live #it was not wanting to upset whoever found me and make more work for whoever had to deal with the wreckage of my failed life #even in death I feel bad for taking up space and being a bother #If I had managed to find a nice place that nobody would ever find I think I'd still be there #the moss and roots cradling moldering bones after my flesh had fed lives far brighter and more worthy than my own #and I can't help but feel a little envious #corpseposting

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mejomonster · 1 year

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I finished She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat:

I immediately want to read the manga, which may go further in plot than the show. The show was So good. So short, such an easy pace, you can easily watch when you have time the little 15 minute episodes. It's realistic while being gentle.

It really. Felt like a hug. Felt like a sanctuary. Felt like the two women's relationship, and you're taken to its comfortable loving space.

And I still think what I said earlier, perhaps even more so now. I wish I saw lots of elements of this in more media with women who love women. I know why I don't though: big companies want to make women who look conventionally hot to a broad audience so cue lots of makeup, being very skinny, fashionable often feminine clothing and makeup (which sometimes clash with the story like sets do sometimes just Too Polished for the place they're supposed to live/place characrer would shop at etc). It's not realistic, which is just a thing on shows sometimes. But it can get really... alienating? It can get to the point where like... I remember watching pretty little liars and...I've never been as skinny as any woman on that show, I never would be. I never would look as done up as them and live in big houses like them and never have... it didn't feel like Real People like me, it felt like a fun fantasy to watch at the most.

This show feels like life, feels like home. Again, Kasuga finally looks like someone I am, someone I could fall in love with in real life. And when I hear Yuki call her cute over and over? Women like Kasuga SHOULD be all over tv, not wearing makeup, in sweat shirts and pants, in simple ponytails, tall girls who will never be petite, tall girls who aren't skinny like a model, she's just very much like any girl you might walk next to at the supermarket! And she is cute! She is so lovable, and wonderful! And in this show the main woman Yuki looks at her in love, is constantly so happy because she knows Kasuga and Kasuga talks to her and Kasuga is just SO wonderful and amazing and sweet and beautiful in Yukis eyes. That element of the show alone felt wonderful to me. That for the first time since I think I ever watched any wlw story in a show or movie, that element felt realistic to me. (Oh But I'm a Cheerleader felt realistic to me in Other ways as my first wlw film and letting me know I COULD be loved, and Jennifer's Body depicted a realistic as fuck teen girl relationship that I imagine many relate to just not to the monster degree, but the actual styling of the films is still... Amanda Seyfried is utterly glam even styled plain Jane and you just accept that's how media is... thats "ordinary" to media. Not Kasuga. Who is still probably more model like than maybe an average woman, but at least they finally put someone a little less on the scale away-from-reality in front of my eyes you know?)

And by the end I think that's true of Yuki too. She's not a young woman. She's an adult working a job who's been pressured for being single her whole life. She's a woman with cooking as a hobby, and everyone assumes she does it to please a man or prep for a family: things she doesn't want. A lot of her experience feels extremely real, as a queer person. I remember being her age, girls asking who do you like in elementary, and feeling as awful as Yuki just standing there. I remember friends partnering off in high school, and not doing the same. I like that Yuki feels unique... in that I know people like her, but she's not a blueprint. She's not a pre written or pre assumed General path that perhaps outsides think we've gone on. She's not the: I knew as a teen, I came out, I feel pressure for x y z or I'm afraid of parents etc. While I love those stories too, because some of them can be relatable to some of us (the incredible story of two girls in love was very good for my heart when I was young). I like Yuki cause she's an Adult suddenly thinking about romance. An adult realizing she may be a lesbian, and exploring how lesbians live lives that make them happy. A lot of people don't realize until their adults, because society doesn't even give them awareness they can be anything but the majority (and lack of info and conservative environments etc can all increase this). I like it showing the education online and communities as helpful, it was for me in college and it is for people older. It's a nice thing. (I'm demi so I realize I'm biased but) I like that she didn't realize it until another person said she sounds in love, then she realized she is for the first time and explores it. I like that she gets to do this exploring as an adult: I think for some adults that exploring crushes is a first time, is a new journey when it seems others already are going through it and think it's easy, and I like Yuki showing us that. I loved again, that Yuki has her own hobbies and society pushes that into a heteronormative assumption about her... how many people have dealt with that, and that's a thing about our sexualities outside or dating. One can be single for ten years, but still your life may have some effect. In how people assume you do things for some gender you may not like. May choose hobbies for X when it doesn't factor in. May hit on you when you have no interest. I feel like Yukis experiences align with what a lot of queer people go through, people assuming they're straight and ignoring any other option as possible and making assumptions about them that are small (microagressions) but add up to pain over time. Her coworker assuming people could lime any gender was refreshing to her, to hear someone not assume things about her and was open to giving her the freedom to define and be her true self in their eyes was relieving.

Her seeing the Christmas couples pictures, and the lesbians in them. This tiny scene, but an example of why even "shallow" diversity marketing matters. Yeah, if I'm out and know myself and loud for a decade it probably isn't much to me. But when I was 12 I didn't even know anyone but straight people existed, it was all I saw, all I could saw (unless I found the one gay channel on cable that no one in my house watched so I didn't know existed yet). Like lol a yaoi manga some friend found was the first time any of us realized a person could date the same gender, and it seemed only in fiction could such a thing occur. I didnt know trans people existed until I saw a movie about a trans person and realized I felt like them nonstop. Like.. it's not much but when ypunger people grow up they saw their TV shows have a group of girls and some lesbians! Their games like The Last of Us Left Behind and Life is Strange had some recognition queer people exist. The ads on TV occasionally had a gay man or a lesbian. It was enough for THEM to know the world was broader than they'd otherwise think, that all of those were normal, and if they ever feel the same or have a friend who does now it will be another possible ordinary kind of person they understand! Ordinary thing. Seeing an ad for Yuki was her realizing dating her love, being with her love, is as normal as the straight people she felt isolated from her entire life. She can have her own life with Everything she wants in it, other women can. That's what diverse marketing does. A person who's never seen people like them feels seen and like they belong. People in general realize that there is a diversity of people and consider them all part of society, instead of having a narrower view of what's normal or not acceptable or not. (And god I could go into how... some very not good laws that limit what books say and what people can say around children so in public in general, can hurt all of this, can mean no lesbian in a cute couples ad, and therefore no lesbian teenager who realizes she's allowed to exist and there's people happy like her, no lesbian adult who realizes she can live a happy life and there's paths for her, no person in general who sees how so many diverse people are alike and all part of their world together... rather than a very small perception of what's normal versus what shouldn't exist... but if I delved into all that it'd get real heavy so back to show)

My point is

This show is a love letter to the ordinary life of queer women. To life generally. To liking who you are, and to others loving you for who you are. It feels like a warm embrace and I really recommend it.

#she loves to cook and she loves to eat #lb #i also liked the gentle work they did with trauma too in this. with kasuga being isolated and having dofficulty speaking #its handled so gently its a kind way to address something i think is quite painful #this show does a lot of work with using silence effectively #but yeah kasugas story goes into sexism and conservatism and childhood trauma and isolation and insecure familial love #while yukis story is also broader than love but perhaps more centered on something i tbink many queer women will relate to #which is just being ourselves in an overwhelmingly heteronormative society that makes assumptikns and pressutes #if you ever watched koisenu futari this show in Feeling reminds me lf that

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