#idk im also rereading old convos and its just making me angrier

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Have a random personal vent lol

Ik I gotta work on shit and have a whole convo but like how tho???? Like???? I’m so mad???? And I’m probably just gonna get madder???? And like they aren’t doing anything so like???? And like you can’t just message someone out the blue and be like “hey I’m mad so fuck you actually”, like that’s so shitty???? Hhhhh. It is difficult to have a reasonable and healthy confrontation when you have no models for what that looks like, especially when upset and like???? It’s not like I’m gonna stop being upset so it’s not like I can just leave convo to cool off bc I’m just gonna be mad????

#thoughts #oni talks #oni vents #also why tf do i have to do so much work on this shit and like ive tried to express and just nothing happens #and like ik its on me to communicate and use my words and shit like thts part of my upsetness at them #and obviously im also my own person responsible for my own decisions on how ive been handling things #but also???? that doesnt absolve them either tho????? #and its like how many times do i have to say something like jst idk ik its a 2 way street and i need to do shit and hold myself accountable #but also so do they tho???? and im just???? so mad abt everything???? #and i cant tell anymore if its like ok bc im so mad and resentful i wonder if im just being petty #but also maybe im so angry for a fucking reason???? #idk im also rereading old convos and its just making me angrier #like ik i gotta do something but idk wtf tht something is #i also feel shitty bc i feel like a huge hypocrite but at the same time tht makes me more mad #bc ik i have problems and shit and ive been working on it so like??? maybe also do tht??? #but also once again hypocritical just a little but just???? HHHHHHG #and im so mad tht i feel like my previous apologies were bad bc actually fuck you #once again im starting to have trouble distinguishing between am i just too mad or am i just finally realizing how fucked shit was #also @ past me u wrong ffs #also tbh its been harder to be nice and friendly and check in bc i feel dishonest bc im so mad but then that makes me feel bad #its hard to be nice and patient w someone when you are actively mad at them