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#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about
puppyeared
·
5 months
Text
its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to
#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but
#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of
#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something
#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh
#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing
#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant
#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still
#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….
#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about
#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird
#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel
#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t
#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to
#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol
#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week
#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting
#yapping
#does this count as vent
#vent
#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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