#ig this is mostly just for the followers + friends anyway i'll figure out the full thing later lmao BYE <3

[miraclewoozi]

(TEASER) HIGH FIDELITY. - c.hs

getting back on the horse is hard, and failing to hit it off with the cute gamer guy you went for a drink with last night has the potential to be your love life’s last straw. but when up and coming rockstar VERNON unexpectedly canters into your life, you find yourself asking very important question: do you have it in you to saddle up, one more time?

pair ; vernon x fem reader. ( also starring: besties!seungkwan + chan. ) content ; strangers to lovers. up-and-coming musician!vernon x record store owner!reader.  fluff, angst, smut. (MINORS DNI). slow burn.  warnings ; drinking + alcohol is a theme throughout. mentions of a past relationship breakdown. reader experiences a lot of stress, anxiety and feelings of doubt. reader is the monarch of self sabotage. wc ; teaser, 1.5k. full fic, est. 40k. note ; if you saw any of my posts about the show high fidelity… you’ll know where this came from. ( it doesn't stick to rob + liam's plot too closely with the exception of the first few encounters. )

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

“It’s just my opinion!” 

From your perch on top of the store’s counter, you raise both of your palms in a display of your innocence. Chan stands in the middle of the R&B aisle, looking personally offended, fingers curled around the top of one of the wooden crates holding your stock. 

“Me saying ‘I don’t think Welcome to the Black Parade is the best track on that album’ is not me saying that it’s a bad song.”

“But how can you say that?” Chan groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Who’s hearing the opening note to Famous Last Words and feeling the same way as they do with the Black Parade?”

“Most iconic doesn’t mean the best,” you counter. “Besides – I never said you weren’t allowed to have it as your favourite. It’d be a boring game if we all had the same answer.”

“I cannot cope with you anymore,” Chan whines. “You know what? No. I don’t even believe you. You’re just being a contrarian.”

“Why would I do that?” you ask. 

“Because it’s the best song on the goddamn albu–”

The bell above the door chimes loud and clear through the store and both of your squabbling voices fall silent. Your head turns in the direction of the entrance, an autopilot greeting already forming on your lips, but you feel them fall slack the moment you realise who it is that’s just walked in.

It’s been five days. Though it would be a mistruth to claim you hadn’t thought about the singer since the night of his gig, it’s not one to say you didn’t think he would ever actually come into your place of work. 

Much less at 3 o’clock in the afternoon. On a Thursday.

He pops his wrists as he walks a little further into the store, glancing around. Barring one of your regulars who walks about with his earphones in all the time, the store is completely empty; an adrenaline spike prickles the hairs on your arms, all the tiny muscles beneath your skin pulling them to stand upright. 

“Hi,” he says once he deems himself to be close enough, stopping in his tracks and bumping the toe of his shoe against the floor.

“Hey,” you greet him in return. 

“I’m-... Vernon. We met at the show, the other night?” 

“Yeah — yeah, I remember you,” you smile. “I’m-... well. I’m still y/n.”

“Still y/n,” he says on a relieved exhale, grinning and glancing away from you. “I uh… I just had some free time. Thought I’d swing by and see what you guys had going on here.” Vernon adjusts the collar of his t-shirt, the silver of his rings glinting under the flickering yellow light overhead.

(It was definitely somewhere on your list of things to get fixed. Honest.)

“Sure, yeah,” you nod, swallowing hard and trying your best not to stare at him. It’s hard, though – in broad daylight, the way the flannel tied around his waist floats down over his hips and the way his jeans hug at his thighs is… you don't even have the words. “Let me know if you need help finding anything, okay?” 

“I will.” He starts to thumb through one of the wooden boxes, offering a small smile your way. “Thank you.”

You’re holding your breath a little as he pulls a few 80’s rock albums out, his lips downturned in surprised approval at some of the records you carry. He holds onto a couple as he moves around the store and the entire time, you can feel Chan and Seungkwan staring at you. If there wasn’t a very real danger of Vernon looking your way again at a moment’s notice, you know you would be showing them your middle finger.

Really, they come away lucky.

“You don’t even know how long I’ve been trying to find some of these,” Vernon says after a few minutes, sauntering toward the desk – you’re still sitting on top of it, your legs swinging in the air beneath you. “Might have to make this my new stop.”

And displayed beside you on the counter – right by the cash register – are a few of his albums. The ones Seungkwan picked up after the show; until about two seconds ago, you had forgotten they were even there.

Vernon’s face lights up when he notices, turning to Seungkwan. “Come on, no way. Dude, I thought you were kidding.”

“We love our locals in here, man,” Chan chimes quickly, seeing you start to freeze up. You nod to agree, biting on the inside of your cheek. “It was on the speakers yesterday. Four people asked us about you.”

“For real?” Vernon asks, but when all three of you nod your heads, you see the beginnings of a blush start to creep up his neck. “Wow. Thank you – um. That’s really cool of you guys.”

“It’s good music,” Seungkwan shrugs. “You’re super talented.”

Vernon doesn’t seem to know what to do with all the compliments he’s receiving. Even so, he thanks your friends again with a stomach-twisting sincerity before he turns back to you. 

“I’ll take these,” he says a little breathlessly. You find yourself a tiny bit lost in the warmth of his eyes and it takes you a moment to remember to swivel around and slip off the other side of the countertop. You do, though. Eventually. 

“Nice,” you say softly as you shuffle through them, ringing each one through. He’s got pretty decent taste, even if less than a week ago you were actively cringing at his choice of cover song. (It’s okay. That was before you knew better.) “Do you– need sleeves, or…?”

“I’m good. Thank you, though.” Vernon rests his hands against the edge of the counter and drums a quiet rhythm out with his thumbs as you tap away at the register. “Are-... you guys busy tonight, by the way?”

You look up from placing the records into a paper bag, glancing over to your colleagues who both rush to shake their heads. Vernon looks from them, to you, and you mirror their motions. Even if I was, you start to think wistfully. I’d make time.

“I’m down at the Velvet Lounge later on. Across town? It starts at eight thirty; I could get you guys on the list, if-... um…”

“That’d be awesome,” Chan says, nodding so hard you’re surprised his head doesn’t roll off his shoulders and start bouncing across the floor. 

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Seungkwan adds. 

Vernon grins at them both, humming softly, before turning back to you and fumbling with his wallet to take out his card to pay for his purchases. You turn the machine around to face him; he hovers with his hand just above it. 

“Maybe… I’ll see you tonight, too?” He says.

You can’t help the delight that rises inside you, as if it’s been injected straight into your bloodstream. It’s everywhere, all of a sudden. In your brain and your heart and your bones and in your lungs.

Yet, you somehow manage to keep your composure when you say, “yeah. Maybe you will.”

The payment goes through and you slide the bag over towards Vernon, your eyes never leaving his and his eyes never leaving yours. His fingers brush over yours as he takes it from you, the bite of the cold ring on his index finger a shocking contrast to the warmth the rest of his hand radiates. You hope your little gasp isn’t too audible, but… the way Chan whirls around to face away from the scene in front of him (presumably to poorly conceal his laughter), you know you haven’t gotten away with it.

“Cool,” he says, hesitating another second before finally pulling himself away. He bows his head in the direction of your friends, sending another of those irresistibly sweet smiles at you, and then he starts off towards the door. “See you, then.”

You feel your pulse finally start to slow as you grip the counter for dear life, setting out a long, drawn-out breath. What just happened? Why do you feel all… fuzzy?

“Maybe… I’ll see you tonight, too?” Chan asks in the deepest voice he can muster, snapping you out of your own head none too pleasantly. You turn in their direction as your other favourite moron feigns tucking hair behind his ear and flutters his eyelashes across at Chan.

“Yeah… Maybe you will.” And Seungkwan’s imitation of you is a little too accurate. Creepily so, and you want to curse him out for it. Instead, you scrunch up a bag to throw towards the pair of them, grinning despite yourself as they both swerve to dodge it.

“Oh my God, shut up,” you chastise them. You don’t have any bite, though, your brain still tingly and positively reeling and seeing Vernon’s dazzling smile every time you so much as blink.  And when Seungkwan takes a running start and launches himself, full-force, into Chan’s unsuspecting arms? When Chan lifts him up and spins him around, and when they start making kissy-noises at each other between unearthly cackles? 

You know that the next few hours are going to be the longest of your entire life.

thank u for reading!! i hope you liked this lil snippet!! i got kind of impatient with myself and needed to post something about this, so if you're interested in the full fic please feel free to drop a like, an ask, a reblog or a comment to tell me your thoughts! this piece has become sort of my passion project the last six months or so and i'm really excited to share the whole thing with you guys when it's done.<3

#vernon x reader #vernon fanfic #now. how does a bitch tag a teaser. let me know #idw tag this as smut because This part isn't. the full fic contains it. but. #i'm overthinking it. #ig this is mostly just for the followers + friends anyway i'll figure out the full thing later lmao BYE <3 #j writes. #* #re. high fidelity.

[crowleaf]

Mania can occasionally bring clarity, or revelation, I think. Or maybe this is just a whole lot of incoherent rambling. Who can say!

Lately I've been thinking about why it would be so terrifying for me for people following my art blog to learn I'm fictionkind. And I think the reason is because my art handle is connected to my offline identity.

I have family and old IRL friends who follow my IG under that handle. Most aren't on Tumblr (though some are), and would likely never come across that blog (unless they're already following it), so if I started being open about my beliefs there, I doubt they would ever see it.

But there's still always the chance, and that's mortifying to me. I can't even really explain why. I don't hide that I'm queer, not Christian, anti fascist, anti capitalist, I know climate change is real, I have no interest in ever becoming a parent, etc. Basically what I'm saying is I already stick out quite a bit in my mostly average, white, rural and suburban Christian/Catholic, 2.5 kids-to-a-cishet-couple, Ohio family on both of my parents' sides. What's one more 'unusual' thing about me?

To be honest, that's probably all it would be. Just one more thing to solidify my 'weird cousin' status. But because it's often treated like a joke in online spaces, spaces my younger and maybe same-aged relatives may even frequent while possibly partaking in said joking, I feel like it would open me up to familial bullying akin to the bullshit I experienced in childhood for being 'strange and different' (i.e. autistic). And I'm not about to do that.

I won't even get into why I think it would be a nightmare for old high school friends or acquaintances (though I have very few of those anymore) to find out, when I still live relatively close to where I graduated (not out of choice, mind you, but because moving is expensive).

But it's such a pain to switch between this blog and a different main blog, signing in and out of both just to post or reblog something. It would be so much easier to just make a sideblog for art here. But then I can't follow anyone back without them putting two and two together and figuring out I'm fictionkind, but the idea of that happening is...much less mortifying than family finding out, actually. I don't really care if strangers think I'm weird.

So I think I might just. Do that. Make two art sideblogs, maybe one for fanart and one for original, more 'professional' art. I'm still attached to my old blog url, so I just won't delete it. I might still use it now and then. But I just won't make a big deal about switching to different ones for art posting. It's not like I've been posting much there lately anyway, so I don't think it matters. And I have less than 500 followers, so I'm not abandoning any 'fanbase' or whatever.

That's probably what I'll do. I already have URLs saved that I like and have nothing to use them for, so I can use them for this.

[souljournaler]

Ive managed to gather an interesting group of ppl to witness via the twitter equivalent of this blog

Sorry I'll have to put a readmore later bc I'm on mobile and havent figured that out yet

Anyway

It's mostly like, three or four (maybe five??) people that I'd love to be friends with but am intimidated by how cool they are so I'm just ok to witness and Like their tweets when i Can Relate(TM)

Usually on twitter i dont feel like anything i have to say is important or meaningful enough to add, so i simply Dont. I usually rt things or Like them if i vibe-- i dont feel particularly compelled to rephrase things in my own way if someone else already did it well enough. Sometimes i post OC too but it's often venting or journaling.

Some of the ppl i follow on the twitter equivalent of this blog are just,,, people who i admire about some things but would never expect to be friends with. Like, sometimes, they say some rly profound shit that is really cool. Sometimes they say some shit that makes me wonder (& assume a little bit) if theyre white & from california or portland or phoenix or smth. Like... sometimes it's rly "never have i ever read something so brazenly White Cis Dude Who Values Anything That Happens In Silicon Valley" but with a Buddhist twist, and I'm like "wow.......... live ur dharma my guy" and i Must Step Away. Nuance in all relationships ig.

Like... have you ever met someone who is Post-Cringe about liking something? Like, they know it's silly and temporary, but theyre having fun, so they love it anyway and have some absolute dogshit takes while theyre at it. Yeah. Thats these guys. In a way that prevents me from ever pursuing a friendship of any depth, but also still keeps me reading their tweets just in case they say something cool.

I'm hoping to build a much different community online going forward. Like, yes the whole wide internet is out here, and anyone really can find this blog if they know where to look, but i want to treat my blog and the twitter equivalent of this blog more like a little corner, where just we see the stories that unfold. It'll just be us for now, and i like it that way.

So yeah

It's nice to meet you. Let's get to know each other.

- Sol

#journal #sol rambler

[deluminatorillustrator]

I saw the post you reblogged saying it's okay to ask dumb questions...how did you know you identified as they/them? Bc i am afab and am about a 2 or 3 on the futch scale, 1 being femme and 5 being butch in how i present. I wish i was more masculine though, bc despite how i present, I don't always feel like a woman. Ig id cinsider myself a demigirl? But idk for sure and idk how i feel about pronouns and idk im just a mess and dont get how or when I'll know any of this in terms of myself

  Okay firstly, I’m sorry this answer is so long.

  Honestly, figuring out what I identified as was a long, long process. I spent a lot of my youth just confused about why I had to present a certain way and feeling like I didn’t fit in as well as I should, gender-role wise. But then I was lucky enough to attend a college that was really lgbtqa+ positive! I even took a class called “lgbt history” which was amazing. That, combined with the information I learned through the internet, led me to feel a lot better about myself!

  For the first year/second year of my college experience I was exactly where you’re at. I thought maybe I was a demigirl, because sometimes I felt feminine, sometimes I felt masculine. People around me seemed so sure of their pronouns and I was just... confused. It was super easy for me to label my sexuality, (I’m bi) but difficult for me to label my gender, which only made it even more confusing. I was afraid to talk to people about it. I’m still the type of person where I just don’t care what pronouns people use for me, because I don’t want to have to correct them or make them feel bad.

  In (I think?) 2015, I was first introduced to the term genderfluid. It took a while for me to understand it, honestly, because I had never seen gender as a spectrum. As soon as I did though, it just clicked. I knew that was me. I think the day it really hit me was a day I was out with my partner, and someone mistook me for a cis boy. I realized I was totally happy with being seen as male. Finally my weird feelings about being a girl on some days while it felt right on other days made sense. I didn’t HAVE to be a girl every day if I didn’t want to. FINALLY, finally, I felt better about myself, more confident. I came out to my closest friends and my partner in 2016, once I felt like I had figured it out, and they were both super supportive about it. Both of them said something along the lines of seeing it coming, haha. I started going by “they/them” mostly because I didn’t want it to be difficult for others to have to switch pronouns back and forth for me. After a while, it became sort of my default. Gender is confusing and weird and mostly made up by society anyway, so why bother following rules?

  Fast forward to now- I’ve been identifying as genderfluid for 2 years! Crazy! I’m masculine much more often than I’m feminine, but I do still feel feminine some days. Most of the time, though, I’m just? Me. Which is why I still go by they/them. I know some people use pronouns like xe/xem or ze/zir for that, but for me I just like they/them better. I’m sure this is not how everyone feels about it, but for me, they/them lets me just kind of float free of gender norms and be whatever I want. They/them can be feminine, masculine, androgynous, or neither. Personally I think you should just find something that feels right for you. Don’t worry about how long it takes or what criteria fits best, just find something that feels nice. For me it took most of my life, I was a really late bloomer, I guess, and all of those years were filled with awkward questions and confusion.

  I guess basically my advice is not to put too much pressure on yourself to find the right label. It might take some time, but eventually the right identity will come to you. Just continue to be yourself, let yourself explore and you’ll figure it out. Some people figure it all out when they’re really young, and some don’t. It’s your life and your path, so don’t be so hard on yourself while you’re on the journey! One day when you have it all figured out, you’ll be able to look back and be glad you spent time letting yourself explore the possibilities.

  And if you’re worried about taking too long, idk if this helps, but I have a relative who didn’t figure out she was a trans lesbian until she was in her 50s, and she’s super happy with where she’s at! Sometimes you need a longer journey to figure out who you are. And that’s okay. Keep looking, keep exploring, keep loving yourself no matter what. You’ll figure it out