#im no fucking boy genius im always a borderline disappointment

[complementary-oxymorons]

it would be nice to have testosterone it would be nice to have the drive to work on the things i dont want to do it would be nice to be able to be nonbinary without forcing myself to be uber-masc it would be nice to learn to trust people it would be nice to be better at art it would be nice to learn to accessorise and dress nicely it would be nice to stop existing

#clemont babbles #negative shit #why do academics always send me into such an awful spiral? what the fuck is wrong with me #im no fucking boy genius im always a borderline disappointment #halfway there but never making it and yet everyone seems to see the smoke and mirror of wasted potential #i hate school so much but i need it to get a better job but why get a better job when i have nothing to live for #no partner; no one in their right mind would ever want me like that #my love is mine to give and i give it to my friends #and even then it literally took 3 maybe 5 years for me to be comfortable with rey #and for kade it's like 5 maybe 6 #'social skills are pretty important' trust me mr wong i know #but why would i ever let people in when i dont trust their political standings and dont know how acceptable my existence is to them #god if you exist out there #why did you not grant me the courage to die in 2012 #thirteen wasted years; two of them in a ''''depressed'''' haze #my discords so populated with unfinished plans and fickle step by steps #i should buy a ticket to see kade at least once in my life before i disappear