#im runnign out of so many things

[lark-foster]

friday ngihts man

#im runnign out of so many things #like ummmmmm where are thebags lol

[pumpkin-padparadscha]

dreamed that 3 teenagers were living their life in the zombie apocolypse and they ran into a nine year old and were liks "is that a kid? holy shit thats a kid. we have to help her" so then these like 15/16 year olds took her to thwir base where it was a safe from the zombies (an ice hockey/skating rink because zombies hated cold and stayed away) and taught her their coping mechanisms + how to survive

one of them used running to manage stress and was like "if you run far enough, fast enough, you can almost leave your problems behind" and they went runnign together every morning improving speed and endurance

and then the floor of the ice rink melted (maybe the power went out idk) and it wasnt a safe base /haven any more

so the guy who had been teaching her to run picked her up since he was the most athletic and the best at zoning out durning physical exertion

and the internal monologue was dramatically like

"rule one. if you run far enough, fast enough, you can almost seem to leave your problems behind"

and the three teens took off towards wal mart to grab supplies for their trip to find somewhere new/safe

and the little girl was likw "noo! my things!" when she realized they were leaving the stuff in the base to the agitated zombies that had overtook it and there was some very cute dialogue

"were gonna get you new things, because im your brother now, and our things should match" and then at the walmart between outrunning, tripping clothes racks and kiosks into the way of, and avoiding zombies they picked out matching pokemon sheets for when they had beds again, between filling backpacks with food and as many copic markers + as much yarn + as many beads as they could

hobbies are important in a post apocolypse world to keep from killing each other. they got the girl a switch and pokemon games and she was like "how are we gonna keep it charged?" and they were like "with potatoes, nails, and pennies"

anyway hopefull if zombies avoid the cold their plan was to move somewhere cold, and they got some coats and headed north with their goods and found a human outpost

#the oldest was a girl and she was like 'im too young to be a mom we're not ready to be parents' #and then the runner who in my head was voiced by the oscar from the cartoon fish hooked was like 'we cant just leave her' #thats how our species survived this long' #the last character is mute so did not weigh in on the issue besides to nod

[semi-personal]

idk what to name this

Idk if I have said it before but I'm a religious person, no I'm not gunna push my religion (trust me if I hate it happening to me than you probably hate it too) I just want to talk about my religion is all.

So I'm mormon, not a great mormon, but I'm one of them. I grew up in this church so normal not a converted I was born into the mormon church.

And a few things i just wanna state, I have been inactive off and on my whole life. Heck. I was inactive for about two close to three years before a few months ago. So, no I'm deff not great at this, not to mention the fact I smoked and did drugs along with drinking. So in noway am I saying that what ever I say in this post is correct I guess. (I really need some one to proff read these incase so they make sense-) 

either way- (i say as i just got back to this because i was looking in my drafts- this is like a week old- idr what i was talking about but lets contine antways- good luck understanding my word vomit-) 

i think what i was going to start talking about before was some of the diffrent things i have had go on in my life and things i have had problems with. things such as, being a “roof top mormon” , having a hard time understanding things in church, and people forcing their relogouns on others (that one just be cause i think it need to be talked about) 

“Rooftop mormon” if you dont know what that means it is basicly stateing that you are in a sense pretending almost (or at least thats how i see it, i could be wrong on some of what i say, im just going off of my pointof veiw)  im going to note real fast that this isnt just my religon that has this. almost all of them have one at one point. any who- i was talking wth my family one night, me my mother and grandmother were all talking and i heard this as the comment “ there are alot of rooftop mormons runnign around right now” and me at the time not knowing what that meant i looked at them both and asked and got my awnswer and with that answer i got to thinking.. i at some point had problems with this as it turned out, i didnt know what it was at the time; all i knew at the time was that I wasnt being a good person like i had preached all so offten. and because of that relization i worked hard to fix it how i could.. ill be the first to say it, it was and still is a struggle. i have my good days and my bad just as anyone else. me finally looking at this is one of the things that kinda hurt but are good for me  to look at. i dont really know how i want to talk about this one too much so i might make another post for just this but for now im going to move on to the next thing.

another thing i mentioned is having a hard time understanding things in church and i think the only way i can say this that makes sense is that i would look at other people and they could give answers to questeins that i couldnt and i didnt understand where they got them, all be it i still dont always know (and by that i mean i still have the worlds hardest time giving an answer in church ) it took me longer than i like to addmit that it was because i just didnt focuse on what  god wanted me to foucuse on and its because of that that really got to me. mainly the fact that it has taken idk how many years for me to finallly take a deep breath and just listen to what god wants. one of my saving graces is that i at least took my time and looked, some people dont even get that far.. im going to be really honest and say, i still dont know what im doing.. im just kinda going with my gut.. or in other ways to say it, im doing what the holy ghost, god, jesus christ. and heavenly mother are asking of me.. i hope im getting this all corretct, as i said before, all this is coming from my point of veiw, and im just trying to say this and it make sense lol..

one of the last things i wanted to hit on was, people forcing there religiouns on to one another.. this is something that i have learned in recent years is more common that i thought, also tho, its one of those that just as before i just dont understand how to put it in words.. mainly typed words.. i could babble my head off in an desperate feul of hopfulnes that the babble makes sense but typed words have always been hard for me. i still dont know why tho, best not to put to much focuse on it tho,, but i hope that just the putting focuse on it all helps people see things; hope people look at some of the things going on, i will never take away a learning experience on my hand, you want to teach me stuff about your religoun? go for it! i love to learn! but, on the other hand, do not stop me from trying to teach you! i want others to understand my point just as much as they do theres!  (idr how all the “theres and theirs work_) idk if all this makes sense in typed form- i hope it does- in conclution be kind, dont force people to do things they dont want and if they are ok with learning remember to let them teach if they want too...

i hope this all made sense- this took like a mounth to finish- its late- first day of school starts in like- a few hours- goof night / morning/ day/afternoon/ be safe be kind and learn what you can!!!!!!     

(am i doing this right? i dont know either-)

#its late #im tired #this took like a mounth #idk how to spell good #thank you for being kind and getting this far into my word vomits #thank you for reading #be nice #learn things #dont be a dick #ok good night now #wish me luck #i wish you al the best #good night #sweet dreams

[beep-beep-kneecaps]

i was just looking up 1920s slang to make a point about how nonwords cans till be stored in our mental lexicon, not only did i get to say yeet and asdfghjkl in an actual assignment, but it got me thinking, imagine 100 years in the future therell be kids looking at our slang... can you imagine some teen looking at a list saying somethign like

tea: gossip, drama, news

yeet: throwing something, sometimes used as a confirmation

yolo: short for you only live once, usually before someone does somethign stupid

brrrrr: (go brrr, went brrr) excitement, activated type thing idk

ye: short for yeah, or yes

oof: uhhhh how do i explain this,

yeesh: similar to oof but more like eeeeee

welp: well, but casual

liek: like, but typoed

uwu: im not even going to explain this

mood:

same:

poggers:

im runnign out of slang terms uhhhhh

i dont think anyone says wig anymore but uh:

[REDACTED]: again, im not even goign to explain this

i quit, theres so many and its only 2021.....

[the-reactionist]

begging

for some reason [US's crazy fear-based policy to not trust easter European states with their internet privacy stuff] i can't write emails so i am posting personal stuff here; sorry MESSAGE: i have to post more often here as writing about issues helps me resolve them and understand them deeply; i never find the time ad strength/energy to; i need to make it my priority, though, because i can; i have the power too, so i’m obliged to do so;the pain whe delving in the wounds by teal swan’s methods, is too large to handle, though; she mst have bee treated real horribly to have that incapacity to relax within herself; because healig hppens with time; nd time ca heal anything; yet she is so restless in her death-cult-leader-scapegoat programming, that she has no time to deal with her issues and overcome them fully from within, to embrace her trauma and demonstarte to us her teachings emodied - what it looks liek to have overcomeyour trauma, physically; nd that is what we need; because ppl like myself, we follow, by example; so teal, your followers who have pened up not merely their minds but their hearts to your presence, need you to heal your inner child and go to other levels of expressing the truths you are embodying, because you don’t have time, ad we don’t have time, physically, to wait our entire lives; i have seen a decline in your activity and i saw a short fb video two or three years ago inw hich you explained you need to work more closely to the people so you are changing your course of teaching/actions; but i think that being i the flashlights IS what you have the power to be doing; beign amidst all the controversy;and i think that you still have lingering uresolved childhood torture and unimaginable abuse trauma; but i eed you to overcome it; i’m dying,i can’t hndle my issues and i need you because you are strg, you have before, and you can; PLEASE, be there for me, and please, teach me; i love you and i trust you, and moreover i do believe in you; please teach me in your ways btu the things i need for my expansion and development, which i feel is not simply mie but is the communnity’s; you are capable of leading us to the next levels; which is owning pour realities and being masters to the extent we all individually can; please do that for me/and others whi are erady for your hardcore strength ~thank you i feel like ale, a lot - when he pursued you, teal, and you didn't look at him at first, because of disbelief, i suppose; i am ready for you and i want you both for my and your sake; it is actual bonding, and i am not even joking - i mean it; iu know you are always asking your audience for questions to make videos on; and i am trying to write from years, but i can't; so instead i created blogs and fb groups, and pages, all related to your teachigns and how i interpret them for my life, ad how they help me grow; i need to work more completely with your mind, because when combining other spiritual philosophers' calmness with your catalystic power and depth, and structure/ logic of understanding, i become completely different - empowered to unbelieveable extent https://the-reactionist.tumblr.com/post/187233997680/benevolence-unconditional-love-the-innate i am sorry i have not enough money to buy your things - meditations, courses, workshop passes, retreats; i know they cost very little, but i can't hndle my life and i am not financially independent; but i love you, i want you to experience i 3d your fullest potential and capacity ebcause you rock, you help me every time, so i beg, please somehow connect to me in the spiritual plane so i can give you the srengths i am carrrying to hep you resolve, in time, your leftover past trauma - and it's a lot, i see it still, so that you can rock on life as you want to, and not keep stuck in these patterns of self-mistrust and victimhood, and powerlessness; you are gREAT, but unlike many of us - literally; and i am very very excited by you, on every single level,so you truly catalyze change i me, on a molecular, subconscious, sexual, physical, and though levels - hi5 for dat! because i'm hardcore too, eyt you manage to get through to me; i need you more, though, because i am workig with a lot of trauma myself; i have bee put in psychiatries by my parents because i started speakig about things they don't want to hear and maybe it wasn't tiem for them to; but sorry to be so hones - i see in you a sort of restlessness that is not helping the peoplewho depend on you to be helped and uided on our ow journeys/paths through reality; and you can help us; many more than you are targeting presently, in fact; your inner child feels unheard ad unexpressed, though, so in my view you still act a little irresponssibly, exerting your powerfulness in ways which are uhealthy and not deep enough/mature/rooted; maybe i'm too needy, as i have been to my mother, to my loved one, to my spiritual teacher/sect leader/first sexual partner,and i am to you now too, but i am needy, i am human, i am breaking - in body, and i spirit sometimes; im sorry; i am truly breaking/soft. and i think this is the genuine human condition; and i liek your power but i NEED to be protected by it to be fully myself and give MY gift to the wrld -w hich is mthering, care, heartful compassion and being there and holding space, but from the heart-space, not physically, and not so mcuh mentally, because i am not very educated in philosphies, and i have poor strength in that faculty; i am more basic, primitive, and i dont really feel ashamed by that; i am the powerful people's job, as the tao te chig goes; so i beg you - i can't do with teachings i the way your power/energy demands; there are thse whi are that physically strgn, but i aint; and i can't be; peopel have tried to train me but i'm too connected with teh feminiity and teh earth aspects of human beings to be able to overcome those - i am NOT a shaoulin monk, although i love both you an dthem all; i feel respect ad am honored to be residing on earth among peope like you, but i am sexually drawn to your types of strength and endurance - i wanna bear childern to the kids of you; i am NOT liek you 

i’m an old person/elder type fo being; i need to nourisha nd provide for your vigor and power to be manifested in reality more safely and completely i feel towards you the same way i feel towards the man i am fully in love with but i can’t get to him because footh of our unresolved issues ad i beg for help because i want to resolve those - our issues aren;tours alone; we care about/for others’ problems, that si why we can’t hande our lives; so i that way we are much like you; and i am like you in many ways; i wish i could communnicate to you - and i will ebcause i should - i blog posts, if i can find energy to, which i can’t... i’m so sorry but stress is killing me literally - i develped diabetes since my stepfather dies eight years ago and now there is noone to take acre of my basic needs  financially and emotionally,a s supprt; so i breakdown; but i knw you can help me becaus ethsoe stuff don’t touch you; and i can help youw itrh stuff that dont touch me; or i have been a hero through, makig my way out of them;

sexual trauma ad abuse of femininity, is my specuialty, i believe; i am a one who in their love for humanity, their femininity and themselves, has raped themselves to try d develop compassion for those things humns do to each other - rape, abuse of feedom; i am thtat string in my plan for this incarnation; but i have been messed with, energetically and sexually - by a cult/sect; so i have lost my strengths and many of my point of stremgth - my stepfather being one of them; he is someone from my sould-family/group,and my grandmotehr has managed to manifest him into my reality to help me through life;

but he die physically, and his loss is unbearable, i have nothign to stand on and i cn’t handle my frmer tasts without taht kid fo support; that is why i am reahcig out t you; and i ave erached out to suzanne lie, sadhguru, and many thers for support; my lover/peron taht i am lin love with, AND his father, too -i have written to them and asked for suport dicetly, because i can and i need it; i am that in love withmyself that i have the capacity to ask for what i want when i eed my  eeds met; i want you to have that fr yourself, tio; let me etahc you soemhow, lover

i read you as an incarantion of shiva; i love this being’s energy and how sexual and open with sexuality he/it is; i am much more feminine in nature though; which is a weakness; but i need help to overcome it, or try to, as i have promised, in my soul contract; i am running out f time because i am runnign it of energy; my soulmate/’twin flame’ partner/the boy i love and wanna marry and have child with is running out of his shin as well, his essence, his power; we have both depleted our chi through mastrubatig and abuse of our chi; you - no; you have that fire strong within you; please help us with guiding to vercome our foolish weaknesses and purge from our actual sinfulness - devoted to earthly elasure in a society that udnermines a persons needs for that type of pelasure; so tahtwe and many more can heal from thise types of stereotype and thinkig and go on with life; i cant by myself; my loved person has ecaus he’s younger an dhas different energy - he is much liek you; liek curt cobai, like jeff buckley ad others; you rock the world, you are strogn with or without others; i am not; i  need others to grow still; i’m sorry i can’t be strger at this point; i am just t and i lose my mind when they want me to; i am a primadonna, an italian belcanto style opera singer type of person, and my femininity is such; and i have no shame for beign this wqay; i need your type of masculine scolding to refresh my poits fo view and receive revitalizing energy to grow into a best version of myself; better tahn i have been thus far; but you eed to be scolded by the lieks of me and becoem more herty and softer in your capacities, too; because i am a mother to you and th elikes of you - taht is ewhat i can; and i desire your kind sexually which is fun and awesome but it makes me frustrated a lot, too; look, this is nto a lustful invitation - idesire lustfully my neigbour who is a national chamion in hockey for my coutry,and the boy i mentioned ver  a thousand times thus far, ebcause i need actual physcial sex; and i like men; i am to girls a prtector and support; or have been, t put it more accurately - now with my stepfathe rgone, i dot anymore have the strength to tdo taht msot of the time’  idot desire girls sexually; more than one man, yeah, but girls - i cant handle in my heart; s sorry but iam not meanign my words in a direct physical way, but mor e enretically; i really love you - which is a neediness expression in itself; i feel like this when i’m saying these words to you 

Khajurahu, India

Ishtar ~Venus, Messopotamia

i feel my sacred feminine energy explode whenever around you; the spiritual catalyst - imma do a post specifically on how i see your energies linked to Quanyin and the sacred feminine; but as i have heard you speak before, you feel much more connected to your masculine energy so far, thus i’m gonna address you in the way i feel you as Lord Shiva/ the sacred masculine

i wanna #support YOU

.....

[a425app]

Interview 06

How are you?

Im good

What is your name?

Sarah Glinski

What is your age?

26

What gender do you identify as?

female

What are the things that have been on your mind today?

Video games/ what to bring to a social event – easter-themed friend gathering

What's been the most enjoyable part of your day so far?

Alive dinosaur – video games

Is there something your looking forward too?

Seeing husband/ been one week/ social event

What is the most important thing that matters to you at the moment?

Health habits – time for me, self-repair, nit procrastinating work. Spending time with family

Do you work? If so how many hours a week and what sort of job is it? / do you work on site or at home (or alternate location)

40 hr + 4

Teacher of math – high school

On site mostly + home + meet up with mentor person to discuss work – luch, coffee etc.

What are some things you like to do on the weekends?

Video games

Watch movies + shows

Paint sometimes

Do during weekend

Paint

What is your living situation like?

Apartment w/ two cats

Bottom floor so can hear neighbors

Quiet area, no suburban sounds

Occasional visits from husband

Is your living space organized to help you accomplish your tasks or goals, whatever they may be?

No!

Do you wish it was?

Yes, have made efforts toward it.

Something to help you work towards that?

Energy levels which  is why I am working of healt habits and self care

What are some of your goals for your daily life?

Remember to do things in app trying out

What king of app?

Noom, health habits: food looging, exercise, goals person, gives task to help toward goals: article to read

Taking up talking a work 15min a day

Back to 15 min a day pick up.

What are some of your goals in general?

Losing 60 pounds

Be able to not huff when walking up 20ft hill.

What kinds of chores did you do during childhood/adolescents?

Dishes, laundry, litterbox, occasional taking out garbage, cleaning bathroom

Would you say you actively seek out new things to try?

Like the idea of new things but have trouble with follow through

What are some things that make you feel proud of yourself?

Accomplishing of my goals

Resisting food temptations

Cleaning up the space

What activities give you the most satisfaction?

Taming t-rexes – video games

Playing with kitty cats

Doing small tasks aroung the apartment – getting a chore done

What kinds of things do you to relieve stress?

Video games

Often with other people?

Yes, with people in –game and a couple known people

Watching shows on hulu

Creative things – painting crocheting

Sometimes reading

What is something you wish you had more time to do?

Rest and recover like on the weekends

Clean the apartment so it feels more organized and a better space

What kinds of things take up most of your time?

Work

Laidry takes a long time to put things away properly, if I do do it properly

Dishes because I tend ti let things pile up

How do you feel after you have completed a task.

Happy with myself

“a word you might use” Satisfied

How do you reward yourself?

Playing video game and watching Tv show

Dpo you often use that to motivate yourself?

I endeavor to but do I actually

How much time do you take just for yourself?

Try to give myself like an hour everyday at least

What are the most frustrating aspects of your daily activities/ day?

Someyimes my timing isn’t consistent like sometimes having to stay at work longer than I ollaaning for so it disrupts my plans for the evening, whether their productive or not

What time of day do you tend to do your work/chores/ homework

Afternnon or early evening

What time of day do you feel the most alert

While I am at work 7:30 – 3:30, when I stay let til 5:30

Sometimes in the morning but that is a rare occasion

Sometimes when I get home, usually short lived

/happy

Probably the morning, probably the most optimistic time

Do you feel like you have a good balance between work and personal life?

I try to. O don’t do a lot lot social

Do you wish you had more social things?

Yeah.

How consistent is your schedule?

Wrok schedule is pretty consist except occasion stay late

Do certain things?

I try to, do thing right I get home most often

Can you describe a typical day for you from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed?

What do you think having a routine means?

Kind of a set schedule for doing certain things during the day or like if you have to go on autopilot you could, don’t necessarily have to think about things has you doing it.

Solike habit forming?

yeah

Do you have a daily/weekly routine(s)

Loose routine, not timed

Have a certin order of thing even if they aren’t at strict imes

If so, What are some of your daily/weekly routines?

Morning starts with getting up and feed cats, go to bathroom, get dressed, misc. tasks for getting ready for work or whatever errand I an runnign

What tools do you use to plan or remind yourself to do your routine activities?

Samsung not, check off list, don’t use regularly

7weeks - - habit trACKER

Tell it something you did or not tthatd day

Do you think having a daily routine would benefit you?

Overall yes, sometime my day isn not consistant and throw a wrench in the routine which can be stressful

Have you done any research / read articles about having a routine?

No

Search for healt apps?

Nojust found them and used them

How often would you say you search for things involving lifestyle: blogs, articles, magazines etc.

Once a mont, in spurt vs consistant basis

Would you be interesting in learning how to best establish and stick to a routine?

Yes.

What would that look like to you?

Noom app is meant for goals so maybe something that had mini articles to hekpwith small step so you don’t have to pick the steps but are still working towards an overall goal

Do you use technology for planning and/or reminders?

Phone.

Have tried bullet journal, not sustainable because of time it took to setup and keep it up

Planning events?

Yes

Any shared viewing or more like a calender?

More like a calendar

If so, what are your favorite tools/programs.

No,

Why are those your favorite?

What are some of your favorite apps to use?

Why those?

Helps keep in contact woth friends since moved aeay

Noom makes me supported wth my health  

How often do you use them?

Daily basis

Noom one likeing so far. I play game apps often. One that’s a informational app for video game.

Social media like faceook + messaenger

Do how those apps function or more what they do for you?

like what they do for me

If you could make a app for keeping track of a routine what would be some of the features you would want?

Like abilitiy to keep track when I did stick to my routine or at least parts

Move tasks around wioth having to edit like swipe versus having to type it.

Have you ever failed to stick to a routine? If so, why do you think that was?

Yes. / partly my own motivation. Hard ime incoprtiaing keeping trakc of my routine into my routine

Do you have any medical conditions that you think might affect your ability to stick to a regular schedule or routine?

Potential anxiety, put off things I don’t want to do.

Do you think your profession has an impact on your routine?

Yes. my time at home isn’t consistant and because of energy levels

To what degree do you think other people impact your routine?

Pretty decent amount. If someone was doin something with me more likely to do it

Prioty to social things over doing things I am supposed to do

Would you be more likely to do something if someone else was holding you accountable?

Yes

Accountability look like to you? What do you want them to do for you?

Help support me in why I am not doing something

Part of a team, doing things with me

If we came back in [x number of] years to have this conversation again, what would you like to be different?

Nothing, you were delightful

Would you want to change any answers?

Cooking is something I do on the weekends but during the weeks

Is there anything I’ve missed that you wanna tell me?

No.

Any questions?

No.

[idkitshiro]

Mar.11 ,2017  2:23 pm

as im trying to looking forward, a part of me is whispering failure.. can I make something, something beautiful, something inspiring, encouraging? to spread a heartfelt smile on somebody’s face, reassuring whoever is behind their computer screen there is reason, no matter how stupid or small it is, to laugh or smile. I want to remind people how video games are really meant to be played, what creates the pro environment and  competition in the first place, showing them how to have fun with their video games, showing them how to enjoy spending their free time so that its at least not wasted. If I can leave at least one thing to take away and let people know they feel reassured, loved, supported, not alone then all the time I put into the videos im making have been worth my time.  Acts of kindness, sportsmanship good cheer. Make them feel like holy crap this makes me want to play this game

Here i go as I just write down whatever im thinking about:

some of the funnest games I really enjoyed playing as a kid: Super Smash bros melee: at first had all my favorite characters from different games EVER , kirby, pikachu, mario, all these nintendo characters like Link, Fire emblem’s marth and roy, so much variety Pokemon: such a fun adventure, not having much access to the internet , the world was magical, every corner was a new surprise. There were random Pokeballs on the floor, instances where your in game rival would show up and challenge you to a battle with his own unique pokemon.  the pokemon I had felt unique, the team I had felt special and I bonded with these pokemon. I didnt have in mind what my friends or any one else who also played the video game what strategies or pokemon they thought were good and were their own personal favorite. The competition element fair and exciting because there weren’t many popular guides or communities and forums that people were aware of. Internet spoiled the fun because it exposed many of the surprises and secrets of the game. It almost was as if there was a person sitting next to me telling me how they already beat the game, caught all 150 pokemon telling me which pokemon were trash and not worth my time, the perfect IVs and proper way of how to make the strongest team possible. Though they may be right it totally killed my joy for the game, stripping of the surprise and wonder element video games used to hold as this now apple is to almost every other video game. and altho the right answer is to not focus and compare my self to the people surrounding me its like someone standing right behind me saying video games are FAKE, WASTE OF TIME. So spending my free time trying to  Man people need to pay less attention to how others are spending their time playing video games. MANNN you’re winning if you’re enjoying your time having fun whether kicking ass, accomplishing a hard puzzle or challenge, discover something rare on your own again i guess thats added to your personal merit, get a good laugh, listening to good music, reminds you of something important to you whether its through story telling and the music, whether its learning more about experiences and other people around you. Theres so much video games could teach you, what you could learn from. like many other hobbies or people like to do on their spare time, video games are another outlet of creating happy memories, memories that could be shared with the people we love. I find my self exploring all these different video games to try and remember why I fell in love with video games when I was a lot younger. What made it so exciting and fun, and when I let something else rob me of that joy. I remember when I was in elementary school my brother and I had our own Gameboy Colors. I had purple one given from my Auntie and my brother had a neon Green gameboy color that was given from our grandpa’s brother, i guess granduncle. Both of us had our seperate Pokemon version where Pokemon Red was my first video game ever and my brother had Pokemon Yellow.  anyways my mom would only allow us to play for an hour or two a day and I just remember my sister wanting to play pokemon too and so I let her play mine, and althouhg i wasnt playing I really enjoyed watching them just play. I felt so happy that we were all able to play together even if I was just watching my brother thumb through his starting Pokemon team in Saffron city. Idk why thats so vivid. We had to share alot things growing up, rooms, 1 hour turns on the computer, hand me down clothes, Gamecube turns. i remember i bought a tv plugin game which was star wars/ spongebob that didnt need a console. it had 5 games in it , but crowding around the small tv in me and my brothers room playing video games together.. i miss that so much. i just wanted us to get along and have fun. 

god i always hear people saying that their entire life they were losers and the bullied kid, but did they ever have a fanny pack with 100 calorie Special K bars on 1,000 diet imitating their favorite Taijustus specialist? (Rock Lee Image) I used to be obssesed with my eating only 1,000 calories a day because I was pretty chunky in middle school. One time in PE we had to do our quarterly mile run and I remember always dreading these big days. Every week we had to run around the track for 20 minutes, no walking, and see how many laps you could run in that time. We were graded on how many laps we could run, 6 laps was  D , 7 Laps was a C , 8 Laps was a B, 9 and more was an A. I dreaded every single week for these 20 minute runs, but I celebrated super heavily after it we were done. I was always super nervous and anxious thinking about these days because I always forced myself to do my absolute best. I hated the thought of competing with the people next to me. I used to run 10 laps and my best being 11 laps, which I thought was insanely good. The fastest was I think 12 or 13 laps but they werent in my class. I suppose I felt proud of what I accomplished, my classmates thought I was fast. I would wear shorts everyday in middle school. In 4th and 5th grade I used to run 3 miles every day in the summer with my grandpa and sometimes my sister  because I came home one day from a a Dr.’s Checkup saying that my cholesterol was pretty high. Seperate from my school’s 5k I only entered one 5k run with my grandpa who did the 7k run. I felt horrible because I was just overweight and I didnt find myself that attractive. God, especially when your older brother was more handsome had abs and biceps since 5th grade.  ashjdkasld yeah this is where my self esteem issues come from, but anyways, I was complimented on my  buldgy calves. They were pretty big, for a big boy like my self. I remember one time when runnign the 20 minute run I always thought about falling over and getting hurt so I didnt have to run, mentally I wanted to just stop myself from pushing my body. ashdbjnka My best mile time was 5:37 by the way. When it was raining and they made us stay inside our school’s gym, playing dodgeball. I WAS SO HAPPY. I would pray that it would rain enough so that the track would be too wet where we all the PE classes would have to walk around the basketball quarts and then the other  half o the class would have to play basketball. I WAS ALWAYS SUPER EXCITED. Those were the best days regular days of school. of course not more exciting than Game days, honor-roll Bingo , or field trips of course AHAHA One time I brought I red chocolate balls that I got from people standing in front of safeway that were wrapped neatly in this plastic bag. I gave some to my friends before we ran, thinking wow we could be just like Choji and his ration pellets. Jesus. It was just concentrated choclate balls of sugar.   -- It was pretty good tho. Middle school was awesome. I did whatever I wanted no matter how uncool people thought it was. I thought that just doing what I loved was the coolest thing ever. I used to read the Shonen Jump manga magazines and I was reading the YugiOh Gx weekly chapter and Jesus H. christ it looked so fun. The next day I talked to my friend who was fanatic about Yugioh and he helped me create a deck. The next two years FUHHHH our whole friend group was playing yugioh. It felt like some anime, going home editing decks, dueling in my friends garage drinking cans of Dr. Pepper and honey Twisted BBQ chips. Playing some Halo 3 and Pokemon Stadium 2 on the side. IT WAS SO FUN. When we would have a party in class or potluck I’d get 4 cups of Pepsi, Plateful of Doritos , Lays and Hot cheetos and my friends and I would whip out our decks. Living the life. At the time the Wii , xbox 360 and itouch were very popular. I didnt have a smart phone til the end of my high school and wasnt until my freshman year in high school that I bought my own prepaid phone and minutes and texting plans. anyways the only console my brother and sister i had was teh game cube so these consoles were treasures whenever I would go over to my friends house after school. there was also this one time in middle school where our homeroom teacher allowed 4 people from our AVID class, and at the time I thought AVID students were the smartest collection of indivuals in our school, to go around campus picking up recyables such as cans and bottles so we could sell and add to our class field trip fundraiser. At first our teacher assigned us only 10 minutes and expected us to comeback. 10 minutes of missing class was amazing. My group of friends and I felt so free, so powerful, passing the doors of other classrooms and students, walking where we shouldnt be. And when we would comeback she would reward us with homemade cookies. HOLY, our teacher was so kind. I cant remember if this was a daily thing, but we did this each time we had class. But every time we would come back deliberatly a little later. From intially 10 minutes we started coming back 15 minutes later, then 20. And I kid you not we started going out “recycling” for the entire class period which was about 50 minutes. IT WAS AMAZING. And we may had been in middle school, but we werent dumb. We were AVID students. Advancement via indpendent determination. We were the futures most brightest, up and coming. So we were thinking if we could somehow find more cans and bottles to fill up our garbage bags itd be more than enough reason to explain why we were coming back later than we were orginally suppose to. So initally we would invite ourselves to other classrooms tell the teacher ‘we’re reclying, dw , were supposed to be here’ and go through their blue bins and take whatever cans and bottles we can add it to our bags. Then we started looking at the larger reclye bins in the shcools court yard and just take all the bottles in their. Realistically it took no more than 5 minutes to fill a garbage bag filled with cans and bottles, but we would spend the rest of our vacation racing each other on our school’s track and kick each other on the school’s monkey bars. Jesus. it was so fun. my life feels pretty defeated right now, so I just wanted to share with