#im scraping through the last few days and then my AP english exam and then i graduate

[grimmthorne]

finishing high school this year is so fucked like are you kidding me. this is my third high school year affected by covid-19, then there's a category 5 hurricane that rips my town to absolute shreds and i live with family for 6 months and go absolutely insane, move to a rental, and now this is my last week of highschool. still can't fucking drive, and now i only talk to one person because im too scared to talk to the rest of the people i used to be really close with because i literally had an episode that lasted probably a month in total. and now im just, supposed to be done? im supposed to be normal about this? are you kidding me?

#DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS POST IF YOU ARE NOT A MUTUAL ISTG #like i cant fucking believe that this is just happening like this. what the fuck #if you told 11th grade me all this i wouldve died on the spot. i would have genuinely lost all hope for myself hearing #about me leavinf the discord server because i was afraid i was losing my value and thought i was genuinely the worst fucking person #anyways i guess im fucking? done with high school. #im scraping through the last few days and then my AP english exam and then i graduate #i wish i could talk to my friends about this. i miss them. i miss them being excited for me and feeling like i was loved. #i know my mom loves me i know my family loves me but thats whos 'supposed' to love you its different with friendships #i dont want to ask directly im too scared that i wont be let back in or when i get back in im going to fuck up again #i just. i hate that i fucked up so badly. i hate myself for it. ive been basically grieveing the fact that i will never be as stable #as i truly want to be for long enough to feel like im slipping through life without reason #idk. gonna do my homework and maybe listen to music and sleep #vent