#anyways i guess im fucking? done with high school.

[grimmthorne]

finishing high school this year is so fucked like are you kidding me. this is my third high school year affected by covid-19, then there's a category 5 hurricane that rips my town to absolute shreds and i live with family for 6 months and go absolutely insane, move to a rental, and now this is my last week of highschool. still can't fucking drive, and now i only talk to one person because im too scared to talk to the rest of the people i used to be really close with because i literally had an episode that lasted probably a month in total. and now im just, supposed to be done? im supposed to be normal about this? are you kidding me?

#DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS POST IF YOU ARE NOT A MUTUAL ISTG #like i cant fucking believe that this is just happening like this. what the fuck #if you told 11th grade me all this i wouldve died on the spot. i would have genuinely lost all hope for myself hearing #about me leavinf the discord server because i was afraid i was losing my value and thought i was genuinely the worst fucking person #anyways i guess im fucking? done with high school. #im scraping through the last few days and then my AP english exam and then i graduate #i wish i could talk to my friends about this. i miss them. i miss them being excited for me and feeling like i was loved. #i know my mom loves me i know my family loves me but thats whos 'supposed' to love you its different with friendships #i dont want to ask directly im too scared that i wont be let back in or when i get back in im going to fuck up again #i just. i hate that i fucked up so badly. i hate myself for it. ive been basically grieveing the fact that i will never be as stable #as i truly want to be for long enough to feel like im slipping through life without reason #idk. gonna do my homework and maybe listen to music and sleep #vent

[iamthescalesofjustice]

do not underestimate what an adhd teenager can do to cope with being in the torment nexus

#im referring to the fact that in high school i disnt have a phone capable of meaningful internet access to sneak looks at and was tired of #my books being confiscated so when the 'need to be writing writing writing right nowdoesnt matter what or we will die' would hit #(as it does) i would sit there in class and handwrite out a 5k lovecraft story from memory just to keep myself busy. picked bc it had #memorable turns of phrase and i would sometimes do this several times a week and it could be my side project for up to 4 class periods #a pop and this was so interesting to mr[redacted] he asked if he could keep the copies when i was done writing them and i said yeah bc i #made a lot of these and it was no skin off my back and apparently he fucking paid a kid to copy them into microsoft word and then checked #them against each other and the original and i came into class one day and he had a report for me printed out from i guess a #plagarism checker website bc even though we both knew that wasnt what the situation was it was the easiest available source for this #anyway it said my worst copy of the ones he got was a 79% word for word match. out of like half a dozen. that was how high my accuracy was. #from memory. 5k. insane. anyway the next year his ongoing extra credit project for all his classes involved having to correctly write #increasingly long passages from memory perfectly and these were done on times tests and went from 'very long word' to 'four minute #monologue from an 80s movie' and everyone knew it was my fault for being insane in a way he found interesting and wanted to see if he could #replicate in controlled conditions or whatever lol

[minhosimthings]

Girl Dad!Skz headcannons

Pairings: husband!Skz × wife!fem!reader

Warnings: fluff fluff fluff, mentions of pregnancy, reader wears a dress, mentions of food, teensy swearing

A/N: GUESS WHO HAS BABY FEVER AYY ITS THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE. I am so DONE with watching my fav idols play with babies and not expect me to die. WHERE IS MY CHAN WHO'LL GIVE MR A BABY HUH? anyways enjoy my very drunken headcannons

Bang Christopher Chan

DID I JUST HEAR BEST DAD IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

This man was born to be a dad istg

He'd be so amazing when you're pregnant, like he'd ask his mom for advice, give you belly rubs if your ask and will willingly lend his entire closet to you.

Would be so supportive through the birth process, is not disgusted or anything because he is him.

"She looks just like you."

Would be just a teensy bit overprotective, just a teensy bit.

"And you will bring her back by 7 yes? Oh and what's your address for unrelated purposes?"

*sends the address to Minho incase he needs to murder anyone*

Would be so comforting when she gets her period

"you know I used to do this to your mother.", While massaging her back.

The baby would grow up multilingual and Chan would be so smug about it

"my daughter is my second producer

Lee Minho/Lee Know

Would have such mixed emotions when you tell him you're pregnant

On the one hand A PERSON MADE UP OF BOTH OF YOU? WOAH

On the other hand OH SHIT A PERSON WHO HAS BOTH OUR GENES

Cooks all your weird ass cravings for you but not before giving you a side eye

"Alright y'all are gonna get a sibling." *Is talking to the cats*

Buys everything cat themed

"baby what if the baby is a dog person?"

Y'all have twins, a boy and a girl (manifesting my twin dad Minho fantasies)

Would dance for them when they're babies and would get elated when they try to copy him

Pouts when their first word is mama

Brags so much about them

"I mean they are MY spawn, obviously they're better at dance than your kid, Susan"

Seo Changbin

GIRL DAD GIRL DAD GIRL DAD

So elated when you tell him you're pregnant

PREGNANT CUDDLES KZKSNSNJ

Would be a 100% on board with lifting your belly to save your back

When you find out it's a girl, he straight on sobs.

"I CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER PAIR OF ADORABLE YN EYES LOOKING AT ME"

Holds the baby extra carefully in his buff ass arms

She looks like you part 2

Tea parties with her are serious buisness for him

"jagi can't you see im currently discussing with the princess about her magical dragon I'll do the dishes later."

Would probably ask her if she wants to go to the gym with her dad and when she says yes he'd be so happy

"you're better than your mother she can't even lift her ass up and go to the gym"

Hwang Hyunjin

When I say this man would paint you a portrait when you tell him you're pregnant-

HE'LL PAINT YOU A FUCKING PORTRAIT

So sweet with you all throughout but also a nervous wreck

Much like me

Would love to paint your belly if you allow him to

Would try your weird cravings with you

And actually like them

Let's not pretend like Hyun doesn't do the pregnant woman pose everyday

Cries so hard when your baby is born

He doesn't mind the gender or anything, but when he found out it's a girl-

"GUYS ITS A MINI Y/N"

She looks like you part 3

Such a clumsy mess when it comes to taking care of her

ART CLASSES ART CLASSES ART CLASSES

"Darling, we painted this for you."

Han Jisung

Immediately freezes when you tell him

Jisung.exe has stopped working

"wait so the protection didn't.... Protect?"

Now Y/N.exe has stopped working trying to figure out whether you actually used protection or not

Talks to your belly all day

Treats the baby like a gossip partner

"girl you won't believe what Hyunjin did today."

"what did he do?"

"yn shush I'm talking to our baby girl."

Is your personal high school cheerleader during the birth

"jagi you are slaying right now you can do this."

Cries when baby is born part 3

Calls her a co-producer part 2

Spoils her shitless

She has him wrapped around her finger, much like her mother :)

Making playlists with her is his love language

Lee Felix Yongbok

Did I just hear breeding kink

Cries when you tell him

Bakes so many brownies when you tell him like one time that you're craving his brownies

Makes your weird cravings part 3

Idk what it is with me and DanceRacha making all your weird cravings

Runs you baths, with bath salts, bath bombs, scented candles and massages your aching muscles I WILL DIE RIGHT NOW

Is the best during the birth, holds your hand allowing you to squeeze it as hard as you want

Dresses baby up like the fashionista she is

Is so amazed and ecstatic when the baby gets an Aussie accent

"JAGI SHE JUST SAID BREKKIE"

Kim Seungmin

Tsundere daddy meow

Will literally melt like his face will be like 🥺

Buys all the cute stuff on day one

I'm talking cradles, blinkies, toys, bonnets for some reason

"of course she needs a ponyo outfit darling come on"

Tones down his teasing a bit

Still makes fun of your penguin walk tho

And if you cry, he will comfort you and never forgive himself for it

Is kinda disgusted by the birth process but he's a strong soldier

Cries when baby is born part 4

Like Kim Seungmin crying is a real thing chat

Singing lessons are free for her, and she has her dad's angel voice!!

Also inherits her dad's roasting style, and she's the only one who can roast him back hehe

He kinda died inside when she told him he was old (he's never been prouder)

Yang Jeongin/ I.N

Bruh this guy istg

Mixed emotions part 2

"IM TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A CHILD"

Calms down eventually (after a slap on the head)

BELLY RUBS

Spoils the shit out of you because obviously

Asks his mum for advice part 2

Sings to your belly at night when he thinks you're asleep

Secretly hopes baby will have his dimple

He loves kids, so parenting is a natural thing that comes to him

Probably more experienced at holding a baby than you are

Feeds her for the first few days when you're tired

Perfect husband honestly he should marry me

Loves braiding her hair and giving her fashion advice

Mini fashion shows!!!

Dances with her a lot

#skz #stray kids #skz headcanons #stray kids headcannons #stray kids soft hours #stray kids fluff #stray kids fluff imagines #skz fluff #skz fluff imagines #skz soft hours #skz soft thoughts #bang chan #lee know #changbin #hyunjin #han #felix #seungmin #i.n #bang christopher chan #lee minho #seo changbin #hwang Hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix yongbok #kim Seungmin #yang jeongin #fluff #bye bye now

[queen-tenten]

…

#god im back to the point in my life where I just want to die #graduating is actually a nightmare #losing my student job and unable to find a new one #the only job Ive applied to that offered me a position seems like theyre going to exploit the fuck out of me #based on how the interview went anyways #but what choice do I have other than to accept it #or become homeless I guess #thought id be dead before finishing high school but here i am #finishing college and still just as hopeless #go to college they said #youll be able to get better jobs with better pay they said #all my rejection emails say otherwise #5+ years experience required everywhere i look #bitch how do you expect me to get the experience! i hate it here! #hate being alive #ok im done now

[wrongcaitlyn]

okay fuck so i got an anon ask for solangelo fic recs and then i made a draft on my phone but then deleted it bc i wanted to type it out on my computer but then that deleted the ask too so!! hopefully this reaches the anon i apologize deeply for losing your ask😭

but anyway. SOLANGELO FIC RECS. ALWAYS. ANYTIME. I HAVE SO MANY

so first of all if you wanna check out my ao3 i have a bunch of recs in my bookmarks (57 solangelo ones im pretty sure)

but here are some of my favs

i'm put in awe (of something so flawed and free) by CordeliaRose (@cordelia---rose)

archaeologist!Nico & trauma surgeon!Will AU. this fic is. ohmgyod. nico's internal dialogue is just absolutely perfect in this fic and i laughed so hard and god it was just so beautifully written?? but also solangelo are literally so cute. like. ahglskdf. i gotta reread this actually but anyway (also anything by this author, absolutely hilarious, such good writing)

dumb, dumb love by thegoldenappleofdiscord

five times nico and will are dumb and in love, and the one time they are totally 100% dead serious. i love a good outsider's pov, and this fic is just gorgeous. it's a bunch of different perspectives into solangelo, and it's pure fluff, and it's got some of my favorite solangelo quotes (like, when i read fanfic i screenshot parts i rlly like and i practically screenshotted this entire fic), and their characterization is just so so accurate they're so so in love

paris by ethannku (@ethannku)

Nico has a travel YouTube channel. And a crush on one Will Solace. i'm such a sucker for socmed au's and this one is done SO so well. my all time favorite. and it's sequel too!! the formatting i am in awe of, but other than that, it's just a really good time and i just love all the little details. i've reread this too many times to count and was SO excited when a sequel was published, and i can only hope that there's more to the au in the future!! (also this author writes incredible solangelo fics and even more valgrace fics which i recently just bingeread and are soo good)

Perfect Places by buoyantsaturn (@buoyantsaturn)

“My name’s Will,” he started - so far so good - but then continued, “and I guess my favorite food to cook would be, um, frozen pizza.” Was Nico only attracted to idiots? this one's fucking hilarious. i can't even put it to words like their dynamic in this fic is so funny and yet so cute and nico is honestly just like. shocked that will is somehow still alive?? will's a safety hazard. but also piper and jason in this fic are so funny too, it's honestly just such a good, fun read (and, once again, this author's incredible. read everything by them)

I Can't Help It If You Look Like an Angel by the_oncoming_stormaggedon (@lordstormageddidnt)

Will Solace is a pre-med student whose friends run a true crime podcast called "Nothing to See Here". Nico di Angelo, despite not realizing he's a missing person, is the subject of one of the episodes. They meet by chance in a random bar, and shenanigans ensue. i mean, if it's got a taylor swift title, i'm already sold. and then it's part of a series called "Hey Stephen is a solangelo song and i will die on that hill" which is the realest thing ever?? but ASIDE from that, i could honestly rec this entire series (+ the other series it's a part of, "Nothing to See Here" which is all part of the same au) and also everything by this author - it's hilarious, i just love the premise, and the writing is so good!! and hey stephen is a solangelo song, thereby reinforcing my "fearless is will's favorite album ever of all time and i will die on this hill" argument

Even When the Music's Gone by the_oncoming_stormaggedon

It's the 74th Annual Hunger Games, and Nico and Will are the last two tributes alive. haha this is pure angst. just gutwrenching angst. love a good hunger games au and some MCD!

can i handle the seasons of my life? by buoyantsaturn

“I think that most people your age finished high school, and whether they knew what they wanted to do with the rest of their life or not, they went to college. That was their version of ditching everything they knew in order to find themselves. Maybe it’s time for you to stop taking advice from other kids who grew up the same way you did, and take it from someone who used to be normal.”  FAME AU FAME AU FAME AU FAME AU i mean, not REALLY about the fame aspect of it, but i still love it so so much. will's essentially a nepo baby turned not-nepo-baby turned college student and nico's naomi's driver, and there's even... there's EVEN A VERY BRIEFLY IMPLIED POLLEN. yeah they're relationship is just so cute in this and i love the au and i love how it's written and ugh i need more fame au's in my life

so it turns out teachers don't live at school by RegretfullyRegretful (@marbleheavy)

Nico's TA and students are determined to figure out something, anything about him. Of course, it would all just be a lot easier if they asked. Either way, Professor di Angelo is decidedly a lonely hermit. (Someone should really tell his husband and baby that) this was one of the first solangelo fics i ever read, and it's just. so. funny. another outsider's pov bc i love it, and just... the assumptions abt nico, the fluff of solangelo, and then their story of how they got together is so...ahhsdlkjs this author is just a master at tooth-rotting fluff go read everything they write

my lover's the sunlight by demigodbeautiies

Figure Skater Nico di Angelo has a run in with Ice Hockey Player Will Solace. It doesn't go too smoothly, but then again - when does it ever? OLYMPICS AU. FAME(ISH) AU. IM OBSESSED THIS IS WRITTEN SO WELL and like... the very brief part where it feels a lot like a fame au like i just i'm obsessed can you tell. the writing is just beautiful in this, i love nico's internal dialogue, and... i mean, it's an olympics au. ofc its perfect

The Stolen God by TsarinaTorment (@tsarinatorment)

Python is defeated. The prophecies are restored, and Nero has fallen. Apollo has not been seen since. His trials are over; why isn’t he back on Olympus? okay so. this is a bit of a longer fic. and it's a post-toa, pjoxmcga crossover, and it's not *entirely* focused on solangelo - but when i tell you that this fic, if i weren't reading it on ao3, i would truly and full-heartedly believe was a real life published novel - i am NOT LYING. i rec'd this to my friend right after i read it bc i was just like so so obsessed with it and it's literally just. the plot?? is insane. i'm in awe of the author, bc this isn't even the only novel-length fic that they've written with an insane plot too (their fic Eclipse is also phenomenal, but it's more focused on apollo and hades so i didn't rec it here) there's some fierrochase here, lester being lester, and some very very very cute solangelo! and meg! i think sometimes you read a fic and you're like "oh, shit, that could be a novel, and i would think it's better than some actual novels i've read" and this is one of them

(Please Don't Let Me) Fade Alone by TsarinaTorment

Please. Don't let me. the summary's really short here so it's basically that will gets very very very injured and then apollo saves him (rip, i'm sorry, i suck at summaries) once again this isn't necessarily nico focused... it's much more will & apollo. this author writes the absolute best stuff for the apollo cabin, genuinely, if you love will/cabin 7/apollo PLEASE read everything they've ever written but this is just so angsty and the hurt/comfort is so real and goddd it's so good

he was seen on occasion (pacing the rocks, staring out at the midnight sea) by stargirltv

Nico di Angelo is a completely normal eighteen year old. He attends high school, has a socially acceptable amount of friends for a social outcast and has been in a relationship for the past four years with the guy he’s pretty sure he’s going to marry. He also happens to be the world's biggest bedroom pop artist, ‘Hell’s Angel’, with a fan base that will stop at nothing to uncover his true identity and a Father that continually pushes him to be better. His boyfriend freaking out under every single one of his tweets is making it a bit easier for them to figure it out. so. fame au. y'all already know the premise of this is just absolutely hilarious and the interview?? the posts?? will just being will and i absolutely love his characterization?? and the friend group?? this is one of the funniest things ever but also just written so well anddddd yes yes yes it's a fame au POPSTAR NICO RIGHTS except he's not *really* a popstar in this one but like close enough oh AND it's a taylor swift title??? like this fic was made for me basically

okay that was MUCH longer than intended but i hope you enjoy some of the fics on here!! pls let me know if y'all ever want more recs i read literally so many fics - and if you guys ever want to give me any recs, feel free to do so! as of today, i have read *checks fic tracker bc i'm obsessive and need to keep track of everything* about 7.3 million words of fanfic this year. and that's actually less than normal (for me)

also if anyone reads patrochilles please read this fic it's literally been in my head nonstop for the past few weeks since i've read it and it's one of the best things i've ever read and like holyshit if you read patrochilles read it read it read it

#wrongcaitlyn #fic recs #solangelo #ao3 #will solace #nico di angelo #pjo

[icyharrington]

So I Can Get Mine, And You Get Yours (Eddie Munson X Reader)

hayyy so for some reason this fic took me like a million years to write even though it’s short ??? idek lmaoo but anyways this shit is finally done !!! i hope y’all like, once i’m done with this im gonna go back to working on some requests and stuff in my inbox!! and feel free to send any ideas u might have uwu

description: after your weed stash is discovered and confiscated by your parents, you’re desperate for a re-up but are unwilling to spend the extra cash. lucky for you though, eddie munson is willing to work out a deal.

contains: sexual tension, dom!eddie, drug mentions, stoner reader lmao, blowjobs, deepthroating/face fucking, dirty talk, eddie is a slightly perverted yet charming asshole, tha reader sucks dick for weed lmao

wc: 5.1k

tagging: @jargotquinn @wordsaretheonlyescape @ankokubunka @rottnteen @msunravelled @animesnowstorm @send-me-a-cryptid @itsanithemenace @lenora91 @mxh0neylol @reddesert-healourblues @capricornrisingsstuff @i-me-mine @somnobun @harrystylesplschokeme @harringtonfan4 @bimbobaggins69 @sarahgarlic @xxlilyxx90 @daddy-long-legolas @virgovixen89 @manicpixieautismgirl @hahahafucku @stephanie-nicks76 @f-me-reid @winterton-reads @dixontardis @kleinegamerin @bbellee @bohemianrhapsody86 @for-hearthand-home​

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my most valued and reliable customer,”  Eddie Munson says with an evil grin as the front door of his trailer swings open. He reclines against the doorframe, eyebrows raising in amusement at the sight of you standing there in front of him.

You’re situated on his porch, huddling your arms together beneath your baggy coat as you shiver in the mid-autumn chill. Narrowing your eyeliner-smeared eyes into a glare, you shove your way past him into the gentle warmth of his home.

“Shut up,” you say irritably, which makes Eddie throw his hands up like he’s at gunpoint.

“Just come right in, I guess!” he exclaims, slamming the door shut in your wake to keep out the cold air. Unfazed, you throw yourself back onto the living room couch, ignoring the look of utter annoyance that stretches itself across Eddie’s angular features when you do. “Now that you’re nice and comfy, what the hell do you need?”

As if the chip on his shoulder is unjustified, you let out an offended scoff. Stalling at his question, you will yourself to break contact with Eddie’s gaze. “…Weed.”

Eddie folds his arms in front of his chest, staring you down; he’s wearing a leather jacket with his Hellfire tee underneath, paired with gray-black jeans and combat boots. With the shitty yellow glow of his trailer surrounding him ominously as he looks down on you with near-black eyes, he almost appears intimidating, but in all honesty, you’d be more afraid of a golden retriever than of Eddie Munson in most situations. He likes to play himself off like he’s some kind of unpredictable bad boy, dealing drugs after school and wreaking havoc in the hallways by way of his wild antics, but you’re not stupid, unlike most of the other Hawkins high attendees.

You’ve been regularly buying weed from Eddie for a few months now; once a week you’ll meet him under the staircase at school to purchase a half-ounce, occasionally sticking around for some idle conversation.

He always struck you as a lonely kind of guy- somebody with a lot to say, but nobody to say it to. You’d nod along as he rambled on about his band, or the assholes at school he hated, or Dungeons and Dragons, which you would pretend to understand just to humor him. He was a nice, if not slightly geeky and eccentric dude, and you could never quite understand the fear your classmates harbored for him.

“Ouch, (y/n). And here I was thinking you just wanted to spend some time basking in my presence.” He shakes his head with a click of his tongue, his face contorting into an exaggerated display of devastation. “What the hell happened to the shit I sold you this morning?”

You grit your teeth into a wince, reminded directly of the cause for your bad mood. Flailing back dramatically against the throw pillows beneath you, you flash Eddie a helpless look. “God, don’t even get me started, Eddie.”

“The cops didn’t catch you, did they?” He knits his brows, voice dropping to a concerned whisper as his spindly frame hunches over you. “You didn’t rat me out, did you? My uncle will be so fuckin’ pissed if our trailer gets raided.”

“No. Worse,” you say flatly, stifling a giggle when his dark eyes expand cartoonishly with alarm. “My mom found it.”

You’d made the mistake of tossing the baggie of weed in your sock drawer before heading to your evening shift at the record store, only for your mom to come across it while putting away laundry that evening; when you’d arrived back home later in the night, you found your mother, red-faced and teary, sitting at the kitchen table across from a box of Kleenex and your stash. Blubbering endlessly about life paths and bad influences, any outsider would have assumed she’d caught you lighting a crack pipe redhanded.

He lets out a prolonged exhale in a combination of relief and exasperation, shaking his head at you like a disappointed parent. “And how exactly is that worse?”

“You haven’t met my mom.” You reposition yourself on the couch, sitting upright and crossing your legs in favor of a less unhinged approach. “She’s gonna be on my ass until the end of time now.”

“Sorry, I’m still having trouble seeing how that’s worse than getting raided by the police,” Eddie says, rolling his eyes as he starts towards the hallway, where you assume his bedroom is located. “So what do you want? Another half?”

“That’d be nice,” you say, chewing your lip apprehensively. You decide not to say anything else until he returns with what you want, spreading your hands out on your knees and drumming your fingers restlessly.

You wouldn’t consider yourself a stoner, though you’ve been smoking daily since your sophomore year of high school, after befriending a few punk-obsessed senior kids who introduced you to it; at this point you’re probably semi-dependent on the naturally occurring substance, but you can’t bring yourself to stop- you love the way it makes you feel, all cozy and content, your cheeks aching from smiling at every damn thing you cross paths with.

You know it’s mildly pathetic to have walked all the way to the trailer park after midnight with the sole intent of replenishing your confiscated stash, but you hate the thought of spending a weekend without any weed.

On second thought, maybe you are a stoner.

When Eddie emerges from his bedroom, he’s carrying a twisted-up Ziploc bag, a telltale earthy green shade visible through the transparent plastic. He swings it back and forth as he approaches you in the living room, humming something off-key to go along with his needlessly jaunty strides. “Should I even sell this to you? Kind of a waste to sell if mommy’s just gonna add it with the other contraband.”

“Hey!” You feel your cheeks burn in response to his teasing, which is embarrassing enough of a reaction in itself- why do you care what Eddie Munson thinks, anyway? “She isn’t going to find it this time.”

He examines the bag thoughtfully, holding it above his head so that it catches in the room’s sallow lighting. “I dunno, (y/n). I dunno.”

Eddie’s doing what he does best: putting on a show, and you don’t know if he’s merely acting on his ever-present impulse to behave idiotically, or if he’s purposefully being an asshole- either way, you can feel your patience gradually depleting by the second. “Eddie, seriously- don’t be a dick. I walked all the way here.”

“That was your idea!” he exclaims, visibly dumbfounded by the audacity of your demeanor. “What if I was all out, huh? Then you’d be shit out of luck, wouldn’t you?”

“Well, good thing you’re not,” you say defiantly, extending a hand in between the two of you with an obnoxious grabbing motion. He’s starting to really get on your nerves now, though you assume it’s intended. “Just give it to me, Eddie.”

He acts like he’s going to hand you the bag before he abruptly retreats his arm to loop behind his back, shoving it into his back pocket. “Not so fast. I want my ten dollars.”

Glancing down at your palms in an attempt to avoid Eddie’s expectant stare, you fidget uncomfortably in your seat, before blurting out, “Yeah, could I maybe get it for free? Just this once?”

Eddie lowers his chin towards his chest, his eyebrows raising in disbelief; you force yourself not to look at him, knowing fully well that you’re making a complete ass of yourself right now. “Sorry, I don’t think I quite got that. Did you say free?”

Fuck. Out of all the people you figured you could get free weed from, Eddie seemed the most likely to oblige, but obviously you’d misjudged him. Maybe you do need to cut back on the Mary Jane, because damn- you’re really starting to act like a corner-store crackhead. You’re growing increasingly more embarrassed with every moment Eddie’s dark eyes remain fixed on you, but you’ve already made the journey, so really, there’s no point in backing down now. “Well, yeah. I mean, I didn’t even end up smoking the other shit I bought. My mom probably threw it in the trash.”

Eddie laughs, though you get the impression he’s doing it at you, rather than with you. “Do you think drug dealers come with fuckin’ insurance or something?”

You stifle a frustrated groan, fully realizing the stupidity of your request now that you’re being called out. Still, you refuse to let him catch on to your self-awareness, choosing instead to double down on your argument. “C’mon, Eddie. I only make three-fifteen an hour and I already spent half my paycheck on cassettes.”

“Well, damn, (y/n)! Learn to manage your finances better, then!” He speaks with a lighthearted tone, but his body language communicates a prominent irritation, his arms crossed firmly over his slender midsection. “If I give you weed for free, then I’m going to lose money, and I’m already strapped for cash. Plus, if word got out that I gave you a freebie- I’d have a whole line of desperate potheads begging outside my door instead of just one.”

You gasp at the bluntness of his remark, huffing out when you can’t think of anything clever to come back with. “I wouldn’t tell anyone you gave it to me for free. I swear.”

“Like I said- I’m too broke to be giving away goddamn goody bags,” Eddie snaps, angling his head to glance not-so-subtly at the front door, before flashing back to assess your flushed face. “I know you probably thought I’d cave at the sight of a pretty girl at my doorstep since I’m a freak who gets no female attention and all that, but I’m sorry to tell you that I actually run my business with integrity.”

The whole of Eddie’s statement blindsides you, and you find yourself blinking wildly as your mind races to process it; he’d just called you pretty, to your face, as matter-of-fact as reciting the alphabet. You can only pray that your complexion doesn’t redden too drastically as you feel your cheeks prickle and flush, but you somehow carry on, feigning indifference to the best of your ability. “You’re a drug dealer, dude. I don’t think there’s any way you can do that with integrity.”

“You can think whatever you like, sweetheart,” Eddie says as he taps your shoulder twice, signaling you to get up, which you do, albeit reluctantly. Once you’re back on your feet, you’re reminded of your height difference, though it had never really crossed your mind in the past; perhaps it’s your close proximity to him that makes it seem so much more conspicuous now, with Eddie looking down on you- literally- from mere inches away. “My answer is still absolutely fuckin’ not.”

“It’s just ten dollars worth of weed!” you yell, not unlike a child being denied a balloon in a grocery store.

“If it’s just ten dollars, why can’t you pay me, huh?”

He bows his head so that his dark, frizzy hair curtains either side of his angular face, shrugging nonchalantly, despite the pride that you can see gleaming within the mischievous blackness of his eyes. Check-fucking-mate.

It dawns on you that you’re probably just going to have to accept not getting your way, and you pout, giving up on trying to convince him. “Because I’m broke.”

“Well, so am I!” He looks at you like you’re out of your mind, and you can almost agree with him, though you’d never say so out loud. During the resulting lapse of awkward silence, you can see him start to ponder something, his mouth screwing up in earnest thought until his tone eventually shifts.“Y’know, if you showed up at any other dealer’s house at this time of night with no money, they’d probably think you were coming to fuck them for drugs.”

Your mouth drops open, and for once, you’re genuinely speechless. The worst part, however, is that he has a valid point- you really are acting like someone trying to whore themselves out for drugs, aren’t you?

“Oh, come on, (y/n). Don’t look at me like you have no idea what I’m talking about.” He chuckles, his eyes dropping to briefly scan you over. You’re not wearing anything scandalous, despite the self-consciousness that floods your body as he surveys you- just your thrifted jeans and an oversize corduroy jacket, hardly the appropriate attire for drug prostitution.

“Um, ew?” you manage to retort, stepping backwards until your calves are pressed up against the couch. There isn’t much space available for you to create any meaningful distance between the two of you, so you’ll just have to settle for the time being. “I totally did not come here to fuck you for weed, you pervert.”

“Oh, so I’m a pervert now for pointing out the obvious,” Eddie says, his hands splaying out theatrically in front of him. “I’m just saying what it looks like, not that I want you to! Jeez!”

You scoff without really thinking, insulted. “Oh, so if I did offer you something in return, you’re saying you’d turn me down?”

Eddie just looks at you with a perplexed expression, before his lips twitch upwards at the corners, giving way to a self-assured smirk. There’s a devious glint in his eyes that you’re not familiar with, and when you peer back up at him, your body inadvertently shifts and squirms. “Not necessarily.”

You attempt to back away but can’t, seeing that you’re cornered up against the couch with nowhere to go. The air is somehow thicker now, more tense, and there’s an invisible hum of electricity that gnaws at your fingertips; it’s like you’re frozen, your limbs stiff and unresponsive, and you gulp, hyper-aware of the sudden tilt in atmosphere.

Eddie’s smirk intensifies as he witnesses your bad attitude slip away, your disposition no longer bold, but trembling and timid. “I don’t normally accept trade offers in the form of sexual favors, but hey, maybe if you ask really nicely, I’ll consider it.”

“Fuck you.” The words come out immediately, desperate to mask  your humiliation with some sort of vitriolic statement, but the effect isn’t what you were hoping for; your voice shakes weakly, and there’s no punch to it, no bite to let him know who he’s messing with. “I would never fuck you, for weed or any other reason. You’re creepy and a freak.”

You’re a bit guilty for getting so nasty with him, but at this point you’ll do anything to prevent your pride from enduring any more blows. Eddie just poises a brow skeptically, cocking his head to one side. “Yeah, I’m so much of a creep that you felt safe coming to my house in the middle of the night to beg for pot, isn’t that right?”

“I wasn’t fucking begging you!” You stomp your foot to accentuate your point, though it just comes off like you’re throwing a tantrum.

“Right- you were just asking persistently, then,” Eddie quips, growing more smug with each second that passes while you cower. “You’re reaaaallllly digging a hole for yourself right now, aren’tcha, sweetheart?”

“Whatever,” you say flatly, finally gathering the courage to step out of Eddie’s way, awkward in your movements as you shuffle toward the front door. “A simple no would’ve sufficed, but I guess being a douchebag works too.”

You’re taken aback when he stops you, his long, jewelry-clad fingers wrapping loosely around your upper arm. There’s a friendlier appearance about him now, and you figure he’s trying to ease up on the intimidation. “Hey, c’mon! I didn’t tell you no, remember? I just said you’d have to ask me nicely.”

You jerk your arm back, scowling, even though your heartbeat inexplicably quickens when he touches you. “Yeah, you said that about me fucking you for weed, and that’s not happening.”

“Why’re you so shy all of a sudden, huh?” he asks, moving beside you to snake an arm around your shoulders. You can smell the cigarette smoke that clings to the inky leather of his jacket as you catch yourself inhaling deeply, and this time, you don’t pull away. “You’re saying you don’t want this?”

He retrieves the half-ounce of weed from his pocket, dangling it above your head like bait. Eddie’s weed isn’t even that good- there’s more seeds and stems than actual flower, and you have to smoke a whole joint’s worth to even feel anything, but damn, do you want it. There’s just something special about his supply, something that caused you to stop buying from all the other dealers in Hawkins and focus your business loyalty solely on him. You give the weed a purposefully-indifferent side-eye, commenting, “What happened to you being too broke to give away free shit?”

“See, hon, it isn’t actually free if I get something in return.” He leans closer to speak directly into your ear, giving you goosebumps when he uses one hand to sweep your hair out of the way. “I like you, (y/n). Like I said- you’re a valued customer. That’s why I’d be willing to work out a deal for you.”

He talks like a Wall Street broker closing in on a deal, which you’d probably laugh at, if you weren’t so fucking nervous. You don’t know what to make of the events that unfold before you like a scene in a bad porno, but you still have a hard time believing that Eddie Munson is actually trying to seduce you right now; part of you wonders if he’s putting on a show in an attempt to teach you a lesson for intruding on his space. “I already told you, Eddie. I didn’t come here to fuck you.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re too good for all of that trashy nonsense,” he deadpans, rubbing your shoulder in circles with his callused palm. “Pretty girls like you should never give more than a blowjob for some Mary Jane. Right, princess?”

It’s like you’ve just taken a blow to the stomach, with the way his words knock the wind out of you; you quickly turn your head to hide the unmistakeable rosiness that blooms across your cheeks, although the effort is futile. “I- I didn’t say that.”

“C’mon, babe. You really think I believe that you came all the way here just to ask me for a little favor?” He gives your shoulder a condescending pat, chuckling at your efforts to evade him. “You knew exactly what you were doing.”

Had you known what you were doing, at least in your subconscious? It wasn’t like you’d put much thought into your plan before carrying it out, but what if there was an ulterior motive you weren’t even aware of? Are you really so disconnected from yourself that you’d be this clueless to your own intentions?

The way your body reacts to his closeness, however, tells you that Eddie “the freak” Munson has a profound affect on you, perhaps on a far deeper level than you know.

“Sure, if that’s what you wanna believe,” you say dismissively as you place one hand on your hip, regaining a bit of your cool exterior to scan his face over in search of any sign that he’s fucking with you. He appears entertained by your flustered state, but there’s also an earnest look behind his dark eyes, signaling to you that he’s down if you’re down. “But if you wanted me to blow you in exchange for the weed, you could’ve just asked.”

“You’re the one who’s gonna need to ask me, sweetheart. I’m giving you a pretty good deal, don’t ya think?” He bats his lashes mockingly at you, apparently in the mood to drag this little power play out for as long as possible; you can tell it’s turning him on, just from how quick and sharp his breathing is becoming.

As much as you hate yourself for it, you’re turned on, too, with an aching warmth making itself known between your shifting legs; logically, you know you should be ashamed for partaking in such a degrading activity, but physically? Well, that’s a different story altogether.

“Fine, if it helps boost your ego,” you mutter, shocked with yourself for even retaining the ability to speak. You try to keep your words straightforward and unemotional, managing an even “can I blow you for weed, Eddie?”

He looks at you like you’re stupid, letting go of his hold around your shoulder as he drops to sit down on the couch. “I, uh, think you might’ve forgotten something there, (y/n).”

Rolling your eyes, you watch as he unbuckles his belt noisily, leaning back against the throw pillows expectantly. He’s really having fun with this, isn’t he?

“Can I please blow you for weed?” you say through a pained wince, causing a triumphant grin to spread across his face as he continues to undo the front of his pants. Your question is ridiculous, pathetic even, but it’s music to his ears, his head falling back to let out a whoop of obnoxious laughter.

By now, you’re almost positive that this treatment is payback for calling him a freak, and while you probably deserve it, you can’t help but resent him for being an asshole anyway.

“See? Now, was that so fuckin’ difficult?” Eddie chides, eyeing you expectantly as he pulls his jeans and boxers partly down his thighs, exposing himself to you. He’s almost fully hard, and it’s evident that he’s packing a lot more than you ever would’ve guessed, with his thick, flushed length curving gently to one side. You sink onto the floor in front of him, wedging your way between his parted knees so that you’re face-to-face with his hefty dick, which is big enough that you’re actually intimidated by it. “Well, I guess since I’m in such a good mood, I’ll allow it. ”

He puts the bag of weed on the couch next to him, to provide with a good view of what you’re sucking him off for.

“You’re such an asshole,” you murmur, getting into a position where your mouth can reach him. You pretend to be fixated by the view of your own fingers taking hold of his cock, refusing to find out what sort of cocky expression is painted across his angled features.

“Yeah, yeah. I can act however I want,” he says while winding his fingers through your (h/c) hair, not implementing any real force to his grip just yet. “My house, my weed, my rules.”

“Whatever you say, dungeon master,” you say wryly, winking at him as you permit some saliva to dribble from your mouth and onto his cock, which twitches in response to your tongue-in-cheek nickname. You close your mouth around his leaking tip and suck on it lazily, your eyes heavy-lidded as they look up to drink in his admittedly pretty features.

“Yeah, that’s a good fuckin’ girl. You gotta earn it,” he encourages, his hand settling on the back of your head, still entwined with your hair. “D’you do this with all the dealers? Huh?”

You glare up at him resentfully, dipping your head to take him further into your mouth, his skin smooth and salty as you run your tongue along one of his prominent blue-green veins.

Taking advantage of the fact that he has a tight grasp on you, Eddie pushes your head down all the way until you’re gagging on him, causing you to move your hands to splay over his thighs; after a brief moment admiring you as you squirm, he moves you back several inches in a gesture of mercy. “Fuck. Yeah, you want it bad, don’t you? Fucking burnout slut.”

The harshness of his tone causes your head to spin, your panties soaked completely through; you’re sure he can sense how much you like it, because he jerks your head back down until your face is nearly flush with his pelvis once again.

“Must’ve smoked all your brain cells away if you thought you could pull one over on me,” he continues, and although you can’t see his face, you can practically hear the smirk within his voice. He lets up, allowing you the opportunity to bob your head freely up and down his thick cock, sputtering and drooling as you do so.

Hissing, he administers a sharp tug to your scalp, resting his head back as you explore him with your hot, needy mouth; his jaw is unhinged, giving way to a string of profane grunts, hips rocking up beneath you to make contact with the back of your narrow throat.

“Fuck, babe. Yeah, that’s it.” He uses your hair as reigns, guiding your motions to better suit his liking. You’re rendered temporarily speechless, your only sounds being the crude wet noise of your mouth being filled and fucked. “Goddamn, your mouth feels so fuckin’ good.”

The sound of his praise only fuels your avid movements, your fingernails digging through the denim of his jeans, clinging helplessly to him. You purr when he affectionately strokes you from your forehead to the base of your skull, the heavy metal of his rings assisting to cool your feverish skin. “Fuuuck, (y/n). Keep going.”

Doing as he says, you make an effort to take his cock all the way into your throat, peering up from underneath a veil of mascara-coated eyelashes. Eddie’s eyes are closed as he’s enveloped in your inflicted ecstasy, but they flutter open momentarily to meet yours, giving you a goofy half-smile when he notices you. He only abandons his douchey persona for a lapse before swiftly getting back into character, bucking his hips up fiercely into your mouth.

He rolls himself on your face, relishing in the sounds you make, the vibrations reverberating throughout his bottom half. You focus on taking your air in through your nose, ushering shallow gulps of oxygen that are only effective in keeping you from passing out.

“Gotta swallow it all if you really wanna earn it,” he groans, voice hoarse and gravelly. “You gonna do that for me, princess?”

He yanks your head off of his length, and you cough as spit strings rudely from your swollen lips, tears spilling out from the corners of your eyes. He waits for your composure to return, pursing his lips impatiently until you’re done wheezing.

“Yes, Eddie,” you say weakly, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, completely forgetting that you’re wearing dark mascara (not that you looked any more polished beforehand). He basks in your disheveled appearance, petting your cheek and using his thumb to rid your face of tears, seeming drunk off the sight of you.

“Good girl.” He stands up from his spot on the couch, bringing you into an upright kneeling position by the root of your hair. Obediently, you open your mouth up for him, lolling your head back so he can slide himself deep. “Gonna make me- fuck- cum so hard, baby.”

You go limp as he fucks your face, enjoying the defenseless sensation of being used so carelessly. The arousal is loud and unrelenting as it burns through your core, your thighs squeezing together, needing friction. God, why the fuck had you only offered to blow him?

Eddie’s stomach flexes beneath the cotton of his shirt, and you know he’s about to climax, his head tilted back to fixate on the chipped ceiling. “Shit. Open your mouth.”

Once again, you’re taken off of his cock, which he angles above you, one hand working at his glistening length while the other holds you still.

It only takes a few more strokes before he’s releasing his hot cum into your waiting mouth, adorning the back of your throat with heavy ropes of white. Just like you promised, you swallow it all down with a slutty grin, licking your lips as you shrug your shoulders coyly.

“Holy fuck. Never woulda guessed that (y/n) (y/l/n) is a fuckin’ whore,” he laughs breathlessly, tucking himself back into his boxers and buttoning his jeans. He motions with his head to the half-ounce that still sits untouched on his couch, his fingers hastily buckling up his sturdy black belt. “That’s all yours, babe. I think you earned it.”

“Glad you think so,” you say with a sardonic raise of your brows, snatching up your prize and stuffing it into the inner pocket of your jacket like he might change his mind at any second. “So I guess this is when you tell me to get the fuck out?”

Eddie double-checks that is buckle is properly secured before squinting at you incredulously, seemingly put off by your suggestion. “Are you fuckin’ crazy? You think I’m gonna send you walking off into the night for any hillbilly with a van to snatch you off the side of the road?”

“Eddie, you are a hillbilly with a van.” You fold your arms in front of your chest, somewhat bashful at his sudden protectiveness.

“I am not a goddamn hillbilly, (y/n),” he protests, patting himself down until he hears the faint jingle of his keys from his coat pocket. “Y’know, I could always take my offer back if you’re going to be ungrateful.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” You hug your jacket tighter around you, a challenging expression situating itself over your features as you fight to stand your ground. “What, you think I’m your little slut now or something? I don’t need you to protect me, Eddie. This was a one time thing.”

“No, stupid,” he says as he slides his ring of keys into view. “It’s called not wanting to find your missing poster plastered all around town tomorrow morning. I’d be a piece of shit to let you go, blowjob or otherwise.”

“Whatever,” you mutter bitterly, tucking your hands into the corduroy material of your oversize jacket. “Just remember that this isn’t happening again.”

“Which part? You blowing me for weed, or just hanging out with me at my trailer?” He slips his hand around your waist as he walks you to the door, a hopeful ring to his words.

You stifle a grin, leaning into his shoulder unintentionally. “I’d hardly call what just happened hanging out.”

“Yeah, well. Maybe we can some time, yeah?”

It’s difficult to ignore the way your insides twist, your heart thundering wildly into your ribcage, threatening to break loose. Eddie Munson has successfully charmed you, a feat you never would have thought possible until now, but you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing it just yet.

Curving your lips into an inhibited smirk, you blink at him sweetly. “Yeah. Maybe.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fic #joseph quinn #stranger things #stranger things smut #stranger things x reader #eddie munson imagine #stranger things imagine #mine #stranger things x you #stranger things fanfiction

[poppy-metal]

i fully believe steve prefers hitting it from the back idc idc idc. i want to fuck him so bad i'm going to have a meltdown fuck omg

He looks so pretty when he's miserable.

warnings: asshole!steve, reader is okay with it though. brief hints of nancy/reader. an even briefer hint of poly nancy/reader/steve at the end bc i have no control of my clit. hopeful ending. smut.

a/n: literally just wanted to write angry steve hitting it from the back but backstory snuck in and now im thinking about this dynamic. help.

ike....post breakup with nancy. you're buzzing when you hear he's at the party you're at. as the rumor mill goes, he hasn't been the partying type since wheeler broke his heart. at a party, you hear. so knowing he is hear has your heart beating fast.

you've always had a thing for him. ever since your freshman year really, when you'd been that annoying person who showed up to school with too many supplies. colored pens and highlighers neatly lined in front of you, pink notebook and fuzzy pink pencil posied and ready to take notes. it was embarrassing really. you felt a little silly when you saw how everyone else wasn't nearly as eager as you were.

but then steve had come into the room, laughing with his friends. that good smelling cologne filling the space around you as he passed. he'd stopped for a moment, glancing down at your colorful assortment and you'd felt so humiliated, sure he was about to say something sarcastic. but he'd merely curled his lips in a half kind of smile and rapped his knuckes on your desk, "look at you all prepared. putting us all to shame already, eh?"

maybe it HAD been sarcastic. you didn't care. either way, you'd been obsessed with him ever since.

but he'd gone and fallen in love with nancy wheeler. you couldn't blame him. or her. she was very pretty, you'd caught yourself sneaking glances in the lockerooms when you'd been changing for gym. had nearly had a heart attack when she'd smiled at you one day and said she liked your bra, thought it was cute.

so you hadn't been bitter. just disappointed. they were a hot couple. you'd moved on anyway, dated throughout high-school, done your thing.

it was the end of senior year though. and you and steve were at the same party. and he was single. ready to mingle? you'd find out.

finding him wasn't easy. you felt like a bit of a stalker, you had to admit, scouring the crowded rooms, peeking in rooms. you guessed just because he decided to come, didn't mean he was in a party mood.

you did find him though. at the last room at the end of the hall. the master bedroom, you had to guess. he was sagged in chair in the corner of said room, nursing a half empty bottle of beer, gripped loosely in his fingers. he looked beautiful. and a little pathetic. mostly beautiful, though.

he wore sunglasses, tipped precariously on the edge of his nose. he was wearing black, all black, which even you knew was strange. his hair wasn't styled. hanging into his forehead in a messy heap. his cheeks were flushed pink. he had to be tipsy.

you stepped gently into the room, "who's funeral?" you said idly, trying to keep your voice cool. like you'd just accidentally stepped in and hadn't been searching like a stalker.

steve peered at you from the bridge of his sunglasses, squinting like he was trying to place you, and then relaxing when he stopped trying to figure out who you were. "mine." he replied simply, swinging the bottle back to take a large sip. you watched his adams apple bob.

"oh, well. my condolences to your family." you try to joke, "i heard steve was an upstanding young man. he will be missed."

he looked at you then. really looked at you. in a way that made your skin heat, before he was looking away again. propping his chin on his hand and staring off somewhere. "will he?" he sounded wistful. you had a feeling he meant nancy. you winced.

"i think she was dumb, you know." you blurt without thinking. steves eyes snap to yours though, so you can't fold the words up and swallow them. you have to push forward. "b-by breaking up with you, i mean. i would never-"

you stop there, realizing you were about to lay out your minor obsession just like that. you feel his eyes on you, heavy and intense, but you're looking at the floor now. you hear the sound of him setting his bottle down.

"close the door." his voice sounds a bit clearer now. you look up at him, startled. the glint of his sunglasses meet you. you gulp, and hesitantly close the door.

"lock it."

you do that to. you're like a puppet, you think. a quiet marionette. the click of the lock sounds thunderous in the now quiet room. the thump of the party downstairs sounds distant, like a different universe from the one you're in right now.

steve stands up. you assumed he was at least a little tipsy, but he walks fine. walks you all the way back until your hip touches the dresser behind you. your own wide eyed reflection meets you in his glasses. you feel trapped. you don't want to break free.

he tilts his head, a lock of golden hair falling. your hands twitch to feel it. you know his hairs got to feel so soft. absurdly so.

"you'd never." he parrots back to you. "you'd never.....what? break up with me in a bathroom? lie about loving me? ditch me for some freak with bad hair?"

you blink. there's alot to unpack there. your fingers dig into the wood behind you. "u-um. well, y-yes." you look down again, "I'd never break up with you....if i had you."

"you're that girl from chemistry." he says suddenly, like hes just now remembering. you feel your skin light up with his recognition. "i remember now."

you start to smile-

"could always feel you staring at me. like, you never stopped. it was kinda creepy."

your smile falls.

"you've waited a long time for this, then, huh?" his voice sounds distant. casual. "for us to break up. wanted to swoop in and, what? comfort me? make me feel better? remind me why im the king of fucking hawkins?"

he sounds like he's making fun of himself. bitter. you realize this isn't about you, you're just a vessel. you could turn and walk away. he doesn't want you. not in the way you want him to. but- he sounds so sad, too. and maybe you were creepy, and weird, and a stalker. but.

"if that's what you want." you tell him, blinking up at him, resolved in your decision. "you've always been a king to me. even what you and nancy split. you're the coolest guy I know."

you hear his sharp inhale of breath. see his pink lips part. he closes them. jerks his head, "turn around. bend over." when you pause he raises an eyebrow, "you wanna help me right? this is what i need. i need to fuck." he touches your waist, where your skirt meets your top. "Is that good with you?"

you spin around without another second delay, bending at the waist over the hard wood of the dresser. the way he said fuck is running through your head, making you dizzy. steve harrington wants to fuck you. jesus.

you feel your skirt being hiked up, and your toes curl in your flats, cunt already wet and slick. ever since you saw him sitting there with a bottle in hand.

you feel his finger on the outline of your panties, push yourself up on your toes to grind back.

you hear his husky chuckle, and then his sunglasses are being thrown haphazardly on the dresser next to you. you hear him unluckle his jeans, unzip.

"I should have never dated nancy." he says, to himself. you whine as you feel the pressure of his blunt tip at your folds, he's holding your panties to the side, not even bothering to yank them down your thighs. "when wet willing pussy like this was around-" his chest presses against your arched spine, his head catches against your slick hole. pushes in. he grunts and you whimper. "could've. fuuuuck that's it- could've been fucking girls like you in the back of my car every weekend. instead of. buying. fucking. flowers. shit- goddamn."

he punctuates each word with a hard thrust, slamming your hips into the hard wood. the slap, slap, slap of him fucking you fills the room. makes you drool. hes using you, using you to feel better about himself. about the pain she caused. and you're fine with it, thrust back into him when he growls "that's right. back that ass up on my dick.", squeeze around him just to hear his breath hitch. you'd have gladly been a wet willing pussy for him to fuck into whenever he wanted. you don't care. this feels amazing.

"fuck, you're so good." his praise makes you dizzy, drip around him and the slick sounds your pussy is making around his cock are downright lewd. "such a good pussy. god, i missed this."

"you can have it," you whine, humping back into him, "whenever you want."

"yeah?" he sounds breathless. close. "gonna give me your number after this and let me cash in on this hot little piece of pussy whenever i want, huh? gonna pick up and drop everything the moment i call, right? spread those pretty legs without me even having to ask?"

you nod desperately, feeling yourself start to peak, bite down on your hand because you'll scream if you dont. he fucks so good. he hits so deep. hes so fucking big.

"good girl." he groans, gripping your hips and pulling you back to meet his pounding. "gonna cum in you. you're gonna let me."

you're so glad you're on birth control. you'd let him anyway, even if you weren't. "uh huh." you babble dumbly, "want it. cum in me."

he fucks you hard, before stilling, slamming into you to the hilt and pressing you down with his hand at the back of your head into the wood underneath you. you feel the warm splash of cum inside you, the grinding of his pelvis against your clit making your own orgasm gush around him. you feel limp and exhausted afterwards, panting heavily.

steve is quiet as he pulls out of you. you're both quiet as you right your clothing. he picks up his sunglasses and runs a hand through his hair, not meeting your gaze.

"do you." you lick your lips. "do you. uh. want my number?"

he puts the glasses on. shield his emotions from you, just like that. he nods once, jerkily. "sure. why not?"

____

steve doesn't call you after that. and two years later, when hawkins is overrun by monsters you never thought could be real, he saves you. you'd thought you'd never see him again. but there he is, but he's not alone.

nancy is with him. at his side. they're holding hands. in a way only lovers do. in the way you saw them do in the hallways your sophomore and junior year.

you almost wish he would have let you die. remembering that night, two years ago. him inside you. him using you. you letting him. of course, you'd only been an outlet. duh.

you let him convince you to stay with them though, guessing the protection couldn't be the worst thing.

you don't see the way he looks at you. don't see the guilt in his eyes, the shame. he wasn't himself that night, and you didn't even know it. he'd wanted to call. but then everything had happened. and he got nancy back. that's all that should matter. right?

he doesn't know why he can't stop watching you then. why he can't stop wanting to apologize and swear to you that the him you saw wasn't the him he actually was.

but he can't. when he looks at nancy, he's a little suprised to see her staring after yout too, pretty lips parted. like she's remembering something.

when she catches steve looking she blushes and looks away.

huh.

#ask #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x reader #stranger things x reader #steve harrington x you

[buffporcupine]

death note headcanons

because i know my death note mutuals aren’t getting what they wanted from me

light

-can crack his elbows the way one would crack their knuckles

-probably had to do a musical elective in his first year of middle school and chose guitar cause he thought it would be easy but it wasn’t.

-the type of song he really enjoys is very specific. going to hell yet i tried so so hard to please god song. i missed my only chance song. why wasn’t i like the other kids song. thrones playlist. i could elaborate but i won’t

-as for sexuality, i see him as not wanting to put a label on whatever he is in theory but in practice being some type of bispec (probably berriromantic) for romantic attraction and then somewhere on the asexual spectrum for sexual attraction.

-as for gender i see him as agender whose not really in labeling himself as anything when it comes to sexuality and gender.

-agender but probably 100% fine with being super male presenting. he just wants to keep out of gender as a convo and that’s great. good for him

-no!!!!! i refuse to say this mf is aromantic (because it’s not accurate and it’d be an insult to aromantic people to say he’s aro)!!!!!

-just because he manipulated misa and kiyomi into doing his bidding and didn’t love them doesn’t immediately make him aro. i’m sure he could have found someone if he wanted to, and he could have loved them if he was with them to love them, but he wasn’t with them to love them he was with them to use them.

misa

-half belgian half japanese. her parents met in belgium while her father was on vacation.

-also im torn bcos i wanna write an au where misa is mexican and that’s it everything else is the same as canon but i’m pretty sure that’s just me wanting her to be even more Like Me (tm)

-speaks a little bit of english, way more french, and obvi japanese. finds linguistics interesting but doesn’t have enough time to research it that thoroughly

-likes being short and “small” small girl aesthetic i guess but sometimes wishes she had longer legs so she could wear skirts w/o looking silly and short

-panromantic does not see gender at all when becoming attracted to someone. i see her as def on the ace spectrum, maybe something like demisexual or aegosexual. could be me projecting dunno.

-she’s probably dated both girls and boys before

-would NOT break up with someone in a rude way or just dump them. she’d put a lot of effort into an apology and explanation into why.

-if she met miu iruma they’d be best friends. sorry i bring danganronpa into everything guys

-can we please just appeciate mexican misa for a second. she’s cooking sopa de fideo for the task and being the bilingual hot girl we all needed

-mexican misa

-as for her music taste she probably listens to upbeat english language music and sappy love songs. “there is a light that never goes out” and “melt with you” sound like go-tos for her sorry. i could also see her being a bimbo pop ayesha + britney manson girlie though

-tbh whatever your race/ethnicity is you could project it onto misa and it’d work. i love it. anyway d d d d d d d did i say m m m mexican misa

-i think she’d love love love getting her hair done!!! sensitive scalp mf but she’d still love getting her hair done

-mexican misa visiting mexico and getting braids and cute clothes and her fave candy

-was not a theatre kid. sorry guys but her middle and high school didn’t offer theatre 😔😔

lawliet

-chronically dehydrated just because he forgets to drink water. he tries to drink water and always gets afraid of developing kidney / liver problems but he just keeps forgetting. what the fuck L

-soup stan i think he’d love some good soup. soup stan x soup cooker (lawmane)

-i think you could have a really deep convo about anything with L. if you’re passionate about anything he’ll just listen and he’ll talk to you about what he’s passionate about to. he loves to think and would def entertain you with a convo about whether a hot dog is a sandwich or something dumb like that you know.

-he’s a thinker he just loves discussions

-has a british accent when speaking english bcos watari and lived in england you know. he thinks british accents in english sound good tho and LOVES making fun of how silly new york accents are (me too bro. me too)

-if he went to middle school or the japanese/british equivalent of it, he’d def be the type to choose some weird ass elective fucking creative writing instead of the “normal” guitar, choir, band, orchestra and shit

#death note #death note headcanons #light yagami #l lawliet #misa amane #yagami light #amane misa #l death note

[polarmary]

Rating MILGRAM shoes because- what are those?!

Inspired by a post I stumbled upon talking about Kotoko's T1 shoes I decided to go to check all of them and rate one by one both the drip and how pratical they are for a prison. (This is satire please guys don't cancel me over shoe opinions)

1-Haruka Sakurai T1 Shoes

Ok....bro has that psych ward drip. Honestly they look comfortable for a prison, I'll give him that. 7/10

T2 Shoes

He's not even wearing one of them- how did I never notice that. He clearly doesn't know how to tie the laces either but anyways, still comfortable and to be honest, I like the shoes. He loses points for not wearing one of them so- 7/10 (Mu teach this poor kid how to wear shoes pls)

2-Yuno Kashiki T1 Shoes

Typical school shoes, not bad but still boring, they also start to hurt after a while. I've seen how you dress girl, come on you can do better than this..... I'd say 4/10

T2 Shoes

(Why did she have to split her legs so much....have one of them) There was an upgrade i guess, it's more stylish but still uncomfortable to stand on for days on end in a prison. 4/10

3-Fuuta Kajiyama T1/T2 Shoes (man didn't even bother changing shoes)

What are these bulky ah shoes.....I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say they must at least be comfortable since they look like sports shoes. (can we talk about those socks tho-) 6/10

4-Muu Kusunoki T1 Shoes

Ok first of all, who the fuck goes to a prison and wears high heels?! Like- out of everything you could wear, you use the LEAST comfortable or pratical choice possible?? She really said slaying first, comfort second alright..... 3/10 im not sorry

T2 Shoes

.......I'm not even going to say anything.......it got worse. 2/10

5-Shidou Kirisaki T1 Shoes

Uhm...ok grandpa shoes i guess.....still comfy tho. By themselves they don't look bad but with the actual fit- my guy what the fuck where you thinking.... 5/10

T2 Shoes

My guy really looked at Kotoko's T1 shoes and thought they looked cool. Still better than hers but thats for later. What on earth are even these tho, they are like crocs but with normal shoe soles??? He's clearly one of those guys that get dressed by their wives and can't do it by themselves because jesus.... 4/10?

6-Mahiru Shiina T1 Shoes

Ok, nails done, I see you. Grandma shoes mixed with platform shoes.....she's smol so I get it. They actually look comfy but what about winter girl- 7/10 No T2 because.....well....wheelchair (txs Kotoko)

7-Kazui Mukuhara T1 Shoes

What are these shoes, they have belts on the side?? thats a belt right- From the front they look like fisherman boots, what is this man wearing. At least they don't look uncomfortable. 6/10

T2 Shoes

Alright he got comfier, very solid. I'd wear those in prison, 9/10 great upgrade Dad!

8-Amane Momose T1/T2 Shoes (dam girl change a bit)

School shoes same as Yuno but this ones.....I've worn that and god do they fuck up your toes.....Is she ok? 3/10

9-Mikoto Kayano & John T1/ T2 Shoes

Ok my guy Vans i see you, he went for the comfy option but the color....could be better. 8/10 But can we take a moment to talk about how John can't tie shoe laces??

What is that- He's going to trip on that thing and fall face first on the floor. Those look one step away from unlacing.

And finally, the one that started it all,

10-Kotoko Yuzuriha T1 Shoes

(again, what are those socks) I don't even know what these are supposed to be?? Are these a normal version of those beach sandals or something?! They look ugly as hell (god that random ass circle on the side- it looks like a black and white pokeball tho) and uncomfortable too. 1/10 burn these things (you are lucky you are hot)

T2 Shoes

Now we are talking, the biggest glow up ever!! They are literally just military security boots, go off queen, slay (perferably not literally, we've seen that enough) Comfy, fashionable, she can step on me with those- wait what? 9/10

#why did i do this #whoever read all of this #are you ok? #milgram #milgram project #milgram shitpost #haruka sakurai #yuno kashiki #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #shidou kirisaki #mahiru shiina #kazui mukuhara #amane momose #mikoto kayano #john kayano #kotoko yuzuriha #bullshitting again

[rowretro]

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

WARNINGS: Hardcore Drug usage, underage drinking/smoking, abuse

✧taglist✧: (Idk if there is anyone who asked, but Im starting to confuse every taglist on each series)

✧CHAPTER 4✧

“Are you seriously high this early in the morning? The first lesson hasn’t even started yet fucksake y/n… Riki can’t race tonight because of your junkie ass.” Heeseung complained as the girl rolled her eyes. “Im sober when i'm high or drunk broski, not my fault he’s weak” y/n added as Heeseung facepalmed. The male had walked in on his high sister, snuggled up with a high Riki who had a race scheduled for this very day, beside them a broken, burnt out guitar that had homework stuffed in. She’s one hell of a bad influence on him.

The male wasn’t racing due to his recent high, he couldn’t take the risk of going on the track, speeding and seeing stars before he even got to the juicy part of his young age. He was too young to die. He hated it. God he’d never even look in the direction of coke ever again… So he called her up to smoke some weed after school. “Why did he even do that shit he’s never even done it before…” Heeseung mumbled as y/n frowned, turning to him “That was his first time?” the girl asked, now feeling bad for even agreeing to do coke with him.

“Yeah, guess he wanted to try and since you're a junkie who knows literally every dealer to even breath in South Korea” Hee added as the girl rolled her eyes “he does weed though right?” She asked as Hee frowned “Yeah, anyone could get weed if you think about it, anyways point is, let him influence you, stop influencing him, if you deal any hardcore drugs with anyone, dad will happily give you his position as a drug lord.” Hee pointed out as the girl turned to him, glaring holes into his head, the poor girl failed to notice the obviously closed door before her as she walked into it, hitting her head pretty hard.

“AHH FUCKING FICKLE HEAD- ” She groaned as she sat on the floor "every goddamn time" Hee snickered. Heeseung sat beside her, the two sitting on the freshly mopped school grounds, by the tall lockers. They had arrived early to school since Heeseung was dropping her off. "You know... Riki used to race illegally... and well some one who had connections to a more legal company saw him and his skills which is how he's so famous now." Heeseung pointed out as he turned to her.

y/n sighed as she took a sip of some cold, refreshing gin out of her flask, as she turned to Heeseung "It's not going to happen Heeseung... racing is just a princess dream." Y/n simply said as Heeseung sighed. If it was anyone other than Heeseung Jungwon or Sunoo who dare to even bring up racing with her, that person oughta go home with a rearranged face. It seems Riki was lucky.

It's funny how something someone loves so dearly and always dreamed of having some day, could turn into something they dread so much, they don't want to even hear anything of it. To y/n racing was her first love, her bittersweet lover who left her with a fresh wound that can never be treated. Maybe she stuff a human in that car shaped hole in her heart.

Heeseung patted her head as he got up "The offers always up if you're down to make your dreams come true." Heeseung said as the girl scoffed "I don't have dreams... dreams are for losers" she remarked. "Well, I know a little 7 year old who always annoys me with her dream plans to be a racer in her flaming pink race car with a nice disco ball inside... I'm sure you wouldn't mind making her dreams come true" Heeseung added with a smile, seeing that she didn't spit any snarky comebacks at him.

"Even if she's being a stubborn, annoying and showing me a little attitude, she's still my baby sister... I'd hate for her dreams to disappear like that" Heeseung simply said before leaving the girl with her own thoughts. It's true, her whole childhood, she always wanted to be a racer. She never actually watched any racing programmes, just the fast and furious movies, her favourite being 2 fast 2 furious. Perhaps why the specific pink colour of car

✧𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓✧

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #engene #enhypen ff #enhypen niki #enhypen niki ff #ni ki #enhypen x reader #nishimura niki #niki reaction #niki enhypen #enhypen niki angst #ni ki enhypen #ni ki imagines #ni ki x reader #niki #niki fluff #niki scenarios #niki x reader #niki yandere #yandere niki #enhypen riki #nishimura riki #enhypen nishimura riki #riki #enha x reader #riki nishimura #riki nishimura x reader #riki x reader #yandere riki

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

Please tell me bout your ocs I love hearing bout ppls ocs :D

Obviously you have posted their names but what are their pronouns and what is their world like and their role within that world and what sort of things do they enjoy?

(or any other questions you wanna answer bout them :D)

well First Off.. here's an ask i answered that probs answers a bit of that!!

secondly.... okay okay okay. tom's pronouns are he/him and chelsea's are she/they!! their world is basically- and i feel bad cos its not a fancy fantasy thing- but it's just real life. like

they are just two high schoolers who could exist somewhere in the US, but i feel like thats part of their charm, yk? they're literally just Guys. nothing special about em, nothing fancy about them, they're just high school juniors trying to get thru to graduation :3

tom is 15 and a half and chelsea is 16, and also i do really wanna talk about this SO: guess how they chose their names :33 theyv'e been besties since they were little and when they both came out as trans to each other at one of their MANY sleepovers they decided to take the other's deadname AUGH!!! and not only is that adorable it's also fucking hilarious because they're always together, so a transphobe will come up and be like "oh hey TOM" and try and deadname chelsea but the ACTUAL tom will just look up and be like "?? hey? wassup" and they've done taht so many times auauuagh...... anyway i love these guys..... and i love talking about them so muchhhh

i've jotted down a lot of stuff on tom's character and personality and i'm gonna finish that up and then write about chelsea for a bit so!!! yippeeeee auuuuuauauuauauuughhhghhgh who knew u could make ur own blorbos huh. fucking rad (also if anyone wants to know what they look like......... i can tell you........ i have picrews ive made and im gonna draw them at some point and it's going to be fucking awesome)

#question spirals #my ocs #chelsea davis #tom krueger

[mostlymaudlin]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me. 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading! 

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha 

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.  

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3

#my writing

[tunaababee]

gonna get really sappy and DEEPLY tmi/personal about twenty one pilots on main so im gonna put it under a cut. i am cringe but i am free and clancy tour coming up is giving me Feelings

i've been a top fan since 2016. i initially had some resistance to them bc it was when Stressed Out was at its peak and like, yall know how oversaturation goes. even if its good, its fucking annoying by proxy. all the 12/13 year olds at my high school were into it. i was turning 17. and it was a really fucking rough year.

i've been deep into homestuck since i was about 14/15, but by age 16 i had branched out into text-based rp and met a guy from italy who i kind of had a situationship with i guess?? at the time?? idk if that's what the kids call it. (whenever i describe how many relationships ive had, i count this one as a 0.5) anyways. it eventually got to a point where he was emotionally abusing me for a period of about four months. it was brief, but intense, especially since im a fucking lovesick lonely teen at this point who doesnt know any better. he lovebombs me, talks to me and acts like i am his girlfriend, gets jealous and shitty if i talk about other people, but then the moment he goes and does the same shit i get told i'm the reason he was depressed, im the reason for his problems, etc. until he calmed down and placated me and won me over again. over and over, regularly, for four months. it was a lot for my little developing brain to handle.

i know people have had it longer, have had it worse, but it really left a lasting impact. i was left with a litany of abandonment issues, and self-esteem and image that was already bad was buried dead in the fucking ground. i wanted to die every single fucking day for those four months. he even told me, as i began to question my sexuality properly, that i couldnt be bi 'because i liked him'.

but he LOVED twenty one pilots. would quote their shit regularly. wore the merch. all that stuff.

by 2016 i'd managed to see clearly enough and have enough support from friends that i felt comfortable cutting him and his circle off permanently. and it was fucking hard. i didn't have a lot of irl friends at the time and it felt like my only support network. after i finally left, i was desperate to feel some semblance of control, take something back, my own personal little 'fuck you' i could carry in my heart.

with all the hype around them, i gave top a try. slowly eased my way in. i knew i was hooked when i heard Holding On To You for the first time. it made me feel like i could take back that control and find a light at the end of the tunnel.

i consumed everything they had put out after that. i saw them live at emotional roadshow sydney 2017, i was turning 18. i made so many new friends. i felt such hope in my heart. i sobbed so fucking hard when they played HOTY. they weren't the only reason i made it through, itd be naive to contribute everything to them when i've done a lot of work and so have the people around me, but they were like a lifeline to hold on to when things were hard.

i went and saw them again in 2018 for the bandito tour. i made my own outfit and was surrounded by people who had done the same. i made more friends, had more adventures. i was dropping out of high school the year that Trench released due to having the worst mental health i'd had probably since my abuse and felt so lost but it helped me feel a little more stable and grounded. like that light was still there.

a lot has happened since. i'll be 25 when i go see them in November, once again at Qudos Bank Arena in sydney. i'm in a happy relationship with someone i love who respects me. i'm doing things that make me happy. i'm happy. i've felt and experienced and lived and loved and lost and done so so so much since i was a scared 16 year old hearing them for the first time. i've gotten piercings and tattoos, something i never thought i'd do, and put their work permanently on my body. i'm so proud every time i see my tattoo on my arm. i genuinely love and accept myself exactly as i am, which is something i NEVER thought i'd do.

having Clancy come out nine years to the day from blurryface, an album that has been so deeply important to me in a lot of ways, gets me real misty. this entire tour gets me so misty. i didn't think i'd live past 18 at BEST. but i'm here and i'm fucking happy.

genuinely cannot emphasise how much this album and this tour means to me. i plan on getting a Clancy tattoo once the album comes out and i've had some time to sit with it. it feels very full circle, i guess. hearing Next Semester has just had me thinking about this constantly and all weepy all the time haha. but a good weepy.

i cannot fucking wait to scream in a stadium full of people again in a way that heals my heart.

#twenty one pilots #tw suicide mention #tw abuse mention #i wasnt kidding when i said i get real fucking tmi in here #my household already has to deal with me rambling about them all the time lol so tumblr gets the deep and meaningful

[boxwinebaddie]

yoooo so Ive read that one post about how you work with kids and I was like "omg literally same !" and I was wanting to lyk that even though some kids can be little shits, a lot of the time if youre patient with them, joke with them and, heres a big one, talk to them like theyre friends and not just kids theyll treat you wayyy better. I also know you said you work with first to second graders(at least Im pretty sure you said that) and I work with fourth to fifth graders so there probably is a difference. I thought youd wanna know just in case you needed advice or anything. My question is how has that been going so far? Like are you enjoying it, regretting it, that typa stuff.

P.s. im not a really old guy who's a teacher sitting at my laptop, im in my last year of high school and Ive done a lot of volunteer work with kids in it. Hope youre doing amazing!!!<<333

hello, my dear!!! no, thank you so much for the advice -- tbh i have been Struggling lately...this job is stealing the light from my eyes.

( this is a long ass post that is probably too personal but i am honestly not vibing At All so i'm answering this honestly. you do not have to read this message, it is me bitching for several paras. :// </3 )

but i digress!

that is not to say that i dont love working with kids/teaching, but the particular job i work is not...totally within my wheelhouse and is not that fun for me...per say. also, as far as first and second graders go, 1, 2 and kinder are actually the grades that i want to work w/ the most! and are unfortunately the kids i get to work with...sigh...the Least.

my particular position deals mostly with middle school and high school students which is NOT!! what my teaching credential is in btw. so i am suffering, omg. please free uncle nina from high schooler hell.

i also took this job because i weenie hut jr'ed out of taking an Actual Teaching position at a school because i got really nervous ( bc kids in 1st grade have to read A LOT, like without context, they start at the begining of the year reading a level books and have to finish the year reading i level books WHICH IS A LOOOT OF LEVELS )

and that bc ur first year of teaching is the hardest year ( a lot of ppl drop out/quit ) i would fuck up bc idk what i'm doing yet and a bunch of kids would end up behind bc i didn't teach them how to read correctly. like, when i tell you that sitting here in the lounge typing that literally makes me want to cry like...that would Devastate me. :(((

but anyways, i am...trying to be chiller w/ the older kids. bc i came out the gate being Strict ( because no jokes, every other school i worked out the kids had to be HELLA quiet like they could not talk or be rowdy ) but i guess…the school i'm working at is not like that? and a lot of my coworkers...don't press the kids that hard? WHICH!!!

OKAY FUN FACT NO ONE TRAINED ME HAHA!!! they just dropped me in the middle of this goddamn school and were like good luck! so no one gave me insight onto the kids, where the classes were or how they were interacting with them...so...HSLDLSKH SIIIIIGH.

this...job.

like i said though, i'm trying to chill more with the kids because HOOOOOLY SHIT SOME OF THEM ARE SO MEAN!!!! WHAT THE FUCK OHHHH MY GOD!!!! when i tell you i saw 17 boys on their phones, walked past them 3 times and only took ONE PHONE???? BECAUSE ITS LITERALLY MY FUCKING JOB????? and all 17 boys like twice as tall as me heckled the SHIT out of me??? :'((((

like made fun of my dye job and Everything abt me??? </3 for taking One Cellphone that a kid wasnt supposed to be on Bc If I Didn't I Would Get In Trouble that the kid could have probably just begged to get back and would be gotten back immediately?!!! thats how UNSERIOUS they are about bustin the kids at this school!!

WISH SOME1 WLD HAVE TOLD ME THAT! LOL THX!!!!!

but like it was sooooo....it made me so stressed out and it was so awful, i also had really gnarly experiences w/ bullying in high school and middle school, so being back in it is honestly kinda triggering? needless to say, i did spend the rest of that period crying in the teachers lounge like it seriously sucked; i was rlly embarrassed. :c

that's so fun ur working a lot with 4th/5th though! i student taught in 5th this time last year and it was sometimes hard ( i am so stupid like i can only teach k-2, i'm too dumb to do any math harder than that ) academically and socially but i had a lot of fun!

when i wasn't dying!

i am not dying as much rn as i was doing that, but it was certainly more rewarding? like tbh this position is basically me being a human punching bag for middle and upper kids all day long and is really kind of...demeaning? which is annoying bc ( not to be like that ) but bc i literally have my teaching credential i could Be A Teacher In An Actual Elementary School Class, but bc i took this job/chickened out...

i am doing this lowk whack job that i'm both underqualified and overqualified to run. i Do get to work with the littles very early in the day & in the evening and thats...worth getting my shit kicked in by 14 year olds all day long. truly love the k-2 kids; its my happy place.

THANK YOU FOR ASKING THOUGH!!! this is unprofessional, obvi, hopefully will not bite me in the ass later but at thiiis point? idk. respectfully fuck this job lol. i am so tired every single day and there are only brief moments of sunshine. i would not wish this on anyone.

high school boys stop being mean to me challenge! very whack! however, elementary school children! you are so lovely!!! i had a girl make me a little origami flower and give it to me <3 like okay little pep stan! i see you! there is like a kgarten boy who gives me a hug every day, a girl whose shoes i tie every morning -- all of them remember my name which is more than aaaaa lot of the older kids will do for me.

( which!!! they're just kids you know!! its not their fault that they're being a lot!!! their brains are still forming and u know!! i was in mid/hs and it does suck and its hard and stressful! i am not really even mad at them its just...unfortunate. it's also not an age level that i rlly connect w/also discipling them or...not ig idk, is not really something i'm passionate about...like man i just want to sing the fucking calendar song and clap call and response and count on my fingers again. ;-; )

i'm sure as the semester goes by i'll feel better but right now, i am having a pretty rough time and wish i just bit the bullet and started teaching because this is seriiiiiously humilitating, fml. <///3

-uncle nina who is really bad at my job ig? lol i hate this

p.s. this isn't even really a request because every single one of you is kind and wonderful to me, but idk if i seem stressed or it's annoying that my asks are building up/i'm not updating my fics, know its bc i am here from like 6am until like 4:30pm, get my shit rocked, and then go home and sleep for like three hours and repeat every day. just b gentle w/ me if u can; i'm Very Depressed. :(

p.s.s. also unfortunately i cannot take a different job; i signed a contract that keeps me here until june, so i gotta tough it, smh.

#i'm sorry this is probably too personal and upsetting #ALSO SOMEONE STOLE MY FUCKING MUG #W MY COLLEGE LOGO ON IT AND MY UNDERGRAD DEPARTMENT LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING #no but seriously no one checks these kids and i did it one time and every single one gutted me it was seriously brutal #a bunch of the other adults were like oof yeah ur braver than me like HELLO??? DO UR FUCKING JOB MAYB? IM SOOOOO #and like it gives me no joy to take a phone that was the first one i ever took and i was sick to my goddamn stomach :((( #not enjoying this job where i have to terrorize the kids and they terrorize me back its v whack im legit scared 2 do my job #i do have a lot of kids that do what they need to and are kind to me so i appreciate them a lot #and i think that respect is gathering for the other kids but when i say no one trained me or gave me any perspective #AND STOLE MY FUCKING MUG LIKE PLEAAASE CHOKE #it is nice working w the tiny people later in the day tho im love them so bad theyre so cute like i love u my lil people #i seriously should have just taken a k-2 job i really just got nervous and its BECAUSE I CARE NOT BC I DONT which UGGGGH #but yeah lol i am crying i'm sorry if this was too personal or is too whiny but thank u for asking this was building inside me #put uncle nina back in elementary school challenge FAILED SEVERELY middle and hs is so unchill i am sooo tired :((( #fml i'm gonna cry again

[percyjacksonscookies]

dude imma say it

the percy jackson tv show sucks so bad

and I have a lot of time to think at work when im not busy with my little tasks so imma rant about it

because my little brain likes to look for connections i guess

anyway

IT SUCKS SOOOOOO BAAAAAAD HOLY

S H I T

its a giant mix of things because of where we are in time

every major piece of media is a huge reflection of the times we live in so uh

it makes sense that this would suck too like every single other piece of media disney has released in the past decadeish (it comes down to taste so if u like a Disney thing, whatever)

but like?!?!

because of the times we live in where writers had to strike for better wages and a semblance of recognition (i dont know the terms exactly) it makes sense that they gave ol' Ricky boy a shot at screen writing cause they didn't really have to take a chance with a new writer. cause u know disney! wherever there are corners to be cut they will! gotta think of the poor ol' bottom line!!

BUT ALSO RICK RIORDAN'S QUALITY IN WRITING WENT DOWN S O HARD AFTER HIS FIRST SERIES WITH PERCY

heroes of Olympus and trials of Apollo do not have the same flavor as the original series and I know plenty of people will agree with me

and thats cause ol' ricky boy (might call him uncle rick ironically cause I have a big family so its in character of me to have beef with an uncle plus like.... cmon its for the bit, an homage to my cringey younger self, and to help me avoid stupid autocorrect on my phone, it works on so many levels, if u must, cringe away) lost the fucking heart of the original series

lost the whole point and charm of the 1st series

it started out as a fucking bed time story for his son for fucks sake!!!!!! so obviously it was going to be a story built on so much love you could feel it in every word he carefully knit together for his son to feel less alone in the world

and thats why I looked up to him for so many years!!!!

he inspired me to start writing!!! so that maybe some day I could also write stories that helped people feel less alone

because the best fucking stories are the ones with the most heart and genuine emotions you feel like you could be there

but uncle rick fucking lost it because i think after the massive success of his first series he saw it as a way to make money for his family instead of a way to lovingly craft something for the sake of it just existing

yet another thing capitalism has taken from us

I have yet to read his other work, as an adult, because percy jackson is such a comfort book for me and I've obsessively done so much research on it I remember him doing an interview once where he said his students found his other works and they were teasing him about the cuss words in the book because of course they were he taught middle schoolers and that is where he is stronger than I

but thats also another thing

since I haven't read his other works, I dont know if they're going to speak to me like percy jackson has, but probably not from the looks of his other series (ive read all of heroes of Olympus and some of trials of Apollo but thats just cause I adore nico)

but I can definitely say for sure without a shadow of a doubt

dude

uncle rick is NOT a screen writer

he SUCKS at it so bad

he definitely doesn't know how to build suspense in film or write around the obstacles that come with live acting

which is embarrassing man

ive been there

did a senior directed play in high school, wrote the script myself

and it sucked pretty bad

because I was a story teller not a script writer!!!! I didnt know what the fuck i was doing!!!!! whenever I wanted a new character I would just invent one out of thin air, what do you mean I had to have an actor for every new character I have?!?!?!?!

soooo grateful i tried that for the first time in high school cause its not that embarrassing when u suck at something as a teenager cause hey!!! ur learning new shit everyday!!

but this ties back into my point of this show reflecting the times

I will say, I prefer the movie of percy jackson over this weird show

and thats cause it had charm! zest! a screenwriter and people that knew how to make movies!

were at such a weird place in cinema

at least in the mainstream american/western media

I saw everything everywhere all at once last year and it blew my tits clean off

but thats because it was made by people who wanted to make art for arts sake!!!! for the love of creation!!!!!

thats why those movies are so successful now

cause there's really no formula to follow anymore so anything that seems original and made with love is so fucking insanely successful and big corporations can't fucking replicate that without taking chances and letting people tell honest earnest stories

which is why every Disney villain sucks now cause they have to also secretly maybe sometimes be a good person

oh no the circumstances they were given made them a villain

hmmm I wonder who helped with the capitalism of it all?? hmmmm such a mystery

I know we all miss when villains were just evil for fun and that was it

like Ursula, they didn't explain shit about her backstory she was just a woman in a cave that had a reputation and had a sick as hell design and that was all people needed to like her (shout out to divine) (also I don't remember much about the little mermaid I am basing this off of vibes)

where was i going with this.....

anyways the pjo TV show sucks

let Rick Riordan cook longer as a screen writer or let him be a co author of the script my god he sucks at this

get an expert screen writer in there asap phew!!!

today's adhd rant has been brought to you by:

this thing

#pjo #i have so muvh to say but im gonna stop #this is a monster of a post #this is definitely my longest post on tumblr and i am Afraid but percy jackson makes me want to talk forever so whatever #i dont have any percy jackson friends so my followers must endure sorry everyone #kinda #i did start out as a pjo blog and branched out but i never really stopped lmao #never shared my thoughts on here though so this is new #time to shout into the void of the internet #my schtuff

[theropoda]

if i ever find myself lying to myself again about how im normal and have nothing wrong with me other than being oversensitive im gonna show myself my own damn tweets from like 2016 bc That Is Not Normal Behaviour. i guess i keep denying myself the right to be sad about myself and my life because i didnt know anyone else who had it like me, so i didnt have anything to compare it to and just assumed that my life wasnt that bad when it.....Certainly was not good and shouldntve been that way. esp bc the whoooole time my parents way of cheering me up about the situation was "other people have it worse, it could be worse, dont worry it isnt that bad" (in general thats indian culture i think LOL, to acknowledge that your situation is bad is some kind of embarassment almost)

its so crazy though to see tweets of me just entering like high school trying to figure it out like "i have no idea how i will keep living"........Well guess what.......I LIVED BITCH........Life may still be difficult but it has genuinely gotten clearer, about hey imDisabled actually which explains fucking everything, theres people like me out there!! and i feel like the path to a good life is visible to me now i just need to walk it. It looks really fucking ugly and hard etc but knowledge is power and just knowing things about myself that i didnt know back then, makes me feel better i guess. Dont worry lil john you made it :] i can only hope john from 8 years from now feels the same way.

its interesting to look back on this time period, like i was literally just going through My Files looking for oc stuff and just kinda happened across this archive. probably the part of my life where i most severely delt with self hatred and the idea i was a morally horrible person (average 13 year old experience i have learned) that should straight up die....i learned to deal with it eventually, convince myself that im not evil, but its just....interesting seeing it at its worst, before it subsided, and the past few months it's been comin back again except this time its less "im literally evil scum i oughta die" and more "i'm a pretty okay, average guy, but man do i want to be so much more". but i definitely think that's an improvement LOL.

anyways whats the point of this post. just airing out my thoughts. also that it gets better. even if things don't become perfect they'll maybe get clearer. maybe you're not out of this hole yet but you know it can be done. Or something i dunno

#blegh #but blegh of a positive note #t