#in 15x19 especially it was a combination of a) his unstable mindset after losing his closest and only friend

[adammilligan]

something about how michael was built for war and he’s lived through and won endless battles and did win the war against lucifer so long ago but the first time we actually see him lose his composure on screen is when adam asks him, very gently, if he still cares about what god thinks of him after he left him in the cage. when he gets frustrated and even snaps at one point and adam is still so kind to him anyway. something about heaven’s most terrifying weapon being rendered speechless at one string of words spoken with nothing but gentle concern. not to drag a quote into this but quite literally sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof you’ve been ruined

#like he can handle war but he draws himself up defensively and can't even speak when adam confronts him with nothing but kindness #behind the gesture #and that line is still so interesting to me! because it kind of implies that michael hadn't been acting like he cared about being #the favorite anymore. which to be fair he hadn't! he ditched heaven to hang out with a human that's far from how god's favorite should act #but the new identity michael was building for himself was still shaky especially since yknow. a lot of it was developed in a cage. in hell #so it makes sense that when confronted about it he would start clinging to that old identity all over again. it's very human of him actually #and with adam's real genuine concern/confusion over it + how it's apparent that they talk to each other about everything #it makes me think that no michael didn't actually care about being the favorite anymore. even in 15x19. ESPECIALLY in 15x19 #in 15x19 especially it was a combination of a) his unstable mindset after losing his closest and only friend #b) that loss being a direct hit on the foundations of his new identity #and c) the old identity coming back up to take its place because otherwise he might've actually gone insane. he had to function SOMEHOW #and i know there's only so many ways you can defend 15x19's genuinely godawful writing. i know. and i'm a steadfast 15x19 hater #but this is perhaps one of the only ways i can EXPLAIN it #and no bringing lucifer back didn't help. one of thee pillars of his old identity shows up while his new identity is crumbling to dust in #the face of adam's death and he's falling and you don't expect him to reach out and lean on it for support? that's just what people DO #it's like taking away an addict's best coping mechanism and expecting them not to relapse if only the one time #and he was being actively encouraged to relapse was the thing! dean going 'daddy's boy' at the beginning of the ep? their plan RELYING on #michael's death at the hands of chuck? REALLY. #these tags are not the point of this post. anyway #kate rambles #michael #adam milligan #midam