#it doesn't matter what you think about makeup either it's still misogyny to value a woman on how hot and/or fuckable you think she is 👍

[uncanny-tranny]

I swear the day I go without seeing shit like "oh, she looks so beautiful without makeup" or "she looks so good when she doesn't dress alternative" or whatever else will be the day I fucking celebrate.

How come misogyny is acceptable to some of y'all when the people you're being misogynistic toward are people you don't think serve you well enough?

#misogyny #misogyny tw #it's still misogynistic to say that a woman looks ugly to you *even if* she's wearing makeup #it doesn't matter what you think about makeup either it's still misogyny to value a woman on how hot and/or fuckable you think she is 👍 #saw a woman post an 'un-goth with me' video and y'all could NOT handle not being misogynists to her :/ #the only thing i have to say about her video is that it was good and her makeup wipes are literal magic #trad goth makeup is always so cool and people who wear it are always so creative with it #again impersonal 'you' used #LMAO i guess today i am just talkative 👍

[terra-feminarum]

You are very wise so I want to vent a problem I have with radical feminism to you. I’ve been a radfem for roughly 2 years now. Now when I’ve learnt a lot about radical feminism (reading books etc…) I desperately want to go back to not knowing about all the misogyny. Being unaware to the extent of misogyny didn’t mean I wasn’t experiencing it. But now when I’m aware I still experience it while also seeing it but not being able to stop it. In the beginning it was a relief to be able to have what I was experiencing explained to me. Now? I miss the days when at least I didn’t have to be aware and could enjoy male attention, makeup, learning about history, video games, music, etc… without seeing and understanding the misogyny behind all of it. I would relish in being the centre of attention of men, it would make me feel very powerful and good about myself. Now I know that attention is meaningless and they don’t look at me as an intimidating beautiful woman… just an object to fuck. I never were powerful, no matter how attractive I looked.

I feel like all radical feminism has given me is the language and knowledge about my oppression. And that is something that is of value to me. But it also took so much away from me that just haven’t been replaced. I know what Andrea Dworkin said about this phenomenon so I know it’s not just me but that doesn’t change anything, I’m still struggling to enjoy things.

It’s not like I’m doomscrolling on tumblr all the time or don’t engage in other types of literature, it’s just that what I’ve learnt sticks with me and I see the world in a feminist lens. Still I just want to go back to the time when I were able to enjoy some parts of my oppression. I know that’s a bit pathetic but that’s how it feels… I’m exhausted and I just want to live an enjoyable easier life. But I cant. I cant forget about the suffering of women and about the true nature of men and how they see me. What should I do?

Sorry if this sounds a bit ramblish I don’t know how to formulate these thoughts and my English is a bit bad.

Thank you for your message. English isn't my mother's tongue either so I don't notice your English being bad, the only thing that matters is that we can understand each other well enough and I think I get what you're saying.

You didn't say whether you are straight but I assume you are attracted to men. Being attracted to women comes with it own hardships but I can't imagine what it's like to be attracted to men while living in a patriarchy. After all, you can't choose who you are attracted to, and your animal brain was wired to expect better of men than what they are capable right now.

What I read from your message is that you feel powerless. And I get it, it only carries you so far to know why you feel powerless, and then it just becomes exhausting. The illusion of power felt better than having no power at all.

I wonder if there could be other things that might make you feel powerful and good about yourself than the attention of men? Maybe learning real-life useful skills, maybe skills that men have claimed to be theirs only. It can be great to realize you can do something you thought you never could. Or it could be activism, anything that makes you feel like you make a difference, that you are competent. Creating deep connections with other women is just as important. Maybe they can't make you feel sexy but they can make you feel valued in so many other ways.

I can't relate with what you describe because male attention has never been really important for me and there's nothing men could give me that women couldn't. So I might not understand your situation all that well. I can relate to the feeling of media products becoming kind of ruined as the misogyny is everywhere but that doesn't really bother me that much. They just lost their charm when I realized what I'm watching and now I'm just doing other things.

I think I can relate most through my experiences of realizing the extent of the ecological catastrophe we're living. I would like to go back to not knowing. I feel powerless, scared and it feels so useless for me, as a one little human being, to know. I don't want to live this, I don't enjoy any of it.

At first it was unbearable. I went through a very difficult crisis and I wasn't really sure how I could continue living. But the crisis and the unbearable feelings forced me to reconsider my values, rearrange how I live, and to change my worldview. I still feel scared and powerless, and the reality is the same as it was before my personal crisis, but now I have accepted the reality and found deep meaning in belonging to the generation of people who witness this and who do what they can to build something better. My life is now more meaningful than it was before the crisis. I feel deeper feelings of connection and gratitude. What was necessary for this shift was mourning what I had lost: the illusion of a safe and stable world.

I think the feminist lens you can't get rid of could be something similar. Seeing the reality for what it is is a burden, yes, and it hurts. Your awareness alone will not end the patriarchy. You might need to really mourn what you've lost with the knowledge your gained: the enjoyment of certain things that will never feel the same. It's a real loss. You might enter a crisis - or maybe you're in it right now - and when you emerge, you will be stronger, not weaker. You might have a clearer vision of what is your role, what you can do, what the future might be like, and you might find meaning in all this.

You might need to distract yourself from these thoughts every now and then with concentrating on something else than feminism, but in the end, you need to reconcile what it means to you that you know these things and this is the reality you live in. With that reconciliation might come a peace that really lets you rest and focus on other things, too. I hope you all the best.