#it's fucking frustratingggggggg

[sodrippy]

i wish doctors took suicidal ideation more seriously in terms of like. ok so my doctor didnt overtly react in a shutdown manner when i said ‘no, im not going to hurt myself or others’ but the tone in the room definitely changed as if things were less serious now, and its like. yeah its great that im not going to harm myself (which, as if people wouldnt lie in response to that question anyway fearing what the repercussions might be, but thats a different issue) BUT having to deal with the intrusive, sometimes incessant, thoughts about it anyway isnt easy. its exhausting to field and dismiss suicidal thoughts and its not any easier just bc you know youll never go through with any of it, and i just really wish doctors would like. hm. fucking LISTEN when grown adults tell them they need medicine to help manage that.

#suicide ment #yeah im never not gonna be annoyed about my doctor being like 'ok i totally understand that but try therapy first' #and im never gonna shut up about it either sorry ehdvjcn #its just so frustratingggggggg #like bro im not 16 or 19 im 25 i know what the fuck im talking about when its about ME and MY brain #besides which like. its just a referral the psych can talk me through options and whatever u dont need to worry abt it bro fdjcn #not to mention how fucking long it took me to be able to ask about it and now im like cool so never again<3

[aroperyton]

i dont find arospec stuff limiting but i find the aro community or at least the ideas in it limiting and like i have no stretching room to be and express how my own aromanticism is and shows itself and i really fucking wish i could make it work i really fucking do but after headbutting into wall after wall after wall of being utterly unable to or trying and failing to relate to other aro ppl here i'm coming to the conclusion that i should just drop it and flesh out aromanticism for myself and what it means to me instead of trying to shove myself into "i've undoubtably never experienced romantic attraction in my life, i hate romance, and i don't get anything out of the word love", which hurts considering the entire point of me being here was that i wanted to find other people like me to help put my feelings into words, but i don't think the occasional 'oh hey that kinda fits me' outweighs the feeling like anyone who has anything to do with love or affection or anything is enforcing and normalizing amatonormative shit Inside the aro community and that lov3less aromantic-ness is the Purest form of aromanticism and everything else is diluted or missing the point or taking away from our goal and what non-lov3less arospecs have to say isn't valuable because "romance isn't what makes you human" is our one goal or the only helpful one or just cause this goal exists means we cant try and achieve other ones at the same time and so non-lov3less arospecs expressing their aromanticism in their own ways is Dangerous and Gives The Wrong Idea or even Encourages The Wrong Ideas so has to be shoved in the corners and have a million hundred thousand disclaimers and apologies plastered on it and hidden away and!!! I JUST WANNA SAY I LOVE LOTS OF THINGS AND TO HEAVILY INDULGE IN NON-ROMANTIC AFFECTION AND RELATIONSHIPS AND AESTHETICS WITHOUT BOTH AROS AND ALLOS ASSUMING I MUST JUST SECRETLY WANT ROMANCE AND AM HURTING MYSELF+OTHERS BY NOT REJECTING AFFECTION ALTOGETHER OR BY EMBRACING ROMANCE FULLY AND BE ALIENATED AND DEMONIZED BY BOTH AUUUUUUUGH ITS ALL SO FRUSTRATINGGGGGGGG AND DISHEARTENINGGGGGGG

#ranting.txt #was that my tag? blah #personal #im gonna explode if i have to think abt this anymore bye #im still aro and am still technically a part of the aro community on account of I Am The Aros but just #i dont wanna bother with all This Shit -points at above post- and i dont think i need to be knee deep in fucking #ALL THIS SHIT LOL to look up terms that help me or think about how dumb the idea that #after a certain point all love becomes romantic is OR LIKE. MRMGRHGFHGFG ITS JUST SO!! I CANT DO SHIT HERE LOL