#its been YEARS since he doesnt eat anything let alone prepare any food for himself or others | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bangzchan · 7 years

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If you're still doing the Au word/ sentence thingy can I please chuck 'accidental spooning' into the mix? 🙊I just read all of the ones you wrote and i don't stop smiling from reading them until I realised that there weren't any more 😩love your writing and characterisation!!

thank u sooo much!!! im sorry theyre takin so long rip hope u like this one too💗 (lol this got way too long sorry)so, au where isak goes to his grandparents during his summer vacation and he hasnt been there for a year now, so he feels excited to spend a few weeks there and catch up on everything thats been happening. and its all going fine until he has to set the table and his grandma hands him a fourth plate and isak is confused?? and when he asks about it his grandma slaps a hand to her forehead, “i didnt even mention” and isak kinda has a bad feeling about it, “we’ve got a lovely boy helping us with the garden and other outside work”

then isak frowns ,“alright, but why does he need to have dinner with us?” and his grandma looks at him in a way that tells isak he’s being a little rude, “he lives here for a few months, until he gets enough money for a flat” and isaks just. he has to sit down bc wow thats really smth they should’ve mentioned. especially that now he’s got his hopes up that its a really cute boy, wearing the cute garden dungarees with a cute straw hat. and the boy walks in just like that the next minute, except the hat but isak doesnt mind bc his hair falling into his face a little sweaty is smth isak could look at for hours. the boy’s eyes find isaks, and he blinks twice before smiling, walking up to isak, taking his gloves off and reaching out a hand, “hello, im even, u must be isak. its really nice to finally meet u” and isaks mind is going a mile a minute trying to let his voice AND their clasped hands sink in, and he doesnt get a word out just nods, then even walks away to take a shower and isaks body slams down on the chair and he feels exhausted for no reason. or it might be bc of how much his heart had to work with in no more than 5 minutes. then when he’s back, sitting opposite him, and theyre having dinner he finds out a little more about even but only basics like why he took this job ,why he’s not found a flat yet, or that he’s single. one of these make isak tighten the grip around his fork.

after a few stolen glances at even and blushing pink when he gets caught half of the time, they finish dinner and isaks walking up to the room that his grandparents made isaks where he could stay when he comes over. except. “we didnt mention i live in this room now, huh” even walks up next to him and no, nobody said anything and the thought of sleeping on the couch makes him want to whine out loud. but then even is walking inside and he waits at the door until isak walks in too, confused. “well good news, we gotta share” and isak snorts, though his heart does a thing. “whats the good news then” and he’s glad when even doesnt get offended but just squints his eyes at him and isak thinks he’s gonna stick his tongue out. he doesnt though, and he just walks over to one of the cabinets and gets out a towel, handing it to isak, “i already showered so.. the bathroom is all yours” and isak thanks him and while he’s drying himself down after the shower, he’s trying to prepare himself for having to share a room with even. and he think he’s got himself together buT THEN he walks in the room and ??? evens lying in bed with his phone. so isak just stops at the door and stares dumbly, “u didnt get me like a, mattress or smth?” and even looks up from his phone, “no? i told you we’d share?” and oh. sharing the bed too. okay. so he hesitantely slips under the blanket, only one for the two of them, and when turns to put his phone next to the bed, his shirt rolls up and isak feels his mouth go dry and he averts his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. then even is squirming beside him trying to get into a comfy position and then theyre both lying on their backs, and its dark in the room now and even breaks the silence, “i hope you dont feel uncomfortable” and isak has to swallow before replying, “uh no, the bed is fine” and even chuckles which tugs at isaks heart, “i meant being uncomfortable with us sharing” and isak doesnt know how sharing a bed with one of the cutest and prettiest boys could be uncomfortable, “its chill” he’s really nervous. “chill” even repeats with a smile in his voice and then he’s turning around with his back to isak, and isak slowly falls asleep.

he wakes up to a soft knocking on the door and a voice from behind it, “breakfast is ready boys” and then isaks about to bury his face deeper into the pillow except his nose smushes against smth harder and he opens one eye to check and shit. its evens back. and his arm is wrapped around evens chest, their legs tangled under the sheets. he starts freaking out and mouths a few swear words then he’s counting down to 3 to slide his arm from evens body but when he’s at 2, even is turning around in his arms and isak freezes and forgets to shut his eyes, and even is facing him now and he can see his eyes slowly start to open and isak holds his breath, his eyes wide and he’s panicking and doesnt know why he just doESNT move his arm??? then even blinks a few times and isak sees he first notices the arm around him, which with him moving slid down to his hips, fingers only hovering above his skin, and he’s slowly turning his gaze ,to isaks chest, his neck and then he finds his eyes and. theyre just. staring. then evens voice is raspy and surprised “uuhh. morning?” and isak is 101% sure he’s gonna faint. “morning” he still doesnt move. then even huffs out a laugh and clears his throat, “did you have a nice sleep?” and isak swallows,”yeah. you?” and evens presses his lips together, rubbing his chin against his shoulder, “me too, really nice” then isak pulls his lips into an awkward smile and he looks to the side, “breakfast is ready” and even raises his eyebrows “yeah? we better go eat then” but neither of them move for another moment, and when isak finally gets the strength to move his arm, even moves his body the same time,and isaks fingers end up touching his hips and they both freeze and isaks just. holding him and evens stuck in a probably uncomfortable position and isaks heart is gonna jUMP out of his chest, then they chuckle nervously and isaks fingers slide down his hips and theyre standing up. isak stays behind and slaps his cheeks to wake up and curses a few more times before walking out with a smile

then theyre eating breakfast, sitting opposite each other again, and isak doesnt dare to look up, he’s afraid he made things awkward. so he’s tossing his food around when his grandma sits down, “so, was everything okay with the sharing?” and isak is already thinking about some reasons why the bed isnt good, but then even hums, “yeah it was cool, right isak?” and isak meets his eyes for the first time since the bed and all he can do is nod and then his grandma starts talking about something else, but isak doesnt listen. he shoots an apologetic smile at even who just shrugs with a grin and isak watches as even puts his mouth around the fork, eyes still on isak. isak blushes and hides his face behind his coffee cup

theyre doing the dishes together, alone in the kitchen and isak takes a deep breath when the silence has been going on for too long, “i hope i didnt make things awkward?” and even smiles at him, handing him a plate to wash off, “you didnt. to be honest it was nice waking up to that” and he bites his bottom lip. isaks heart does that thing again and he finds himself agreeing with even. then even nudges isaks shoulder with his own, “a cuddle’s a cuddle. i dont mind if you sneak your arms around me again” and isak blushes, “i was asleep when i did that!” and even squints his eyes, “mhm, sure” and isak splashes water at even and he does the same, and theyre laughing, but a few bubbles ended up on evens nose and isak admires it for a minute before he reaches up to remove it and even ducks his head with a blush and smiles at the ground and licks his lips with a grin that shines brighter than the washed plates

and that night isak is awake when he throws his arm around even, and he feels even move a bit closer and isak smiles against his back and evens heart picks up a quick rhythm under isaks hand and in the next days they notice how that quick rhythm becomes the normal for them when theyre around each other and it just gets quicker when they first hold hands with their fingers laced as theyre watching a movie on evens laptop or when isaks lips finally find even’s one night

#au #ask

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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The 10-a-day diet tested: ‘I feel like a sentient composter’

New research suggests that we ought to be eating 10 portions of fruit and veg a day. Stuart Heritage plies himself with the good stuff, and Guardian cook Felicity Cloake judges his efforts

Like everyone else in the world, my blood ran cold when I heard that we are now expected to eat 10 portions of fruit and vegetables every day. That is double the previous recommended amount, and even that required too much effort for my liking. Oh, sure, the effects of 10 a day sound miraculous researchers claim that it would decrease our chance of heart disease by 24%, stroke by 33% and cancer by 13% but it sounds a bit much, doesnt it?

Perhaps not. We wanted to investigate how much fruit and vegetables you need to eat to gain the maximum protection against disease, and premature death. Our results suggest that although five portions of fruit and vegetables is good, 10 a day is even better, said Imperial Colleges Dr Dagfinn Aune, lead author of the research.

What does it mean exactly? Its 10 servings of 80g portions so three tablespoons of peas, or one pear, say, is a single portion. So, is it do-able?

A YouGov poll from 2012 reported that only one in five of us manage to hit five portions a day, let alone 10. Brave pioneer that I am, I decided to find out over the course of a long weekend, before Guardian cook Felicity Cloake judged my efforts and offered some suggestions of how better to hit my goal.

Friday Breakfast

My breakfast usually consists of horrifyingly sugary cereal, to provide me with the artificial jolt of energy required to see me through the morning. Today, however, I eat a grapefruit, a banana and an apple. Better yet, a whole grapefruit counts as two portions. Still, its 7.30am, and Ive already almost hit half of my daily quota. In your face, science. Im going to live for ever.

Except Im not, obviously, because as Harley Street dietitian and sports nutritionist Raquel Britzke points out, favouring fruit over vegetables has problems of its own. Both give you carbohydrates, vitamins, minerals, and fibre, she says. But fruits tend to have more carbs, and consequently more sugar, than vegetables. If you have a slow metabolism or are trying to lose weight, I recommend eating seven portions of veggies and three portions of fruit. Great.

A happy start to the experiment. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Lunch

G2 sends a photographer to my house, to show the world what I look like when Im near some vegetables. Inadvertently, my lunch becomes all the things that the photographer tells me to put into my mouth. This ends up being an apple, a banana and two different carrots.

Dinner

On a normal day, my meal of chicken and potatoes would have been entirely vegetable-free but, knowing that I now have a target to hit, I pile up a mound of cherry tomatoes on the side and work through those as well. Its not quite the advice I was given by another nutritionist, Laura Thomas, who suggested that all meals should consist of at least 50% vegetables, but its a start. A bowl of watermelon for pudding and Ive easily hit my 10.

Total intake: 10 portions.

Felicitys verdict

Stuart has immediately discovered the easy part of fruit and veg consumption: the fruit bit. Australians are told fruit should make up just two of their recommended seven portions a day because of its effect on blood sugar and he has got through 60g of sugar for breakfast alone. Although our own government seems to take the view that any fresh produce is better than the traditional British diet of Jammie Dodgers, it might be wise to swap some of this fruit for avocado on toast or a mushroom omelette occasionally, and save the sweet stuff for pudding later in the day.

Saturday Breakfast

Now that I have a toddler who can shout the word pancakes in a vaguely threatening manner, Saturday breakfast is always a rigidly enforced stack of banana pancakes. The good news: one stack has a whole banana in it. The bad news: it also has eggs and flour in it, which fill me up much more than just a banana would. However, I still manage to heroically force down an apple and two satsumas as well. Four portions, done and dusted by 8am. I am the best.

Saturday breakfast: banana pancakes and fruit. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Except, wait. After checking the NHS website, I realise that a satsuma only counts as half a portion, which knocks me back down to three. Undaunted, I eat two more satsumas to boost me back up, which means that Ive now eaten four satsumas in a row for breakfast. This is no way for a man to live.

Snack

I put my son down for a morning nap and, because of this stupid challenge, think: What a perfect opportunity to eat an entire raw carrot. It has been years since I last ate an entire raw carrot, and now I see why. Raw carrots are rubbish all chew and no reward. The carrot takes a thousand years to eat. It takes so long that my son wakes up before I finish, and I have to put the rest of it in my pocket for later. All this work, trying to sneak in a vegetable whenever I have a moment of downtime, is starting to make me feel less like a person and more like a sentient composter.

Lunch

A bowl of chicken-and-vegetable soup (which counts as a portion, according to the label), and two portions of grapes. Two portions of grapes is 28 grapes, which I count out one by one like some sort of shivering Victorian waif. What have I become?

Later, while running errands, the wind begins. There is a good three-minute stretch where a brand-new fart pops out of my trousers with every step I take. This is new. So much for science; I worry that if everyone eats 10 portions of fruit and veg a day, well all end up dead from methane inhalation.

Dinner

Meatballs and pasta and tomato sauce (homemade, so it counts) and another big bowl of watermelon. Ive hit my 10 portions again, and I only had to accidentally fumigate one shop to do it.

Total intake: 10 portions.

Felicitys verdict

Banana pancakes are a painless way to get fruit into children; top with berries to add an extra portion, and ring the changes with cheesy courgette or crispy carrot fritters occasionally. Equally, at this time of year, when salads feel a bit punishing, soup is a lifesaver: minestrone will happily absorb any old odds and ends you have in the fridge. You can also add finely chopped veg to meatballs and burgers (grated carrot or finely chopped spinach are good candidates) and, of course, if Stuart ever finishes that sugary watermelon, he could always knock up a chocolate beetroot or parsnip-and-orange cake as an after-dinner treat.

A bountiful breakfast. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Sunday Breakfast

The plan was to have a nice, big, healthy breakfast and then head out as a family to a fancy event in London. However, a combination of train cancellations, a sick wife and barely any sleep means that breakfast now consists of a chocolate chip cookie that I made with my son yesterday. The cookie has a glac cherry on it. Glac cherries apparently do not count towards your 10 a day. This feels like an oversight on the part of the NHS.

Lunch

Post-event, with my wife home unwell, my son and I find ourselves in the nightmarish epicentre of tourist hellscape London. Thomass advice for eating out is this: Ordering vegetable sides is a good option, but you could also think about replacing one of your protein foods with beans they can count as one portion per day. Trying to get more vegetarian meals in, too, will make it much easier, and this is consistent with the advice to cut back on red and processed meat.

However, this is an emergency; I just want to survive today. Lunch ends up being something that can be eaten quickly at the nearest possible kid-friendly place: a burger and chips from Giraffe. (Chips dont count as a portion, by the way. I checked.) I could have ordered vegetables but, after yesterdays carrot debacle, I realise that I would still be there chewing on it now if I had. Knowing what a failure today has become, and remembering that Thomas said they count, I order a smoothie. At least thats something.

On the train home, I distract my son and, when he isnt looking, eat some of the snacks I bought for him. I manage six grapes and a third of a satsuma, which is about two-thirds of a portion in total. Still counts, though.

Basically watermelon is terrible for you. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Dinner

Poor marital communication means that we end up eating chips again in the evening. On the plus side, we also have baked beans. Half a can of baked beans equals one portion of vegetables, and for one beautiful moment I toy with the idea of getting back on track by gorging myself on a multipack. However, the NHS guidance points out that anything over half a can still only counts as one portion, because they dont give the same mixture of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients as fruit and vegetables. This, it dawns on me, also applies to my doubled-up portions of grapefuit, apple and banana on Friday. I check the NHSs five a day website and it explains that to get the maximum benefits, you need to eat different types of fruit and vegetables. Stupid NHS. This isnt why I pay my taxes.

More watermelon for pudding, but this doesnt really make up for anything, especially since Britzke has decided to single out watermelon as one of the worst fruits to eat, thanks to its high glycemic index. Nutritionally, today has been a disaster.

Total intake: 3.66 portions.

Felicitys verdict

The problem with fruit and vegetables is that they tend to take more preparation than merely opening a packet (or, in Stuarts case, the biscuit tin), so its a good idea to keep carrot sticks or broccoli florets handy for those moments when you dont have time to faff about with cooking, ideally with a pot of something delicious to dip them into so you dont lose the will to live and reach for the crisps instead. In fact, like many healthy eating regimes, fitting more fruit and veg into your diet is much easier with a bit of forward planning. Stock up on frozen veg, tins of beans and pulses, and jars of fruit to add to meals when the salad drawer is bare. Also remember that although the potato is cruelly classed, by the powers that be, as a starchy food rather than a vegetable by the powers that be, the sweet potato is not and it makes seriously delicious chips. Just saying, Stuart.

MONDAY Breakfast

Yesterday broke me. Carting a kid about for a day is stressful enough as it is, and fretting about hitting a seemingly arbitrary vegetable target just added another level of anxiety to proceedings. So, today, screw it. Im just going to eat like normal. And, hey, if it kills me, it kills me. Breakfast is a leftover grapefruit. Happy now?

This only soups up the tally by one. Photograph: Stuart Heritage

Snack

An apple. If were being honest, its an apple and two Cadbury Creme Eggs. But were only counting the fruit and vegetables I eat, not any of my other disgusting dietary habits. Still, thats two portions so far.

Lunch

More chicken-and-vegetable soup. That makes three portions of fruit and veg. If these were the bad old days, back when we were all gormless knuckle-draggers who only thought we needed to eat five portions a day to be healthy, Id have been laughing. God, I miss the bad old days.

Dinner

I make shepherds pie. It contains two tins of tomatoes, two onions, two carrots, a leek that I had lying around and some frozen peas. If Ive done my maths right, divided by five, I think this works out at three portions a person. Add in the requisite bowl of watermelon at the end and thats four portions.

Total intake: seven portions.

Felicitys verdict

In just four days, Stuarts achieved fruit and veg enlightenment: the secret to eating more is to incorporate them into your ordinary diet, rather than hoping youll magically turn into the kind of person who enjoys snacking on raw kale. Adding extra portions to stews, curries, ragus and the like makes it feel a lot less like eating rabbit food than munching on a raw carrot next time he could try mixing some celeriac into the mash on top of his shepherds pie, too. And dont worry if some days are better than others: if beans on toast and an apple are the best you can manage, its still better than nothing. Even if you do have a Creme Egg on the side.

Total four-day intake: 30.66/40 portions

(If you let me have the doubled-up fruit and veg, which you shouldnt, but hey.)

Without really trying, Ive come tantalisingly close to the target. It hasnt made me too farty. It hasnt caused me any stress. So perhaps this is the secret here: you should just eat as many portions of fruit and vegetables as you can without letting it take over your life. If it goes belly-up for a day which it will, because there is more to life than endlessly chewing on foliage then thats not a big deal. After all, whats the point of living longer if its just going to make you uptight, unhappy and flatulent? Quit whining, science. Im doing fine.