#ive been craving salt like crazy its been so bad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

helianthusrex · 7 years

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so this year has not been a good one for me, im sure my silence for like 6 fucking months probably showed that some

theres a lot i could say esp ab how bad my health tanked this last month to the point i almost died (but hey i didnt so thats cool)

but the thought of doing it is kind of exhausting so i mean but maybe later

idk what to tag this as but under the cut is talk ab meds & disassociating & dying/illness & surgery & the like

got a diagnosis after 15 fucking yrs which is sad & crazy & more sad bc it took me literally being on the verge of kicking the bucket to get it

according to all my paperwork, i have a reoccuring/relapse problem w/EBV which has been ongoing for at LEAST since i was 16 but is very likely to have been w/me since i was little given my history

i have CFS (or.. i guess SEID? supposedly the name got changed a few yrs back but its still more commonly known as CFS & thats what my doc is still calling it so im going w/that)

ive learned a lot ab my body this past month especially, & i cant decide if i find it amusing or dumb that a lot of my constant food cravings & need to eat constantly isnt actually entirely my fault at all hello so many deficiencies, even SALT for fucks sake lmfao

its all on paper they cant take any of it from me now & they cant deny me anymore

i need a diagnosis cake that i can slam in the face of every fucking doc ive seen & give them time to see “i was right” bf hand

i have a dead gallbladder which is morbidly interesting to me bc ive been coping w/o it for... way too long (judging by every hospital visit where everyone fixated on my gallbladder & ignored me telling them that wasnt the problem)

which means eventual surgery that i am very scared ab & am not sure how to deal w/yet & am trying to tell myself that id be getting surgeries down the road anyway for transition shit so this should be less of a big scary deal but thats not rly working hah

trying out some weird ass meds that make me disassociate & sleep forever & im not rly sure are working but i gotta give it the 3 wks bf passing judgement

got a pain doc that listens to me (im trying not to be super optimistic bc its only been 1 appt so far; another in 2 wks) but like

hes rly promising compared to the shitshow of the last doc who told me to my face that i was just fat & needed to lose weight but otherwise i was perfectly healthy (id JUST gotten released from the hospital after a 2 wk stay & nearly dying, id lost 15 lbs by this point & was literally sagging skin & bones from not being able to eat or drink for 3 wks, & barely surviving on iv fluids, but sure im perfectly healthy; i almost lost it at that point)

not to mention the docs in the hospital that almost killed me & the docs in the past that led up to this point bc they insisted on giving me a history of “gallbladder is the problem” when it wasnt

ive never felt so vindicated & frustrated & relieved & sad all at once as i have this past month

god i rly rly rly need this to work out so bad

p.s. apparently tumblr has become even more of a shitshow so im not even sure this post will show up?

#a sunflowers adventures 2k17 #a sunflower says the thing 2k17 #sunflower healthcare 2k17

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