#ive been really absent headed and floaty today so im a little concerned im heading into a full dissociative episode but

[densewentz]

exhausted health update because I have to rant somewhere lol

So we're ending day 12 of my mysterious right-sided numbness. It's moved from just my torso all the way down my right leg to my toes, so now I'm just hobbling around half numb rip. And now the torso numbness feels like im being vacuum sealed or something, just a horrible tightness and lack that makes it impossible to ignore. Went to the ER the other night and had 2 panic attacks within the span of the several hours I was there, got my bloodwork redone and a cat scan which all came back with a big Nothing on them. They told me I needed an MRI but that I'd have to go through my Primary Care and after I told them my primary wouldnt see me until May they referred me to a new primary not in my network so that's been a dead end rip. So far everyone is pointing at my horrific anxiety as the cause but not one doctor has actually offered me help for the anxiety despite me having the active panic attacks in the office lol. My Primary wont see me for several months despite the severity of my current condition and none of the mental health programs I've reached out to will get back to me so for now I'm just. Existing in this anxiety Ouroboros where my anxiety causes my numbness which causes anxiety which causes numbness. I'm trying stupid home remedies to try and minimize the active anxiety attacks but so far we've just been circling around alternating Holy Basil, Benadryl and literally just drinking Rum and going to sleep, which sure all help my anxiety a little maybe but also make it almost impossible for me to function normally during the day. This is making art difficult so commissions are going slow which is obviously making me more anxious lol. I also am home alone most of the week managing the household, which is made more difficult since right now the numbness in my foot/leg makes it dangerous for me to drive and difficult for me to get around my house to do daily tasks. Idk man I'm just tired as all hell and I seem to vacillate wildly between full anxiety breakdowns and depressive/dissociative episodes. At any rate during the week I'll just be constantly calling and harassing every doctor/therapist I can get a number for trying to find someone who will be able to either address my anxiety directly or can at least get me into an MRI to rule out MS or anything else that ISNT anxiety. I'm going to become the bane of the medical profession for a while. Wish me luck!

#personal #dense rants #medical stuff #ive been really absent headed and floaty today so im a little concerned im heading into a full dissociative episode but #guess we'll see #i moved from my temporary space in our spare room back into my normal room so that'll be interesting #and my weighted blanket idea backfired since i can only find my 30lb and not my 15lb #and the 30 is a little too constricting when im already half numb #my knee also feels like gelatin so walking has become.... precarious #but it is what it is i guess #here's hoping it goes away eventually #if anyone has any other weird back alley ways of handling their chronic and extreme anxiety hmu bc im basically ready to try anything lol #if nothing else i got the satisfaction of giving the double middle fingers to every family member and health professional #who couldnt FATHOM that all of my test results came back as a big No for diabetes #because as a fat girl obviously that's the only possible thing it could be #like im not even pre-diabetic im literally healthy as a horse aside from the numbness thing #so suck on that health and diet industry