#ka'an fanfic

[chiefnooniensingh]

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

Summary: The Gorn invade Enterprise, and La'an rushes to meet it. Kirk has one thing to do before she does.

A/N: I've been obsessed with this pairing ever since 2x03 so now I'm writing fic because of course I am. I always love the "one of us is about to head into danger so let's kiss"-first kiss trope, so here we are. Also, who can spot the quoted from another fandom? ;) Enjoy!

Rating: T

AO3

“Red alert. All hands, battle stations.”

The alarm blared just as La’an entered the Transporter Room to receive Enterprise’s guests. Immediately, her communicator chirped with a connection from Captain Pike. “Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, are our guests on board?”

La’an locked eyes with Chief Kyle, who immediately threw the switch to energize. “They’re coming aboard now, Captain.” Two figures materialized in in the transporter, and just as the materialization process was complete, the entire ship lurched sideways as it was hit, hard and violent. La’an grabbed hold of the nearest handle to keep steady, but their guests had no such luck and immediately fell over. “Jam- Lieutenants Kirk and Kirk, welcome back!” she shouted over the alarm, as figures in yellow and blue tried to disentangle themselves from each other.

“Reporting for duty, sir!” Sam shouted back, righting himself and pulling his younger brother to his feet. They already looked distinctly dishevelled, with Sam rubbing the shoulder that had caught his fall. James looked little worse for wear, running his hands through his hair.

La’an nodded at Sam, and try as she might, she couldn’t stop her eyes from being pulled to the younger Kirk, who was, inexplicably, smiling. “Is there something funny, Lieutenant?” La’an said, unable to help herself. This was going to be a problem; they were in the middle of a crisis (apparently) and her feelings were overwhelming her.

James shook his head, still smiling. “Just…never a dull moment with you, Lt. Noonien-Singh!” La’an rolled her eyes, feeling her face heat up, noting from the corner of her eye the bewildered look Sam was throwing them. The ship lurched again, and they all grabbed the Transporter Console to stay upright. “What’s going on?!”

La’an shook her head. “I don’t know, it came out of nowhere! Lt. Kirk, to your battle station!” she yelled at Sam, who immediately nodded and left. “We can’t send you back to the Farragut as long as our shields are raised, Lieutenant!”

James nodded, taking a step towards her, but before he could say anything, another boom echoed through the ship and the entire room seemed to lurch. He stumbled forward, nearly overbalancing, and then grabbing hold of her to steady himself. “What can I do to help?” He looked at her with an open expression, and La’an had trouble focussing for a second, because his hands were still on her shoulders.

La’an shook her head a little to clear it, feeling her survivor exterior snap into place. Emotions were of no use to her right now. “I don’t know what’s going on yet. Just…follow me!” Then she tore out of the room, not giving him time to respond. The ship was already quite a mess, with several crewmembers down – dead or unconscious, she did not know, but she saw Nurse Chapel already working swiftly to help. Kirk slowed down to help, but La’an said tersely, “We can’t help them, Lieutenant, medical personnel is already doing triage! We need to get to the Bridge!” She saw a pained expression flit over his face, and she remembered the conversation they had the last time he’d been on the Enterprise. The type who can’t walk past a stranger in need. “James, I promise they’ll get the help they need!” Hearing his name seemed to snap him out of it, and he nodded, continuing to match her pace. “Bridge!” she yelled at the computer as soon as they’d lurched into the Turbolift. James was breathing heavily, looking focussed as the Turbolift raced towards the Bridge.

The doors opened to chaos. Several conduits seemed to have sprung and had flooded half the Bridge with gasses, Una was in the pilot’s seat as Erica had moved to operate firing control, and Captain Pike was helping Uhura to her feet, who was bleeding profusely from a head wound. But what caught her attention more than anything else in the room, was the view screen. Hurtling through space, firing an endless stream of plasma torpedoes at them, was a Gorn hunter ship. For a moment, everything around her went very, very quiet, her breathing stopped, and her brother appeared beside her. He looked at her with a smile on his face, but blood was pouring down the side of his face. “La’an?” he said, his smile widening. “La’an!” Then she noticed the voice was not coming from him at all, but from James, who had grabbed hold of her shoulders and was shaking her. Her eyes focussed on him; his brows furrowed as he held her tight. “Are you alright?” All noise slammed back at once, and she sucked in a deep breath. James was looking at her with a look of distinct worry on his face, but she gave him a curt nod and then took a step away from him.

“Gorn ship is firing another volley! La’an, take firing control!” Erica shouted, who was a decent shot but a better pilot. La’an took her spot at phaser control and immediately started mapping out complex firing patterns.

“Lt. Kirk, welcome aboard!” Pike said, having helped Uhura to stop the bleeding. “Sorry we couldn’t give you a warmer welcome, we weren’t expecting our other guests here to show up! Would you mind helping out around here while we deal with these bastards that are shooting at my ship?”

James, who smiled despite himself, nodded, and immediately went to work on one of the damaged conduits. The battle was brutal, and they were, once again, outclassed. “Captain, we need to find cover!” La’an said, her jaw tense as she shot another volley of plasma torpedoes out of space. Immediately after, she threw a couple of photon torpedoes at the hunter ship, which it dodged deftly.

“Working on that, Lt. Noonien-Singh,” Spock said, infuriatingly calm as always. “Sir, I have a Class J planet on our sensors that seems to emit some kind of dampening field. If we hide in the upper atmosphere…”

“The Gorn shouldn’t be able to detect us,” Pike finished, nodding. “Erica, set a course.”

“Aye, sir.”

As they were coming about, La’an spotted a plasma torpedo heading straight for them, and try as she might, she couldn’t shoot it out of space. “Shit…brace for impact!” she yelled, and then held on tight to her station.

For a second it felt like the whole ship exploded around them. Even more alarms started blaring, sparks flew, and so did people. La’an barely managed to hang on to her console, as the ship shook and lurched with the force of the impact. When the worst of it died down, the ship was still there, sort of. “Damage report!” Pike shouted.

“Shields at 43%, Captain!” Spock said loudly, retaking his place and wiping blood out of his eye. “Phasers are not operational.”

La’an cursed, tapping wildly at her screen to find a way to reset them. “I need those phasers online if we want to get out of this alive, Captain!”

“I can fix it,” Kirk said, suddenly by her side and looking intently at her. He was barely visible through the gases still billowing through the bridge, but he looked alert and seemed generally unhurt, so she knew he wasn’t just saying that. “La’an, I can fix that, but we need to go now.”

La’an didn’t hesitate. Standing up so quickly that Kirk took a startled step back, she paced over to Captain Pike’s side, who was now hauling a dazed ensign off the floor. “Sir, permission to bring Lt. Kirk with me to the phaser banks. We can fix them.” Behind her, Erica had taken La’an’s spot again and Una, who looked distinctly ruffled, had retaken her position at the helm.

“Granted. Do it quickly!” Pike said, barely glancing at her and Kirk as he checked the ensign for signs of concussion.

“Aye, sir,” La’an and Kirk both shouted, as they ran towards the Turbolift. La’an ordered it down to the phaser banks.

Kirk shot her a worried look. “You alright?”

La’an frowned, annoyed. She had no time to focus on feelings when the situation was this extreme, because if she did, she would completely useless. “Of course. I’m fine.”

Sighing, Kirk turned and looked at her until she got the message and turned to look at him as well. “You didn’t seem fine back there. You seemed panicked.” He was standing in his best First Officer stance, his hands on his hips and a stern expression on his face.

Goddamn it, why was this man so good at reading her? The strange connection that had been buzzing between them ever since she’d first called him flared up again, like it had in the corridor all those months ago, like it does every time they swap stories about their perspective jobs. La’an sighed. “Look, everybody I loved died on a Gorn breeding planet when I was young. Seeing that Gorn ship brought back…unpleasant memories.”

Kirk’s face blanched, and his face was full of sympathy, something she distinctly did not need right now. He lowered his hands and had the good sense to look sheepish. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t – ”

“Of course, you didn’t,” La’an said flatly, but before he could do anything else ridiculous like try to put a hand on her shoulder, the Turbolift doors, mercifully, opened and La’an could escape this conversation. “Alright, lieutenant, let’s fix the phaser banks so we can all die another day.”

They set to work, first clearing out the rubble from the phaser tubes, the latter of which were thankfully still intact. Then La’an watched as Kirk crawled behind a bulkhead to find the reset switch. “La’an, can you check the status back there?” he asked, his voice muffled from behind the wall. La’an ran a system’s check, but still got a few reds.

“Not working yet!”

“Damn it, I see the problem, I’ve got a severed powerline. I need to reroute. Hang on.”

Several anxious moments later, some more lights started flashing green. “Got it! There are a few things not working, but…” She was cut off by another shock going through the ship, this one quite different. James appeared from behind the bulkhead, hair dishevelled and a few burn marks on his uniform, looking alarmed. “That wasn’t a plasma torpedo,” La’an said softly.

Kirk shook his head. “That was docking.”

La’an’s blood ran cold. “They’re trying to get in. We need to stop – ” At that exact moment, a different alarm blared. “Intruder alert. Intruder on deck 4.” La’an closed her eyes, fear running through her veins. “They’re inside…” She immediately grabbed her communicator. “Captain, they’re inside, I’m heading to deck 4 to head them off.”

“Acknowledged, sending Spock and any and all security personnel to you. Pike out.”

Kirk made his way over to her side, looking determined. “I’ll go, too.”

La’an shook her head, glad to have a great excuse for sending him as far away from deck 4 as possible. “You’re of much more help on the Bridge, we need a good shot up there and no offence to Erica, but you’re better. I’ve seen your file.”

James smirked at the compliment, causing La’an to roll her eyes. The man never passed up on opportunity to flirt. But then his face turned serious again. “La’an, please…”

“James, I’m Head of Security on Starfleet’s flagship, I think I can handle myself. I’ve done it before,” she said, curtly, proud of how steady her voice sounded when, in actuality, she was freaking out inside. Knowing that Spock was on his way with his logical mind and more-than-average strength was a relief.

James raised his hands in surrender. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

La’an opened her mouth to say something, couldn’t find any fitting words – how could she ever explain the depth of her feelings for him without breaking the temporal general directive? – and closed it again. Instead, she nodded, before heading out, towards deck 4. When she was almost at the Turbolift, she suddenly felt a hand close around her wrist. For a split second, her instincts nearly vaulted him over her shoulders, but Kirk was fast. He spun her around to face him, and she got a glimpse of his determined face before he kissed her.

Oh.

It was embarrassing how easy it was for La’an to completely forget the crisis they were in right now. James was kissing her, after months and months of wondering, longing, and trying to separate that James from this James in her head. He was kissing her, and it felt just as right as it had done with the other Kirk. His arms slipped around her waist, pulling her closer, and she sunk into it for a moment, giving as good as he did, but the alarms were insistent and loud. They broke apart, panting slightly. “What was – ” she began, as his forehead rested against hers briefly.

“For luck,” James said quietly, his eyes closed as if he was steeling himself for what was coming. Then he took a step back. “Be careful, La’an.” Please, his eyes seemed to say.

Mouth slightly agape in shock, La’an nodded, watching him turn away from her and jog in the other direction. It took a second or two for her mind to reboot, but then she said, “You, too!” to his retreating back. He turned around before turning the corner and smiled, as if to say of course, you know me. Which was worrisome, because she did know him, and he generally didn’t give a rat’s ass about his own safety.

Although she was about to run headfirst into a (pack of?) Gorn, so she didn’t really have grounds to talk. The Turbolift arrived and in the several seconds it took for the lift to go up to deck 4, La’an had time to panic, put herself back together and steel herself for what was to come. As the Turbolift opened, La’an immediately went to her knees and ripped open a panel behind which phasers were stored. Taking two, she stashed one in her uniform and held the other out in front of her, setting it to maximum. Then she opened her communicator. “La’an to all security personal and Mr. Spock, what is your status?”

“I have just arrived at deck 4, Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, and making my way to you now. No sight of the Gorn.”

“Do we know if it’s one Gorn or more?”

“Sensors detected a slight life sign as we were boarded but have not picked up any life signs since then. It is impossible to know how many there are.”

“Pray it’s only one.”

“Indeed.”

It was dead silent on the deck, as Captain Pike had obviously had enough of the alarms and had shut it all off. A sense of wrongness overcame her, as if she was being watched. La’an kept moving, knowing that she had to meet her people. Safety in numbers, even with the Gorn. It didn’t take long before she heard movement up ahead. She raised her phaser, moving slowly towards the sounds. If it was a Gorn she would shoot until the phaser was empty, that much she was sure about. Her heart was beating in her throat. “Lieutenant?” said a voice suddenly, and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Spock!” she whisper-yelled, embarrassed at how easy it was to rattle her. “I thought you were a Gorn, I’d nearly emptied my phaser on you.”

Spock emerged from the shadows, a single eyebrow raised. “Then I am grateful for your level of self-control. I was on my way to the science lab. I have been thinking about the last Gorn we encountered, and how we defeated them.”

La’an nodded, immediately catching on. “Cold. Liquid nitrogen.”

Spock nodded. “Indeed. If I am not mistaken there are several cannisters of liquid nitrogen to choose from.”

La’an shook her head as they advanced, wondering where her security team was. “One of these days we’re going to have a talk about hazardous materials.”

Spock raised another perfect eyebrow. “As you wish, lieutenant. Though I feel the need to point out that warp plasma is infinitely more destructive, as it…”

La’an held up her hand. “Spare me the workings of my ship. It’s helpful that you’ve got it now.” They crept into the science lab, which was thankfully abandoned for now. They worked fast, assembling a sort of liquid nitrogen bomb to throw at the Gorn when they encountered them. As she worked, she replayed the kiss with James over in her mind. It was distracting and more than once she nearly spilled some liquid nitrogen on herself. If Spock noticed, he didn’t care to comment, which she appreciated. When they were almost done, La’an flipped open her communicator. “La’an to any and all security personnel on deck 4, where are you?”

“This is Ensign Scott, we’re trapped near the Turbolift, lieutenant, there’s one Gorn outside trying to break down the door. We’ve lost D’Jal.” La’an looked up sharply, locking eyes with Spock, who looked faintly troubled by raising a single eyebrow.

“Hang tight, Ensign, Spock and I are on our way. Try to stay as far away from the door as possible!”

“Aye, lieutenant.”

 “It’s finished, lieutenant. It should at least incapacitate the Gorn enough for us to…destroy it.”

La’an remembered smashing the last one, too. She usually didn’t really enjoy violence, but that had felt good. The same fire was suddenly burning in Spock’s eyes, and she remembered how he’d lowered his inhibitions to make himself stronger against the Gorn. It seemed he was doing the same thing now. “Let’s go.”

With Spock holding the bomb, La’an took up her second phaser and used it to cover as much of their surroundings as possible, as they moved in the opposite direction to the other Turbolift. At first it was absolutely silent, and then the lights when out. “Shit,” La’an muttered, quickly turning on her flashlights. “The Gorn found a light switch.”

“I think it’s highly unlikely that…”

Was Spock being particularly Vulcan-y today, or was he always this obtuse? La’an stopped to shoot him one of her famous death stares. “Yes, obviously I meant it destroyed some conduits, Spock, it was a figure of speech.”

“Right,” Spock said, looking politely contrite. “My apologies.”

La’an turned her back on him and crept forward, slower, and more deliberate than before. Gorn could now be on literally every corner, and one false move would mean bad, possibly fatal, news. The quiet was all-encompassing, exacerbated by the darkness, and the feeling of being watched crept over La’an again.

It was an old feeling, familiar from her time on the Gorn breeding planet, and a feeling that she always tried very hard to stay away from. It usually preluded a panic attack of varying degrees of severity. She did not have time in her life for panic attacks. “Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, you have not taken a breath in at least a minute, are you alright?”

La’an took a sharp breath, the pounding in her ears suddenly proof of her lack of oxygen. “Yes. Yes, I’m – ” She shook her head, wondering how she just forgot to breathe. “No, actually, I’m not alright.”

She felt more than saw Spock nod behind her. “The Gorn are a violent species, and you’ve had more run-ins with them than most. Perhaps some comfort can be gleaned from the fact that you have survived them three separate times now.”

La’an scoffed, shaking her head to clear it. “It’s called luck. And it is going to run out.”

“Perhaps. I, myself, have never believed in luck. I must – ” But La’an cut him off with a quick hand motion and a hiss. Nearby, she could hear clicking and pounding. The Gorn, trying to get to her security team. Not today, monster. She motioned for Spock to get on the other side of the corridor with the bomb, so the Gorn would have nowhere to go, and in that formation, they approached the noise, which got more violent and louder with every step they took.

And then she saw it. A recently hatched, but already quite large Gorn was scratching and pounding at a door, which was slowly losing integrity against the onslaught of a hungry Gorn. Her breath stilled again, her heart pounding in her ears, and for a moment she froze. A soft gasp escaped her throat before she could stop herself, and the Gorn snapped its gaze towards them. “Now!” she screamed at Spock, as she locked eyes with the hungry, dead eyes she’d seen most often in her nightmares. The Gorn leapt towards them just as Spock threw the liquid nitrogen bomb at it.

The bomb exploded in mid-air, straight in the Gorn’s face, and it screeched in pain as the immediate cold washed in waves over its body and through the corridor. La’an leapt back, because though the cold should’ve frozen it solid immediately, the Gorn was still moving, and fast.

“Lieutenant, be careful – ” Spock’s shout pierced the air at the same time La’an felt something long and sharp slash across her chest. “Lieutenant!” The pain was immediate and overwhelming, and La’an fell to the floor. Someone was screaming, she registered dimly, and it took her a moment to realize it was her. The Gorn, she realized. It was still behind her. The pain was blinding her, her vision narrowing, time slowing down, but she had to get away, had to make sure the Gorn wouldn’t infect her. Letting out another scream when she moved, the pain excruciating, she turned around, only to find the Gorn right in front of her, frozen solid, its claw outstretched, parts of her uniform hanging from the talons.

“Die – you monster,” she managed to spit out, before everything went black.

--

The first thing La’an was aware of was that she was lying on a soft bed. The second thing she was aware of was…oh, she wasn’t dead. That was nice. Being alive was nice. She was warm and comfortable.

“Mr. Kirk, I assure you she is going to be all right. You do not need to stand vigil here.”

“I’m fine, Dr. M’Benga.”

That didn’t make sense. How was James here, on the Enterprise, when he was stationed on the Farragut? No, that wasn’t right. He’d come over to the Enterprise to drop his brother off after his shore-leave. And something had happened… Her brain was foggy, the sedative dr. M’Benga had given her obviously doing its work, but she was forgetting something, something important.

The Gorn.

Gasping wildly, La’an opened her eyes and sat up straight, her eyes wide. “Where is it?!” she shouted, barely aware of the pain that pierced through her sedative and shot through her body.

“La’an, it’s okay!” James was there, right next to her, his palms facing towards her to show his calm. “It’s okay, you’re safe. You’re all right.” He took a step closer, putting his hands on her shoulders, which were heaving.

“James?” she asked, her voice high pitched. Her brain was addled with drugs and panic, so she was slow on the uptake.

He nodded, smiling gently. “It’s me, La’an, it’s all right. Trust me.” His voice was soft, calm, and if the Gorn was still at large, why would he be so calm?

“It’s dead?” she said, her voice shaking as the panic slowly subsided. James nodded, raising a hand to her face, and stroking her hair back. “We killed it?”

James nodded again, leaning forward to put his forehead against hers. “Yeah, you did. It nearly took you with it.” La’an closed her eyes, the last of her panic subsiding in his calming presence. She remembered now. The liquid nitrogen bomb, the gashes, the pain. “It’s all right, La’an. You have to lay back down now, you’re still healing.” La’an looked down. She was dressed in her standard issue tank top and shorts, and she could see the gashes the Gorn had made across her chest. Dr M’Benga had done a good job on them, she thought, as she remembered in a flash how deep the cuts had been. “Please, La’an, or Dr M’Benga will have my head, I told him I wouldn’t let you overexert yourself.”

“La’an, you’re awake!” Christine entered Sickbay and immediately rushed over. “You let her get up?” she said, glaring at James, who let go of La’an reluctantly and stepped back.

“Let her? Have you met the lieutenant before, Nurse Chapel?” He locked eyes with La’an and winked at her, and La’an, inexplicably, laughed.

Christine rolled her eyes with a smile, and gently guided La’an back down. Then she set to work on examining her wounds, while James hovered nearby, leaning against the next biobed with one arm and his other hand firmly planted on his hip. La’an almost had to laugh, the man had a way with ridiculous stances in every timeline. “You’ll be all right, lieutenant. The cuts were very deep, and it was a bit touch and go for a while, but we managed to stem the bleeding and repair most of the damage. The rest must heal on its own. We can use a dermal regenerator for the scars when…”

“No,” La’an said curtly, causing both Christine and James to look at her in surprise. “No dermal regenerators. I need to remember this.”

Christine looked like she wanted to argue, but then thought better off it. “Alright. Well, there’s nothing more you can do but rest. I’ll give you another small sedative and leave you in the capable hands of your guard here.” She shot an amused look in James’s direction before administering another hypospray to La’an and heading off to M’Benga’s office. La’an was in too much pain to really object to the sedation, so instead she turned to look at James, who pushed off from the biobed to stand next to hers. He looked down at her with the softest expression she’d ever seen on his smug face. “My guard?” she asked, bemused.

He laughed sheepishly, scratching behind his ear with a blush on his face. She’d never seen him this shy before. “I – I may have been here nearly non-stop for two days?”

La’an’s eyes widened. He’d done what? “Why? Wait, two days?” There were too many questions swirling in her brain at once, and she suddenly felt very dizzy. “Ow,” she muttered, grabbing her head.

He was kneeling beside her in a flash, his hands stroking her arm gently, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration. “What can I do?”

La’an laughed despite the pain, and she turned her head to look at him. She lifted a single hand to rest on his cheek, a gesture of affection she would not usually deal out so easily, but her inhibitions were lowered, and this man had been at her bedside for two whole days. “You’re already doing it, James. Thank you.” She closed her eyes and let the feel of his soft hands running up and down her arm lull her into a superficial slumber. She was warm, and she felt safe, and it was probably the sedatives starting to work, but it felt nice. It wasn’t often that felt safe.

When she next woke up, James was asleep on a chair beside her, his head resting on her biobed, one hand resting in hers, and it was dark in Sickbay. She smiled. She wasn’t sure how long she’d slept, but somehow, she was very sure that he hadn’t moved much except to get a chair. “James,” she said, rolling on her side to face him properly, and squeezing his hand. “James, wake up.”

He woke slowly, and blinked into the semi-darkness as he looked up. “La’an,” his voice was rough with sleep. “How are you feeling?” He lifted a hand to her face, letting his thumb trace the side of her face gently.

La’an closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation. “’m fine.” They gazed at each other for a while, and as they did so, at least twenty different questions popped into her head. “James, why did you…kiss me?”

James averted his gaze with a smile, before looking back up and letting his thumb trace lower, across her bottom lip. “I admit, it was slightly dramatic in the heat of the moment, but…I’ve been wanting to for quite some time, ever since you called me James even though we had barely spoken more than 5 minutes. And then we got that drink, and I got to know you, and I just…I really like you, La’an Noonien-Singh. So when it was a crisis situation and you were about to run headfirst into danger, I thought…now or never.”

“Mmm. Quite presumptuous of you, Lt. Kirk,” she said, her voice teasing and a smile on her face. She moved a bit closer to him, and he slid his hand in her neck, their noses now almost touching.

James shot her a charming half-smile, his eyes flicking down to her lips a few times. “I don’t seem to remember you complaining much, Lt. Noonien-Singh.”

La’an raised one shoulder, suppressing a wince as her scars pulled painfully. “Well, I was caught by surprise.”

“Hmm, that’s not very chivalrous of me,” James whispered, his lips ghosting over hers.

La’an shook her head. “No, not very,” she murmured, and then she closed the distance. It was wonderful, to be able to kiss him freely, after having wanted to for months, having to sort out which of her feelings were real and which of her feelings were left over from the deleted timeline, and finally being unable to figure out how to even go about forming a connection with him. She let her hand wander into his hair, finding it soft and a little smushed together from sleeping against the biobed. His hand snuck into her hair as well, which was hanging loose, free of her usual braids, and she wondered if her hair was just as messy as his. Then she found herself not caring at all, because his mouth was soft against hers, and he was moving closer, moving to put his hand on the bed behind her, causing her to roll onto her back. He was standing now, one hand on the back of her head, protecting her from hitting anything, the other bracketing her, and she felt once again protected and safe.

They were lost in the kiss, were ignoring her injuries, and ignoring the trauma she’d just been through, but it couldn’t last long. A throat cleared behind from somewhere behind James, and they broke apart, gasping. Dr M’Benga stood there, looking equal parts disapproving and amused. “I’m afraid none of this comes under the heading of ‘resting’, Lt. Noonien-Singh.”

La’an felt her cheeks burning, as she lifted her hand to touch her lips, which were tingling. “I’m sorry, Dr M’Benga, we were…”

James was standing next to her biobed, looking both guilty and exceedingly pleased with himself. “This is my fault, Dr M’Benga, my apologies.”

M’Benga looked at him, his gaze stern. “You are free to remain here, Lt. Kirk, but I’ll thank you to let my patient rest.”

James nodded solemnly. “Yes, doctor.”

“Good night, lieutenants.”

“Good night,” they both said sheepishly, as M’Benga left Sickbay. James let out a slightly embarrassed chuckle. “I’m sorry,” he said, sitting back down on the chair, close enough to hold her hand but too far to continue their very pleasurable exploits. Now that the rush of adrenaline was fading again, La’an could feel her wounds throbbing with pain. “You okay?”

La’an shook her head as she pressed her hand to her chest, expecting to come away with blood, but finding nothing. It hurt like it was bleeding. “I was…a little overenthusiastic.” She opened her eyes to him staring down at her with a soft smile. “What?”

“Nothing,” James said, shaking his head as if to clear it. He leaned forward and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, so gentle that it ached. “Get some sleep, La’an.”

La’an grabbed his hand before he could pull it back and held it against her cheek for a moment. “Promise me you will, too?”

“I can sleep here.”

She squeezed his hand to shut him up, then looked up at him with her best Chief of Security-glare. “James, you’ve been here for over two days now. You need a bed. I’ll still be here in the morning, because I don’t think these wounds will heal as fast as I want them to.” Then she kissed his palm, noting with some satisfaction that his breath caught. “Thank you for not leaving me these past few days. But I will never forgive myself if worrying about me causes you to collapse from exhaustion.”

“La’an Noonien-Singh, who knew you had a flair for the dramatic?” he said with a light tease, then got to his feet and leaned over her. “Alright, I’ll go get some sleep. Good night, La’an.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, sending butterflies soaring through La’an stomach. It was very embarrassing, having feelings.

“Good night, James.” James smiled and then exited the Sickbay, leaving La’an alone with her embarrassing number of feelings.

The sedative worked wonders, however, because with no further distractions in the form of handsome men, her brain got foggy again. Her brain spooled past the last couple of days, in which James played a large part, and the Gorn was conveniently clouded in vague memories. She could still feel James’ lips pressed against hers, his fingers tracing her neck, her arm, his mouth…

She let out a giggle (La’an Noonien-Singh didn’t giggle, for crying out loud), and then sleep overtook her.

#star trek #star trek snw #strange new worlds #snw #ka'an #la'an noonien singh #james t kirk #ka'an ff #ka'an fanfic #star trek ff #star trek fanfic #lilysfics

[titanicnerd-blog]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James T. Kirk/La'an Noonien-Singh Characters: James T. Kirk, La'an Noonien-Singh Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s02e03 Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow (Star Trek: Strange New Worlds), Toronto, THE WATCH, Pregnancy, does kirk die or not?, I'll leave it up to you to decide, is this a dream or not?, once again you decide, Episode: s02e09 Subspace Rhapsody (Star Trek: Strange New Worlds) Summary:

There are dreams and then there are dreams OF HIM. OF THEM.

This is a new one for La'An.

Gifted to @curvymommy70

#la'an x kirk #kirk x la'an #la'an noonien singh #james t kirk #ka'an #star trek strange new worlds #st snw #star trek fanfic #on ao3 #ao3 fanfic #i will go down with this ship #la'an deserves EVERYTHING GOOD AND WONDERFUL #ka'an my beloveds

[chiefnooniensingh]

I think I'm gonna love you (for a long, long time)

Pairing: La'an Noonien-Singh/James T. Kirk

Rating: E

Summary: “Buy me a drink next time we’re on Starbase together.” La'an and Jim are finally on Starbase together, able to get that drink that was promised. Will lightning strike twice?

A/N: I had a lot of issues with the smut because a) I'm pretty sure I'm ace, b) haven't written smut in a good long while, c) haven't gotten laid in a good long while. But I'm very pleased with how it came out. Enjoy yourself!

AO3

“Buy me a drink next time we’re on Starbase together.”

It’s not like La’an hadn’t badgered the living daylights out of Sam these last few weeks, for every scrap of information about this timeline’s James Insane Middle Name Kirk. She knew a lot about him now. His inability to accept a lost cause. His penchant to flirt with everything with a heartbeat (she had to admit, that one stung a bit. Which was insane because they weren’t anything to each other in this timeline). His absolute dedication to Starfleet and the resulting skirmishes he’d gotten himself into. If Sam wondered why La’an suddenly showed so much interest in his brother she’d never met, he didn’t ask.

She did prepare for this moment. She really did. But seeing the USS Faragut docked next to the Enterprise still sent a rush of nerves through her. It was ridiculous. Like she was a teenager about to see her crush, not a decorated abuse survivor, she spent the first two days picking up her Padd and putting it back down again, her finger hovering over his name for several long moments.

In the end it was Una who called her out on it, because who else would have the nerve? “Who or what is on your Padd that has you reaching for it every other minute?” she asked, after La’an had indeed reached for her Padd for the 10th time during their meal.

La’an sighed, biting the inside of her cheek in frustration. It was accutely annoying that she couldn’t talk to those closest to her about her experiences in the alternate timeline. She was sure Una would not only understand, but also know what to do about her predicament. “It’s just...” Words were failing her. “I’ve had an experience recently. It…changed me.”

“Is this when you arrived in a strange leather outfit on the Bridge?” Una asked, eyeing her shrewdly. La’an’s breath stilled in her throat, and she gaped at Una. Was she that obvious? “Oh please,” Una said, waving her look away, “I’ve known you longer than most. You looked like you’d seen a ghost. And you’ve been distant and quiet ever since.”

La’an looked down at her hands, her fingers fidgeting as she tried to find the words. “I…saw things…experienced things…that day. I was told not to tell.”

“Oh god,” Una groaned, sitting back and taking an annoyed sip of her tea. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with time travel, would it?”

La’an looked up sharply. She knew Una was smart, but the way the Commander sometimes seemed to know more than was possible, was unnerving. “How the…”

“I’ve had some run-ins with the future and the past,” Una said, glancing at something over La’an’s shoulder. La’an tried not to look, but was very aware of the loud voices of Captain Pike and Lieutenant Ortegas rising up from the table behind them. “La’an, you don’t have to tell me anything. But whatever you went through, it was important enough to change you. If there’s something you need to do now, you should do it. What is stopping you?”

La’an nodded slowly, her eyes moving away from Una’s face and to her Padd. She knew what was stopping her. James didn’t remember her. For him, nothing ever happened. How would she ever, ever explain her fixation with him? La’an let out a disbelieving breath as she realized the feeling that was holding her back: fear. She was afraid. La’an Noonien-Singh faced off with the Gorn on multiple occassions, but a meeting with a boy made her more afraid to pick up a Padd than a phaser. This was ridiculous. “I’ll explain everything to you later, I promise,” La’an said, suddenly jumping up and grabbing her Padd in one fluid movement.

Una smiled, her eyes twinkling in a way that made La’an believe she had realized what this all was about. Una was way too perceptive for her own good. “I’m looking forward to it. Go on.” She jerked her chin to the exit, and off La’an went, opening a connection to the Starbase network.

“Computer, locate Lieutenant James T. Kirk.”

“Lieutenant James T. Kirk is on Deck 10, subsection 5.”

La’an found the nearest turbolift, got in, and then stared at the controls for a second, gathering some more strength. “Deck 10,” she finally told the lift, hating how much her voice was trembling. La’an wasn’t usually a nervous person. She bullied emotions like that into submission long before they had a chance to ruin her day. But she couldn’t run away from this. She was on her way to meet a man she’d never met, who meant more to her than most people did.

What a mind-job, she thought, and couldn’t help but chuckle as the turboliftdoors opened to Deck 10–

–and she ran right into one very surprised James T. Kirk.

La’an, who’d never been at a loss for words in her career, could only gape at him as he looked at her, and then smiled an easy smile she recognized from his other self. Her stomach did a summer sault without her permission. “La’an Noonien-Singh!” he said, sounding pleased.

“Jam – er, Lt. Kirk!” she managed to stutter out, as she stepped aside to let him into the turbolift with her.

“Deck 2,” Kirk told the turbolift, and they whooshed off. “It’s good to finally meet you in person, Lieutenant. Has my brother been behaving himself?” Another charming smile lit up his face, and just like that, La’an felt herself relax.

“Well, according to him, it’s you who’s the more troublesome Kirk brother,” La’an said, feeling her face split into a teasing grin.

Kirk closed his eyes in mock hurt and laughed. “No fair, he’s had the advantage of several missions with you to make me look bad!”

La’an laughed, too, startling herself a little. “I should be sorry to believe half of his ridiculous stories.”

“Well,” Kirk said, rubbing a hand across his neck, shooting her a bashful look through his eyelashes, “I’m pretty sure at least half of them are true. But at least allow me the opportunity to set the record straight. I might be a troublemaker, but he is no saint. I was just on my way to the bar. Join me, so you can buy me that drink you promised?”

Damn, he was a smooth talker in any timeline. La’an felt her cheeks redden a bit as she remembered their banter over hotdogs. “I distincly remember you arrogantly presuming I’d buy you that drink,” she said, her voice laced with laughter as he faked another hurt look, “but you’ve got me intrigued about Sam. Alright, Lieutenant. I’ll buy you that drink.”

Kirk’s answering smile was enough to brighten up the whole turbolift.

----

“You can’t possibly expect me to believe that Sam Kirk stole your mum’s car? And then drove it of a cliff?!”

Kirk laughed, taking a sip from his brandy, and holding up his hands. “Hey, if you don’t believe me, ask him yourself! The man is a terrible liar, you’ll sniff him right out!”

La’an put down her own drink to protect it from spilling. She couldn’t remember ever having laughed so much in a single night, but every anecdote Kirk told was as hilarious as the last, and it seemed he never grew tired of sharing them and making her laugh. Whenever she did laugh, she noticed his eyes lighting up as he looked at her, as if he was singularly enjoying her joy. It was usually hard to keep her old and new memories separate, but she hadn’t thought about the other timeline’s Kirk for quite a while. This Kirk was very adept at making her forget pretty much everything. “My god, I am going to make his life hell the next time I do a routine inspection. Underneath his bed, you say?”

Kirk nodded with a grin, turning slightly in the booth they were occupying and leaning closer conspiratorily. “He has never changed his hiding spot. My brother, though I love him, of course, is very preditable and very easy to tease.”

“I’m not sure any of these stories should go in his permanent record, but thank you for sharing them either way, Lieutenant.”

Kirk’s grin softened into a smile. “La’an, why don’t you just call me Jim? We’re both off duty here.”

Hearing her name spoken that softly sent a whole new host of feelings coursing through her body, but she clamped them down. “Alright. Jim.” It felt strange – how right that felt. She’d called the other Kirk James. But somehow that didn’t feel right with this Kirk. Jim was much more fititng for the man sitting across from her, telling stories, caring not a lick about who she was or why she’d called him with the strangest and most mundane question ever. “Thank you, Jim. I can’t remember having this much fun in a while.”

Kirk cocked his head, looking at her with narrowed, searching eyes. “Come on, that can’t be true.”

“It’s true,” La’an said, tearing her gaze away from his and staring at the table. “Other people are…usually difficult for me.” Oh God, she thought horrified. She’d had this exact conversation with him in another life. Another time. Another him. “There’s always been this barrier, and it gets…lonely. But you…”

It wasn’t fair. What she was doing to herself, what she was expecting him to say. She wasn’t being fair to either of them, but she didn’t seem to be able to stop the words from pouring out of her. And apparently, he was more like his counterpart than she thought, because he smiled, ducking his head, and said, “Me? I’m…special?”

La’an laughed, her heart in her throat. “Well, no. But yes. A bit of both?” She shook her head to get rid of the memories, then looked up into his eyes. She was shocked by how sincerely he was paying attention to her, singularly focussed on every line. “Anyway. I don’t usually get to have fun like this, even when on shore leave, so thank you.”

Jim raised his glass to her. “Well, it was my absolute pleasure.” She raised her own glass as well and took a sip. Somehow, she’d missed when he moved his arm to rest on the back of the couch they were sharing, his hand now resting inches from her shoulder. She wondered if he did it on purpose, then scolded herself for hoping. Then again, her leg had definitely brushed his on several occassions during the evening. All on accident, of course.

For the first time that evening, she looked up. The bar was a lot emptier than it had been when they arrived, and when she checked the time she was shocked to notice it was well past midnight. They’d been sitting here for the better part of four hours and she hadn’t noticed at all. Though on shore leave, La’an had planned a surprise inspection of the lower decks in the morning, but she could already tell that wasn’t going to happen. Her head was buzzing with the small amount of alcohol she had consumed, and her heart was racing with the proximity to Jim. She’d wondered how much he would be like his alternate self. He was close enough for her feelings to be still there, but far enough that it didn’t hurt to look at him as much as she had expected. He was still looking at her as he was finishing his brandy, and shot her another smile when he did. “We seem to be overstaying our welcome,” he whispered conspiratorily, leaning in closer to her and jerking his head towards the bar. She looked surreptitiously in that direction, and saw the bartender shooting them exasperated looks. “If we order another drink, do you think they’ll try to phaser us?”

La’an turned back to him to answer but was stopped short when she noticed how much closer he was now leaning. His hand was also very lightly touching her arm now. Clearing her throat, ignoring the burning sensation even that lightest touch was causing, she forced a chuckle. “I think we’d better not risk it. I rather like this place and would hate to be banned.”

Jim still hadn’t moved, his face now so close to hers that she could feel his breath. It carried a hint of the brandy he was drinking. “Good point,” he conceded, and then, seemingly with tremendous effort, pulled himself out of the booth. “Allow me to walk you to your quarters?” He extended his hand for her to take.

La’an would usually have denied. She didn’t need an escort, she was perfectly able to take care of herself, thank you very much. But she didn’t want this night to end. Her experiences with the alternate Jim aside, this had truly been a wonderful night, and she wondered how long it would be until she’d experience another. Everything ends, but she could delay their parting a bit longer. So she took his hand and allowed him to pull her out of the booth. She felt the loss when he let go. They walked together, slowly, both clearly unwilling for this night to end. Jim followed La’an’s lead, even when she took the long way ‘round to the Enterprise. He didn’t comment on that fact, merely kept up the steady stream of conversation the entire way to the ship. The ship was empty when they entered, the night shift well under way and everyone else either on Starbase or in their quarters. They fell silent automatically, as if the ship being on night shift somehow meant they had to be quiet.

“La’an, when you said there’s always been a barrier, what did you mean?” Jim asked, startling La’an out of her quiet enjoyment. She looked at him from the corner of her eyes and saw him looking at her intently.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t know?” La’an said, deflecting. She didn’t really want to talk about it, but also didn’t want to stop him from talking.

Jim nodded pensively. “Your name.” La’an nodded. They stepped into the Turbolift and were quiet all the way to her deck. “What makes me different, then?” he asked, when they stepped off the Turbolift on her deck.

More than I can ever tell you, La’an thought, but instead she said, “Since the first second we talked, you’ve never treated me different because of my last name. Almost everybody else starts out distrusting, sometimes even hating. But not you. You didn’t even blink.”

Jim nodded as they slowly made their way to her quarters. “I’ve never been a fan of judging someone because of their family. Genetics mean nothing. We’re all born with the capacity for good and evil. It’s our choices that define us, not our blood.”

La’an chuckled softly. “You’re the second person to say that to me recently.”

“Well, I am very wise,” Jim said, his tone once again teasing, causing La’an to laugh.

“Sure.” The mock hurt look crossed his face again and La’an shook her head with a smile. “Anyway. My last name has always been a…scarlet letter…” What the hell are you doing, she scolded at herself, but the words were already out of her mouth… “…my whole life. It’s nice to have someone treat me like I’m not wearing it.”

He looked at her, confused. Seriously? “Really? Hawthorne? Late 19th century Earth?” She was having an intense amount of deja-vu. She decided to push it. “It’s about a, eh - a woman who’s marked. Like the mark of Cain.” Again he pulled that perfectly innocent confused face. The most frustrating thing was that she still didn’t know if he was joking, because this Jim was not the other one. He might actually not have read it. They came to a halt in front of her door, and she narrowed her eyes at him. “You’ve never heard of…?”

Jim laughed, but not at her. Just…at his own stupid joke. “Yes, obviously I’ve heard of Hawthorne and the Old Testament.” He stepped closer to her, invading her personal space, forcing her to tilt her head slightly to maintain eye contact.

And suddenly, La’an knew exactly what was about to happen.

“I’m messing with you,” he said softly.

La’an had had enough. Her heart was racing a mile a minute, but she kept her eyes on him. His pupils were blown wide as he stared at her intensely. “You asshole,” she whispered, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling him in. Their lips met, and La’an melted. This kiss was nothing like the other one. In fact. In fact. La’an could barely even remember alternate James right now. This kiss was heated, full of promise and an evening of built up tension, and he was kissing her as enthousiastically as she felt. She wrapped her arms around his neck, as Jim slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him as he deepened their kiss. She felt him pressed against every single inch of her body, and she thought she might burn up if she didn’t do something, anything, more. She ran a hand through his short hair, finding leverage as she pushed up on her tiptoes to get closer, to feel more of him. She felt more than heard him chuckle, the vibrations going through her like music. When she didn’t think she could stand another second without some air, she broke their kiss, keeping her forehead pressed against his. They were both breathing heavily, and Jim was still holding onto her waist tightly. “Do you want…” La’an said, her breathing embarassingly laboured. “Do you want to come in?” Her hand was already moving towards the lock.

Jim held her in place for a moment, his lips ghosting over hers, enticingly, seductively. “Yes,” he said softly, before kissing her again in a way that sent an electric shock from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. La’an reached blindly towards the lock of her door, had to give it three tries, but then opened the door and they stumbled inside, trying to stay as close together as possible and create enough space to get rid of some clothes at the same time. “La’an…” Jim muttered when she finally got rid of her jacket and she was just wearing her black tanktop. His hands ran up her sides, exploring, soaking her in, causing goose bumps to erupt all over her skin. La’an gasped as he lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist automatically. “I’ve been wanting to do this all night,” he said as he buried his face in her neck, kissing and licking and sucking his way up towards her mouth. La’an scoffed, and Jim pulled his head back to look at her. His gaze was deadly serious. “You don’t believe me?”

“You hardly know me.”

Jim lifted a single shoulder. “Every time I made you laugh, I felt like I got some private view of you that nobody else gets to see. Every time your leg accidentally brushed mine I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. You underestimate the effect you have on me. And how much I want you to be wearing much less clothes than you are right now.”

La’an squealed (thank God Una wasn’t around to hear this) as he moved quickly across her room, deposited her on the couch and starting working on undoing her pants. “Jim…” she whispered, cheeks flushing at how needy she sounded. She reached out, touching his face, and he got the message. He surged up to kiss her again, his mouth hungry but soft, allowing her to set the pace and giving her room to pull back should she want to.

She really, really didn’t want to. With one hand in his hair, the other traveled downwards to his pants. She attempted to undo it, but in the proces brushed right over his crotch, and she felt exactly how much truth was behind his words. He gasped at her touch, pressing his face against her neck with a groan. “La’an, I swear to God…” he said, his voice already broken. She’d barely even touched him yet. A rush of power surged through La’an. She was doing that to serial womanizer Jim Kirk. It was euphoric, her eyes rolling in the back of her head as she let out a giggle.

So many things she would never, ever tell another living soul she was capable off.

Her laughter died out quickly, because he’d managed to undo her pants and hadn’t waited to pull it down before moving his hand to where she needed him most, thrusting first one, then soon after two fingers inside her. His thumb traced lightly but surely over her clit. With a whine, La’an arched her back at his touch. Jim kissed his way down her body, smiling against her belly at the noises he was drawing out of her with every move of his hand.

It didn’t take long. Her body had been on edge the entire night (the accidental touches had had their effect on her as well), and Jim worked her expertly, touching her exactly how she needed it. Needed him. She fell apart with his name on her lips, a sound which he immediately swallowed with a kiss. “You’re even more beautiful when you come undone beneath me,” he whispered hoarsely. La’an laughed as her heartrate slowly returned to normal and her breathing slowed down. Jim looked down at her with a big smile, removing his hand from between her legs (she didn’t whine at the loss, she did not).

“You’re entirely too good at that,” she said, when she finally caught her breath. Jim leant down, capturing her mouth in a soft kiss. It sent a tingle straight to her belly and her breath shuddered as she kissed him back languidly. “Jim…”

“I hope you’ll let me stay a little longer, because I – ” Jim said, moving to kiss her neck, “– am – ” kiss “– not – ” kiss “– done with you.” La’an couldn’t believe this was happening; not by any stretch of the imagination did she think she would’ve ended up with Jim Kirk in her quarters when she went to find him earlier today.

But she’d spent enough time underneath him for now. Grinning mischievously, she put her hands on his shoulders and flipped him over. He landed with an oof against the back of the couch. She climbed on his lap, putting her legs on either side of his thighs. His eyes were wide as he looked up at her, his hands landing on the back of her legs. “I hope you’ll stay a while,” La’an said, winding her hands in his hair and tilting his head back, “because I’m not done with you, either.” Then she slammed her mouth against his. His fingers dug into the flesh of her legs in response. She felt him groan as she nipped at his bottom lip, and another rush of power went through her.

“Fuck, La’an, you’re going to be the end of me,” he rasped when they broke apart. His hands slid a bit higher, grabbing her ass and pulling her closer still. “You know, it’s strange…” he continued, as he kept staring up into her eyes, hardly blinking. “…and this is going to sound like a line…but I have this really strange feeling that I know you – have known you for longer than tonight.”

La’an felt her heart begin to race. “Well, maybe we went to the Academy together.” It sounded flimsy, even to her. But there was no earthly – timely? – way that he had any memories of a timeline that never existed.

Jim shook his head, then raised his hand to cup her cheek. “I would definitely have remembered you. You are…mesmerizing.”

La’an blushed, but managed a laugh. “Okay, that was definitely a line.”

Then Jim smirked, and the weird deja-vu moment was over. “Alright, maybe,” he teased, pulling her down with a hand in her neck, “But I do mean it.” He kissed her again, sloppy and hungry, which she felt to the tips of her toes. She moaned into his mouth, causing his hips to jerk in response. “And I love the sounds you make. Can I please take you to bed now?”

La’an pushed herself up from his lap with more reluctance than she’d ever admit, and stood over him with her hands on her hips. “These are my quarters, Lieutenant Kirk. I believe I shall take you to bed.” Then she divested herself from her pants and tank top, and turned her back to him, walking towards her bed with an extra sway in her hips.

“Fuck,” she heard him mutter, before he scrambled to his feet and followed her.

Later La’an would blush and wonder how she’d ever gotten this bold. But she’d been driven out of her mind with want, and thoughts had a way of not taking root in her head. The only thing going through her head was how much she wanted him, and how much he seemed to want her. She turned to face him again, finding him closer than expected, which caused her breath to catch. Jim put his hands on her hips, pressed his forehead against hers, and everything seemed to slow down for a moment. They swayed like that together, breathing each other in, and La’an was hit again with that same feeling of rightness, of comfort, that she’d felt with his other self. She wondered if that meant anything. She also couldn’t get herself to unpack that right now. “Jim?”

“Mmm?”

“You’re wearing far too many clothes.”

Jim smirked. “Yes, ma’am.” Without any more protest, he undid his shirt and tossed it over his shoulder. Then he got rid of his pants, leaving only his boxers to give her imagination something to do.

La’an stared, breathless. She remembered seeing him in the dressing room after he took off the sweater, and feeling flustered and a little bit attracted to him. That same feeling overwhelmed her now. She remembered wanting to run her hands down the planes of his chest. And then she realized that she actually could now. He was breathing hard and she felt his breath hitch when she put her hands on his chest. As frantic as the first couple of minutes of this night had been, now they’d slowed it down. La’an’s senses were heightened more than usual, and she was extremely aware of every move Jim’s body made. Jim lifted his hand to her shoulder and slowly slipped his fingers underneath the strap of her bra, keeping his eyes fixed on hers. She gazed back, sure and unafraid, and allowed him to inch the strap down her arm. He leaned down and started trailing kisses over her shoulder in the wake of her bra strap, causing La’an’s breath to hitch. He then reached around and undid her bra with deft fingers. Her breath caught again as she allowed her bra to drop. Jim let his eyes roam across her, and La’an fought her instinct to cover herself up.

But he smiled, letting his large hands roam across the skin of her back. “You’re beautiful,” Jim whispered, before running a single finger across her nipple. La’an gasped, trembling. “You’re so reactive.” He sounded absolutely delighted by that fact. He was gazing down at her with a sly smirk.

La’an grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around and pushed him down onto the bed. “My turn,” she said, moving to straddle his hips. Jim immediately let his hands wander up her legs and to her hips, his own hips jerking involuntarily.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, his voice rough and gravelly. The sound went straight through her to a place low in her stomach, and La’an didn’t resist the urge to lean over him and kiss him senseless. When she rolled her hips, he groaned against her mouth, tightening his grip on her hips. “La’an…” The way he said her name drove her out of her mind. She had to do something right now, or she might just burst out of her skin. She climbed off him for a moment, and enjoyed the whine he let out at the loss of contact, but used the wider range of motion to rid herself of her underwear, and to start to work on his. He got the message quickly, and moved to help her. Then he immediately pulled her back on top of her, clearly as eager as she was to have as little space between them as possible.

He pulled her down to him for a searing kiss. Their bodies were practically flush together, naked skin to naked skin, but it wasn’t nearly enough. After months of wanting, La’an was aching for him in ways she hadn’t experienced in…well, maybe ever. He seemed to be feeling the same, because he put his hands on her hips as he broke the kiss, looking up at her, eyes blazing. “La’an, I need you,” he whispered, pulling her down against him by her hips, causing them both to groan at the contact.

“Jim…” she gasped, her hands flying to his hair. She lifted her hips, letting the tip of him slide through her folds. “God…”

Jim’s fingers tightened on her hips. “You’re so wet,” he gasped out. La’an leaned down to kiss him, and as she did so, she slowly lowered herself down on him. “Holy mother of God…” he groaned, his grip on her hips now bruising. La’an’s hands dug into the sheets underneath them in an effort to keep any semblance of control about her, but it was a losing battle. Even more so when he bucked his hips and slowly started moving.

I can’t believe this is actually happening, La’an thought, waves of pleasure washing over her as she pressed her face into his neck, moaning softly. She moved her hips slowly, in time with his thrusts, and it was almost torture. La’an couldn’t figure out if she needed things to speed up or if this slow, gentle pace was exactly what she needed. Maybe both could be true. Her brain was hardly supplying any helpful input, it was almost exclusively sending out static noise of pure pleasure. She was making a whole slew of noises which she could only sort of identity; she was pretty sure his name tumbled from her lips most frequently. He was muttering, too, sweet nothings and something dirtier in her ear as he kept thrusting, his hands coming up to bracket her face and kiss her again  “Jim…” she moaned, as he hit a particular spot inside of her, which caused her to throw her head back in ecstasy. “Jim, please…more…”

“More?” Jim said, hoarsely, sounding wrecked and smug at the same time. “Yes, ma’am, more coming right up.” In one smooth, fluid motion, he grabbed her around the waist and spun them around so that he was now hovering over her. They stared at each other for a moment, breaths laboured, and then Jim kissed her, running his hands up the sides of her body all the way to her hands, which he then pinned to the mattress above her head. La’an was never going to admit to the sound that escaped her mouth at that.

Their pace picked up after that. Their fingers entwined, and a broken moan came from Jim as he buried his face in her neck. They held onto each other as if letting go would mean being set adrift in the cold emptiness of space, and the only thing keeping them warm was the feel of each other’s bodies moving together, in sync, frantic, sloppy. La’an felt a pressure built somewhere behind her navel, but it wasn’t enough, not nearly enough, and she whined, not able to put words to what she wanted. It was like Jim read her mind though. He let one of her hands go and slipped his now free hand between their bodies to again find her clit. His fingers moved expertly, and this was what La’an was missing. The only sounds coming out of her mouth now were disjointed words, moans and sometimes his name. She had no control over what her brain and her body were doing, and it was wonderful. For the first time in a long, long time, her overactive brain was minding its own business, allowing her to enjoy everything happening to her body right now. “Come on, La’an…” Jim whispered in her ear, at which the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. “Come with me…”

And that was it.

With a sob, La’an crashed over some invisible precipice, wrapping her arms around Jim’s neck to anchor herself. Her own orgasm seemed to trigger his; he followed not two seconds after, capturing her lips in a bruising kiss, swallowing her cries.

Slowly, very slowly, La’an’s consciousness returned to her, finding Jim with his face pressed against her chest, still gasping, and yet also managing to press kisses to her damp skin in between. La’an couldn’t for the life of her remember the last time she had been so satisfied; her entire body was buzzing with electricity, overly sensitive to even the lightest touch in the best way.

Jim was the first one to find his voice. Sort of. “That…that was…” He was still breathing hard, and he seemed to have difficulty focussing. He lifted his head to look at her, his eyes shining bright, his brows slightly furrowed as if confused. “Jesus,” he breathed, before surging up to kiss her again. La’an, sated and content, felt a slight tug in her stomach as he did; his kisses were phenomenal.

La’an was the first to find her voice and to be able to form actual sentences. “So, that happened,” she said, her voice surprisingly steady. Jim nodded, laughing softly, as he nuzzled her cheek. He seemed uneager to move off of her, but she was also feeling the height and weight difference he had on her. She pushed his shoulder lightly, and, getting the hint, he rolled off of her. She followed him immediately however, giving in to the desire to stay close to him. She rested her head on his chest as his arm came around her, pulling her close. He burried his nose in her hair, which sent a whole new flock of butterflies through La’an’s belly.

They were silent for a long time, both of them coming down from their high, both of them basking in the pleasure of what had just tranpsired. It was Jim who broke the silence first. “Are you alright?” he asked.

La’an frowned, looking up at him, finding him looking slightly worried. “What do you mean?” She raised her hand to run a finger down the side of his face, a movement which had Jim leaning into the touch.

“Just that I can…forget myself, sometimes.” Jim closed his eyes for a moment before looking straight at her. “I’m sure Sam has told you that my feelings can get the better of me. Make me…impulsive sometimes. Unthinking.” He slipped his hand in her neck, his thumb stroking the side of his face. “I hope I didn’t…”

“Hurt me?” La’an supplied. She smiled when he nodded, turning her head to kiss the palm of his hand. “Jim…what about me says ‘I will let someone hurt me without repercussions’?”

Jim stared at her for a second, stunned, but then burst into laughter. “That’s a valid point, Lieutenant La’an Noonien-Singh.”

La’an pushed herself up on one arm so she could look down at him. “So, Lieutenant James Tiberius Kirk, why don’t you just shut up and kiss me before you say something else ridiculous?”

Jim moved his hand into her hair and tightened his grip, making La’an gasp. The fire that had been doused for a few minutes raged again in her stomach, and La’an’s lips parted. Jim’s eyes flicked down, his gaze darkening. “Yes, ma’am,” he said, his voice low, and then he pulled her down hard, crushing his mouth to hers. La’an swung her leg over his torso and got settled. “Comfortable?” he asked with a grin when they broke apart for a few moments.

La’an put her hands on his chest to keep him down against the mattrass, teasing him a little. “Very.” She moved her hands up to his hair, winding her hands in the soft strands, and then tightening her grip. He moaned softly, which delighted La’an to no end. “Mmm, ready for round two, Lieutenant Kirk?”

Jim smiled up at her, his hands moving up to her bare breasts. La’an gasped, arching into his touch. “Very much so, Lieutenant Noonien-Singh.”

Laughing, La’an leaned back down to kiss him.

Round two.

#star trek snw #strange new worlds #snw fanfic #snw ff #ka'an fanfic #ka'an #ka'an ff #lilysfics #lenievi #i have struggled with the smut until 4am yesterday #and all day today

[chiefnooniensingh]

Let go, be vulnerable

Summary: Sparring fic for Jim and La'an.

A/N: For the sake of ease, we're going to ignore the bomb Kirk dropped in 2x09.

Rating: T

A03

La’an had a way of making life very difficult for herself.

And it’s not like the universe didn’t conspire against her to already make her life difficult. But then she’d run into a problem of a more...personal nature, she would self-sabotage, and wind up with a whole new host of problems.

Case in point: falling for a certain Lieutenant right after losing an alternate timeline version of him.

‘Love was best kept at a distance’ had been her mantra since she’d lost her whole family on that breeding planet. She was not ready to allow it closer.

James Kirk, however, seemed to be everywhere now. For someone not assigned to the Enterprise, the man appeared in the Transporter Room more than was usual. Sometimes, when she went to find some food in the mess hall, he'd be sitting at the bar with his brother, or Uhura, or someone else, laughing and sharing a drink. Once, she'd even gone up to one of the Jeffries Tubes to fix a broken conduit only to find him fixing it. She broke the record of climbing out of Jeffries Tube 6 that day.

A more paranoid person would assume he was following her around.

A less paranoid person would assume he was just there for his brother and new-found friends.

Which meant La’an bounced between those two sides of her constantly, unsure what to think, and annoyed that she even cared. This Kirk wasn't her James. She should be able to separate her feelings. It's what she'd done most of her life, separating feelings from reality to survive. The way this man had slid his way behind that wall of hers irritated her to no end.

So, when she’d seen him in the mess hall again, La’an headed to the training hall, her mind a swirling, chaotic mess, and her body coursing with restless energy. If she couldn’t get rid of that energy in the way she actually wanted, she could at least try to take it out on a punching bag. The bag was hard, and the pain distracted her well enough. That is, of course, until a voice rudely interrupted her blissful moment of not thinking.

“La’an Noonien-Singh,” James Tiberius Kirk said, startling her out of her reverie. Eyes wide, she whirled around, ready to defend herself against unwanted person or persons. He wasn’t exactly unwanted but seeing him didn’t exactly fill her with joy. She kept her distance for a reason. He was leaning against the wall next to the door, hands folded across his chest as he regarded her. He pushed off from the wall when their eyes met, pointing at her with something akin to mirth in his eyes. “You have been avoiding me.”

“I have not,” she said, breathing hard, painfully aware of the drops of sweat trailing down the side of her face.  This was not the way she wanted to have a conversation with him. She wished he would stop moving closer.

“Yes, you have,” Kirk said, unzipping the jacket he’d been wearing and tossing it aside. It left him in just his tank top, and that pissed La’an off even more. The man had no decency. “So, if you are not going to have a drink with me, you can at least spar with me.” He picked up some gloves, put them on and took position across from her. Sighing, she crossed her arms, cocking her head at him. “What?” he asked, a smirk playing around his stupid mouth in response to her open-mouthed silence.

“We’re not going to…” La’an started, but then shut her mouth promptly. Every single excuse that crossed her mind seemed feeble to her, and none of them explained why she couldn’t be in close proximity to him. She groaned, then raised her hands, widening her stance. “Fine, then. But I won’t be responsible for any injuries.”

Kirk raised his hands with a smile. “I promise I won’t complain.”

La’an nodded, steeling her nerves, and focusing her energy into her body, getting ready for a fight. She looked him up and down, scanning his posture for weak spots. He seemed to be doing the same, and for a moment they circled each other, like predators stalking their prey. His smile was gone, his eyes singularly focused on her, sizing her up. In the end, it was his patience that snapped first. He lurched forward, his fist flying at her face wildly, but with precision, and La’an stepped backwards to avoid it, immediately spinning around, getting inside his defence, and landing a punch square in his jaw. He grunted, bringing his hand up to his face, and looking at her with a grin. “Impressive.”

La’an smirked sardonically. “Never underestimate me, Lieutenant.”

Kirk pursed his lips, rubbing his jaw once before returning to his fighting position. “Duly noted.” His gaze refocused; any trace of mirth gone. He was paying attention now, and La’an knew he might actually prove a worthy opponent.

He lunged at her again, this time going for her side with a punch that she blocked, but it hadn’t been his intended target. As she slapped his fist away, his other hand shot out to grab her outstretched arm, his fingers wrapping securely around her wrist. He twisted, forcing her to turn her back to him to not dislocate her shoulder, and she gasped. She sank to one knee immediately, her shoulder stretching painfully, but the move caught him off guard. She kicked her leg backwards, catching his ankle. Grunting in pain, he released her wrist as he fell to the floor. La’an spun around and lashed out with a sharp left hook, which sent him sprawling to the mat. He lay there for a moment, catching his breath, and briefly, La’an was convinced he’d give up. But then she heard him laugh. “Damn, Lieutenant,” he said, as he sat up and wiped a bit of blood from his bottom lip. “Quite a left hook you’ve got there.”

“I survived against the Gorn,” she said smoothly while he regained his footing. “Four separate times.” She inspected the way he rose to his feet and settled himself back in a fighting stance. He was tilting slightly to the left, not putting all his weight on the ankle she’d kicked out from under him. She smirked at him, and his eyes lit up. It made him more handsome, and La’an’s stomach lurched in response. Which was annoying. Smoothing her face into a perfect mask to hide her feelings, she went for his neck, trying to get her arm around his throat. He evaded her attack smoothly, dropping low to aim a jab at her sternum. La’an jumped out of the way, grabbing his wrist, and turning his arm on his back. He hissed, but pulled his arm free through the pain, spinning away from her. They reset their positions across from each other. Her shoulder was still aching, but he was now rolling his shoulder and his ankle, trying to fight the pain. Kirk grinned wildly, as if there was nothing more he’d rather do than get his ass handed to him by her. “Something amusing, Lieutenant?” she said, flexing her fingers. There was something happening inside of her, a warmth spreading from the pit of her stomach to the tips of her toes and the crown of her head. It took her a while to understand the feeling, but as he looked back up at her with his ridiculous grin she realized; she was enjoying herself. Sparring with him was fun, because he gave as good as he got, didn’t hold back on her nor was he afraid of her.

Kirk raised a single shoulder but didn’t answer before lashing out at her again. A long series of jabs and punches followed, which they both mostly blocked. Kirk fought furiously, energetically, despite his injured ankle and shoulder. La’an felt herself being driven backwards, and she was so busy with blocking him, that she forgot to mind her surroundings. La’an gasped when her back hit a wall, against which he crowded her immediately. She tried a punch, but he was too close, and he was able to grab her wrist and swiftly pulled it up to pin it against the wall. Her other hand came up to push him away, but he did the same with that hand. Which found La’an in a very uncomfortable position with her arms raised above her head, him towering over her, crowding her space. They were both breathing hard, and La’an stared up at him. He was looking down at her, his grin gone, his eyes wide as their faces were mere inches from each other. La’an couldn’t think, for a moment convinced he was going to kiss her, or that she would. But then he grinned again. “Yield,” he said, his voice soft and breathy. La’an saw his eyes flick from her lips back to her eyes. And La’an knew what she had to do.

She leaned forward, almost closing the distance between them, and Kirk’s eyes widened even more. “Jim…” she whispered, enjoying the way he stopped breathing for a moment…

And then she hooked her leg around his, pulling his bad leg from under him, causing him to stumble backwards, letting go of her wrists in surprise. She stepped in, put her foot on his knee, pushed off hard, and pushed him over with a knee to his chest. He hit the mat hard, slamming the air from his lungs, and La’an landed on top of him with her knee pressed against his chest, her fist raised very close to his face. La’an grinned at him when he blinked up at her in surprise. “Yield, Lieutenant,” she said, as breathless as he had been.

His eyes were trained on her face, he was barely blinking as he took in his predicament. La’an ignored the way his body moved beneath her with every breath he took. For a few seconds, he tried to get out of her grip, but it quickly proved useless, and he smiled. “You win, Lieutenant,” he said with a wink, and he relaxed, defeated. La’an removed her knee from his chest, but before she could move off him, he grabbed her arms to keep her where she was. Her legs landed on either side of his hips, and his hands moved from her arms to her hips, where they stayed and seemed to burn holes in her clothes. La’an was staring down at him, momentarily forgetting that he was injured and that she should probably take him to Sickbay. He was panting, grinning wildly up at her, looking for all the world as if he was very comfortable pinned beneath her. La’an’s breathing was laboured as well, but she was sure the physical exertion had little to do with it. She became acutely aware of his body beneath her, and his…interesting physical reaction to her being on top of him. She gasped softly. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, to distract him and her from what was happening, but she didn’t get the chance. Quick as lightning, Kirk suddenly reached up to put his hand in her neck and pull her down to him. Before she had time to protest, his mouth crashed against hers in a hungry kiss. La’an gasped against him, but her body immediately responded. She pressed closer, her hands landing on the mat beside Kirk’s head. The kiss was hungry, fuelled by the residual adrenaline of their sparring. After months of figuring herself out, of understanding what feelings were left over from the deleted timeline, and what feelings were fully settled in the present, with this Jim Kirk, a new feeling washed over La’an now: hunger. The kind of hunger that food wouldn’t be able to sate.

Kirk’s hands began trailing their way up from her hips, up her sides, all the way to cup her face, and La’an nearly melted with how gentle he was being, even when the evidence of his own hunger was very apparent between her legs. Suddenly, he bucked his hips up, throwing off her balance, and he took advantage of that to roll her over, pinning her on the mat beneath him. She let out an embarrassing whine when he broke their kiss, but it turned into a soft moan when he started focussing his attention to her neck.

This was insane, she thought. They’d barely talked, hardly knew each other, and they were going at it like people possessed. “So, you go from trying to get me to have a drink with you, to this?” La’an said, her voice barely audible as he kept trailing kisses down the side of her neck, causing goosebumps to erupt in his wake. She ran her hands through his hair, which was annoyingly soft.

He chuckled against her skin, and La’an’s entire body flushed with heat. “I know. This is insane, but I just…can’t…stop…” He worked his way back up and claimed her mouth again, his hand moving up to run his fingers through her hair.

La’an had never felt so turned on in her life; her body was constantly bombarded with new feelings and sensations, the heat from his body and attention flooding her every sense and nerve-endings. She wasn’t sure what she needed, but she knew she needed it fast. Which is why she let out an uncharacteristically impatient whine when her communicator beeped. “Lieutenant Noonien-Singh, report to the Bridge,”came Una’s voice.

Kirk managed to tear himself away from her, pushing himself up to look into her eyes, breathing hard. “You need to go,” he said, his voice raspy.

La’an nodded. Neither made to get up. “You’d need to get off me first.”

Kirk blinked, breaking their eye contact and shaking his head as if to clear it. “Right, of course.” He moved off her and got to his feet, extending his hand to her and pulling her up. He pulled harder than strictly necessary, and she bumped into his chest as she was yanked to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her waist, capturing her mouth in one more searing kiss. “Have that drink with me tonight, Lieutenant,” Jim said, breathlessly, as he pulled back. La’an stared up at him for moment, wondering if this was actually happening. Things like this didn’t happen to regular people. This happened in novels and movies, not real life. And yet, here Jim was, looking at her with a longing in his eyes that she could only imagine was mirrored in her own.

So, leaning into the moment, La’an reached up to brush her fingers against his cheek. His eyes closed momentarily. A small smile flashed across his face. La’an felt a rush of power go through her. “I get off at 20:00 hours.” She saw a salacious grin appear on his face and she slapped her hand over his mouth, stopping the cheeky comment he was about to make. “Don’t be late, Lieutenant.”

Then she stepped out of his arms, turning around and leaving him looking a bit dumbstruck. Then he grinned. “Yes, ma’am,” he said, just as La’an exited the training hall.

La’an grinned, too.

#star trek #star trek snw #strange new worlds #snw #ka'an #la'an noonien singh #james t kirk #la'an x kirk #ka'an ff #ka'an fic #ka'an fanfic #star trek ff #star trek fanfic #lilysfics